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ANNALS OF QUODLIBET.
EDITED BY
THE AUTHOR OF "SWALLOW BARN," ETC. ETC.
QUODLIBET:
CONTAINING
SOME ANNALS THEREOF,
WITH AN
AUTHENTIC ACCOUNT OF THE ORIGIN AND GROWTH OF THE BOROUGH,
AND THE SAYINGS AND DOINGS OF SUNDRY OF THE TOWNSPEOPLE;
INTERSPERSED WITH SKETCHES OF THE MOST
REMARKABLE AND DISTINGUISHED CHARACTERS
OF THAT PLACE AND ITS VICINITY.
BY SOLOMON SECONDTHOUGHTS,
SCHOOLMASTER,
FROM ORIGINAL MSS. INDITED BY HIM, AND NOW MADE PUBLIC AT THE
REQUEST AND UNDER THE PATRONAGE OF THE GREAT NEW-LIGHT
DEMOCRATIC CENTRAL COMMITTEE OF QUODLIBET.
Maxima de nihilo nascitur historia.--PROPERTIUS.
SECOND EDITION.
PHILADELPHIA:
J. B. LIPPINCOTT & CO.,
1860.
Entered, according to Act of Congress, in the year 1860, by
J. B. LIPPINCOTT & CO.,
In the Clerk's Office of the District Court of the United States for the
Eastern District of Pennsylvania.
A WORD FROM THE AUTHOR.
These annals were first published in 1840. They reappear after an
interval of twenty years. In that interval the old questions which
inflamed the zeal and sharpened the wit of parties have totally
disappeared from the political field: the parties themselves have
fermented into new compounds, and lost all cognizable identity. Old
warriors, who dealt mortal blows on each other's sconce, have sunk to
sleep in the same truckle bed, and have waked up in mutual surprise to
find themselves in each other's arms, with a new flag above them, and
new and unaccustomed voices giving the word of command.
The youth who have grown up to manhood in the mean time, and have come
to be conspicuous in the conduct of public affairs, compose a distinct
generation, as unconscious of the events, the interests, and sentiments
of twenty years ago as of those of remote antiquity. These not only
reject the traditions and teachings of the past, but repudiate and
ignore the whole scheme of social and political opinion of the men who
have gone before them, disdaining to adopt their maxims of government,
their policy, their forbearance, their toleration, or their affections.
They inaugurate a new era of new principles, new purposes, new powers,
new morals, and, alas! of new hatreds.
May it not serve a good turn toward arresting this torrent of
innovation, to present to the leisure meditation of those who are
embarking upon its stream, a few memorials of a bygone day, quite as
distinguished as the present for the intensity of its political ardors
and the absurdity of its excesses, but, fortunately, more harmless and
amiable in its temper? Is it not worth while to attempt, by these
playful sketches of the past, to lure the angry combatants into a smile,
and, by showing them the grotesque retribution which history inflicts
upon distempered parties after a few decades of oblivion, to beguile
them into some consideration of the predicament in which they may leave
their own renown? May not all sober-minded lovers of their country
contemplate with some profit the _morale_ of a picture--even as light
and extravagant as this--which represents the engrossments of parties
who fancied that the destinies of a great nation hung upon the plots and
counterplots of their busy ferment,--which engrossments, with all their
concomitant gravities and glorifications, twenty years have shriveled
into the dimensions of a pleasant farce--a little stage imbroglio of
comic conceits and fussy nothings?
That intrepidity of absurdity which no responsible individual would dare
to countenance in his own conduct, and which is only possible to
organized bodies propelled by the ardor of party enthusiasm, is a fact
in human action worth the study of the philosopher. By some unexplored
tidal law, parties would seem to move through successive ebb and flow
toward a final culmination of mischievous extreme, each refluent wave
returning with heavier mass, until the accumulated weight of madness and
folly overtopples, breaks, and dissolves in noisy foam. As we have a
computed cycle of a money-crisis, the known result of an increasing and
rapid prosperity ill used, so also we have the regularly recurring
political crisis, the result of increasing party-power abused by rash
and insolent presumption upon its strength.
This century has run out its three periods of twenty years. The first
ended in the total absorption of all differences of opinion, bringing a
stagnant calm upon the waters of ancient strife. The second culminated
in a revolution that shook a great party out of its seat;--a revolution
which these annals were designed to illustrate. The third period has
wheeled through its course, to work another downfall and another
revolution more notable and significant than either that have gone
before. The fourth, let us hope, may find a nation restored to
reason;--a great united Republic, tried and purified by the experience
of dangers incurred and surmounted, and by an awakened patriotism
successfully asserting the predominance of the good sense and virtue of
the people over the factious spirit that ministers to personal ambition,
and the vanity that seeks renown in innovations upon either the
principles in which the Union was formed, or the sentiment by which it
is to be preserved.
But these reflections are tending toward a graver subject than it would
be becoming to discuss here. So, I leave them for some more appropriate
occasion. If I have any reason to fear the annals of Quodlibet may find
no favor with the emerging generation, I can make sure of another class
of readers to whom I look with a staunch and unfaltering trust;--that
goodly host of ripe and considerate citizens, the survivors of
1840--that salt of the earth, who live on the past, and reckon old
memories to be better than a fresh and damp morning journal. To you, old
friends, bald on the crown, gray and feathery about the temples, with
jovial glance of the eye, showing a heart made kind by trials, and who
love your country with an affection that grows out of the straits in
which you have seen her, and the faith you have that Providence has
helped her through them, and will help her through many more: to you,
seasoned and made jocund by time, and who, both as supporters and
antagonists, have run through the career of passion and delusion, and
outlived the wrath, the cunning, and the falsehood, the grandiloquent
fervor and exaggerated importance of the old political quarrels; to you
I dedicate this new edition of this book and consign it to your
protection, with the affectionate trust of a fellow-soldier, (whether as
comrade or opponent,--as kindly in one character as the other,) in the
whilom war of bloodless campaigns, in which for years we were mutually
engaged.
The astute reader of these annals, if he but truly analyze their
philosophy, may obtain a revelation more or less intelligible of what is
acting on the stage to-day, and even arrive at some data by which he may
cast a horoscope of the time to come. History is constantly reproducing
itself. Events have different dates, and run in different names; but
motives, human action and passion, are the same, and bring to light the
same categories of thought and opinion. That which has been, is, and
will be again, through an infinite series of repetitions. Thus we read
the present and the future in the past. And in this light I affirm the
annals to be a fair and veritable history of this time. Change a few
secondary particulars, and the reader will find 1840 a type of 1860.
