This room, termed by its occupants' friends "the tun," was a large
three-windowed apartment, with walls painted light grey, a floor
scoured snow white, and over the windows instead of curtains, three
narrow green calico lambrequins of the simplest pattern. A desk stood
at the right-hand window, a small turning-lathe at the left, and in the
spaces between the casements two tall bookcases; there were two beds
placed against the wall, several cane chairs and small chests made of
white wood, and finally, a low, smoky ceiling, which here and there
showed large cracks, and threatened to fall. But the room, spite of
its simplicity, had an aristocratic air from the presence of two
copperplate engravings of Raphael's paintings, framed in plain
brown wood, that hung over the beds, and two antique busts on the
bookcases,--one a head of Aristotle, the other the gloomy-eyed,
stern-browed Demosthenes. Even the low stove was adorned with a piece
of sculpture at which no one is ever weary of gazing--the mask of
Michael Angelo's young prisoner, who, with closed lids, lets his
beautiful head sink on his shoulder as if weary of torture and longing
for sleep. Here, however, the moonlight did not reach: it merely fell
obliquely across the bed placed against the wall.
On this bed, with his eyes fixed upon the door, lay a young man, whose
pale features, almost feminine in their delicacy, were framed in a
wreath of thick, fair locks. It was difficult to guess his age from his
countenance, since the boyish expression of mirth that dwelt about his
mouth contrasted strangely with the mature beauties of the finely cut
features. He was wrapped in a light quilt, and a book lay open on the
chair beside him. When Edwin entered, he slowly rose and held out a
white delicately formed hand.
"Well," said he, "was it very fine? Has it done you good?"
"Good evening, Balder," replied Edwin, "or rather, good morning! You
see I do everything thoroughly, even rioting at night. But I see I must
not leave you alone again, child. I really believe you have been
reading by moonlight."
A deep flush crimsoned the face of the recumbent youth. "Don't be
angry," said he in a clear, musical voice. "I could not sleep; and, as
the lamp had burned out and the room was so bright,--but now tell me
About it. Has the remedy already produced an effect?"
"To-morrow you shall hear as much as you wish, but not a syllable now,
to punish you for your carelessness in spoiling your eyes and heating
your head. Do you know that your forehead is burning again?" And he
passed his hand tenderly over the soft hair. "I will complain of you to
the physician in ordinary. And you don't seem to have touched your
supper; there is the plate with your bread and butter."
"I wasn't hungry," replied the youth, letting his head fall gently back
on the pillow. "Besides, I thought if you came home late, and, after
the unusual excitement, might perhaps feel inclined to eat something."
Edwin brought the plate to the bed. "If you don't want me to be
seriously angry, you artful fellow," said he, "you will have the
goodness to repair the omission at once. But to make it easier for you,
I'll take half myself. Heavens! what is to be done with such a
disobedient child? So divide fairly, or I'll complain of you to-morrow
to Jungfrau Reginchen, who will soon bring you to reason."
Again a vivid blush crimsoned the young man's face, but Edwin pretended
not to notice it. He had sat down on the bed, and was beginning to eat,
from time to time pushing a piece into his brother's mouth, who
submitted with a half smile. "The bread is good," said Edwin; "the
butter might be better. But that is Reginchen's weak point. Now a drink
as fresh as our cellar affords."
He poured out a class of water, and swallowed it at a single gulp.
"Balder," said he, "I am returning to truth and nature, after having
incurred the danger of being enervated by luxury. Just think, I had
some ice-cream at the theatre. It could not be helped; others eat it,
and a philosopher must become familiar with everything. Besides, it
wasn't worth the five groschen, for I learned nothing new, and only
regretted that _you_ could not have it. Once, and no more, good night."
While undressing, he said to himself, "This shameless moon! As soon as
we have any extra money, we must get curtains, so that we can be able
to close our eyes on such nights. However, the illumination is very
moderate, compared to that of an opera-house. It took me so by surprise
as I entered the box, that I would gladly have retreated and seen the
whole spectacle from the corridor outside. Believe me, child, the
doorkeepers have the real and best enjoyment. To walk up and down in
the cooler passages over soft carpets, with the faint buzzing and
sighing of the orchestra in one's ears, interrupted at times by a
louder passage with the drums and trumpets, which, smothered by the
walls, sounds like a melodious thunder-storm, and often, when some
belated great lady rustles in, to obtain a glimpse through the door of
the Paradise of painted houris in tights, and the wonderful sunrises
and sunsets,--it is really an enviable situation, compared with that of
the poor mortals in the purgatory within, who, in return for their
money, are cooped up in plush, and must atone for the sins of the
Messrs. Taglioni, while feeling as if all their fine senses were being
hammered upon at once. A time will come when people will read of these
barbarities with a shudder, and envy us because we have nerves to
endure them."
