The reason why so few marriages are happy is, because young ladies
spend their time in making nets, not in making cages.--_Swift, Thoughts
on Various Subjects._
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Sensible Hints in Choosing a Partner.
1. There are many fatal errors and many love-making failures in courtship.
Natural laws govern all nature and reduce all they govern to eternal right;
therefore love naturally, not artificially. Don't love a somebody or a
nobody simply because they have money.
2. COURT SCIENTIFICALLY.--If you court at all, court scientifically. Bungle
whatever else you will, but do not bungle courtship. A failure in this may
mean more than a loss of wealth or public honors; it may mean ruin, or a
life often worse than death. The world is full of wretched and mismated
people.
BEGIN RIGHT and all will be right; begin wrong and all will end wrong. When
you court, make a business of it and study your interest the same as you
would study any other business proposition.
3. DIVORCES.--There is not a divorce on our court records that is not the
result of some fundamental error in courtship. The purity or the power of
love may be corrupted the same as any other faculty, and when a man makes
up his mind to marry and shuts his eyes and grabs in the dark for a
companion, he dishonors the woman he captures and commits a crime against
God and society. In this enlightened age there should be comparatively few
mistakes made in the selection of a suitable partner. Sufficient time
should be taken to study each other's character and disposition.
Association will soon reveal adaptability.
4. FALSE LOVE.--Many a poor, blind and infatuated novice thinks he is
desperately in love, when there is not the least genuine affection in his
nature. It is all a momentary {166} passion, a sort of puppy love; his vows
and pledges are soon violated, and in wedlock he will become indifferent
and cold to his wife and children, and he will go through life without
ambition, encouragement or success. He will be a failure. True love speaks
for itself, and the casual observer can read its proclamations. True love
does not speak in a whisper. It always makes itself heard. The follies of
flirting develop into many unhappy marriages, and blight many a life. A man
happily married has superior advantages both socially and financially.
5. FLIRTING JUST FOR FUN.--Who is the flirt, what is his reputation,
motive, or character? Every young man and woman must have a reputation; if
it is not good it is bad, there is no middle ground. Young people who are
running in the streets after dark, boisterous and noisy in their
conversation, gossiping and giggling, flirting with first one and then
another, will soon settle their matrimonial prospects among good society.
Modesty is a priceless jewel. No sensible young man with a future will
marry a flirt.
6. THE ARCH-DECEIVER.--They who win the affection simply for their own
amusement are committing a great sin for which there is no adequate
punishment. How can you shipwreck the innocent life of that confiding
maiden, how can you forget her happy looks as she drank in your expressions
of love, how can you forget her melting eyes and glowing cheeks, her tender
tone reciprocating your pretended love? Remember that God is infinitely
just, and "the soul that sinneth shall surely die." You may dash into
business, seek pleasure in the club room, and visit gambling hells, but
"Thou art the man" will ever stare you in the face. Her pale, sad cheeks,
her hollow eyes will never cease to haunt you. Men should promote
happiness, and not cause misery. Let the savage Indians torture captives to
death by the slow flaming fagot, but let civilized man respect the
tenderness and love of confiding women. Torturing the opposite sex is
double-distilled barbarity. Young men agonizing young ladies, is the
cold-blooded cruelty of devils, not men.
7. THE RULE TO FOLLOW.--Do not continually pay your attentions to the same
lady if you have no desire to win her affections. Occasionally escorting
her to church, concert, picnic, party, etc., is perfectly proper; but to
give her your special attention, and extend invitations to her for all
places of amusements where you care to attend, is an implied promise that
you prefer her company above all others, and she has a right to believe
that your attentions are serious. {167}
[Illustration: THE WEDDING RING.]
8. EVERY GIRL SHOULD SEAL HER HEART against all manifested affections,
unless they are accompanied by a proposal. Woman's love is her all, and her
heart should be as flint until she finds one who is worthy of her
confidence. Young woman, never bestow your affections until by some word or
deed at least you are fully justified in recognizing sincerity and faith in
him who is paying you special attention. Better not be engaged until
twenty-two. You are {168} then more competent to judge the honesty and
falsity of man. Nature has thrown a wall of maidenly modesty around you.
Preserve that and not let your affections be trifled with while too young
by any youthful flirt who is in search of hearts to conquer.
9. FEMALE FLIRTATION.--The young man who loves a young woman has paid her
the highest compliment in the possession of man. Perpetrate almost any sin,
inflict any other torture, but spare him the agony of disappointment. It is
a crime that can never be forgiven, and a debt that never can be paid.
10. LOYALTY.--Young persons with serious intentions, or those who are
engaged should be thoroughly loyal to each other. If they seek freedom with
others the flame of jealousy is likely to be kindled and love is often
turned to hatred, and the severest anger of the soul is aroused. Loyalty,
faithfulness, confidence, are the three jewels to be cherished in
courtship. Don't be a flirt.
11. KISSING, FONDLING, AND CARESSING BETWEEN LOVERS.--This should never be
tolerated under any circumstances, unless there is an engagement to justify
it, and then only in a sensible and limited way. The girl who allows a
young man the privilege of kissing her or putting his arms around her waist
before engagement will at once fall in the estimation of the man she has
thus gratified and desired to please. Privileges always injure, but never
benefit.
[Illustration: SAYING "NO" WHEN MEANING "YES."]
12. IMPROPER LIBERTIES DURING COURTSHIP KILL LOVE.--Any improper liberties
which are permitted by young ladies, whether engaged or not, will change
love into sensuality, and her affections will become obnoxious, if not
repellent. Men by nature love virtue, and for a life companion naturally
shun an amorous woman. Young folks, as you love moral purity and virtue,
never reciprocate love until you have required the right of betrothal.
Remember that those who are thoroughly in love will respect the honor and
virtue of each other. The purity of woman is doubly attractive, and
sensuality in her becomes doubly offensive and repellent. It is contrary to
the laws of nature for a man to love a harlot.
13. A SEDUCER.--The punishment of the seducer is best given by O. S.
Fowler, in his "Creative Science." The sin and punishment rest on all you
who call out only to blight a trusting, innocent, loving virgin's
affections, and then discard her. You deserve to be horsewhipped by her
father, cowhided by her brothers, branded villain by her mother, cursed by
herself, and sent to the whipping-post and dungeon. {169}
14. CAUTION.--A young lady should never encourage the attentions of a young
man, who shows no interest in his sisters. If a young man is indifferent to
his sisters he will become indifferent to his wife as soon as the honey
moon is over. There are few if any exceptions to this rule. The brother who
will not be kind and loving in his mother's home will make a very poor
husband.
15. THE OLD RULE: "Never marry a man that does not make his mother a
Christmas present every Christmas," is a good one. The young lady makes no
mistake in uniting her destinies with the man that loves his mother and
respects his sisters and brothers.
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