Would that in these grotesque absurdities of the busy world of twenty
years ago the men who shape and control the political issues of this day
may see some reflected images of themselves, and thus find a motive to
make interest with posterity for a better report twenty years hence!
INTRODUCTION.
FRIENDLY READER:--
Of a truth, we are a great people!--and most happy am I, Solomon
Secondthoughts, Schoolmaster of the Borough of Quodlibet, that it hath
fallen to my lot, even in my small way, to make known to you how in our
Borough that greatness hath grown toward its perfect maturity--feeling
persuaded that Quodlibet therein is but an abstract or miniature
portrait of this nation. Happy am I, although sorely oppressed with an
inward perception of my defective craft in this most worthy task, that I
have been thought by our Central Committee a fit expounder of that
history wherein is _enchrysalized_ (if I may be allowed to draw a word,
_parce detortum_, from the Greek mint) the most veritable essence of
that recently discovered Democratic theory, for distinction called the
Quodlibetarian, which is destined to supplant all other principles in
our government, and to render us the most formidable and the most
imposing people upon the terraqueous globe.
How it came to pass that this duty has been committed to my hands, you
shall learn.
In the days of the late Judge Flam, now thirty years gone by, and long
before Quodlibet was, that very considerate and astute gentleman honored
me, a poor and youthful scholar, with a promotion to the office of
private tutor in his family, then residing at their ancient seat in this
neighborhood. It was my especial duty, in this station, to prepare
Master Middleton, the eldest born, for college; which in three years of
assiduous labor was achieved, much to my content, and, I need not
scruple to affirm, no less to my honor, seeing how notably my pupil has
since figured in high places among the salt of the nation. Far be it
from me to take an undue share of desert for this consummation; it would
be disingenuous not to say that my pupil's liberal endowments at the
hand of Nature herself rendered my task easy of success.
By the aid of my early patron the Judge, whose memory will long be
embalmed in the unction of my gratitude, I became, after Master
Middleton was passed from under my care, the head of our district
school, which at first was established in that lowly log building under
the big chestnut upon the Rumblebottom, about fifty rods south of
Christy M'Curdy's mill--which tenement is yet to be seen, although in a
melancholy state of desolation, the roof thereof having been blown away
in the famous hurricane of August, 1836, just two years and ten months
after the Removal of the Deposits. This unfortunate event--I mean the
blowing off of the roof--it was the mercy of Providence to delay for the
term of one year and a fraction of a month after I had removed into the
new academy which my former pupil, and now, in lineal succession to his
lamented parent the Judge, my second patron, the Hon. Middleton Flam,
had procured to be erected for my better accommodation in the Borough of
Quodlibet. Had my removal been delayed, or the hurricane have risen
thirteen months sooner than it did, who shall tell what mourning it
might not have spread through our country side--who shall venture to say
that Quodlibet might not have been to-day without a chronicler?
This long inhabiting of mine in these parts has afforded me all
desirable opportunities to note the growth of the region, and especially
to mark out the beginnings, the progression, and the sudden magnifying
of our Borough; and being a man--I speak it not vaingloriously--of an
inquiring turn, and strongly gifted, as our people of Quodlibet are
pleased to allow, with the perfection of setting down my thoughts in
writing; and having that essential requisite of the historian, an ardent
and unquenchable love of my subject, it has ever been my custom to put
into my tablets whatsoever I have deemed noteworthy in the events and
opinions of my day, accompanied by such reflections thereon as my
subject might be found to invite. Some of these memorabilia,
with discourses pertinent to the same, have I from time to time,
distrustfully and with the proper timidity of authorship, ventured to
contribute to our newspaper, and thereby has my secret vanity been
regaled by seeing myself in print. By what token I have not yet
ascertained, but these lucubrations of mine were not long ago discovered
to our "Grand Central Committee of Unflinching New-Light Quodlibetarian
Democrats," who have been charged with the arduous duty of maintaining
the integrity of the party in the present alarming crisis, and
of promoting, by all means in their power, the indefeasible,
unquestionable, and perpetual right of succession to the Presidential
Chair, claimed by and asserted for the candidate of the great,
unterrified New Democratic school of patriotic defenders of the spoils.
This Central Committee now hold their sessions weekly in Quodlibet--and
having discovered my hand in the lucubrations to which I have alluded
above, they have been pleased to express a favorable opinion thereon;
and, as a sequence thereto, it has occurred to them to fancy that my
poor labors being duly given to the compiling of such a history as my
tablets might afford of the rise and progress of the New Democratic
principle in Quodlibet, the same would greatly redound to the advantage
of the cause in the present great struggle. Acting upon this suggestion,
the Grand Central Committee have honored me with a request to throw into
such shape as I might deem best these scattered records of opinion and
chronicles of fact, whereof I was supposed to have a rich magazine.
Readily and cheerfully have I acceded to this request; and with the more
relish, as I shall thus be furnished with an authentic occasion to
present to the world the many valuable thoughts and eloquent utterings
of my late distinguished pupil, and now beneficent patron, the Hon.
Middleton Flam, long a representative of this Borough and the adjacent
district in the Congress of the United States.
I pretend to no greater merit in this execution of my task than what an
impartial spirit of investigation, a long acquaintance with persons of
every degree connected with this history, an apt judgment in
discriminating between opinions, a most faithful and abundant memory, a
careful store of documentary evidence, an unalterable devotion to the
great principles of Quodlibetarian Democracy, and, for the expounding of
all, a lucid and felicitous style, may allow me to claim as the
chronicler of this Borough.
The better to assure you, my friendly reader, that, in temper and
condition, I may demand somewhat of the confidence due to the character
of a dispassionate commentator on the times, I would have you understand
that I am now on the shady side of sixty, unmarried, and in possession
of an easy revenue of four hundred dollars per annum, which is voted to
me by our commissioners, for instructing in their rudiments thirty-seven
children of both sexes; that I have a plate at the table of my patron,
the Hon. Middleton Flam, my former pupil, every Sunday at dinner; and
that he, being aware for some time past of my purpose to treasure up his
remarkable sayings, has, with a generous freedom, often repeated to me
many opinions which otherwise would have been irretrievably lost.
