"The first fresh love
Dies never wholly; it lives on through pain
And disappointment; often when the heart
Is crushed, and all its sympathies pressed out,
This lingers, and awakens, and shines bright." PERCIVAL.
_Friday, August 7th._
The visit of welcome passed off delightfully. The guests assembled in a
spacious hall which was tastefully decorated for the occasion. The
tables were loaded with fruits and flowers, intermingled with
substantial viands for such as preferred them. It was Emily's desire
that mother should accompany us; and we entered early to witness the
reception of the pastor. Mr. Benson had requested that there should be
as little formality as possible. The services opened by an appropriate
original hymn. By whom do you think it was written? By Mrs. Anna
Reynolds, who was a native of Waverley. Mr. Munroe invoked a blessing,
and then all went forward to shake hands with their beloved pastor, and
express their joy at his return.
After allowing his own people their first claim to his notice, Frank
walked up with mother and myself. A great crowd had pressed around the
traveller, but when the Doctor's tall form approached, he darted
forward, eager to express his welcome to us; not, however, without a
quick glance behind us, as if missing an absent member of our family.
"We have come," replied the Doctor, "to welcome _you_, though I think my
wife has already had that pleasure."
He bowed over my hand, and expressed his delight at the honor we had
done him. Amidst all the claims upon his attention,--and he had a kind
word and smile for every one,--he soon made an opportunity to approach
the place where our little party stood, and suggesting to the Doctor the
awkwardness of a gentleman being without a companion, begged me to take
his arm. "I have not had an opportunity," he said, smiling, "to ask
after the health of your sweet little girl, Pauline, I think is her
name."
"She is quite well," I replied.
"That does not, I think, embrace all of your family."
"Oh, no! there is a darling little Nelly at home; sister is with her
this evening, as she wished mother to have the pleasure of being here."
He looked at me earnestly for a moment, as if he would fain have asked a
question, but dared not. For want of something better to do, he picked
up a flower which had dropped from a vase, and began to analyze it, but
seeing an arch smile upon my face which I could not repress, he hastily
threw it aside.
"You must not infer," I said at length, pitying his embarrassment,
"because sister and Pauline are not here, that they do not wish you a
hearty welcome; but Emily has had her trunk packed for a number of days
to go a journey, and she only postponed it as an accommodation to me."
Just then he was called away; but turned back to go with me to my
husband, saying in a low voice, "have I your permission to make you an
early call?"
"I should have invited you the other day," I answered, "if you had not
been in such a hurry."
He had a queer look as he smiled and said, "your questions had somewhat
confused me, I acknowledge. I must ask an explanation at some future
time."
"Ah," said I, "I rather think you will be the one who will be required
to give an explanation."
We had been slowly making our way through the crowd to the other end of
the hall, where mother and the Doctor awaited us, for the entertainment
to commence; but Mr. Benson seemed not to notice the signs of impatience
from the young people, and replied in an impressive manner, "I shall
only be too happy to answer any questions you may wish to ask."
While waiting for the company to be quiet, Frank touched my burning
cheek, and whispered archly, "I hope Emily is not of a jealous
disposition."
"She is a Lenox," I replied gravely.
It took some time for the company to form themselves around the table;
when the pastor's voice was heard in prayer for the first time since his
return, thanking the Author of all our blessings, for the kind care
which had watched over us during our long separation, and brought
pastor, people and friends together under such delightful circumstances.
The prayer was short, but very tender and appropriate. Many wept for joy
at their beloved teacher's return; but soon all were engaged in the
business of the hour, and nothing was heard for some time but the
clatter of plates and spoons, and the eager voices asking to be helped.
It was quite enough for me to watch the others. I smiled as I saw Mr.
Benson standing with his eyes fixed abstractedly upon his plate, while
his thoughts were evidently far away.
I must pass quickly over the speeches, singing, etc., which occurred
when "all had eaten, and were full." We had intended to excuse ourselves
early, and return home, but found no opportunity to do so. Frank made a
short speech of welcome, which if I am a judge was as acceptable to the
traveller as any other. Then all were requested to join in a closing
hymn, when we withdrew to our homes.
Frank said to Mr. Benson at parting, that as an old friend, he would
always be welcome at our house, and mother reiterated the same. I
fancied Frank was slightly embarrassed. "Good night, Mr. Benson," I
said, shaking hands from the carriage. "Remember your promise to call
soon and renew your acquaintance with--with my little _Pauline_."
