scratching his head and frowning at the boy, "I may be wrong but it
seems very queer that your name should be Jack also. And it seems even
queerer that you should be digging in the exact spot where I fell down
the beanstalk. Hang it all, I don't know what to think." Then suddenly
he clapped his hands together like thunder. "I know what I'll do, I'll
take you back home and ask my wife. She has a wonderful memory for
faces and she can tell if any one can." And with that he caught up Jack
and commenced to climb the grapevine.
"Oh," cried the boy, peering out of the pocket where the giant had
tucked him, "this isn't a beanstalk, this is a grapevine and it isn't
very strong. You'll have another fall if you don't look out."
"I can't help it," said the giant, "I must find my wife."
And he went on climbing, and climbing, and climbing, which much
surprised Jack for he had no idea the grapevine was so high, and he
had thought sure it would break when the giant got upon it. But it
did nothing of the sort, and at last they came to the end and found
themselves standing before the giant's house.
"Now," said the giant, "we'll soon find out whether you're the wrong
Jack or not."
But when they reached the front door he gave a shout, for there he saw
a sign which said:
TO LET
and found that all the shutters were shut and not a soul about.
"Zounds!" yelled the monster, "what _is_ the matter, and where is
everybody? And what does 'to let' mean?"
"Why," said Jack, crawling out of the giant's pocket and sliding down
his leg to the ground, "I think it means that your house is for rent to
anybody that wants it. Your wife must have moved away."
"What?" bawled the giant, "my wife gone and my house left for any one
that wants it? Oh, wait until I catch her!"
Then he stamped his feet and tore his beard, and carried on something
dreadfully, until he had to sit down on the grass to get his breath.
"Well," he said, after a pause, "the only thing to do is to hunt until
we find her, for I can't find out whether you're the wrong Jack until
she sees you. So come along and we'll see if the neighbors can tell us
anything."
Whereupon he set off across the country with Jack running by his side
until presently they came to a tumble-down cottage.
"Here is where Goog, the ogress lives," said the giant. "She belonged
to the same sewing circle as my wife so maybe she knows where she is."
And he knocked at the cottage door.
"Why, hello, Blunderbuss!" exclaimed the ogress, smiling a very bristly
sort of a smile as she answered the summons. "Where did you come from?
I thought you were dead."
"Indeed," said Blunderbuss, "and I suppose my wife thought the same
thing and that is the reason she has locked up my house and marked it
'to let.'"
"Exactly," replied Goog. "She waited and waited after you fell down the
beanstalk and then decided you had broken your neck. So she closed the
house, sold the family jewels to get spending money, and then started
out to enjoy herself for once in her life."
"Started out to enjoy herself," repeated the giant. "That's a nice way
for a lady to act when she thinks her husband has broken his neck. And
where is she now, pray?"
"I couldn't say," replied the ogress. "Seeing as we belonged to the
same sewing circle I invited her here, but she just sniffed and said
she had no use for the lower classes now, so I guess she is cutting up
high jinks somewhere."
"Scandalous!" said the giant, "but I am not going to give up searching
until I find her, for I want to know whether this boy is the one who
planted the beanstalk and took my things. He says his name is Jack, but
beyond that I can't be sure, but I think my wife could tell the moment
she saw him, she has such a fine memory. Good morning."
So they bade the ogress good-by and resumed their travels until
presently, as they rounded a bend in the road, they saw before them a
towering castle of brass, all gleaming in the sun.
"This," said Blunderbuss, "is the house of the Duke of Dishwater,
and I'm going to see if my wife is here, for although he is very,
very swell, he is also very, very poor, and it is quite possible that
Mrs. Blunderbuss with all that spending money, has been able to break
through his reserve and get invited for the week end."
With that he struck the castle gate a blow with his fist and it swung
open admitting them to a huge courtyard where the Duke, an exceedingly
haughty looking gentleman with a Roman nose and a ruff about his neck,
stood waiting for them.
"How do you do?" cried the giant, "is my wife here? If she is I'll pull
your castle up by the roots and twirl it around my head. If she isn't,
I'll have to hunt elsewhere. Hurry up, say what you've got to say. I
have no time to lose."
"Why--why--well--well--" stammered the Duke, "I--I--I think under the
circumstances I had better say she is _not_ here."
"All right," said the giant, "then I'll be trotting along, but I'll
leave this boy with you. Put him in your safe deposit box, for when I
find my wife I'll have need of him."
