"Nobody knows," says a Berlin message, "how near the KAPP
counter-revolution came to being a success." A kind word from
Commander KENWORTHY, it is believed, would have made all the
difference.
***
It is reported that Miss ISOBEL ELSOM, the cinema star, tried to get
knocked down by a taxi-cab for the purposes of a film, but failed. We
can only suppose that the driver must have been new to his job.
***
A vicar has written to the Press complaining indignantly of a London
firm's offer to supply sermons at five shillings each. We are not
surprised. Five shillings is a lot of money to give for a sermon.
***
The Llangollen Golf Club has decided to allow Sunday golf. In
extenuation it is pointed out that the Welsh for "stymied" does not
constitute a breach of the Sabbath, as is the case with the Scots
equivalent.
***
At Caterham a robin has built its nest in a bully beef tin. These are
the little things that give the Disposals Board a bad name.
***
A North of Ireland man who has just died at the age of 107 boasted
that he had never had a bath. This should silence the faddists who
pretend that they can hardly wait till Saturday night.
***
The ruins of Whitby Abbey, it is announced, are to be presented by
their owner to the nation. On the other hand, the report that Mr.
LLOYD GEORGE intends to present the ruins of the Liberal Party to
Manchester City is not confirmed.
***
The latest information is that the recent German revolution had to be
abandoned owing to the weather.
***
From a weekly paper article we gather that the trousers-crease will be
in its accustomed frontal position this year. It is unfortunate that
this announcement should have clashed with the attempted restoration
of the Monarchy in Berlin.
***
Hot Cross Buns will probably cost threepence this year. An economical
plan is for the householder to make his own hot cross and then get the
local confectioner to fit a bun to it.
***
"There will be no whisky in Scotland in the year 1925," says a
Prohibitionist speaker. He did not say whether there will be any
Scotsmen.
***
No arrangement has yet been made for the carrying on of the Food
Ministry, though it is said that one food profiteer has offered to buy
the place as a memento.
***
"All the great men are dead," states a London newspaper. This sly dig
at Mr. CHURCHILL'S robust health is surely in bad taste.
***
We are glad to hear that the strap-hanger who was summoned by a
fellow-passenger on the Underground Railway for refusing to remove his
foot from off the plaintiff's toes has now been acquitted by the jury.
It appears that he was able to prove that he was not in a position to
do so as his was not the top foot of the heap.
***
According to a trade journal the latest fashion in umbrellas is a
pigeon's head carved on the handle. This, we understand, is the first
step towards a really reliable homing umbrella.
***
The appearance of a hen blackbird without any trace of feathers on its
neck or back is reported by a Worcester ornithologist. The attempt
on the part of this bird to follow our present fashions is most
interesting.
***
So much difficulty is being experienced in deciding whose incendiary
bullet was the most effective, that it is thought possible that the
Government may arrange for the Zeppelin raids to be revived.
***
A society paper reports that a large number of millionaires are now
staying on the Riviera. It is not known where the other shareholders
of COATS'S are staying.
***
In order to influence the exchange a contemporary suggests that we
should sell our treasures to America. We understand that a cable to
New York asking what they are prepared to pay for Mr. RAMSAY MACDONALD
remains unanswered.
***
An egg weighing nine-and-a-half ounces has been laid at Bayonne,
France. It looks like a walk-over unless _The Spectator_ has something
up its sleeve.
***
"One hears the crying of the new-born lambs on all sides," writes a
Nature correspondent. On the other hand the unmistakable bubbling note
of the mint-sauce will not be heard for another month or so.
***
Will the A.S.C. private who in 1917 was ordered to take a mule to
Sutton Coldfield please note that the animal has been sighted in
California still chewing an army tunic, but the badges are missing?
***
"So many letters are being lost in the post nowadays," states a
daily paper, "that drastic action should be taken in the matter." We
understand that the POSTMASTER-GENERAL has expressed his willingness
to be searched.
* * * * *
[Illustration: _Hygienist_. "FEELING THE COLD, EH? AHA--LOOK AT ME. I
DON'T KNOW WHAT COLD IS."
_Normal Individual_. "THEN N-NATURALLY YOU D-DON'T FEEL IT."]
* * * * *