* * * * *
{3}
He stumbleth not, because he seeth the Light.
[Illustration: "Search Me, Oh Thou Great Creator."]
* * * * *
Knowledge is Safety.
1. The old maxim, that "Knowledge is power," is a true one, but there is
still a greater truth: "KNOWLEDGE IS SAFETY." Safety amid physical ills
that beset mankind, and safety amid the moral pitfalls that surround so
many young people, is the great crying demand of the age. {4}
2. CRITICISM.--While the aim of this work, though novel and to some extent
is daring, it is chaste, practical and to the point, and will be a boon and
a blessing to thousands who consult its pages. The world is full of
ignorance, and the ignorant will always criticise, because they live to
suffer ills, for they know no better. New light is fast falling upon the
dark corners, and the eyes of many are being opened.
3. RESEARCHES OF SCIENCE.--The researches of science in the past few years
have thrown light on many facts relating to the physiology of man and
woman, and the diseases to which they are subject, and consequently many
reformations have taken place in the treatment and prevention of diseases
peculiar to the sexes.
4. LOCK AND KEY.--Any information bearing upon the diseases of mankind
should not be kept under lock and key. The physician is frequently called
upon to speak in plain language to his patients upon some private and
startling disease contracted on account of ignorance. The better plan,
however, is to so educate and enlighten old and young upon the important
subjects of health, so that the necessity to call a physician may occur
less frequently.
5. PROGRESSION.--A large, respectable, though diminishing class in every
community, maintain that nothing that relates exclusively to either sex
should become the subject of popular medical instruction. But such an
opinion is radically wrong; ignorance is no more the mother of purity than
it is of religion. Enlightenment can never work injustice to him who
investigates.
6. AN EXAMPLE.--The men and women who study and practice medicine are not
the worse, but the better for such knowledge; so it would be to the
community in general if all would be properly instructed on the laws of
health which relate to the sexes.
7. CRIME AND DEGRADATION.--Had every person a sound understanding on the
relation of the sexes, one of the most fertile sources of crime and
degradation would be removed. Physicians know too well what sad
consequences are constantly occurring from a lack of proper knowledge on
these important subjects.
8. A CONSISTENT CONSIDERATION.--Let the reader of this work study its pages
carefully and be able to give safe counsel and advice to others, and
remember that purity of purpose and purity of character are the brightest
jewels in the crown of immortality.
* * * * *
{5}
The Beginning of Life.
[Illustration: Beginning Right.]
1. THE BEGINNING.--There is a charm in opening manhood which has commended
itself to the imagination in every age. The undefined hopes and promises of
the future--the dawning strength of intellect--the vigorous flow of
passion--the very exchange of home ties and protected joys for free and
manly pleasures, give to this period an interest and excitement unfelt,
perhaps, at any other.
{6}
2. THE GROWTH OF INDEPENDENCE.--Hitherto life has been to boys, as to
girls, a dependent existence--a sucker from the parent growth--a home
discipline of authority and guidance and communicated impulse. But
henceforth it is a transplanted growth of its own--a new and free power of
activity in which the mainspring is no longer authority or law from
without, but principle or opinion within. The shoot which has been
nourished under the shelter of the parent stem, and bent according to its
inclination, is transferred to the open world, where of its own impulse and
character it must take root, and grow into strength, or sink into weakness
and vice.
3. HOME TIES.--The thought of home must excite a pang even in the first
moments of freedom. Its glad shelter--its kindly guidance--its very
restraints, how dear and tender must they seem in parting! How brightly
must they shine in the retrospect as the youth turns from them to the
hardened and unfamiliar face of the world! With what a sweet,
sadly-cheering pathos they must linger in the memory! And then what chance
and hazard is there in his newly-gotten freedom! What instincts of warning
in its very novelty and dim inexperience! What possibilities of failure as
well as of success in the unknown future as it stretches before him!
4. VICE OR VIRTUE.--Certainly there is a grave importance as well as a
pleasant charm in the beginning of life. There is awe as well as excitement
in it when rightly viewed. The possibilities that lie in it of noble or
ignoble work--of happy self-sacrifice or ruinous self-indulgence--the
capacities in the right use of which it may rise to heights of beautiful
virtue, in the abuse of which it may sink to the depths of debasing
vice--make the crisis one of fear as well as of hope, of sadness as well as
of joy.
