On a sunny Summer morning,
Early as the dew was dry,
Up the hill I went a berrying;
Need I tell you--tell you why?
Farmer Davis had a daughter,
And it happened that I knew,
On each sunny morning, Jenny
Up the hill went berrying too.
Lonely work is picking berries,
So I joined her on the hill:
"Jenny, dear," said I, "your basket's
Quite too large for one to fill."
So we stayed--we two--to fill it,
Jenny talking--I was still.--
Leading where the hill was steepest,
Picking berries up the hill.
"This is up-hill work," said Jenny;
"So is life," said I; "shall we
Climb it each alone, or, Jenny,
Will you come and climb with me?"
Redder than the blushing berries
Jenny's cheek a moment grew,
While without delay she answered,
"I will come and climb with you."
{198}
8. A ROMANTIC WAY FOR PROPOSING.--In Peru they have a romantic way of
popping the question. The suitor appears on the appointed evening, with a
gaily dressed troubadour, under the balcony of his beloved. The singer
steps before her flower-bedecked window, and sings her beauties in the name
of her lover. He compares her size to that of a pear-tree, her lips to two
blushing rose-buds, and her womanly form to that of a dove. With assumed
harshness the lady asks her lover: "Who are you, and what do you want?" He
answers with ardent confidence: "Thy love I do adore, The stars live in the
harmony of love, and why should not we, too, love each other?" Then the
proud beauty gives herself away: she takes her flower-wreath from her hair
and throws it down to her lover, promising to be his forever.
[Illustration: A PERUVIAN BEAUTY.]
* * * * *
{199}
The Wedding.
[Illustration: THE BRIDE.]
1. THE PROPER TIME.--Much has been printed in various volumes regarding the
time of the year, the influence of the seasons, etc., as determining the
proper time to set for the wedding day. Circumstances must govern these
things. To be sure, it is best to avoid extremes of heat and cold. Very hot
weather is debilitating, and below zero is uncomfortable.
2. THE LADY SHOULD SELECT THE DAY.--There is one element in the time that
is of great importance, physically, especially to the lady. It is the day
of the month, and it is hoped that every lady who contemplates marriage is
informed upon the great facts of ovulation. By reading page {200} 245 she
will understand that it is to her advantage to select a wedding day about
fifteen or eighteen days after the close of menstruation in the month
chosen, since it is not best that the first child should be conceived
during the excitement or irritation of first attempts at congress; besides
modest brides naturally do not wish to become large with child before the
season of congratulation and visiting on their return from the "wedding
tour" is over.
Again, it is asserted by many of the best writers on this subject, that the
mental condition of either parent at the time of intercourse will be
stamped upon the embryo; hence it is not only best, but wise, that the
first-born should not be conceived until several months after marriage,
when the husband and wife have nicely settled in their new home, and become
calm in their experience of each other's society.
3. THE "BRIDAL TOUR" is considered by many newly-married couples as a
necessary introduction to a life of connubial joy. There is, in our
opinion, nothing in the custom to recommend it. After the excitement and
overwork before and accompanying a wedding, the period immediately
following should be one of _rest_.
Again, the money expended on the ceremony and a tour of the principal
cities, etc., might, in most cases, be applied to a multitude of after-life
comforts of far more lasting value and importance. To be sure, it is not
pleasant for the bride, should she remain at home, to pass through the
ordeal of criticism and vulgar comments of acquaintances and friends, and
hence, to escape this, the young couple feel like getting away for a time.
Undoubtedly the best plan for the great majority, after this most eventful
ceremony, is to enter their future home at once, and there to remain in
comparative privacy until the novelty of the situation is worn off.
4. IF THE CONVENTIONAL TOUR is taken, the husband should remember that his
bride cannot stand the same amount of tramping around and sight-seeing that
he can. The female organs of generation are so easily affected by excessive
exercise of the limbs which support them, that at this critical period it
would be a foolish and costly experience to drag a lady hurriedly around
the country on an extensive and protracted round of sight-seeing or
visiting. Unless good common-sense is displayed in the manner of spending
the "honey-moon," it will prove very untrue to its name. In many cases it
lays the foundation for the wife's first and life-long "backache."
* * * * *
{201}
Advice to Newly Married Couples.
[Illustration: THE HONEY-MOON.]
1. "BE YE FRUITFUL AND MULTIPLY" is a Bible commandment which the children
of men habitually obey. However they may disagree on other subjects, all
are in accord on this; the barbarous, the civilized, the high, the low, the
fierce, the gentle--all unite in the desire which finds its accomplishment
in the reproduction of their kind. Who {202} shall quarrel with the
Divinely implanted instinct, or declare it to be vulgar or unmentionable?
It is during the period of the honeymoon that the intensity of this desire,
coupled with the greatest curiosity, is at its height, and the unbridled
license often given the passions at this time is attended with the most
dangerous consequences.
2. CONSUMMATION OF MARRIAGE.--The first time that the husband and wife
cohabit together after the ceremony has been performed is called the
consummation of marriage. Many grave errors have been committed by people
in this, when one or both of the contracting parties were not physically or
sexually in a condition to carry out the marriage relation. A marriage,
however, is complete without this in the eyes of the law, as it is a maxim
taken from the Roman civil statutes that consent, not cohabitation, is the
binding element in the ceremony. Yet, in most States of the U.S., and in
some other countries; marriage is legally declared void and of no effect
where it is not possible to consummate the marriage relation. A divorce may
be obtained provided the injured party begins the suit.
3. TEST OF VIRGINITY.--The consummation of marriage with a virgin is not
necessarily attended with a flow of blood, and the absence of this sign is
not the slightest presumption against her former chastity. The true test of
virginity is modesty void of any disagreeable familiarity. A sincere
Christian faith is one of the best recommendations.
4. LET EVERY MAN REMEMBER that the legal right of marriage does not carry
with it the moral right to injure for life the loving companion he has
chosen. Ignorance may be the cause, but every man before he marries should
know something of the physiology and the laws of health, and we here give
some information which is of very great importance to every newly-married
man.
5. SENSUALITY.--Lust crucifies love. The young sensual husband is generally
at fault. Passion sways and the duty to bride and wife is nor thought of,
and so a modest young wife is often actually forced and assaulted by the
unsympathetic haste of her husband. An amorous man in that way soon
destroys his own love, and thus is laid the foundation for many
difficulties that soon develop trouble and disturb the happiness of both.
6. ABUSE AFTER MARRIAGE.--Usually marriage is consummated within a day or
two after the ceremony, but this is {203} gross injustice to the bride. In
most cases she is nervous, timid, and exhausted by the duties of
preparation for the wedding, and in no way in a condition, either in body
or mind, for the vital change which the married relation bring upon her.
Many a young husband often lays the foundation of many diseases of the womb
and of the nervous system in gratifying his unchecked passions without a
proper regard for his wife's exhausted condition.
7. THE FIRST CONJUGAL APPROACHES are usually painful to the new wife, and
no enjoyment to her follows. Great caution and kindness should be
exercised. A young couple rushing together in their animal passion soon
produce a nervous and irritating condition which ere long brings apathy,
indifference, if not dislike. True love and a high regard for each other
will temper passion into moderation.
8. WERE THE ABOVE INJUNCTIONS HEEDED fully and literally it would be folly
to say more, but this would be omitting all account of the bridegroom's new
position, the power of his passion, and the timidity of the fair creature
who is wondering what fate has in store for her trembling modesty. To be
sure, there are some women who are possessed of more forward natures and
stronger desires than others. In such cases there may be less trouble.
9. A COMMON ERROR.--The young husband may have read in some treatise on
physiology that the hymen in a virgin is the great obstacle to be overcome.
He is apt to conclude that this is all, that some force will be needed to
break it down, and that therefore an amount of urgency even to the degree
of inflicting considerable pain is justifiable. This is usually wrong. It
rarely constitutes any obstruction, and, even when its rupturing may be
necessary, it alone seldom causes suffering.
There are sometimes certain deformities of the vagina, but no woman should
knowingly seek matrimonial relations when thus afflicted.
We quote from Dr. C. A. Huff the following:
10. "WHAT IS IT, THEN, THAT USUALLY CAUSES distress to many women, whether
a bride or a long-time wife?" The answer is, Simply those conditions of the
organs in which they are not properly prepared, by anticipation and desire,
to receive a foreign body. The modest one craves only refined and platonic
love at first, and if husbands, new and old, would only realize this plain
truth, wife-torturing would cease and the happiness of each one of all
human pairs vastly increase. {204}
11. THE CONDITIONS OF THE FEMALE organs depend upon the state of the mind
just as much as in the case of the husband. The male, however, being more
sensual, is more quickly roused. She is far less often or early ready. In
its unexcited state the vagina is lax, its walls are closed together, and
their surfaces covered by but little lubricating secretion. The chaster one
of the pair has no desire that this sacred vestibule to the great arcana of
procreation shall be immediately and roughly invaded. This, then, is the
time for all approaches by the husband to be of the most delicate,
considerate, and refined description possible. The quietest and softest
demeanor, with gentle and re-assuring words, are all that should be
attempted at first. The wedding day has probably been one of fatigue, and
it is foolish to go farther.