Moreover, since I am now brought before the public under circumstances
in which reserve on my part would be no better than affectation, I would
also advertise my indulgent reader of the fact that I belong to the
Quodlibetarian New-Light Club, whereof I some time officiated as
Secretary, and which club generally meets on Saturday night at Ferret's;
that the members of the same, noting my staidness of deportment and the
careful deliberation with which I guard myself in the utterance of any
discourse, do frequent honor to the temperance of my judgment by making
me the arbiter of such casual controversies as arise therein, touching
the true import and application of the principles of our New-Light
Democracy; and--if I run no risk of being charged with offering a
trivial evidence of the reputation I have earned in the club--I would
also mention, that some of our light wags have gone so far--facetiously
and with a commendable good nature, knowing that I would not take it
ill, as more peevish men might, in their jocular pleasantry--as to call
me, in allusion to my natural sedateness, SOBER SECONDTHOUGHTS:--the
rogues!
And now, amiable and considerate reader, you have "ab imo pectore" my
honest avouch for what I propose to lay before you, and a plain
confession of my weaknesses. I come with a clean breast to the
confessional. We shall have a frugal banquet of it, but the fruits, I
make bold to promise, shall be wholesome and of the best. Now turn we to
it in good earnest. If this little chronicle--for my book shall not be
overgrown and apoplectic, but rather, as you shall find it, "garrulous
and thin"--do not bring you to a profound sense of the value of this
Amaranth of Republicanism, the New-Light Quodlibetarian Democracy, then
say it to my teeth, there is no virtue in SOBER SECONDTHOUGHTS. Go thy
ways--"The wise man's eyes are in his head, but the fool walketh in
darkness."
S. S., SCHOOLMASTER.
TABLE OF CONTENTS
PAGE
A WORD FROM THE AUTHOR 5
INTRODUCTION 9
INTERLOCUTORS, ACTORS, etc. 21
CHAPTER I.
Antiquities of Quodlibet. Michael Grant's tanyard destroyed by
the canal. Consequences of this event. Two distinguished
individuals take up their residence in the Borough.
Establishment of the Patriotic Copperplate Bank.
Circumstances which led to, and followed that measure.
Michael Grant's objections to it. 25
CHAPTER II.
Great usefulness of the bank. Surprising growth of Quodlibet.
Some account of the Hon. Middleton Flam. Origin of his
Democracy. His logical argument in favor of the pocketing of
the Bill to repeal the Specie Circular. The Democratic
principle as developed in the Representative System. 41
CHAPTER III.
Further discourse relating to the Hon. Middleton Flam.
Correction in the orthography of his family seat. His
respect for the people. Very original views entertained by
him on this subject. His liberality in money matters.
Aversion to the law regarding interest. Democratic view of
that question. His encouragement of industry and the
working people. Ingenious and profound illustration of the
Great Democratic Principle 57
CHAPTER IV.
The Second Era. Population of Quodlibet. Increase unparalleled
in Ancient Cities; equaled only by Milwaukee, etc. Success
of the bank. Attack upon it in Congress. The Hon. Middleton
Flam's triumphant vindication. Sketch of his celebrated
speech before the New Lights. Inimitable irony on the
Divorce of Government and Bank. Merited compliment to the
head of the Secretary of the Treasury. That distinguished
gentleman's opinions. 68
CHAPTER V.
Excitement produced by The Thorough Blue Whole Team. Meeting of
the New Lights. Jesse Ferret's ambidexterity. Introduction
of Eliphalet Fox to the club. His exposition of principles.
Establishment of the Quodlibet Whole Hog. 79
CHAPTER VI.
Being a short history of Eliphalet Fox. 87
CHAPTER VII.
Astounding Event; Suspension of Specie Payments. Proceedings of
the Bank of Quodlibet thereupon. Resolve of the Directors
against Suspension. Conspiracy and threatened Revolution
headed by Flan Sucker. Directors change their mind. Their
consternation and escape. Remarkable bravery and presence of
mind of the Hon. Middleton Flam. His splendid appeal to the
insurgents. General Jackson's oracular views in regard to
the Suspension. 93
CHAPTER VIII.
Signs of discord in Quodlibet. The Iron-Railing Controversy.
Agamemnon Flag's nomination. Revolt of Theodore Fog. The
celebrated Split. Consequences of Jesse Ferret's pernicious
dogma in reference to publicans. First fruits of the Split
manifested at Mrs. Ferret's tea drinking. Grave reflections
by the author. Moral. 106
CHAPTER IX.
Great meeting at the Sycamore Spring. Some description of the
arrangements. Nicodemus Handy chosen to preside on this
occasion. Motion to that effect by Mr. Snuffers. This worthy
gentleman's misfortune. His escape. Successful organization
of the meeting. 118
CHAPTER X.
Scenes at the Sycamore Spring. Nicodemus Handy's speech as
President. Sketch of Andrew Grant's speech. Agamemnon
Flag's. Attempts at interruption. Theodore Fog's celebrated
speech on this occasion. Eloquent exposition of principles.
His triumph. His misfortune. Quipes's disappointment of his
friends. 128
CHAPTER XI.
The division of the party becomes more distinct. Admirable
address of Eliphalet Fox at this juncture. Result of the
election. Rejoicing of the True Grits. Jesse Ferret's
difficulties. Is taken to task by his dame. Candid avowal
of his embarrassments. Theodore Fog's exposition of True
Grit principles. His good-natured encouragement of Jesse
Ferret. Dabbs's treat. 147
CHAPTER XII.
Third Era. Divisions in Quodlibet continue. Fomented by the
women. Fog rather disappoints his friends by his course in
the Legislature. Prostration of business in the Borough.
Traced to the merchants. Mr. Flam's opinion of them, and the
consequence thereof. Indignation of the New Lights against
them. Fog's eulogium upon them. Movements of the True Grits.
Fox's skillful management. The Tigertail affair. Mysterious
termination of it. Nim Porter's indiscretion. 169
CHAPTER XIII.
A political discussion at Abel Brawn's shop. Abel's views of the
Sub-Treasury. Important communication made by Theodore Fog.
The New Lights take ground against the banks. The Hon.
Middleton Flam resigns the Presidency of the Copperplate
Bank. Snuffers aspires to the succession. 181
CHAPTER XIV.
Letter from a Cabinet officer to Mr. Flam. Directions to the
Democracy. The Cabinet officer's mode of producing an
impression. The President's determination in regard to the
Independent Treasury. Warning to deserters. Candidates for
Mr. Flam's place in the bank. Hardbottle elected. Theodore
Fog's outbreak. He cools down and stands upon principle.
Hardbottle unpopular. 194
CHAPTER XV.