"And yet you remained to the end."
"I? Why yes; in the first place I had a very comfortable seat; the box
to which my ticket admitted me is like a little parlor, and happened to
be almost empty. And then--but I will close the window. The air is
beginning to grow cool,--don't you feel it? Besides, your friend
Friezica has crept away."
Balder made no reply; but though his eyes were apparently closed,
steadily watched Edwin, who, in a fit of absence of mind had thrown
himself upon the bed only half undressed, and turned his face toward
the wall. A half hour elapsed without any movement from either.
Suddenly Edwin turned, and his eyes met his brother's quiet, anxious
gaze.
"I see it won't do, child," said he. "For the first time in our lives,
we are playing a farce with each other; at least I am, in trying to
keep something from you. It is very foolish. What is the use of a man
having a brother, especially one to whom he might be called married,
except to share everything with him, not only the bread and butter, and
whatever else he eats, but also what is gnawing at _him_. I will
confess what has happened, though it is really nothing remarkable; a
great many people have already experienced it; but when we feel it for
the first time in our own persons, all our 'philosophy, Horatio,' will
not permit us to dream what a singularly delightful, uncomfortable,
troublesome, melancholy,--in a word, insane condition it is."
He had sprung from his bed and was now crouching on the foot of
Balder's, half sitting, half leaning back, so that he was in shadow,
and looked past his brother at the opposite wall.
"Prepare yourself to hear something very unexpected," he said, still in
a tone which showed that he was making an effort to speak at all. "Or
do you already know all I wish to tell you, young clairvoyant? So much
the better. Then my confession will weary you, and at least one of us
will be able to sleep. In short, my dear fellow, it is very ridiculous
to say, but I believe it is only too true: I am in the condition which
our physician in ordinary desired, in order to cast out the devil by
Beelzebub; that is, I am in love, and as hopelessly, absurdly, and
senselessly, as any young moth that ever flew into a candle. Pray,
child," he continued, starting to his feet again and beginning to pace
up and down the room, "first hear how it came about, that you may
realize the full extent of my madness. You know that I am twenty-nine
years old, and hitherto have been spared this childish disease. It is
not necessary for everybody to catch the scarlet fever. As for the
natural and healthy attractions of the 'fair sex,' I was old enough
when our dear mother died, to feel that a woman like her would hardly
appear on earth a second time. For the daily necessities of living and
loving--which every human heart needs to retain its requisite warmth--I
was abundantly supplied in our brotherly affection, to say nothing of
the miserable, unamiable, and yet love-needing human race. And then,
ought a man to have for his profession the science of pure reason, and,
like any other thoughtless mortal, make a fool of himself over the
first woman's face he sees, without any cause except that the lightning
has struck him. Heaven knows why? It seems incredible, but I fear I
have accomplished the impossible."
He sat down on the bed again, but this time so that his face was turned
toward Balder. "I will allow you to study me thoroughly, without any
mercy," he said, smiling. "This is the way a man looks, who suddenly
becomes the sport of the elements,--whose reflection, wisdom, pride,
and whatever else the trash may be called, are of no avail. I always
shuddered when I read the story of the magnetic mountain. When I was a
boy, I thought, defiantly, if I had only been on the ship, I would have
set so many sails, sent so many men to work the oars, and steered in
such a way, that the spell would not have reached me. And so I thought
this evening, daring the whole of the first hour. But--
'Tales of magic e'er so strange,
Woman's wiles to truth can change.'
The helm is broken, the oars refuse their service, and the very portion
of my nature that was steel and iron, most resistlessly obeys the
attraction of the magnet, and really assists in making keel and deck
spring asunder."
He leaned back again, and passed his hand over his brow. The hand
trembled, and a cold perspiration stood on his forehead.
"There is only one thing I don't understand," said Balder, moving aside
to make room for his brother; "why must all this be hopeless?"