5. SUCCESS OR FAILURE.--It is wistful as well as pleasing to think of the
young passing year by year into the world, and engaging with its duties,
its interests, and temptations. Of the throng that struggle at the gates of
entrance, how many may reach their anticipated goal? Carry the mind forward
a few years, and some have climbed the hills of difficulty and gained the
eminence on which they wished to stand--some, although they may not have
done this, have kept their truth unhurt, their integrity unspoiled; but
others have turned back, or have perished by the way, or fallen in weakness
of will, no more to rise again; victims of their own sin.
6. WARNING.--As we place ourselves with the young at the opening gates of
life, and think of the end from the {7} beginning, it is a deep concern
more than anything else that fills us. Words of earnest argument and
warning counsel rather than of congratulation rise to our lips.
7. MISTAKES ARE OFTEN FATAL.--Begin well, and the habit of doing well will
become quite as easy as the habit of doing badly. "Well begun is half
ended," says the proverb; "and a good beginning is half the battle." Many
promising young men have irretrievably injured themselves by a first false
step at the commencement of life; while others, of much less promising
talents, have succeeded simply by beginning well, and going onward. The
good, practical beginning is, to a certain extent, a pledge, a promise, and
an assurance of the ultimate prosperous issue. There is many a poor
creature, now crawling through life, miserable himself and the cause of
sorrow to others, who might have lifted up his head and prospered, if,
instead of merely satisfying himself with resolutions of well-doing, he had
actually gone to work and made a good, practical beginning.
8. BEGIN AT THE RIGHT PLACE.--Too many are, however, impatient of results.
They are not satisfied to begin where their fathers did, but where they
left off. They think to enjoy the fruits of industry without working for
them. They cannot wait for the results of labor and application, but
forestall them by too early indulgence.
* * * * *
[Illustration: SOLID COMFORT AND GOOD HEALTH.]
Health a Duty.
Perhaps nothing will so much hasten the time when body and mind will both
be adequately cared for, as a diffusion of the belief that the preservation
of health is a duty. Few seem conscious that there is such a thing as
physical morality.
Men's habitual words and acts imply that they are at liberty to treat their
bodies as they please. Disorder entailed by disobedience to nature's
dictates they regard as grievances, not as the effects of a conduct more or
less flagitious. Though the evil consequences inflicted on their
descendents and on future generations are often as great as those caused by
crime, they do not think themselves in any degree criminal.
It is true that in the case of drunkenness the viciousness of a bodily
transgression is recognized; but none appear to infer that if this bodily
transgression is vicious, so, too, is {8} every bodily transgression. The
fact is, all breaches of the law of health are physical sins.
When this is generally seen, then, and perhaps not till then, will the
physical training of the young receive all the attention it deserves.
Purity of life and thought should be taught in the home. It is the only
safeguard of the young. Let parents wake up on this important subject.
* * * * *
{9}
Value of Reputation.
1. WHO SHALL ESTIMATE THE COST.--Who shall estimate the cost of a priceless
reputation--that impress which gives this human dross its currency--without
which we stand despised, debased, depreciated? Who shall repair it injured?
Who can redeem it lost? Oh, well and truly does the great philosopher of
poetry esteem the world's wealth as "trash" in the comparison. Without it
gold has no value; birth, no distinction; station, no dignity; beauty, no
charm; age, no reverence; without it every treasure impoverishes, every
grace deforms, every dignity degrades, and all the arts, the decorations
and accomplishments of life stand, like the beacon-blaze upon a rock,
warning the world that its approach is dangerous; that its contact is
death.
2. THE WRETCH WITHOUT IT.--The wretch without it is under eternal
quarantine; no friend to greet; no home to harbor him, the voyage of his
life becomes a joyless peril; and in the midst of all ambition can achieve,
or avarice amass, or rapacity plunder, he tosses on the surge, a buoyant
pestilence. But let me not degrade into selfishness of individual safety or
individual exposure this individual principle; it testifies a higher, a
more ennobling origin.
3. ITS DIVINITY.--Oh, Divine, oh, delightful legacy of a spotless
reputation: Rich is the inheritance it leaves; pious the example it
testifies; pure, precious and imperishable, the hope which it inspires; can
there be conceived a more atrocious injury than to filch from its possessor
this inestimable benefit to rob society of its charm, and solitude of its
solace; not only to out-law life, but attain death, converting the very
grave, the refuge of the sufferer, into the gate of infamy and of shame.