Unhappy event in the life of Nicodemus Handy. Consternation at
Quodlibet. Disasters among the Directors. Explosion of the
bank. Conversation between Theodore Fog and Mr. Grant. Fog's
views of the question of distress. Compliment to Jesse
Ferret. 201
CHAPTER XVI.
A rapid review of one year. What the author is compelled to
pretermit. The President's "Sober Secondthought" message
received at Quodlibet with great rejoicing. The author
communes with his reader touching New-Light principles.
Illustrations of them. Remarkable dexterity of the
Secretary. Interesting letter from the Hon. Middleton Flam.
Dawning of the Presidential Canvass. The Northern man with
Southern principles, and his mannikin. 214
CHAPTER XVII.
Fourth Era. The Hon. Middleton Flam re-elected. The New Lights
determine to stigmatize the Whigs as Federalists. Mr. Flam's
instructions in regard to the Presidential Canvass.
Nomination of Harrison and Tyler. Course of the New Lights.
Formation of the Grand Central Committee of Unflinching
New-Light Quodlibetarian Democrats. Its President,
Secretary, and place of meeting. 225
CHAPTER XVIII.
Proceedings of the Grand Central Committee. Vindication of the
severity practiced against General Harrison. Tactics of the
New Lights. Abolitionism. Selling white men for debt.
Harrison a coward. Considerations which led to the naming of
the opposition British Whigs. Stratagem against Harrison,
and the clamor against him for not answering. Hope of the
New Lights confirmed by the Connecticut, Rhode Island, and
Virginia elections. Baltimore Convention a failure.
Important letter from Mr. Flam. Amos Kendall's purpose to
resign. Excitement of composition prescribed by his
physician. Central Committee sanction the compilation of
these annals. 232
CHAPTER XIX.
Deserved compliment on Mr. Van Buren's exploit of the Florida
War. The affair of the True Grits and Sergeant Trap. True
Grits suffer a defeat. Flan Sucker's opinion upon the
subject. His account of an action at law between Joe Snare
and Ike Swingletree. 242
CHAPTER XX.
These Chronicles draw to a close. The New Lights not displeased
with Eliphalet Fox's discomfiture. Passage of the
Independent Treasury Bill, and rejoicing thereon in
Quodlibet. Changes. Interesting letter from the Dibble
family. Mr. Flam returns to Quodlibet. His views of the
Canvass. The President's reliance on the intelligence of the
people. Ignominy and Insult of Federalism. Elections in
Kentucky, Indiana, and North Carolina, Alabama, Missouri,
and Illinois. Presidential election. Consternation of the
Quods. Meeting of the Club. Quarrel of Theodore Fog and Hon.
Middleton Flam. Defection of Fog and sundry True Grits.
Second Split. Great uproar and confusion. 254
INTERLOCUTORS, ACTORS, AND OTHERS NOTED IN THIS HISTORY.
NEW-LIGHT QUODLIBETARIAN DEMOCRATS.
THE HON. MIDDLETON FLAM.--Head of the New Lights, Representative of the
district in Congress, President of the Copperplate Bank, intimate
with the Secretary of the Treasury, an orator, a philosopher, and a
man of large estate.
NICODEMUS HANDY.--Projector of the Copperplate Bank, Cashier of the
same, and some time second in command of the New Lights.
SIMON SNUFFERS.--Superintendent of the Hay Scales, and President of the
New-Light Club.
NATHANIEL DOUBLEDAY.--Clerk of the Court and Vice of the Club.
S. S.--Author and Editor of this History, Principal of the District
School, honorary member of several literary societies, and
Secretary no less to the New-Light Club than to the Grand
Central Committee of Unflinching New-Light Quodlibetarian
Democrats--_quorum magna pars fui_.
AGAMEMNON FLAG.--Attorney-at-Law, formerly of Bickerbray. At one time
the Regular Nomination Candidate. Disposed to be in love with Miss
Handy.
JACOB BARNDOLLAR.--Son-in-law of Jesse Ferret--of the firm of
Barndollar & Hardbottle, Forwarding and Commission Merchants.
ANTHONY HARDBOTTLE.--Counterpart in said Firm. Elected President of the
bank upon the resignation of Mr. Flam.
ZACHARY YOUNGHUSBAND.--Postmaster of _Quodlibet_, Tin-plate worker,
and member of the Grand Central Committee.
THEODORE FOG.--Attorney-at-Law. At one time Director of the bank, but
compelled to resign on account of his habits. Independent candidate
against Agamemnon Flag--member of the Legislature--a distinguished
popular orator, and original founder of that branch of the New
Lights known by the name of the True Grits.
DR. THOMAS G. WINKELMAN.--Druggist, and soda-water pavilion keeper,
physician in ordinary to the True Grits, and a man of great
influence in that sect. Coroner of the county, contractor for the
supply of medicines to the Almshouse, and ready to take any other
office which might be vacant.
NIMROD PORTER.--Bar-keeper at The Hero, fond of betting, famous for
trotting horses. A True Grit, but well inclined to the Mandarins.
ELIPHALET FOX.--Formerly editor of "The Gabwrangle Grimalkin," but,
through the influence of Mr. Flam, transferred to "The Quodlibet
Whole Hog,"--an expectant of the Marshal's place, but disappointed.
The Orderly of the True Grits.
_True Grits Rank and File._
DABBS.--His Compositor.
NEAL HOPPER.--The Miller in Christy M'Curdy's mill.
SAMUEL PIVOT.--The County Assessor.
THOMAS CROP.--Constable of the Borough and an aspirant to the
Sheriffalty.
WILLIAM GOODLACK.--Merchant Tailor and seller of ready-made clothes.
MAGNUS MOREHEAD.--Shoemaker, and looking to be made clerk to the
Marshal in place of Washington Cutbush.
SIMPSON TRAVERS.--Keeper of the Refectory at the lower end of the
Canal Basin, and expecting to have the exclusive supply of
Liquors to the Recruiting Station.
SANDY BUTTERCROP.--Express rider, message carrier, baggage porter,
and of sundry other accidental occupations--promised the place of
Corney Dust, Marshal's porter.
FLAN SUCKER.--A distinguished loafer, a great admirer of Theodore
Fog, and a regular attendant on public meetings.
BEN INKY, JEFF DRINKER, MORE M'NULTY.--Friends and followers of Flan
Sucker.
FEROX TIGERTAIL.--Marshal of the district, resident in Bickerbray, an
old Federalist, but reformed into a New-Light Democrat: choleric,
and difficult to keep in harness.
WASHINGTON CUTBUSH.--His clerk, suspected of having an opinion of his
own in politics.