He bowed low to conceal a smile, and we started for home by a most
serene but bright moonlight.
_Saturday, August 8th._
This morning Emily came over to the house as usual to see and frolic
with the baby. As Ann was carrying on a great business in the nursery,
in the way of cleaning, we took the young ladies to the parlor. Nelly
was so noisy that we could not hear ourselves speak. I laughed until I
cried at sister, as she threw the baby high over her head, and then
tossed her back into her lap. A slight sound made me turn, and there I
beheld the elegant, distinguished traveller, whose praise was in every
mouth, standing in the door-way with the most complacent of smiles. I
sprang up. "_Emily_," said I quickly; but it was too late. Miss was
safely perched on her head again, her tiny feet kicking, and her
delighted shout ringing through the room.
In exactly this position was my refined sister when her wondering eyes
caught the first glimpse of the intruder. Quick as lightning the
aspiring child was brought down from her high position, and set upon the
carpet, while Emily looked for an instant as if she were meditating a
rapid descent through the floor. But it was too ludicrous. We looked at
one another and burst into a hearty laugh. I have my doubts if any
foreign ambassador was ever more relieved at the termination of a
troublesome embassy, than was our friend Mr. Benson, at this favorable
opportunity for renewing past friendship.
"They met--
Whose hands, not souls, had long been parted,
To smile--and in that smile forget
All in the feeling--We have _met_!"
Emily, like a noble girl as she really is, advanced frankly toward our
visitor; and though her hair was dressed in rather an odd style by baby;
and her cheeks were rather too rosy from her violent exercise; yet the
clergyman did not appear to like her the less on that account. He fixed
his deep penetrating eyes for one moment on hers; but I don't know
whether he gleaned anything very satisfactory from them, as hers were
quickly dropped, and her long black lashes were an effectual shield.
Emily had too much good sense to apologize for her dishabille; and I am
sure she needed no apology, for though in a simple white wrapper,
fastened to the throat by a cameo brooch, and a black silk apron; yet I
thought again and again as I looked, that there was a beauty about her
which I had never witnessed before. There was a kind of consciousness or
shyness which was very bewitching. I am quite sure there was one beside
myself of similar opinion, for he improved well the opportunity her
downcast eyes afforded to gaze unreproved. Nelly, however, was by no
means satisfied at the sudden termination of her frolic, and was
constantly climbing to her aunt's knee, to recommence the play. She
appeared perfectly astonished at the unwonted neglect she received; but
finding at length that she could not accomplish her object, crept
quietly away to her toys.
Pauline now came in, having accomplished her self-imposed task of
reading aloud to Phebe in the kitchen. It may be doubted whether the
faithful woman gained much instruction from information received under
such unfavorable auspices. But Pauline was full of zeal; and though
Phebe walked heavily from pantry to sink, and from sink to closet in the
performance of her duties, yet as she refrained from talking, the dear
child never doubted but she was much interested. With her open book in
her hand, she came running into the room, and at a call from Mr. Benson,
advanced gracefully toward him.
He took her book, and talked with her of its contents. As I looked at
them, I could hardly identify him as the same man who had formerly been
nearly as much an object of pity, as of respect. He was now a thoroughly
polished gentleman, who had been received at almost every court in
Europe, and who had, for the last two years, been travelling in close
companionship with one of the most cultivated families in New York. I
longed to ask about the Misses Karswell, but knew that the present was
not a suitable time.
Emily had now recovered herself, and the conversation became general. We
conversed regarding places of interest in England and France, and found
during the two hours he remained, that in whatever else he had failed,
he certainly had acquired the art of conversation. Perhaps he might have
been more than usually inspired on the present occasion, for he rendered
himself a most delightful companion. Sister usually claims for herself a
good share of the talking; but at this time was so obliging as to be a
willing listener. When Mr. Benson arose, I invited him to remain and
dine with us; but he politely declined, saying he must be in his study
as he had not completed his preparation for the Sabbath. But he added
that he should be happy to pay his respects to mother before he took
leave.
"Emily will accompany you to the cottage," I said, wholly unmindful of
her imploring glance. She put on her hat, and with a shake of her head
at me, she walked with him across the garden, he having secured
permission to repeat his call at an early day.
When Frank came home we had a hearty laugh over our morning adventures.