4. LOST CHARACTER.--We can conceive few crimes beyond it. He who plunders
my property takes from me that which can be repaired by time; but what
period can repair a ruined reputation? He who maims my person effects that
which medicine may remedy; but what herb has sovereignty over the wounds of
slander? He who ridicules my poverty or reproaches my profession, upbraids
me with that which industry may retrieve, and integrity may purify; but
what riches shall redeem the bankrupt fame? What power shall blanch the
sullied show of character? There can be no injury more deadly. There can be
no crime more cruel. It is without remedy. It is without antidote. It is
without evasion.
* * * * *
{11}
Influence of Associates.
If you always live with those who are lame, you will yourself learn to
limp.--FROM THE LATIN.
If men wish to be held in esteem, they must associate with those who
are estimable.--LA BRUYERE.
[Illustration: GATHERING WILD FLOWERS.]
1. BY WHAT MEN ARE KNOWN.--An author is known by his writings, a mother by
her daughter, a fool by his words, and all men by their companions.
2. FORMATION OF A GOOD CHARACTER.--Intercourse with persons of decided
virtue and excellence is of great importance in the formation of a good
character. The force of example is powerful; we are creatures of imitation,
and, by a necessary influence, our tempers and habits are very much formed
on the model of those with whom we familiarly associate. Better be alone
than in bad company. Evil communications corrupt good manners. Ill
qualities are catching as well as diseases; and the mind is at least as
much, if not a great deal more, liable to infection, than the body. Go with
mean people, and you think life is mean.
3. GOOD EXAMPLE.--How natural is it for a child to look up to those around
him for an example of imitation, and how readily does he copy all that he
sees done, good or bad. The importance of a good example on which the young
may exercise this powerful and active element of their nature, is a matter
of the utmost moment.
4. A TRUE MAXIM.--It is a trite, but true maxim, that "a man is known by
the company he keeps." He naturally assimilates by the force of imitation,
to the habits and manners of those by whom he is surrounded. We know
persons who walk much with the lame, who have learned to walk with a hitch
or limp like their lame friends. Vice stalks in the streets unabashed, and
children copy it.
5. LIVE WITH THE CULPABLE.--Live with the culpable, and you will be very
likely to die with the criminal. Bad company is like a nail driven into a
post, which after the first or second blow, may be drawn out with little
difficulty; but being once driven in up to the head, the pinchers cannot
take hold to draw it out, which can only be done by the destruction of the
wood. You may be ever so pure, you cannot associate with bad companions
without falling into bad odor.
6. SOCIETY OF THE VULGAR.--Do you love the society of the vulgar? Then you
are already debased in your sentiments. Do you seek to be with the profane?
In your heart you are like them. Are jesters and buffoons your choice
friends? {12} He who loves to laugh at folly, is himself a fool. Do you
love and seek the society of the wise and good? Is this your habit? Had you
rather take the lowest seat among these than the highest seat among others?
Then you have already learned to be good. You may not make very much
progress, but even a good beginning is not to be despised.
7. SINKS OF POLLUTION.--Strive for mental excellence, and strict integrity,
and you never will be found in the sinks of pollution, and on the benches
of retailers and gamblers. Once habituate yourself to a virtuous course,
once secure a love of good society, and no punishment would be greater than
by accident to be obliged for half a day to associate with the low and
vulgar. Try to frequent the company of your betters.
8. PROCURE NO FRIEND IN HASTE.--Nor, if once secured, in haste abandon
them. Be slow in choosing an associate, and slower to change him; slight no
man for poverty, nor esteem any one for his wealth. Good friends should not
be easily forgotten, nor used as suits of apparel, which, when we have worn
them threadbare, we cast them off, and call for new. When once you profess
yourself a friend, endeavor to be always such. He can never have any true
friends that will be often changing them.
9. HAVE THE COURAGE TO CUT THE MOST AGREEABLE ACQUAINTANCE.--Do this when
you are convinced that he lacks principle; a friend should bear with a
friend's infirmities, but not with his vices. He that does a base thing in
zeal for his friend, burns the golden thread that ties their hearts
together.
* * * * *
Self-Control.
"Honor and profit do not always lie in the same sack."--GEORGE HERBERT.
"The government of one's self is the only true freedom for the
individual."--FREDERICK PERTHES.
"It is length of patience, and endurance, and forebearance, that so
much of what is called good in mankind and womankind is shown."--ARTHUR
HELPS.
* * * * *
1. ESSENCE OF CHARACTER.--Self-control is only courage under another form.
It may also be regarded as the primary essence of character. It is in
virtue of this quality that Shakespeare defines man as a being "looking
before and after." It forms the chief distinction between man and the mere
animal; and, indeed, there can be no true manhood without it.
[Illustration: THE RESULT OF BAD COMPANY.]