Then kicking the gate open again he strode through it and down the road
out of sight.
For a moment the Duke of Dishwater looked at Jack, and Jack looked at
the Duke of Dishwater. After which the nobleman took off his wig and
mopped his head nervously with his handkerchief. "My, my," he said,
fretfully, "whoever heard of pulling one's castle up by the roots.
Wretched taste, I call it."
"But," said Jack, "he won't do it if Mrs. Blunderbuss isn't here."
"Quite so," said the Duke, "but Mrs. Blunderbuss _is_ here. She has
been visiting us for a week."
"Then," said Jack, severely, "you told a fib."
"Not a regular fib, no sir-ee," replied the Duke, "I only said 'under
the circumstances' I had better say she wasn't here, so he wouldn't
pull my castle up. And now the next thing is to see she isn't here when
he comes back. Excuse me."
With that he rushed indoors and yelled for _his_ wife to tell the
giant's wife to pack up her things and go away right off.
But when the Duchess told Mrs. Blunderbuss as politely as she could
that it was time for her to go home, the giant's wife was perfectly
furious.
"Never in all my life have I been so insulted," she cried. "The idea of
inviting a person to pay you a visit and then telling her to go home.
Well, I'm not going to do it. I'll stay here whether you want me or
not."
"But," said the Duke of Dishwater, "you don't understand. Your husband
is hunting for you and if he finds you here he'll pull my castle up by
the roots."
"What do I care about your old castle," snapped Mrs. Blunderbuss. "And
anyway, he couldn't because he's deader than a doornail; so there."
"Oh, no, he isn't," put in Jack. "You may think he is, but he isn't.
That fall down the beanstalk only stunned him."
And then he told the giant's wife how he had dug Blunderbuss out and
how the giant had brought him back because he thought that Jack was
the boy who had run off with his property. "And," went on the boy, "he
won't believe I am the wrong Jack until you tell him so. And of course
you can see I am the wrong Jack, can't you?"
"Maybe I can, and maybe I can't," said Mrs. Blunderbuss, crossly.
"Anyway it's your fault he has come back and that's enough for me to
worry about without worrying to remember whether you're the wrong Jack
or the right one, I reckon."
And having made that announcement she marched upstairs to her room with
her nose in the air.
"My gracious," gasped Jack, "if that isn't the meanest thing I ever
heard of."
"Well," said the Duke, "you needn't scowl at me. 'Taint my fault!"
Then, taking out his snuff box, the Duke of Dishwater helped himself to
a generous pinch and marched upstairs with _his_ nose in the air.
Well, as you can see, this left Jack in a very unhappy frame of mind,
for how in the world was he ever going to get back home unless he could
prove to Blunderbuss that he was not the Jack who had planted the
beanstalk? And the more he thought about the matter the more perplexing
it seemed, so finally he decided to run away and try to find the place
where the grapevine grew up to the giant's house, and then climb down
it quickly before the giant came back.
So when the Duke called downstairs to tell him to hurry and get in the
safe deposit box, he said "all right," but instead of going upstairs
he slipped out the front door into the courtyard. Then, while the
man-at-arms on guard was busily talking to one of the scullery maids,
he softly unbolted the gate and ran off as fast as he could. All that
day he traveled back over the road he had come with the giant, and
then when he reached the cottage of Goog, the ogress, although he knew
it was very dangerous to do so, he could not resist peeking in at the
window. And there she was, uglier than ever, stirring the big pot over
the fire and singing in a horrible cracked voice: and this is what she
sang:
Oh, Jack, he took the money bags
I don't know where they are.
And Jack he took the giant's harp
And carried it afar.
And Jack he took the magic hen
But when it was unloosed,
It did what every chicken does,
It came back home to roost.
And when I want some golden eggs--
(Real solid gold--I weigh 'em)
I go to Blunderbuss's house
And get his hen to lay 'em.
And then chuckling, she put on her bonnet, and took her stick and
came out of her cottage door, not noticing Jack peering around the
corner. And away she went over the hill to the giant's house. When she
got there she pulled open a shutter and climbed in, after which she
scattered corn over the floor, and presently into the room scampered
the magic hen and after it had eaten the corn it began to lay one
golden egg after the other until the ogress had her apron full.
And Jack, watching through the shutter, was awfully astonished and
understood what she meant by singing about chickens coming home to
roost. Evidently the stolen hen had come back and no one knew it but
Goog, and she was getting rich on the eggs it laid.