"I should have liked to have been present," said he, "and to have seen
Emily caught in that way."
Soon after, Frank left; it was about three o'clock, I think, I went over
to the cottage to laugh at sister, or, with her, just as she felt
inclined, when on opening the parlor door, there sat the gentleman as
unmoved, as though two sermons were not lying on his study table waiting
to be completed. When he saw me, I solemnly declare the man blushed, and
no wonder, when he had declined so polite an invitation at our house. I
felt inclined to joke him. "I am very glad, sister," I said, "that you
persuaded Mr. Benson to remain and _prepare his sermons here_, where he
will not be liable to the interruptions incident to his first arrival at
home."
He sprang up and took my hand, saying, "spare me, dear Mrs. Lenox; but I
must indeed be gone," and he hastily bid us adieu.
Mother was at a loss to account for his sudden flight, until I told
her, he had come in here in order to obtain assistance in preparing for
the duties of the Sabbath.
_Friday, August 14th._
Last evening we were invited to a select party at Allen Mansfield's. The
Doctor, Emily, and I accepted the invitation. Among the first guests
came Mr. Benson, whose unexpected entrance brought a bright blush to
Emily's cheek. He was quite the lion of the evening, and all seemed
interested and profited by the conversation between him and Frank, who
had taken nearly the same tour of Europe. But he paid sister very little
attention, though I could see that he watched her closely as her lovely
countenance varied with her emotion. "Ah," said I to myself, as the
evening closed without his having addressed a single remark directly to
Emily, "if you are making love, you have considerably changed your
tactics during your absence."
Emily was just taking her brother's arm to walk home, as it was but a
short distance, when the young clergyman joined us, saying, "I am sure,
Doctor, you are far too generous to monopolize more than your share,"
and he offered his arm to sister. I suppose it is not an uncommon habit
for gentlemen of the cloth to be
"Like Isaac with a mind applied
To serious thoughts at eventide,"
and Emily was far too good a girl to interrupt such _pious_ meditations.
_Thursday, September 3d._
Mr. Benson called to-day with young Karswell, who is about twenty-four
years of age. Mother and sister were passing the day here. The young man
came on to make his friend a visit; and told us he had lived with him so
many years, he could not well live without him. I saw that he was very
much pleased with Emily, and engaged her attention almost wholly, while
Mr. Benson directed all his conversation to mother, and hardly appeared
to notice that she was in the room. For the last few times he has
called, especially if any stranger is present, he is extremely reserved.
Even so intimate a friend as the one to-day, rendered him very unlike
_the_ Mr. Benson when first returned. They made quite a long call, and
Mr. Karswell managed to procure an invitation to return, saying that he
must see the Doctor, as his father had often spoken of him. I should
judge him to be a frank, open hearted fellow; but with nothing very
marked in his character. He is rather pretty, than handsome, with
features delicate enough for a girl, and somewhat effeminate in manner.
_Friday, September 4th._
Young Karswell came again to-day and alone, saying, "it is dreadfully
dull at Waverley, and as Mr. Benson was not inclined for a ride, I
thought I would take one myself and say nothing about it." He asked for
sister, and said he thought her handsomer than any lady he had seen when
abroad, because there was so much variety in her expression. I
accompanied him to the cottage, where in a few moments he appeared to
feel as much at home, as if in his mother's parlor. I never knew one, so
entirely a stranger, talk so freely of himself, and his friends. He made
quite a confident of Emily, telling her that his cousin Virginia, who
accompanied them in their travels, "was dead in love with Mr. Benson."
"We heard," said I, joining them, "that he was married to your cousin
from the South."
He laughed heartily, as he said, "it is not Virginia's fault that the
report is not true, for she would gladly have given herself and her
fortune into the bargain. I have often wondered why he did not take her,
instead of settling down in such a tame place as Waverley."
Emily's eyes sparkled as she replied, "Mr. Benson is a clergyman, and
no place is tame to him where there are souls to be saved."
Young Karswell gazed at her with admiration, as if he would willingly
make her angry to see her light up so again. But he only said, "Mr.
Benson is not a marrying man. I don't believe he has it in him to fall
in love. During all our travels, though we met with scores of beautiful
ladies, I never saw him pay them anything beyond the attention
politeness required."
Emily involuntarily let her work fall from her hands, but instantly
recovered herself, and redoubled her diligence.
"By the way," continued Mr. Karswell, "is Mr. Benson always as cheerful
as he was yesterday?"
