Never mention your own peculiarities; for culture destroys vanity.
Avoid exaggeration.
Do not be too positive.
Do not talk of display oratory.
Do not try to lead in conversation, looking around to enforce silence.
Lay aside affected silly etiquette for the natural dictates of the heart.
Direct the conversation where others can join with you and impart to you
useful information.
Avoid oddity. Eccentricity is shallow vanity.
Be modest.
Be what you wish to seem.
Avoid repeating a brilliant or clever saying.
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[Illustration: THINKING ONLY OF DRESS.]
If you find bashfulness or embarrassment coming upon you, do or say
something at once. The commonest matter gently stated is better than an
embarrassing silence. Sometimes changing your position, or looking into a
book for a moment may relieve your embarrassment, and dispel any settling
stiffness.
Avoid telling many stories, or repeating a story more than once in the same
company.
Never treat any one as if you simply wanted him to tell stories. People
laugh and despise such a one.
Never tell a coarse story. No wit or preface can make it excusable.
Tell a story, if at all, only as an illustration, and not for itself. Tell
it accurately.
Be careful in asking questions for the purpose of starting conversation or
drawing out a person, not to be rude or intrusive.
Never take liberties by staring, or by any rudeness.
Never infringe upon any established regulations among strangers.
Do not always prove yourself to be the one in the right. The right will
appear. You need only give it a chance.
Avoid argument in conversation. It is discourteous to your host.
Cultivate paradoxes in conversation with your peers. They add interest to
common-place matters. To strike the harmless faith of ordinary people in
any public idol is waste, but such a movement with those able to reply is
better.
Never discourse upon your ailments.
Never use words of the meaning or pronunciation of which you are uncertain.
Avoid discussing your own or other people's domestic concerns.
Never prompt a slow speaker, as if you had all the ability. In conversing
with a foreigner who may be learning our language, it is excusable to help
him in some delicate way.
Never give advice unasked.
Do not manifest impatience.
Do not interrupt another when speaking.
Do not find fault, though you may gently criticise.
Do not appear to notice inaccuracies of speech in others.
Do not always commence a conversation by allusion to the weather.
Do not, when narrating an incident, continually say, "you see," "you know."
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Do not allow yourself to lose temper or speak excitedly.
Do not introduce professional or other topics that the company generally
cannot take an interest in.
Do not talk very loud. A firm, clear, distinct, yet mild, gentle, and
musical voice has great power.
Do not be absent-minded, requiring the speaker to repeat what has been said
that you may understand.
Do not try to force yourself into the confidence of others.
Do not use profanity, vulgar terms, words of double meaning, or language
that will bring the blush to anyone.
Do not allow yourself to speak ill of the absent one if it can be avoided.
The day may come when some friend will be needed to defend you in your
absence.
Do not speak with contempt and ridicule of a locality which you may be
visiting. Find something to truthfully praise and commend; thus make
yourself agreeable.
Do not make a pretense of gentility, nor parade the fact that you are a
descendant of any notable family. You must pass for just what you are, and
must stand on your own merit.
Do not contradict. In making a correction say, "I beg your pardon, but I
had the impression that it was so and so." Be careful in contradicting, as
you may be wrong yourself.
Do not be unduly familiar; you will merit contempt if you are. Neither
should you be dogmatic in your assertions, arrogating to yourself such
consequences in your opinions.
Do not be too lavish in your praise of various members of your own family
when speaking to strangers; the person to whom you are speaking may know
some faults that you do not.
Do not feel it incumbent upon yourself to carry your point in conversation.
Should the person with whom you are conversing feel the same, your talk may
lead into violent argument.
Do not try to pry into the private affairs of others by asking what their
profits are, what things cost, whether Melissa ever had a beau, and why
Amarette never got married? All such questions are extremely impertinent
and are likely to meet with rebuke.
Do not whisper in company; do not engage in private conversation; do not
speak a foreign language which the general company present may not
understand, unless it is understood that the foreigner is unable to speak
your own language.
* * * * *
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