"Just listen, my boy, and you will understand all, even the
incomprehensible part, over which I am still puzzling my brains. For I
am no artist, and can only give you a poor, shadowy outline of a
certain face. I entered the box, which was perfectly empty, and I hoped
it would remain so. Clad in my fourteen-thaler summer-suit and without
gloves, I did not seem to myself exactly fit for society, and the
person who opened the box looked at me as if he wanted to say, 'You
ought to be up in the gallery, my friend, instead of in this holy of
holies, to which I usually admit only people belonging to the great or
_demi monde_.' I also did not like to sit down, simple as the matter
might seem to be, on a chair that was better dressed than I. However,
the mischief was done; I determined to assume a very elegant
deportment, such as I had noticed at private colleges in young
diplomatists, and hitherto had always considered mere buffoonery. So I
leaned back in my chair like an Englishman, and glanced now at the
stage, now at the parquet. As I have already said, there was such a
buzzing and fluttering down below, the poor creatures in white gauze
glittering with gold and huge wreaths of flowers tossed their arms and
legs about so wildly, and the violins quavered so madly, that I already
began to think: 'if this goes on long, _you_ will go too.' Suddenly the
door of the box was thrown wide open; while I had squeezed through a
narrow chink, a young lady rustled in, a diminutive servant in livery
and high shirt-collar, which almost sawed off the youngster's huge red
ears, removed a blue silk cloak, the doorkeeper casting a contemptuous
glance at me, rushed forward, drew up a chair, and officiously put a
play-bill on the balustrade. The lady said a few words to the boy in an
undertone, then chose the corner seat nearest the stage, raised a tiny
opera-glass, and, without taking the slightest notice of me, instantly
became absorbed in her enjoyment of art.
"I ought now to describe her to you; but description has its
difficulties. Do you remember the pastille picture from the Dresden
gallery, painted by a Frenchman,--I have forgotten his name,--stay, I
think it was Liotard; we saw a photograph of it in the medical
counsellor's book of beauty?--_la belle Chocoladiere_ was written
underneath. Well, the profile before me was something like that, and
yet very very different, far more delicate, pure, and childlike,
without any of the pretentious, cold-hearted expression of the
shop-girl, whose numerous admirers and constant practice in breaking
hearts had gradually transformed her face into a mere alabaster
mask. But the shape of the nose, the long lashes, the proud little
mouth,--enough, your imagination will supply the rest.
"Well, the first quarter of an hour passed very tolerably. From the
first moment I saw no one except my neighbor, who showed me only a
quarter of her face, charming as the tiny sickle of the moon; but to
make amends for that, I studied her dark brown hair, which without any
special ornament, was drawn in smooth bands over her white forehead,
and simply fastened at the back with two coral pins of Italian form. A
few short curls fell on the white neck, and seemed to me to have a very
enviable position, though they remained in the shade. As to her dress,
I am unable to say whether it was in the latest fashion, and according
to French taste, for I have not the necessary technical knowledge; but
a certain instinct told me that nothing could be more elegant, more
aristocratic in its simplicity; there was not the smallest article of
jewelry about her person, she did not even wear ear-rings; her
high-necked dress was fastened at the throat with a little velvet bow,
without a brooch. The hands which held the opera-glass--tiny little
hands--were cased in light grey gloves, so I could not see whether she
wore rings.
"I had noticed that there was a universal movement when she entered the
box. Hundreds of lorgnettes were instantly directed toward her, and
even the _premiere danseuse_, who was just making her highest leap,
momentarily lost her exclusive dominion over her admirers. But my
beauty seemed to be very indifferent to this homage. She did not turn
her eyes from the stage, at which she gazed with an earnestness, a
devotion, that was both touching and ludicrous. When the first act was
over, and a storm of applause burst forth, it was charming to see how
she hastily laid aside the opera-glass to clap her hands too, more like
a child when it wants another biscuit and says 'please, please,' than
an aristocratic patroness of the fine arts, who occasionally
condescends to join in the applause of the populace.
"She had dropped her handkerchief, a snowy, lace-trimmed bit of cobweb,
which could easily have been put away in a nutshell. I hastily raised
and handed it to her, muttering a few not particularly brilliant words.
She looked at me without the slightest change of expression, and
graciously bowed her thanks like a princess. Not a word was vouchsafed
me. Then she again raised her lorgnette, and, during the entire
intermission, apparently devoted herself to an eager study of the
various toilettes; at least her glass remained a long time turned
toward the opposite box, which was full of ladies.
"I would have given much to have heard her voice, in order to discover
whether she was a foreigner; but no matter how I racked my brain, I
could think of nothing to say. Besides, she looked as if at the first
liberty I might take, she would rise with an annihilating glance, and
leave me alone.
"I was just working hard to concoct some polite remark about ballets in
general and this one in particular, when the intermission ended and she
was again entirely absorbed in the spectacle below.
"A thought flashed through my mind, which, as you will acknowledge, did
me great credit, but unfortunately met with no success. I left the box,
ate the ice-cream already mentioned, and while wiping my beard,
strolled up and down the corridor several times as if weary of the
performance, and carelessly asked the doorkeeper if he knew the lady
who was sitting in the stranger's box. But he replied that this was the
first time he had ever seen her; the opera-house had been reopened
to-night with the new ballet. So, with my purpose unaccomplished, I
retired, and went back to my post.
