These occasions are more formal than the ordinary afternoon tea.
Special cards are engraved, and if any special entertainment is
provided, the fact may be indicated by the words, "Music," or
"Miscellaneous Program" (when readings and music are interspersed).
Or, the announcement may be omitted, and the program furnish a pleasant
surprise for the guests. But when "Dancing" is the recreation provided
for, it must appear on the card, so that guests may prepare for it.
The card for a "_musicale_" or similar occasion, is simply engraved:
MRS. JOHN LIVINGSTONE
At Home
Wednesday, October fifth, from
four to seven o'clock.
Dancing. 119 Park Ave.
FOR A PARTY OR RECEPTION GIVEN IN HONOR OF ANOTHER, the invitations may
be engraved with a blank space left for the name of the invited guest;
or, the form may be filled out, and the name of the guest appear on the
envelope only. It may read:
MR. AND MRS. DEXTER HOLMES
request the pleasure of
.........................'s
company on Tuesday evening
June sixth, at nine o'clock,
to meet
Rev. John D. Loring.
R.S.V.P. 29 Rice St.
or, the wording may be "request the pleasure of your company," etc.
The former has the rhetorical advantage of uniformity, the third person
being used throughout; and it also indicates a personal recognition of
each guest; but the latter form presents a neater appearance.
As to the use of "R.S.V.P.," or any of the phrases now preferred by
many, as, "Please reply;" "The favor of an answer is requested," etc.,
this may be said: some authorities claim that _all_ invitations should
be _answered_; and that therefore these _requests_ for a reply are a
reflection on the good manners of the people invited. But such is not
the popular understanding. All invitations that are _plainly limited
to a certain number of guests_, as dinners, card parties, and certain
exclusive receptions, should be answered at once, in order that
vacancies may be filled. Whether the invitation is accompanied with
the request for a reply or not, all thoughtful people will recognize
the propriety. But on many occasions where numbers are not necessarily
limited, only the hostess can say whether the reply is urgent or not;
since it is a question of her personal convenience, the limits of
house-room, or some other individual matter. As no one class of
entertainments is given always under the same conditions, it is well to
allow the hostess to choose whether she will add or omit the request
for a reply to her invitations.
Meanwhile, the punctilious may reply to every invitation of a strictly
social character, and even if the host or hostess did not expect it,
such reply can give no offense; whereas, the _neglect_ of a _necessary_
reply might prove very awkward and annoying.
A private ball is only a more elaborate form of a dancing party. The
invitations are phrased in the same language, but the hour is usually
not earlier than 9.30 P. M.
The same form of invitation can be adapted to almost any reception,
party or other social entertainment, with such variations in the
phrasing as suit the circumstances.
It may be said that it is unnecessary to give explicit directions about
invitations, inasmuch as the engraver is the one ultimately responsible
for the accuracy of these things. But on occasions when small numbers
are invited--but undiminished formality is observed--the formal
invitation is requisite, yet the engraved card is a needless expense.
In such cases one may have cards _written_ in due form. But, for
written invitations of this formal character, it is imperative that the
paper shall be of superior quality, and the penmanship neat, and
_thoroughly stylish_ in effect.
CARDS OF INVITATION TO A WEDDING are issued in the name of the bride's
parents, or, if she is an orphan, by her guardian, or some relative or
friend who gives her the wedding. All expenses are paid by the bride's
family.
It is not etiquette for the groom to bear any of the expense, except
the fee to the clergy man; nor to furnish anything for his own wedding,
except the ring and the bouquet for the bride, presents for the
brides-maids and best man, and some little token for the ushers.
The hostess (who invites) requests the groom to furnish her with two
lists of names--one list of those of his friends whom he wishes to be
present to witness the ceremony, and another list of those whom he
would like to see at the reception also. These, with similar lists of
the bride's friends, make up the number of guests to be invited.
Wedding invitations are usually sent out two weeks before the day fixed
for the ceremony. The invitation is engraved and printed upon a note
sheet, in handsome plain script, the lines broken to give distinction
to the several ideas, and the wording made as terse as possible. The
formula is nearly unvarying:
MR. AND MRS. GEORGE LATHROP
request the pleasure of your company
(or the honor of your presence)
at the marriage of their daughter,
MARY ADELAIDE,
to
MR. WILLIAM HENRY BISHOP,
at St. Philip's Church,
On Wednesday evening, October twelfth, at seven o'clock.
If the marriage is to be solemnized at home the date follows the names
in succession, and the place of residence is given last. The
invitation may vary, "the wedding reception of their daughter," etc.
Or, accompanying the church wedding invitation may be a square card
bearing the lines: "Reception from half-past seven until nine o'clock,"
with place of residence on the line below.
