When a married, or elderly woman tacitly invites a man to call on her
by telling him what are her "at home" days or hours, it is obligatory
upon him to acknowledge the courtesy. If unable to call personally he
should explain that fact and express regret, and should be particular
to send a card on her next receiving day during the hours that she has
mentioned. It is a special courtesy to send also a card for her
husband, if he is a venerable man, or if, by reason of ill health, he
is usually at home.
A woman older, or busier, or occupying some position of acknowledged
distinction, may send her card, indicating her receiving days and
hours, to a younger or less occupied woman. This is accepted as a
call, and an invitation to return the same. If the recipient chooses
she may respond in person. If she does not care to establish a calling
acquaintance she may respond by sending one of her own cards on the
receiving day. In case opportunity occurs for explanation some polite
reason may be given for not adding to one's visiting list; but unless
one has the tact to do this without snobbishness, it were better to
keep silence.
Cards of introduction are simply visiting-cards upon which the owner
writes, above his own name, "Introducing Mr. ----." The card is
inclosed in an unsealed envelope, addressed to the person to whom the
introduction is to be made, and with the words "Introducing Mr. ----,"
written in the lower left corner. It is a delicate matter to refuse a
card or letter of introduction, but it is a far more delicate matter to
take the _liberty_ to give one. If one is in doubt about the readiness
of the third party to receive the person introduced it is better to
find some polite excuse for declining to be the medium of the
introduction. Fortunately, if the blunder is made of introducing
uncongenial people they can easily drift apart again without rudeness
on the part of either.
When any one is invited to a church wedding and cannot attend it is
proper to send, on the day of the marriage, a card or cards to those
who issued the invitations; one card, if one parent, or a guardian,
invites; if the invitation is sent in the names of both parents, a card
for each, inclosed in an envelope and addressed to both. If the
invited guest attends the wedding he leaves or sends cards within a
week, similarly addressed. A personal call is allowable if intimacy
warrants it. Those friends of the groom who are not acquainted with
the bride's family should merely send cards.
When a man wishes to make the acquaintance of another man he may call
and send in his card. This may or may not be accompanied with some
explanatory message. If the man on whom the call is made does not wish
to receive the caller he will express some polite reason for declining,
or suggest another time for receiving the visitor. Usually a man will
receive another man who makes polite overtures; but if the host does
not wish to continue the acquaintance he will not return the call in
person, but simply send his card by post. This distant rejoinder
practically ends the brief acquaintance without any discourteous
rebuff. It is one of the mistakes of the vulgar to be rude and gruff
in order to repel an undesired acquaintance. In reality, nothing
freezes out a bore more effectually than the icy calm of dignified
courtesy. There are exquisitely polite ways of sending every
undesirable person to limbo. The perfect self-command of the well-bred
man enables him to do this to perfection, but without giving offense.
Moreover, as most people worth seeking are men and women of earnest
lives and crowded occupations, no one need feel personally chagrined by
the failure to establish a coveted acquaintance with some gifted man or
woman.
Cards of condolence are left as soon as possible after learning of the
affliction. If in town, cards are left in person or sent by a
messenger with a message. If out of town a card is sent by the first
post. Nothing is written upon these cards.
A visiting card, with "Congratulations" written upon it, is sent to
felicitate a friend upon any happy event in which friends may
sympathize. Such cards are sent by messenger or by post. If a card is
left in person with a kind message, nothing is written upon the card.
When a man calls and sees his hostess, but not the host, he should
leave a card for the latter. If the hostess is not at home, two cards
should be left.
When a man entertains formally, each man invited, whether he accepts or
not, should acknowledge the courtesy within a week. He may call in
person, or leave a card, or send a card by mail, or write a note of
thanks, whichever he prefers. This is one of the important formalities
between men, and the neglect of it argues either ignorance or insolence.
When a man calls upon a woman while she is the guest of a family with
whom he is not acquainted, he inquires for both his friend and her
hostess, and, as he is a stranger in the house, he sends up a card for
each (instead of announcing himself _verbally_, as at the house of a
friend). If the hostess receives him on this occasion, but extends no
further hospitality, he has no claim upon her recognition beyond the
hour. If the hostess subsequently offers him any hospitality during
the time his friend is her guest he must call upon her; but if he
defers this until after the departure of the guest, he must leave a
card for the hostess without intruding a personal call, unless he has
been distinctly invited to continue the acquaintance. If the man who
pays the call does not wish to continue the acquaintance with his
friend's hostess, after she has offered him hospitality, he must at
least call and leave a card for her, with a polite inquiry for her
health. This is obligatory; but nothing further is required.
A visiting card is employed in sending informal invitations to a tea or
afternoon reception. The care of the hostess is used, and in addition
to the name of the regular receiving day the special date, as "January
19," and some other specific words, as "Tea, 4 to 6," are written in
the lower left corner. (In this informal _written_ message _numbers_
are indicate by _figures_, where _formal_ invitations require the
_words_ to be written in full.) This card is accepted by the
recipients as equivalent to a call paid by the sender, and they respond
in person at the time indicated, leaving cards with the servant as they
enter, and also, on their departure, leaving the cards of such male
members of their respective families as have been invited, but are
unable to attend. As few men can leave business at this hour these
occasions become prominent illustrations of "proxy" card-leaving. If
any one invited cannot be present (and in case of a man no female
relative is there authorized to represent him) a card must be sent by
post or messenger on the receiving day.
After a change of residence, or after a prolonged absence from home,
cards of the entire family are sent to notify an acquaintance of their
re-establishment and of their readiness to resume the social
interchange.
It is customary for the younger society men to pay a round of calls
after returning from the usual summer "outing," or to leave cards in
lieu of a call.
When leaving for a long absence, or when parting from transient, but
agreeable acquaintances, as companion tourists, etc., when time does
not admit of farewell calls, visiting-cards are sent by post with "P.
p. c." (_Pour prendre conge_--to take leave) written upon them. This
is equivalent to saying, "If ever we meet again we will meet on the
footing of friends, not strangers." It is a pleasant way of showing
appreciation of the pleasure afforded by another's society, and the
formality should not be neglected by one who would be esteemed
thoughtfully polite and kind.
Only people who cling to old-fashioned customs still fold over the
right side of a visiting-card to show that the card was left _in
person_, and also fold over the _left side_ to show that the call was
intended for _all_ the women of the household. This custom is
practically obsolete. Another fashion that has had its day was that of
leaving a separate card for each of the women of the household. Now,
_one_ card answers the purpose, the inquiry accompanying it indicates
whether the call was intended for one or for all of the family. In
case a _guest_ of the household is included in the call a separate card
is left for her.