[Illustration: "As she glided past me, I felt an electric shock to the
very tips of my toes."]
"Meantime my seat had been occupied; a very much over-dressed foreign
couple, American or English nabobs blazing with jewels, had planted
themselves in the best seats beside the beauty. At first I was inclined
to assert my rights, but I really liked to stand in the dark corner and
seeing and hearing nothing of the elegant tastelessness around, gaze
only at the charming shape of the head, the fair neck with its floating
curls, slender shoulders, and a small portion of the sweet face. I
heard the gentleman address her in broken French. She replied without
embarrassment, in the best Parisian accent. Now I knew what I wanted to
learn. She was a natural enemy, in every sense of the word!
"If I tell you, brother, that during the next two hours I stood like a
statue, thinking of nothing except how one can live to be twenty-nine
years old, before understanding the meaning of the old legend of the
serpent in Paradise,--you will fancy me half mad. You wrong me, my dear
fellow, I was _wholly_ mad--a frightful example of the perishableness
of all manly virtues. I beg Father Wieland's pardon a hundred times,
for having reviled him as a pitiful coxcomb, because he allows his
Greek sages, with all their strength of mind and stoical dignity, to
come to disgrace for the smile of a Lais or Musarion. Here there was
not even a smile, no seductive arts were used, and yet a poor private
tutor of philosophy lays down his arms and surrenders at discretion,
because a saucy little nose, some black eyelashes, and ditto curls, did
not take the slightest notice of him.
"But you ought to go to sleep, child; I'll cut my story short. Besides,
it must be tiresome enough to a third person. Five minutes before the
curtain fell for the last time she rose; some one had knocked softly at
the door of the box. As she glided past me, I felt an electric shock to
the very tips of my toes. This was a great piece of good luck, or I
should hardly have been able to shake off my stupor quickly enough to
follow her. Outside stood the gnome with the high shirt-collar and
tow-colored head, gazing at her respectfully with wide open eyes. The
little blue cloak was on his arm. She hastily threw on the light wrap,
almost without his assistance, though he stood on tip-toe, drew the
hood over her head, and hurried toward the stairs, the lad and my
insignificant self following her. Every one she passed started and
looked after her in astonishment.
"At the entrance below stood an elegant carriage. The dwarf opened the
door, made an unsuccessful attempt to lift his mistress in, then swung
himself up behind, and away dashed the equipage before I had sense
enough to jump into a droschky and follow it.
"'Perhaps it is better so,' I thought, when I was once more left alone.
Of what use would it be to follow her? And now I endeavored to become a
philosopher again in the most audacious sense of the word, namely, a
private tutor of logic and metaphysics, an individual most graciously
endowed by the government with permission to starve, _sub specie
acterni_,--from whom if he becomes infatuated with princesses, the
_veina legendi_ ought to be withdrawn, since it is a proof that he has
not understood even the first elements of worldly wisdom.
"There! you have now the whole story. I hoped to have been able to
spare you the recital, trusting that the vision would vanish at
last, if I could cool my excited blood by rambling about a few
hours in the night air. But unfortunately I did not succeed. The
Lindens were swarming with lovers, the music still sounded in my ears,
shooting stars darted across the sky, and, above all, the sentimental
witching light of the moon, altering the aspect of everything which it
touched,--yes, my last hope is sleep, which has often heretofore cooled
the fever of my nerves. Look, the moon is just sinking behind yonder
roof; our night-lamp has gone out; let us try whether we can at last
obtain some rest."
He rose slowly from his brother's bed, like a person who finds it
difficult to move his limbs, passed his hand caressingly over the cheek
of the silent youth, and said: "I can't help it, child; I really ought
to have kept it to myself, for I know you always take my troubles to
heart far more than I do. It is this confounded habit of sharing
everything with you! Well, it is no great misfortune after all. We
shall be perfectly sensible--entirely cured of our folly--to-morrow,
and if anything should still be out of order, for what purpose has
Father Kant written the admirable treatise on 'the power the mind
possesses to rule the sickly emotions of the heart by the mere exercise
of will'?"
He stooped, pressed his lips lightly upon the pale forehead of the
youth, and then threw himself upon his bed. A few notes of the piano
still echoed on the air, but these too now died away, and in fifteen
minutes Balder perceived by Edwin's calm, regular breathing, that he
had really fallen asleep. He himself still lay with his eyes wide open,
gazing quietly at the mask of the prisoner on the stove, absorbed in
thoughts, which, for the present, may remain his secret.