CORNEY DUST.--His porter, charged with being lukewarm, and attending to
nothing but his office.
VIRGIL PHILPOT.--Editor of The Bickerbray Scrutinizer, and an
out-and-out friend of the Hon. Middleton Flam.
ABRAM SCHOOLCRAFT.--Nurseryman in Bickerbray, member of the
Legislature.
CURTIUS SHORT.--Cheap store-keeper in Tumbledown, member of the
Legislature.
CALE GOODFELLOW.--Sportsman, Farobanker, etc., of Tumbledown, and
entirely devoted to Theodore Fog.
WHIGS.
MICHAEL GRANT.--Formerly a tanner, occupying the land on which
Quodlibet was built. Having amassed an independence, he has retired
to his farm at the foot of the Hogback, where he lives, surrounded
by his four sons.
ANDREW GRANT.--His youngest son, educated to the engineer service, but
preferring to be at home, married the daughter of Stephen P.
Crabstock, and lives near the Hogback.
ABEL BRAWN.--A substantial blacksmith, but unfortunately infected with
Whig principles--a matter of great regret to his friends among the
New Lights.
DAVY POST.--Wheelwright.
GEOFFRY WHEELER.--Teamster.
PETER OUNCE.--Keeper of the Boatmen's Hotel, on the Canal.
STEPHEN P. CRABSTOCK.--Iron-master, and proprietor of the Hogback
Furnace--a man who in spite of his adherence to the dangerous
doctrines of the Whigs, has arisen from poverty to wealth by his
own exertions.
AUGUSTUS POSTLETHWAITE TOMPKINSON.--Editor of The Thorough Blue Whole
Team--a paper characterized by its mendacity, its ferocity, and
utter disregard of the feelings of the purest New Lights in the
nation. A bitter enemy of the Hon. Middleton Flam, and having the
audacity to speak lightly of the President of the United States.
JOHN SMITH.--A gentleman generally known throughout the Union, and
several times run for Congress.
OF DOUBTFUL POLITICS.
JESSE FERRET.--Inn-keeper and proprietor of The Hero--a cautious man,
and somewhat afraid of his wife.
SAM HARDESTY.--Carpenter, so much under the weather as to have had no
time to make up his mind, notwithstanding Mr. Flam's generosity
toward him.
QUIPES.--House and sign, plain and ornamental painter, glazier, and
artist in the portrait and landscape line.
NICHOLAS HARDUP.--Cattle dealer, a borrower of money from Mr. Flam,
and, strange to tell, not yet satisfactorily settled in his
opinions.
ISAIAH CRAPE.--Undertaker and conductor of funerals--Cabinet and
furnishing store-keeper.
SERGEANT TRAP.--On the recruiting service at Quodlibet.
HIS DRUMMER.--A short and ferocious martialist.
CHARLEY MOGGS.--Boss loafer of Bickerbray, and promoted in the army as
Sergeant Trap's fifer.
WOMEN.
MRS. MIDDLETON FLAM.--Lady of our member, and mother of a large family.
MISS JANET FLAM.--Sister of Mr. Middleton.
MADEMOISELLE JONQUILLE.--French Governess to the Misses Flam.
POLLY FERRET.--Commander-in-chief of all the forces of The Hero.
SUSAN BARNDOLLAR.--Her daughter, wife of Barndollar & Hardbottle, and
remarkable for having her own opinion.
MRS. YOUNGHUSBAND.--The Postmaster's lady.
MRS. SNUFFERS.--Lady of the Superintendent of the Hay Scales, a woman
of great consideration in the Borough.
HESTER HARDBOTTLE.--Maiden sister to Anthony Hardbottle.
MRS. HANDY.--Lady of the Cashier, and leader of the fashion in
Quodlibet.
HENRIETTA HANDY.--Her daughter--supposed to have been favorably
impressed by Mr. Agamemnon Flag.
MRS. TROTTER.--Mrs. Handy's housekeeper.
* * * * *
SERVANTS, ETC.--Sam, the waiter; William, the footman; Nace, the
coachman; and Sarah, the maid, in Mr. Handy's service. Black Isaac,
Kent bugle player; Yellow Josh, clarionet--Cicero, Neal Hopper's
factotum. Billy Spike, Abel Brawn's fly-flapper, etc. etc.
QUODLIBET.
CHAPTER I.
ANTIQUITIES OF QUODLIBET--MICHAEL GRANT'S TANYARD DESTROYED BY
THE CANAL--CONSEQUENCES OF THIS EVENT--TWO DISTINGUISHED
INDIVIDUALS TAKE UP THEIR RESIDENCE IN THE
BOROUGH--ESTABLISHMENT OF THE PATRIOTIC COPPERPLATE
BANK--CIRCUMSTANCES WHICH LED TO AND FOLLOWED THAT
MEASURE--MICHAEL GRANT'S OBJECTIONS TO IT.
It was at the close of the year 1833, or rather, I should say, at the
opening of the following spring, that our Borough of Quodlibet took that
sudden leap to greatness which has, of late, caused it to be so much
talked about. Our folks are accustomed to set this down to the Removal
of the Deposits. Indeed, until that famous event, Quodlibet was, as one
might say in common parlance, a place not worth talking about--it might
hardly be remarked upon the maps. But since that date, verily, like
Jeshurun, it has waxed fat. It has thus come to pass that "The Removal"
is a great epoch in our annals--our Hegira--the A. U. C. of all
Quodlibetarians.
Michael Grant, a long time ago--that is to say, full twenty years--had
a tanyard on Rumblebottom Creek, occupying the very ground which is now
covered by the canal basin. Even as far back as that day he had laid up,
out of the earnings of his trade, a snug sum of money, which sufficed to
purchase the farm where he now lives at the foot of the Hogback.
Quodlibet, or that which now is Quodlibet, was then as nothing.
Michael's dwelling house and tanyard, Abel Brawn's blacksmith-shop,
Christy M'Curdy's mill, and my school-house, made up the sum-total of
the settlement. It is now ten years, or hard on to it, since the
commissioners came this way and put the cap-sheaf on Michael's worldly
fortune by ruining his tanyard and breaking up his business, whereof the
damage was so taken to heart by the jury that, in their rage against
internal improvements, they brought in a verdict which doubled Mr.
Grant's estate in ready money, besides leaving him two acres of town
lots bordering on the basin, and which, they say, are worth more to-day
than the whole tanyard with its appurtenances ever was worth in its best
time. This verdict wrought a strange appetite in our county, among the
landholders, to be ruined in the same way; and I truly believe it was a
chief cause of the unpopularity of internal improvements in this
neighborhood, that the commissioners were only able to destroy the farms
on the lowlands--which fact, it was said, brought down the price of the
uplands on the whole line of the canal, besides creating a great deal of
ill humor among all who were out of the way of being damaged.
With the money which this verdict brought him, Mr. Grant improved a
part of his two acres--which he was persuaded to cut up into town
lots--by building the brick tavern, and the store that stands next door
to it. These were the first buildings of any note in Quodlibet, and are
generally supposed to have given rise to the incorporation of the
Borough by the Legislature. Jesse Ferret took a lease of the tavern as
soon as it was finished, and set up the sign of "The Hero"--meaning
thereby General Jackson--which, by-the-by, was the first piece of
historical painting that the celebrated Quipes ever attempted. The store
was rented by Frederick Barndollar for his son Jacob, who was just then
going to marry Ferret's daughter Susan, and open in the Iron and Flour
Forwarding and Commission line, in company with Anthony Hardbottle, his
own brother-in-law.
This was the state of things in Quodlibet five years before "The
Removal," from which period, up to the date of the Removal, although
Barndollar & Hardbottle did a tolerable business, and Ferret had a fair
run of custom, there were not above a dozen new tenements built in the
Borough. But a bright destiny was yet in reserve for Quodlibet; and as I
propose to unfold some incidents of its history belonging to these later
times, I cannot pretermit the opportunity now afforded me to glance,
though in a perfunctory and hasty fashion, at some striking events which
seemed to presignify and illustrate its marvelously sudden growth.
I think it was in the very month of the Removal of the Deposits, that
Theodore Fog broke up at Tumbledown, on the other side of the Hogback,
and came over to Quodlibet to practice law. And it was looked upon as a
very notable thing, that, in the course of the following winter,
Nicodemus Handy should have also quitted Tumbledown and brought his
sign, as a lottery agent, to Quodlibet, and set up that business in our
Borough. There was a wonderful intimacy struck up between him and Fog,
and a good many visits were made by Nicodemus during the fall, before he
came over to settle. Our people marveled at this matter, and were not a
little puzzled to make out the meaning of it, knowing that Nicodemus
Handy was a shrewd man, and not likely, without some good reason for it,
to strike up a friendship with a person so little given to business as
Theodore Fog, against whom I desire to say nothing, holding his
abilities in great respect, but meaning only to infer that as Theodore
is considered high-flown in his speech, and rather too fond of living
about Ferret's bar-room, it was thought strange that Nicodemus, who is
plain spoken, and of the Temperance principle, should have taken up with
him. It was not long after Mr. Handy had seated himself in Quodlibet,
and placed his sign at the door of a small weather-boarded office, ten
feet by twelve, and within a stone-throw of Fog's, before the public
were favored with an insight into the cause of this intimacy between
these two friends. This was disclosed in a plan for establishing The
Patriotic Copperplate Bank of Quodlibet, the particulars whereof were
made known at a meeting held in the dining-room of "The Hero" one
evening in March, when Theodore Fog made a flowery speech on the subject
to ten persons, counting Ferret and Nim Porter the bar-keeper. The
capital of the bank was proposed to be half a million, and the stock one
hundred dollars a share, of which one dollar was to be paid in, and the
remainder to be secured by promissory notes, payable on demand, if
convenient.
This excellent scheme found many supporters; and, accordingly, when the
time came for action, the whole amount was subscribed by Handy and Fog
and ten of their particular friends, who had an eye to being directors
and officers of the bank--to whom might also be added about thirty
boatmen, who, together with the boys of my academy, lent their names to
Mr. Handy.
Through the liberality of Fog, the necessary cash was supplied out of
three hundred dollars, the remains of a trust fund in his hands
belonging to a family of orphans in the neighborhood of Tumbledown, who
had not yet had occasion to know from their attorney, the said Theodore
Fog himself, of their success in a cause relating to this fund which had
been gained some months before. As Nicodemus managed the subscriptions,
which indeed he did with wonderful skill, these three hundred dollars
went a great way in making up the payments on considerably more than the
majority of the stock: and this being adjusted, he undertook a visit to
the Legislature, where, through the disinterested exertions of some
staunch Democratic friends, he procured a most unexceptionable charter
for the bank, full of all sorts of provisions, conditions, and clauses
necessary to enable it to accommodate the public with as much paper
money as the said public could possibly desire.
In consideration of these great services, Nicodemus Handy elected
himself Cashier; and, at the same time, had well-nigh fallen into a
quarrel with Fog, who had set his heart upon being President--which, in
view of the fact that that gentleman's habits were somewhat irregular
after twelve o'clock in the day, Nicodemus would by no means consent to.
This dissension, however, was seemingly healed, by bringing in as
President my worshipful pupil, the Hon. Middleton Flam, now our member
of Congress, and by making Theodore one of the directors, besides giving
him the law business of the bank. It was always thought, notwithstanding
Fog pretended to be satisfied at the time with this arrangement, that it
rankled in his bosom, and bred a jealousy between him and his associates
in the bank, and helped to drive him to drinking faster than he would
naturally have done, if his feelings had not been aggravated by this act
of supposed ingratitude.
I should not omit to mention that Nicodemus Handy was a man of exact
and scrupulous circumspection, and noted for the deliberation with which
he weighed the consequences of his actions, or, as the common saying is,
"looked before he leapt"--a remarkable proof of which kind of wisdom he
afforded at this time. Having been compelled by circumstances to live
beyond the avails of his lottery business, and thereby to bring himself
under some impracticable liabilities, he made it a point of conscience,
before he could permit himself to be clothed with the dignity of a
cashier, or even to place a share of stock in his own name on the books,
to swear out in open court, and to surrender, for the benefit of
his numerous and patient creditors, his whole stock of worldly
goods--consisting, according to the inventory thereof on record, which I
have seen, of a cylindrical sheet-iron stove, two chairs, a desk and a
sign-board, this latter being, as I remember, of the shape of a screen,
on each leaf of which "NICODEMUS HANDY" was printed, together with the
scheme of a lottery, set forth in large red and blue letters. He barely
retained what the law allowed him, being his mere wearing apparel; to
wit, a bran new suit of black superfine Saxony, one dozen of the best
cambric linen shirts, as many lawn pocket handkerchiefs, white kid
gloves, and such other trivial but gentlemanlike appurtenances as
denoted that extreme neatness of dress in which Mr. Handy has ever taken
a just pride, and which has been so often remarked by his friends as one
of the strong points in his character. These articles, it was said, he
had procured not more with a provident eye to that state of destitution
into which the generous surrender of his property was about to plunge
him, than with a decent regard to the respectability of appearance which
the public, he conceived, had a right to exact from the Cashier of the
Patriotic Copperplate Bank of Quodlibet. All right-minded persons will
naturally commend this prudence, and applaud Mr. Handy's sense of the
dignity proper to so important and elevated a station--a station which
Theodore Fog, in his speech at "The Hero," so appropriately eulogized as
one "of financial, fiscal, and monetary responsibility."