12. FOR MORE THAN ONE NIGHT it will be wise, indeed, if the wife's
confidence shall be as much wooed and won by patient, delicate, and
prolonged courting, as before the marriage engagement. How long should this
period of waiting be can only be decided by the circumstances of any case.
The bride will ultimately deny no favor which is sought with full deference
to her modesty, and in connection with which bestiality is not exhibited.
Her nature is that of delicacy; her affection is of a refined character; if
the love and conduct offered to her are a careful effort to adapt roughness
and strength to her refinement and weakness, her admiration and responsive
love will be excited to the utmost.
13. WHEN THAT MOMENT ARRIVES when the bride finds she can repose perfect
confidence in the kindness of her husband, that his love is not purely
animal, and that no violence will be attempted, the power of her affection
for him will surely assert itself; the mind will act on those organs which
nature has endowed to fulfil the law of her being, the walls of the vagina
will expand, and the glands at the entrance will be fully lubricated by a
secretion of mucous which renders congress a matter of comparative ease.
14. WHEN THIS RESPONSIVE ENLARGEMENT and lubrication are fully realized, it
is made plain why the haste and force so common to first and subsequent
coition is, as it has been justly called, nothing but "legalized rape."
Young husband! Prove your manhood, not by yielding to unbridled lust and
cruelty, but by the exhibition of true power in _self-control_ and patience
with the helpless being confided to your care! Prolong the delightful
season of courting into and _through_ wedded life, and rich shall be your
reward. {205}
15. A WANT OF DESIRE may often prevail, and may be caused by loss of sleep,
study, constant thought, mental disturbance, anxiety, self-abuse, excessive
use of tobacco or alcoholic drink, etc. Overwork may cause debility; a man
may not have an erection for months, yet it may not be a sign of debility,
sexual lethargy or impotence. Get the mind and the physical constitution in
proper condition, and most all these difficulties will disappear. Good
athletic exercise by walking, riding, or playing croquet, or any other
amusement, will greatly improve the condition. A good rest, however, will
be necessary to fully restore the mind and the body, then the natural
condition of the sexual organs will be resumed.
16. HAVING TWINS.--Having twins is undoubtedly hereditary and descends from
generation to generation, and persons who have twins are generally those
who have great sexual vigor. It is generally the result of a second
cohabitation immediately following the first, but some parents have twins
who cohabit but once during several days.
17. PROPER INTERCOURSE.--The right relation of a newly-married couple will
rather increase than diminish love. To thus offer up the maiden on the
altar of love and affection only swells her flood of joy and bliss;
whereas, on the other hand, sensuality humbles, debases, pollutes, and
never elevates. Young husbands should wait for an _invitation to the
banquet_, and they will be amply paid by the very pleasure sought.
Invitation or permission delights, and possession by force degrades. The
right-minded bridegroom will postpone the exercise of his nuptial rights
for a few days, and allow his young wife to become rested from the
preparation and fatigue of the wedding, and become accustomed to the
changes in her new relations of life.
18. RIGHTLY BEGINNING SEXUAL LIFE.--Intercourse promotes all the functions
of the body and mind, but rampant lust and sexual abuses soon destroy the
natural pleasures of intercourse, and unhappiness will be the result.
Remember that _intercourse_ should not become the polluted purpose of
marriage. To be sure, rational enjoyment benefits and stimulates love, but
the pleasure of each other's society, standing together on all questions of
mutual benefit, working hand in hand and shoulder to shoulder in the battle
of life, raising a family of beautiful children, sharing each other's joys
and sorrows, are the things that bring to every couple the best, purest,
and noblest enjoyment that God has bestowed upon man. {206}
[Illustration: A TURKISH HAREM.]
Sexual Proprieties and Improprieties.
1. To have offspring is not to be regarded as a luxury, but as a great
primary necessity of health and happiness, of which every fully-developed
man and woman should have a fair share, while it cannot be denied that the
ignorance of the necessity of sexual intercourse to the health and virtue
of both man and woman is the most fundamental error in medical and moral
philosophy.
2. In a state of pure nature, where man would have his sexual instincts
under full and natural restraint, there would be little, if any,
licentiousness, and children would be the result of natural desire, and not
the accidents of lust.
3. This is an age of sensuality; unnatural passions are cultivated and
indulged. Young people in the course of their engagement often sow the seed
of serious excesses. This habit of embracing, sitting on the lover's lap,
leaning on his breast, long and uninterrupted periods of secluded
companionship, have become so common that it is amazing how a young lady
can safely arrive at the wedding day. While this conduct may safely
terminate with the wedding day, yet it cultivates the tendency which often
results in excessive indulgencies after the honey-moon is over.
