It is said that Mr. CHARLES CHAPLIN, a prominent citizen of Los Angeles,
Cal., has employed the greater part of the last few days in mopping his
brow, sighing with relief and exclaiming "Gee!"
Mr. CHAPLIN declares that missing the boat for England recently was the
narrowest escape from death he has ever enjoyed. But for having been thus
providentially prevented from visiting his native land in the company of
Miss MARY PICKFORD and Mr. DOUGLAS FAIRBANKS (better known as "MARY" and
"DOUG." respectively) he would have come back to the dear homeland all
unprepared for what would surely have happened to him no less than it
happened to his illustrious colleagues in the film world.
Since his promised visit to our shores cannot long be delayed, he has
already begun elaborate preparations for travelling in safety. He is
growing a large beard and is learning to walk with his toes turned in. A
number of his teeth will be blackened out during the whole of his European
tour, and his hair will be kept well-ironed and cropped short.
He has engaged a complete staff of plain-clothes pugilists to travel with
him everywhere and to stand on guard outside his bathroom door. They will
also surround him during meal-times to prevent admirers from grabbing his
food to hand down to their children as heirlooms.
He is being measured for a complete outfit of holeproof clothing, and his
motor will be a Ford of seventeen thicknesses, with armoured steel windows,
and fitted with first-aid accessories, including liniment, restoratives and
raw steak. His entourage will include a day doctor, a night doctor, a
leading New York surgeon and a squad of stretcher-bearers.
It has been suggested to him that a further precaution would be not to
advise the Press of the date of his arrival; but that he considers would be
carrying his safety-first measures to a foolish extreme.
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[Illustration: STOP-PRESS NEWS.
_Observant Visitor._ "I SAY--EXCUSE ME, BUT YOUR HAT IS KNOCKED IN."
_Farm Hand._ "WHOI, I'VE KNOWED THAT FOR THE LAST SEVEN YEAR."]
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