"My," said Jack to himself, "wouldn't the giant be mad if he knew?"
So when the ogress had gone back to her cottage to put away her golden
eggs, Jack pulled open the shutter and climbed into the room where the
magic hen was going about clucking proudly because she had laid so many
eggs. And before the hen knew what was going to happen he grabbed her,
tucked her under his arm, climbed out of the window again and ran off
to see if he could find where the grapevine was.
"Gee whiz!" he chuckled, "if I can only get home with this hen we'll be
so rich my father won't have to work again. We can have automobiles and
steam yachts and everything."
And then all of a sudden he remembered that the hen did not belong to
him and that if he took it he would be stealing, so after thinking
over the matter a moment he decided it would not do and turned back to
the giant's house to replace what he had taken. But before he had gone
half way he heard a trampling sound and saw the giant coming toward him
carrying the Duke's castle in his hand with the roots of it dragging on
the ground, and with the Duke, and the Duchess, and Mrs. Blunderbuss
hanging out of the windows, wailing and wringing their hands.
Quick as a wink Jack thrust the hen beneath his blouse, and presently
the giant stood towering over him.
"So," shouted Blunderbuss, dropping the castle to the ground with a
bang, "you ran away, did you? Well, now, I think I'll give every one
of you to the ogress to put in her pot. And I think," he continued,
looking at Jack more closely, "that you'll please her especially, for
you certainly are fatter than when I saw you last."
"All right," said Jack, feeling dreadfully frightened, but trying his
best not to show it, "do as you like, but if you do you'll be sorry,
for I know where your magic hen is and I shan't tell you if you give me
to the ogress."
"Well," shouted the giant, "where is my hen?"
And then Jack told him how he had followed the ogress and watched her
take the golden eggs, and maybe the giant was not furious when he heard
_that_.
"Right in my own house," he bellowed. "Well, it won't take me long to
get my hen _now_."
"Oh," said Jack, coolly, "your hen isn't there. I took her away and hid
her, and when you let me go home, and when you forgive your wife, and
when you replant the castle, I'll give her back, but not before."
And having said that, he remarked "ho, hum," whirled about on his heel
and whistled carelessly as though he did not care whether the giant
accepted his offer or not, but of course he did care, and so did the
Duke, and his wife, and Mrs. Blunderbuss, but when they saw Jack let
on that _he_ did not care, they let on, too, and said "ho, hum" and
whirled about and whistled, too.
And of course when the giant noticed that apparently nobody cared a
whoop what he did or what he did not do, he did just what they wanted
him to do, and promised everything Jack asked, in order to get back his
magic hen.
"Very good," said Jack, "then here she is." And opening his blouse he
pulled out the giant's property and handed it to him.
"Ho, ho," growled the giant, "so that's what made you so fat, eh? Well,
I suppose there's nothing to do but to tell you where the grapevine is."
"All you have to do," he said, "is to climb straight down and you'll be
home in ten minutes, but before you start I wish you would come with
me to the ogress's cottage so I can have proof when I accuse her of
stealing the golden eggs my hen laid."
So Jack, and the Duke and the Duchess, and Mr. and Mrs. Blunderbuss
hurried off to where Goog lived, and the giant, pointing to Jack, told
the ogress what the boy had seen.
"And now," he bawled, angrily, "you'll just hand back those eggs and
hand 'em back quick."
"Dear me," replied the ogress, "I'm awfully sorry, but they're all in
the pot boiling. Look in and you can see for yourself."
And when the giant bent over the sizzling pot she gave him a push and
in he went head over heels. "Ouch!" he roared, trying to jump out of
the scalding water.
"No, you don't," shrieked Goog.
But when she tried to push him back he grabbed her and bing--into the
pot went the ogress also, and in about four minutes both the giant and
the ogress were stewing and steaming, and boiling, and that was the end
of them.
And when Jack saw that, he thought it was time for him to leave, so he
stole away to where the grapevine grew and climbed down it as quickly
as he could. And you may be sure when he got to the bottom he took the
ax and chopped down the grapevine just like the other Jack chopped down
the beanstalk.
THE SECOND STORY BROTHERS
No doubt you will think this story begins in a very strange place when
you learn that it starts on board a Chinese junk or ship, as it sailed
up a muddy Chinese river on its way to the city of Ki Yi.
Now most Chinese ships are dingy and dirty but this particular junk
was just the opposite. Its sails were new, its decks neat and clean,
and all because it carried a mandarin of high rank on his way to a
wedding feast in the distant town. Very fat this mandarin was, and
very smiling, and the wedding presents he carried were enormously
valuable--gold and silver, and silks and jewels--packed away in his
cabin; and the sight of them made the mouths of the captain and crew
water. So finally the sailors and their commander determined to throw
the mandarin overboard and take the presents for themselves.
However, as Chinese people are always polite, no matter what the
circumstances, instead of going below and seizing him without another
word, they sent the cabin boy, Dong, down with a note requesting the
pleasure of the mandarin's presence on deck at once and expressing
their deep regret that they would have to put an end to him.
"Ahem!" remarked the mandarin, as he finished reading the note, "how
very kind of them."
Then looking over his horn spectacles he examined Dong, the cabin boy,
as he stood before him. "I'm awfully sorry," he said, "that a boy like
you--you can't be more than seven--and such a nice looking boy, too,
should join in such a wicked conspiracy. How would you like to be
drowned?"
Dong shook his head. "I wouldn't like it," he said.
"No more do I," replied the mandarin, "and yet, unless you save me, I
shall be."
"But," said Dong, "how can I save you? I would if I could, but I am
only a boy."
"That makes no difference," said the mandarin; "if you are a brave boy,
you can do it."
Then he handed Dong a large fan and told him to go up on deck and fan
the captain and the crew with three big sweeps and they would dissolve
like mist. "I'd do it myself," he continued, "but I'm afraid they'd
seize me before I could get a chance to do it and throw me overboard.
But of course they will not suspect you."
So Dong, trembling with excitement, took the fan and climbed the ladder
to the deck.
"Well," asked the captain of the junk, "is the mandarin coming?"
"No," replied Dong, opening the fan with a jerk, "he is not. He
declines your invitation and says he prefers to remain in his cabin
with the wedding presents."
"Oh, he does, does he!" bawled the captain. "That's what we get for
being polite."
Then he shouted for the crew to follow him and started for the
mandarin's cabin, but Dong, all ready with the fan open, quickly
stepped in front of him, gave three big sweeps, and pish! the captain
and the entire crew of the junk disappeared completely.
"Gracious!" gasped the boy, closing the fan quickly for fear he might
fan himself, "wasn't that awful?" Then he ran down to the cabin and
told the mandarin what he had done.
"Ah," exclaimed the mandarin, in a tone of great satisfaction, rubbing
his hands together, "I'm very glad to hear it, and I'm sure they are
better off where they are, wherever they are. And now let me have my
fan back, please."
And then the moment he got his fan back he stood up very straight and
rapped the palm of his right hand once with it, and to Dong's amazement
there appeared at his right side another man exactly like him. Then he
rapped the palm of his left hand twice and there appeared at his left
side another man exactly like him. Whereupon the three men bowed to
each other affably and then shook hands.
"Permit me," said the mandarin, "to introduce my two brothers, Sin
Sum Tu and Sin Sum Wen. My name is Sin Sum. And while I am explaining
things to you let me say that I am _not_ a mandarin; that I am _not_
on my way to a wedding; and that the goods I have are _not_ wedding
presents."
"What," exclaimed Dong, "not a mandarin and not going to a wedding?
Then what are you?"
"I--that is, we," replied the supposed mandarin, "are the Second Story
Brothers, the cleverest porch climbers in China. In other words we are
robbers, and famous ones, too. Why we've even written a song about
ourselves. It goes like this." Throwing back his head he sang and his
brothers joined in:
The sailor sings of the ocean blue,
For that is the proper thing to do.
The soldier sings of the battles fought
With a hip hurrah as a soldier ought.
But, oh, our song it beats all others--
The song of the Second Story Brothers--
And this is the way the ditty closes
As we sing it softly through our noses:
Look out for your money bags and diamond studded pin, sir.
Look out, for the outlook is that some night we'll look in, sir.
Ask your fathers what to do, or better, ask your mothers.
Be prepared to guard against the Second Story Brothers.
"Well," said Dong, when they had finished, "I think it was a very mean
trick you played on me. See what I did to the captain and the crew
because I thought you were a mandarin and they were going to rob you.
And here you are, a robber yourself."
"Quite true," said Sin Sum, "I admit it was a mean trick, but no meaner
than the captain was going to play on me. And as for yourself you can
have a much better job with us than you had before."