There was one circumstance connected with the history of the
establishment of the bank that excited great observation among our
folks: that was the dislike Michael Grant took up against it from its
very beginning. It was an indiscriminate, unmitigable, dogged dislike to
the whole concern, which, by degrees, brought him into a bad opinion of
our Borough, and I verily believe was the cause why, from that time
forward, he kept himself so much at his farm near the Hogback, and grew
to be, as if it were out of mere opposition, so unhappily, and indeed I
may say, so perversely stubborn in those iniquitous Whig sentiments
which he was in the habit of uttering. I have heard him say that he
thought as badly as a man could think, of the grounds for starting the
bank, and still worse of the men who started it,--which, certainly, was
a very rash expression, considering that our congressman, the Hon.
Middleton Flam, was President and one of the first patrons of the
institution, and that such a man as Nicodemus Handy was Cashier; to say
nothing of Theodore Fog, whose habits, we are willing to confess, might,
in the estimation of some men, give some little color to my worthy
friend's vituperation.
Now, there was no man in Quodlibet whom Handy and Fog so much desired,
or strove so hard, to bring into the bank scheme as Mr. Grant. They made
every sort of effort and used all kinds of arguments to entice him.
Nicodemus Handy on one occasion, I think it was in April, put the matter
to him in such strong points of view, that I have often marveled since
how the good gentleman stood it. He argued, with amazing cogency, that
General Jackson had removed the deposits for the express purpose of
destroying the Bank of the United States, and giving the State banks a
fair field: that the Old Hero was an enthusiastic friend to State
rights, and especially to State banks, which it was the desire of his
heart to see increased and multiplied all over the country; that he was
actually, as it were, making pets out of these banks, and was determined
to feed them up with the public moneys and give them such a credit in
the land as would forever shut out all hope to the friends of a National
Bank to succeed with their purpose: and, finally, that although Clay and
the Whigs were endeavoring to resist the General in his determination to
establish new banks in the States, that resistance was already
considered hopeless. It was with a visible air of triumph that Mr.
Handy, in confirmation of this opinion, read from the Globe of the 21st
of December previous these words:--
"The intelligent people of the West know how to maintain their
rights and independence, and to repel oppression. Although foiled
in the beginning, every Western State is about to establish a State
bank institution. They are resolved to avail themselves of their
own State credit, as well as of the National credit, to maintain a
currency independent of foreign control. Mr. Clay's presses in
Kentucky begin now to feel how vain are all their efforts to resist
the determination of the people of the West. Ohio, Indiana,
Illinois, Missouri, and Kentucky are resolved to take care of
themselves, and no longer depend on the kind guardianship of
Biddle, Clay & Co."
Having laid this fact before Mr. Grant, by way of clinching the
argument Mr. Handy pulled out of his pocket a letter which he had
just received from the Secretary of the Treasury. It contained a
communication of the deepest import to the future fortunes of our
Borough; which communication, as I have been favored by Mr. Handy with a
copy, I feel happy to transcribe here for the edification of my reader.
It is a circular, and came to our cashier printed on gilt-edged
letter-paper, having the title of the bank, the date, and some other
items filled up in writing.
"TREASURY DEPARTMENT, _April_ 1, 1834.
"SIR:--The Patriotic Copperplate Bank of Quodlibet has been
selected by this Department as the depository of the public money
collected in Quodlibet and its vicinity; and the Marshal will hand
you the form of a contract proposed to be executed, with a copy of
his instructions from this Department. In selecting your
institution as one of the fiscal agents of the government, I not
only rely on its solidity and established character, as affording a
sufficient guarantee for the safety of the public money intrusted
to its keeping, but I confide also in its disposition to adopt the
most liberal course which circumstances will admit toward other
moneyed institutions generally, and particularly those in your
vicinity. The deposits of the public money will enable you to
afford increased facilities to commerce, and to extend your
accommodations to individuals; and as the duties which are payable
to the government arise from the business and enterprise of the
merchants engaged in foreign trade, it is but reasonable that they
should be preferred in the additional accommodations which the
public deposits will enable your institution to give, whenever it
can be done without injustice to the claims of other classes of the
community.
"I am, etc., R. B. TANEY,
"_Secretary of the Treasury_.
"_To the President of the Patriotic Copperplate Bank of
Quodlibet._"
"There, sir," said Mr. Handy, after he had read this paper to Mr.
Grant--"read that over again and tell me if there is any Quodlibetarian
that ought not to rejoice in this great event, and lend his endeavors,
with both heart and soul, to promote and sustain an institution so
favored by the government. The Secretary, you perceive, has confidence
in the 'solidity and established character' of our bank--how can you
refuse _your_ confidence after that? Sir, the Secretary is an honor to
the Democracy of Quodlibet:--what does he say? Does he tell us to keep
the public moneys locked up only for the selfish purposes of the
government? Oh no: far from it; 'the deposits' says he, 'will enable you
to afford increased facilities to commerce, and to extend your
accommodations to individuals.' Mark that! there's a President and
Secretary for you! True friends, Mr. Grant--true friends to the people.
How careful are they of our great mercantile and trading classes! Sir,
the government cannot do too much for such people as we are--that's the
true Democratic motto--we _expect_ a great deal--but they outrun our
expectations. No more low prices for grain, Mr. Grant--no more scarcity
of money:--accommodation is the word--better currency is the word--high
prices, good wages and plenty of work is the word now-a-days. We shall
have a city here before you can cleverly turn yourself round. Depend
upon it, sir, we are destined to become a great, glorious, and immortal
people."
"Sir," said Theodore Fog, interposing at this moment, with a look that
wore a compound expression of thoughtful sternness and poetical
frenzy--"when the historic muse shall hereafter contemplate the humble
origin of Quodlibet----"
"Fog," interrupted Nicodemus, somewhat petulantly--and I feel sorry to
be obliged to record this inconsiderate language--"Blame the historic
muse!--we are now on business."