Also, to avoid a crowd at the church, a smaller card is sometimes sent
with the invitations bearing, for example, the words: "Please present
this card at St. Philip's Church, Wednesday evening, October twelfth,
at seven o'clock." This card of admission is also given to
dependents--the domestics of the family or such persons as may be
entitled to the kind notice, but who are not, strictly speaking,
invited guests. The number of such cards should never be greater than
the comfortable capacity of the church, lest their original purpose be
defeated.
In case the ceremony is private the immediate family and chosen friends
are invited verbally. It is then optional whether or not a formal
announcement shall be made to a wider circle of friends by sending out
engraved cards the day after the ceremony. These are, like the
invitations, printed on note sheets, and are phrased briefly, as
MR. AND MRS. GEORGE LATHROP
announce the marriage of their daughter,
MARY ADELAIDE,
to
MR. WILLIAM HENRY BISHOP,
Wednesday evening, October twelfth,
St. Philip's Church.
"At Home" cards sometimes accompany this announcement, or they may be
sent out later by the young couple themselves, if a long wedding trip
intervenes.
The private wedding and after announcement is often the most
suitable--in fact, the only appropriate method to adopt when a bride is
comparatively alone in the world, or has no near relatives to take
charge of wedding formalities. In such a case the announcement is
worded: "Mr. William Henry Bishop and Miss Mary Adelaide Lathrop,
married, Wednesday, October twelfth, 149 Willow St." If no other place
is given this is understood to be the place where to address cards of
congratulation. If the young couple are to receive later, in a new
home, that address, with date of the "at home," is also given, thus,
"At home, after November fifteenth, 1129 Lake St." If the change of
residence is to another town, the name of the town is also given.
For the proper style of "displaying" the phrases of an invitation or
announcement one may apply to a first-class stationer. Plain script
and the finest white paper are always correct. Any show of
ornamentation is out of taste.
When the circle of acquaintances is very large and invitations must be
limited to a certain number, the announcement cards may be sent to
others.
A wedding invitation, unless it includes a wedding breakfast, limited
in number, requires no reply. Cards sent afterward are all that is
necessary. These cards, and whatever congratulations are sent, are
addressed to the ones in whose name the invitation or announcement was
sent out--usually the parents of the bride. A congratulatory note to
the bride is always in order among intimate friends, _but this bears no
relation to a response to the invitation_.
WEDDING ANNIVERSARY INVITATIONS are simply, "Mr. and Mrs. George
Lathrop, at home," etc., with date and residence. They are printed on
cards or note sheets, preferably the latter, and the character of the
occasion is indicated by a monogram at the top of the page, in the
centre, flanked by the two annual dates, as "1837 [monogram] 1887." If
for a golden wedding this heading is lettered in gold; if for a silver
wedding, in silver, the invitation being, as usual, printed in black
ink. It is good form to engrave "No presents" in the lower left
corner, if such is the wish of "the bride and groom."
DINNER CARDS OF INVITATION may have this form:
MR. AND MRS. GEORGE LATHROP
request the pleasure
Of ....................................
company at dinner on Thursday,
................ at seven o'clock.
95 Willow Street.
The above form may be engraved for perennial use by a host or hostess
who frequently give dinners, and always on the same day of the week.
Blanks are left to be filled in with the name of the invited guest and
the exact date. Or for a single occasion the form may be without any
blank spaces, and the phrasing read, "Request the pleasure of your
company."
A dinner given in honor of some distinguished guest requires an
invitation card specially engraved. This form is most deferential:
To meet
GENERAL LA FAYETTE,
MR. AND MRS. GEORGE LATHROP
request the honor
of ........................ company
at dinner
on Wednesday, May tenth,
at eight o'clock.
95 Willow Street.
If the honored guest is esteemed on the score of personal friendship
rather than public distinction his name will be given last, instead of
first, on the card, the phrasing of the invitation remaining the same.
Invitations to dinner should be answered at once, and no one should
accept if there is the least doubt about being able to be present.
Only the most serious detentions suddenly arising will excuse a failure
to keep a dinner engagement once made. If such contingency does occur
at the eleventh hour an explanation and apology should be sent to the
host or hostess without delay in order to give opportunity for securing
"the fourteenth man."
FOR A FORMAL LUNCHEON OR BREAKFAST the invitation cards are similar in
form to dinner cards. But since the manner of serving, the numbers
invited, etc., are not so definitely fixed it is proper to add R.S.V.P.
on cards that especially call for a reply in the judgment of the
hostess. Otherwise many people with vague ideas of the "informality"
of these occasions might omit to send replies.