And with that he told Dong that when the junk got to Ki Yi they were
going to stay on it in the day time and at night they would rob the
houses of the wealthy people. "And all you will have to do," he
continued, "is to remain in the cabin and sell the stolen property we
bring you, to the various customers that call. Now how does that strike
you, my boy?"
"No, sir," replied Dong, "I shall not do it. I may be only a cabin
boy, but I'm an honest one. I have no desire to become a robber."
"But listen," put in the other two Second Story Brothers, "think how
famous you may get to be. And if you should get caught and be beheaded,
they'd put your picture on souvenir postals, perhaps."
"I don't care," said Dong, "I'd rather make my living some other way."
"Well, you're not going to do it," snapped Sin Sum, angrily. "You're
going to make your living with us, and we're not going to coax you any
longer, either. And if you try to run away I'll fan you into nothing
like you did the captain and the crew."
So Dong had no choice but to join the robbers, and the next night after
the vessel got to Ki Yi, Sin Sum made him go with him on a looting
expedition.
"I just want to show you how it is done," he said, "in case one of us
gets sick or something, so you can take his place."
Then he led the way ashore and presently Dong found himself standing
before a handsome building surrounded by a high wall. "This is the
Viceroy's palace," said Sin Sum, "and I am going to steal the family
jewels."
"But how will you get over the wall?" inquired the boy.
"Oh, that's easy," replied Sin Sum. "All I have to do is to fan a hole
in it."
So taking out his fan he waved it three times and instantly part of
the wall melted away. And then after they had passed through the gap
he fanned another hole in the front door, and in a jiffy they were
upstairs in the Viceroy's bedroom.
"Of course," said the robber, "when there is a porch I prefer to climb
to the top of it as a second story man should, but when there is none I
just fan my way in."
By this time he had fanned most of the bureau drawers open and in a
moment more had found the family jewels. Then having found them, he
fanned them also, and pish! they disappeared, case and all.
"Goodness," exclaimed Dong, "now you _have_ done it. What did you
dissolve them for?"
Sin Sum chuckled. "Wait till we get back to the boat and I'll show you."
As he spoke the Viceroy and his wife began to toss about in their bed
and it was evident that the conversation was beginning to awaken them.
"Quick," said Dong, "let's get out or they'll catch us."
"Huh!" said Sin Sum, "they'd better not. If they wake up and make any
fuss, I'll give them a fanning they won't forget."
And no doubt he would have dissolved the regal couple without the
slightest hesitation if Dong had not coaxed him out of the palace and
back to the junk.
When they got there they found that Sin Sum's two brothers, who had
also been out burglaring, had arrived before them.
"Now," said Sin Sum, "let's count up what we got to-night."
Taking a little book from beneath his sash he turned the pages.
"H--I--J--jewels," he said. "Let's see how many raps for jewels. Ah,
here it is, seven raps for jewels."
Then he rapped the palm of his hand seven times with his fan and the
next moment he was holding the casket containing the Viceroy's precious
stones.
Then he turned to his brother Sin Sum Tu. "What did you get?" he asked.
"Gold, and lots of it," answered Sin Sum Tu.
So Sin Sum looked in the book and found that it took five raps to
produce gold, whereupon Sin Sum Tu rapped _his_ hand with _his_ fan
five times, and a big pile of gold poured into it and spilled over on
the floor of the cabin.
"Now, Sin Sum Wen," said Sin Sum, "it's your turn. What have you got?"
"Well," said Sin Sum Wen, "I hate to tell you but I got nothing but
pies and cakes. I broke into a baker's shop thinking to rob his cash
drawer, but I guess business was bad, for the drawer was empty, but
rather than come away without anything, I fanned all his pies and
cakes, although you may not think it worth while to produce them."
"Oh, yes," said Sin Sum, "they are better than nothing. We can eat them
for supper."
Then he took his book and found that pies and cakes required eleven
raps, and Sin Sum Wen rapped _his_ hand eleven times with _his_ fan and
in about twenty seconds there were enough refreshments in the cabin to
last a week.
"Ah," said the Second Story Brothers, picking up the dainties and
piling them on the table, "now we _will_ have a feast."
And with that they started in and ate, and ate, and ate; lemon pie,
apple pie, cocoanut pie, cherry pie, chocolate cake, cinnamon bun,
jelly cake; in fact every kind of pie and cake a baker makes, and in
about an hour each of them had about every kind of a stomach ache that
every kind of a pie and cake makes, and were rolling around howling
with pain.