I thought he was speaking in irony, and made no reply.
"Because," he added, "he is generally the most reserved man I ever met.
I used to think myself very witty if I could succeed in making him
laugh; but when he did, it was just like lightning in a thunder cloud.
Sister Gertrude was always raving about his beautiful mouth."
I left Emily to entertain the gentleman and returned to my babies. It
was a full hour before I saw him riding out of the yard.
_Tuesday, September 8th._
Quite a laughable scene took place here this afternoon. Mr. Karswell has
been over every day this week; and Emily has become so tired of hearing
him talk, that for the last day or two she has invited him to the house
with her, for me to help entertain him. I believe the fellow is really
in love, or else he is silly, I can't tell which. To-day she came in,
having warned me beforehand that she should certainly plead other
engagements, and leave him with me. We were hardly seated before Cæsar
opened the hall door for Mr. Benson, who had not called since he first
introduced him. No sooner did Mr. Karswell hear his voice than he jumped
from his seat, and tried to escape from the room; but not being able,
he had only time to secrete himself behind the door before his friend
entered with a remarkably grave face. Now you well know how next to
impossible it is sometimes to keep from laughing when you ought. And
though I bit my lips and tried my utmost, yet the motion had been so
unexpected, that I could hardly refrain from being rude. I advanced to
the gentleman and told him with a broad laugh on my face, that it was a
very long time since he had called. Emily would not look up, but kept
her hat which she held in her hand before her face. I could well
understand Mr. Karswell's allusion to the thunder cloud, for I never saw
a man put on a more terrible frown. I felt matters were going too far;
and was determined to get the young man from his concealment, when
Pauline ran in, and shut the door after her. Then the cause of my
merriment stood revealed. Seeing there was no help for it, he walked out
cooly and shook hands with his friend. I was now very earnest to
explain, and to do the young man justice; he was willing to take his
full share of the joke. Mr. Benson had not yet been seated, and I feared
he would leave under a false impression.
Mr. Karswell thought of nothing but appeasing Emily, whom he feared he
had offended. He sat down by her in quite too familiar a manner, which I
was glad to see she instantly resented. She rose from her chair, and
though her countenance was very pale, said, "your friend unintentionally
placed us all in a very awkward situation. Please excuse it."
I looked my thanks at her, and we resumed our seats. Mr. Benson turned
the conversation by asking Emily if she were fond of riding on
horseback.
"I used to be very fond of it," she replied, "but I have not been
accustomed to the exercise of late."
He asked her to accompany him this evening; with a heightened color she
assented. Mr. Karswell at length rose to go, and Mr. Benson soon
followed, though I urged him to stay.
_Saturday, September 26th._
Mr. Karswell was called home the very day after his unsuccessful attempt
to conceal himself. I was not at all sorry; and I don't believe Mr.
Benson mourns very much.
Emily came in this morning with such a conscious manner, that I knew
_something had happened_. She whispered to me to send Pauline away for a
moment, when she hid her face in my neck and whispered "Cora, I am very
happy."
I was curious and inquisitive; but she would only tell me a word, and
that with a great deal of blushing. It seems that yesterday Mr. Benson
called when mother was here; and after sitting a few moments perfectly
quiet, while she was engaged with her sewing, he took a seat by her
side, and taking a note from his pocket-book, which she perceived at a
glance was the one she had written him before he went abroad, he said,
"Miss Emily, (it was always Miss Lenox before) will you tell me with
your usual frankness, if you have ever regretted more than the _manner_
of your decision on a former occasion?"
With the thought of all the suffering caused by her want of frankness,
she replied nobly, though with downcast eyes, "I have always regretted
the _decision_, as well as the manner of it." She says, she was really
frightened at the effect her words had upon him. For one instant he
pressed her hand convulsively, and then walked back and forth through
the room. She thought, she had been too free and hasty in answering; and
a hundred other conjectures came to her mind; but she will not tell how
they were solved. She says, if I am so curious, I must apply to head
quarters. But this she will say, that she is satisfied, and _very_
happy.
"Well then," I said, "will you please to give me the extract about Mr.
Benson, which you cut out of aunt Morgan's paper? I suppose you have
done with it."
Emily looked very rosy. "You deserve to be whipped, Cora," she said,
laughing to hide her vexation at my discovery. "You must look out how
you behave now, for I have a champion as well as you."