"As a director, sir," replied Fog, with a subdued air, but with a
dignified gravity, "I have a _right_ to speak. I meant to say, sir, in
plain phrase, that Quodlibet must inevitably, from this day forth, under
the proud auspices of democratic principles--obedient to that native
impulse which the profound statesmanship of this people-sustaining and
people-sustained administration has imparted to it, soar aloft to place
herself upon the proud pinnacle of commercial prosperity, wealth, and
power. I have no doubt, Mr. Grant, your tavern lot will increase to
three times its present value. You _ought_ to take stock;--let me tell
you, sir, as a citizen of Quodlibet, you ought. As to the cash, that's a
bagatelle. Handy and I can let you have any number of shares on your own
terms. Flam will do anything we say to let you in. By-the-by, he got us
the deposits. Flam's a man of influence--but whether on the whole he
will make us the best President we could have procured, is perhaps
somewhat apocryphal."
"You cannot fail to see," said Mr. Handy, "that we must all make our
fortunes, if the government is only true to its word; and who can doubt
it will be true? We start comparatively with nothing, I may say,
speaking of myself--absolutely with nothing. We shall make a large issue
of paper, predicated upon the deposits; we shall accommodate everybody,
as the Secretary desires--of course, not forgetting our friends, and
more particularly ourselves:--we shall pay, in this way, our stock
purchases. You may run up a square of warehouses on the Basin; I will
join you as a partner in the transaction, give you the plan of
operations, furnish architectural models, supply the funds, et cetera,
et cetera. We will sell out the buildings at a hundred per cent. advance
before they are finished; Fog here will be the purchaser. We have then
only to advertise in the papers this extraordinary rise of property
in Quodlibet--procure a map to be made of our new city; get it
lithographed, and immediately sell the lots on the Exchange of New York
at a most unprecedented valuation. My dear sir, I have just bought a
hundred acres of land adjoining the Borough, with an eye to this very
speculation. You shall have an interest of one-half in this operation at
a reasonable valuation--I shall want but a small profit, say two hundred
per cent.--a mere trifle--in consideration of my labors in laying it off
into streets, lanes, and alleys;--and if there is any convenience in it
to you--although I know you are a moneyed man--you have only to make a
proposal for a slice of accommodation--just drop a note now and then
into the discount box. You understand. The Secretary will be delighted,
my dear sir, to hear of our giving an accommodation to you. But there's
one thing, Mr. Grant, I must not forget to remark--the Secretary, in
fact, makes it a sort of _sine qua non_--you must come out a
genuine--declare yourself a Whole Hog--and go for Flam in the
fall elections. The Secretary expects, you know," and as he said
this he laid his finger significantly upon his nose, "that the
accommodation principle--is to be measurably--extended--in proportion to
the--Democracy--of the applicants. You understand?--a word to the
wise--that's all. It couldn't be expected, you perceive, that we,
holding the deposits, should be quite as favorable to the Whigs, who
rather charge us with experimenting on the currency--you know--and who,
in fact, don't scruple to say that our banking system will be a
failure--it couldn't be expected we should be as bountiful to them as to
those who go with us in building up this concatenation--tweedle dum and
tweedle dee, you know, betwixt you and me;--but it's made a point
of--and has its effect on ulterior expectations--you understand. The
long and the short is, without being mealy-mouthed, we must prefer the
old Hero's friends;--but, after all, that's a small matter:--be a
Democrat, and go for Flam!"
"Flam and the immutable principles of civil liberty!" said Fog, with
great animation. "Middleton Flam, the embodiment and personification of
those deep and profound truths, based upon the eternal distinctions of
the greatest good to the greatest number! Diffusive wealth, combined
capital, increased facilities to commerce, and accommodation to
individuals--there is the _multum in parvo_ of General Jackson's
Democratic creed!--there is the glorious consummation of the war with
the great money power, which, like Juggernaut, was crushing down the
liberties of our Republic!"
Michael Grant was a patient listener, and a man of few words. He stood
all the time that Fog and Handy were plying him with this discourse,
with his thumbs in his waistcoat pockets, looking down, with a grum
cogitation, at his own image in the water of the basin, on the margin of
which the parties had met, and every now and then rocking on his heels
and flapping the soles of his feet sharply on the ground, denoting, by
this movement, to those who knew his habit, that he was growing more and
more positive in his opinion. Once or twice he was observed to raise his
head, and with one eye half shut, seemed as if studying the heavens. At
length he broke out with an answer which, from the vehemence of his
tone, caused Handy and Fog to prick up their ears, and gaze upon each
other with a look of incredulous surprise.
"Your bank, gentlemen," said he, "is a humbug. Your speculation in lots,
your accommodations and the fortunes you are going to make, are humbugs.
Flam and the immutable principles of civil liberty are humbugs, and the
greatest humbug of all is your Democracy."
With these very rash and inconsiderate words, Mr. Grant turned on his
heel and walked away, leaving Handy and Fog looking significantly at
each other. From that time Mr. Grant was generally considered an enemy
to our bank, and, as far as I can learn, never had any dealings with it.
Mr. Handy set up a dry laugh as soon as Mr. Grant was out of sight, and
laughed on for some moments. At last he said, somewhat mysteriously, and
with a great deal of deliberation--
"Fog, it's my opinion that the old tanner has cut his eye teeth--what do
you think of him?"
"He labors," replied Fog, "under a sinistrous and defective obliquity
of comprehension; and from all I can make out of this colloquy, I rather
incline to the opinion that he is not _very_ willing to embark largely
in our stock." And saying this, Fog folded his arms and looked
steadfastly in Mr. Handy's face.
"Nor, as I should judge," said Handy in a kind of whisper, "is he likely
to join me in my speculation in town lots. Fog, don't forget, you will
indorse my note for the purchase-money of that hundred acres--I shall
discount it to-morrow--I like to pay cash--that was always my
principle."
"Undoubtedly--consider me a sure card in that line," replied Fog:--"it
is understood, of course, that you reciprocate the favor on my purchase
of the meadow?"
"Without question--assuredly, Fog--one good turn deserves another."
"Then, let's go up and take a drink," said Fog, imitating the tone of a
tragedy-player--"we'll call it twelve, although my dial points but half
way from eleven."
"You know I never drink," quoth Handy.
"Then come and look on me while I that act perform," said Theodore.
"Agreed," said Nicodemus. And thereupon these trusty friends went
straight to Nim Porter's bar.