4. SEPARATE BEDS.--Many writers have vigorously championed as a reform the
practice of separate beds for husband and wife. While we would not
recommend such separation, it is no doubt very much better for both husband
and wife, in case the wife is pregnant. Where people are reasonably
temperate, no such ordinary precautions as {207} separate sleeping places
may be necessary. But in case of pregnancy it will add rest to the mother
and add vigor to the unborn child. Sleeping together, however, is natural
and cultivates true affection, and it is physiologically true that in very
cold weather life is prolonged by husband and wife sleeping together.
5. THE AUTHORITY OF THE WIFE.--Let the wife judge whether she desires a
separate couch or not. She has the superior right to control her own
person. In such diseases as consumption, or other severe or lingering
diseases, separate beds should always be insisted upon.
6. THE TIME FOR INDULGENCE.--The health of the generative functions depends
upon exercise, just the same as any other vital organ. Intercourse should
be absolutely avoided just before or after meals, or just after mental
excitement or physical exercise. No wife should indulge her husband when he
is under the influence of alcoholic stimulants, for idiocy and other
serious maladies are liable to be visited upon the offspring.
7. RESTRAINT DURING PREGNANCY.--There is no question but what moderate
indulgence during the first few months of pregnancy does not result in
serious harm; but people who excessively satisfy their ill-governed
passions are liable to pay a serious penalty.
8. MISCARRIAGE.--If a woman is liable to abortion or miscarriage, absolute
abstinence is the only remedy. No sexual indulgence during pregnancy can be
safely tolerated.
9. It is better for people not to marry until they are of proper age. It is
a physiological fact that men seldom reach the full maturity of their
virile power before the age of twenty-five, and the female rarely attains
the full vigor of her sexual powers before the age of twenty.
10. ILLICIT PLEASURES.--The indulgence of illicit pleasures, says Dr. S.
Pancoast, sooner or later is sure to entail the most loathsome diseases on
their votaries. Among these diseases are Gonorrhoea, Syphilis,
Spermatorrhoea (waste of semen by daily and nightly involuntary emissions),
Satyriasis (a species of sexual madness, or a sexual diabolism, causing men
to commit rape and other beastly acts and outrages, not only on women and
children, but men and animals, as sodomy, pederasty, etc.), Nymphomania
(causing women to assail every man they meet, and supplicate and excite him
to gratify their lustful passions, or who resort to means of sexual
pollutions, which is impossible to describe without shuddering), together
with spinal diseases and many disorders of the most distressing and
disgusting character, {208} filling the bones with rottenness, and eating
away the flesh by gangrenous ulcers, until the patient dies, a horrible
mass of putridity and corruption.
11. SENSUALITY.--Sensuality is not love, but an unbridled desire which
kills the soul. Sensuality will drive away the roses in the cheeks of
womanhood, undermine health and produce a brazen countenance that can be
read by all men. The harlot may commit her sins in the dark, but her
countenance reveals her character and her immorality is an open secret.
12. SEXUAL TEMPERANCE.--All excesses and absurdities of every kind should
be carefully avoided. Many of the female disorders which often revenge
themselves in the cessation of all sexual pleasure are largely due to the
excessive practice of sexual indulgence.
13. FREQUENCY.--Some writers claim that intercourse should never occur
except for the purpose of childbearing; but such restraint is not natural
and consequently not conducive to health. There are many conditions in
which the health of the mother and offspring must be respected. It is now
held that it is nearer a crime than a virtue to prostitute woman to the
degradation of breeding animals by compelling her to bring into life more
offspring than can be born healthy, or be properly cared for and educated.
14. In this work we shall attempt to specify no rule, but simply give
advice as to the health and happiness of both man and wife. A man should
not gratify his own desires at the expense of his wife's health, comfort or
inclination. Many men no doubt harass their wives and force many burdens
upon their slender constitutions. But it is a great sin and no true husband
will demand unreasonable recognition. The wife when physically able,
however, should bear with her husband. Man is naturally sensitive on this
subject, and it takes but little to alienate his affections and bring
discord into the family.
15. The best writers lay down the rule for the government of the
marriage-bed, that sexual indulgence should only occur about once in a week
or ten days, and this of course applies only to those who enjoy a fair
degree of health. But it is a hygienic and physiological fact that those
who indulge only once a month receive a far greater degree of the intensity
of enjoyment than those who indulge their passions more frequently. Much
pleasure is lost by excesses where much might be gained by temperance,
giving rest to the organs for the accumulation of nervous force. {209}
[Illustration]
How to Perpetuate the Honey-Moon.