Before I drink myself to death,
God, let me finish up my Book!
At night, I fear, I fight for breath,
And wake up whiter than a spook;
And crawl off to a _bistro_ near,
And drink until my brain is clear.
Rare Absinthe! Oh, it gives me strength
To write and write; and so I spend
Day after day, until at length
With joy and pain I'll write The End:
Then let this carcase rot; I give
The world my Book--my Book will live.
For every line is tense with truth,
There's hope and joy on every page;
A cheer, a clarion call to Youth,
A hymn, a comforter to Age:
All's there that I was meant to be,
My part divine, the God in me.
It's of my life the golden sum;
Ah! who that reads this Book of mine,
In stormy centuries to come,
Will dream I rooted with the swine?
Behold! I give mankind my best:
What does it matter, all the rest?
It's this that makes sublime my day;
It's this that makes me struggle on.
Oh, let them mock my mortal clay,
My spirit's deathless as the dawn;
Oh, let them shudder as they look . . .
I'll be immortal in my Book.
And so beside the sullen Seine
I fight with dogs for filthy food,
Yet know that from my sin and pain
Will soar serene a Something Good;
Exultantly from shame and wrong
A Right, a Glory and a Song.
How charming it is, this Paris of the summer skies! Each morning I leap
up with joy in my heart, all eager to begin the day of work. As I eat my
breakfast and smoke my pipe, I ponder over my task. Then in the golden
sunshine that floods my little attic I pace up and down, absorbed and
forgetful of the world. As I compose I speak the words aloud. There are
difficulties to overcome; thoughts that will not fit their mold;
rebellious rhymes. Ah! those moments of despair and defeat.
Then suddenly the mind grows lucid, imagination glows, the snarl
unravels. In the end is always triumph and success. O delectable
_métier_! Who would not be a rhymesmith in Paris, in Bohemia, in the
heart of youth!
I have now finished my twentieth ballad. Five more and they will be
done. In quiet corners of cafes, on benches of the Luxembourg, on the
sunny Quays I read them over one by one. Here is my latest: