When one calls in person the name of the caller is given verbally to
the servant who opens the door. The card is not usually sent up,
except by a stranger. But sometimes there is difficulty in making the
servant understand the name or properly distinguish it from some other
similar name. In this case to avoid mistakes the card is sent up.
If the hostess is not at home a card is left by the disappointed caller.
On the occasion of a _first_ call a card is left on the hall table, or
other place provided, _even though the caller has been received by the
hostess_. This serves as a reminder that the acquaintance has been
duly and formally begun.
On the occasion of subsequent calls, when the hostess is at home, no
cards are employed, except, as before stated, to avert servants'
mistakes. Such is the sensible dictum of good authorities, and one in
harmony with the idea that the personal card is the _representative_ of
its owner, not his _accompaniment_.
This idea is more pointedly illustrated in quiet neighborhoods, where
even the wealthy live simply of choice, and, like their neighbors of
moderate means, employ but one domestic, or, it may be, none. In such
households often the guest is met at the door by a member of the
family, possibly the hostess herself. The use of a visiting-card then
is plainly incongruous, not to say absurd. The visitor who is paying a
"first call" under these informal conditions may find opportunity to
drop a card unobtrusively into the basket, if such receptacle be within
reach; but if this cannot be done without conspicuous effort the card
is better ignored, and its place as a remembrancer filled by the genial
impression which the visitor leaves, and of which an appreciative
hostess needs no card reminder. Besides, people "living quietly" visit
so little, comparatively, that it is no severe tax on the memory to
recollect who has called, especially as the infrequency of calls gives
ample time for each one to make an individual impression. This is not
possible when a steady stream of visitors is pouring in and out of a
drawing-room on a fashionable woman's "at home" day, scarcely giving
the hostess opportunity to gaze upon one face before another has
displaced it; so that at the end of the hour her memory recalls a
composite photograph. Cards are her indispensable aids in resolving
this picture into its component elements. But those who "live
quietly," receiving but few calls, have no such bewildering complexity
to deal with.
At the same time, these people thus quietly environed may represent the
most refined and cultivated circle. They may know perfectly well what
formal etiquette would demand in the matter of cards if the conditions
were more formal. The omission of cards whenever their use would be
forced, so far from indicating ignorance, is a proof of discrimination.
Personal calls are made in the following cases:
In returning a first visit, made in person.
After a dinner party to which one has been invited, whether the
invitation was accepted or not.
After any entertainment other than a dinner it is allowable to leave or
send cards instead of paying a personal call. This is a wise rule in
cases where a hostess, has a long visiting list, and entertains
frequently. To receive afterward personal visits from all of her
guests would be practically impossible. The majority will express
their acknowledgments by card, leaving it to the most intimate friends
of the hostess to pay their respects in person. But among quiet
people, where one "Tea" is the extent of a hostess' efforts for the
season, the personal call is desirable as showing greater respect and
friendliness. Among congenial friends only the plea of a busy life can
make the card acknowledgment quite as graceful and acceptable as the
personal visit. But if the guest is a comparative stranger, and, for
any reason, there is a wish not to extend the acquaintance, the sending
of a card meets all the requirements of etiquette, without committing
the sender to any further intimacy.
(The alternative for personal calls, is personal card-leaving; the next
point to be considered.)