2. ROOT OF ALL THE VIRTUES.--Self-control is at the root {14} of all the
virtues. Let a man give the reins to his impulses and passions, and from
that moment he yields up his moral freedom. He is carried along the current
of life, and becomes the slave of his strongest desire for the time being.
3. RESIST INSTINCTIVE IMPULSE.--To be morally free--to be more than an
animal--man must be able to resist instinctive impulse, and this can only
be done by exercise of self-control. Thus it is this power which
constitutes the real distinction between a physical and a moral life, and
that forms the primary basis of individual character.
4. A STRONG MAN RULETH HIS OWN SPIRIT.--In the Bible praise is given, not
to a strong man who "taketh a city," but to the stronger man who "ruleth
his own spirit." This stronger man is he who, by discipline, exercises a
constant control over his thoughts, his speech, and his acts. Nine-tenths
of the vicious desires that degrade society, and which, when indulged,
swell into the crimes that disgrace it, would shrink into insignificance
before the advance of valiant self-discipline, self-respect, and
self-control. By the watchful exercise of these virtues, purity of heart
and mind become habitual, and the character is built up in chastity,
virtue, and temperance.
5. THE BEST SUPPORT.--The best support of character will always be found in
habit, which, according as the will is directed rightly or wrongly, as the
case may be, will prove either a benignant ruler, or a cruel despot. We may
be its willing subject on the one hand, or its servile slave on the other.
It may help us on the road to good, or it may hurry us on the road to ruin.
6. THE IDEAL MAN.--"In the supremacy of self-control," says Herbert
Spencer, "consists one of the perfections of the ideal man. Not to be
impulsive, not to be spurred hither and thither by each desire that in turn
comes uppermost, but to be self-restrained, self-balanced, governed by the
joint decision of the feelings in council assembled, before whom every
action shall have been fully debated, and calmly determined--that it is
which education, moral education at least, strives to produce."
7. THE BEST REGULATED HOME.--The best regulated home is always that in
which the discipline is the most perfect, and yet where it is the least
felt. Moral discipline acts with the force of a law of nature. Those
subject to it yield themselves to it unconsciously; and though it shapes
and forms the whole character, until the life becomes crystallized in
habit, the influence thus exercised is for the most part unseen, and almost
unfelt. {15}
8. PRACTICE SELF-DENIAL.--If a man would get through life honorably and
peaceably, he must necessarily learn to practice self-denial in small
things as well as in great. Men have to bear as well as to forbear. The
temper has to be held in subjection to the judgment; and the little demons
of ill-humor, petulance, and sarcasm, kept resolutely at a distance. If
once they find an entrance to the mind, they are apt to return, and to
establish for themselves a permanent occupation there.
9. POWER OF WORDS.--It is necessary to one's personal happiness, to
exercise control over one's words as well as acts: for there are words that
strike even harder than blows; and men may "speak daggers," though they use
none. The stinging repartee that rises to the lips, and which, if uttered,
might cover an adversary with confusion, how difficult it is to resist
saying it! "Heaven, keep us," says Miss Bremer, in her 'Home', "from the
destroying power of words! There are words that sever hearts more than
sharp swords do; there are words the point of which sting the heart through
the course of a whole life."
10. CHARACTER EXHIBITS ITSELF.--Character exhibits itself in self-control
of speech as much as in anything else. The wise and forbearant man will
restrain his desire to say a smart or severe thing at the expense of
another's feeling; while the fool blurts out what he thinks, and will
sacrifice his friend rather than his joke. "The mouth of a wise man," said
Solomon, "is in his heart: the heart of a fool is in his mouth."
11. BURNS.--No one knew the value of self-control better than the poet
Burns, and no one could teach it more eloquently to others, but when it
came to practice, Burns was as weak as the weakest. He could not deny
himself the pleasure of uttering a harsh and clever sarcasm at another's
expense. One of his biographers observed of him, that it was no extravagant
arithmetic to say that for every ten jokes he made himself a hundred
enemies. But this was not all. Poor Burns exercised no control over his
appetites, but freely gave them the rein:
"Thus thoughtless follies laid him low,
And stained his name."
[Illustration: LOST SELF-CONTROL.]
12. SOW POLLUTION.--Nor had he the self-denial to resist giving publicity
to compositions originally intended for the delight of the tap-room, but
which continued secretly to sow pollution broadcast in the minds of youth.
Indeed, notwithstanding the many exquisite poems of this writer, it is not
saying too much that his immoral writings have done far more harm than his
purer writings have done good; and {16} it would be better that all his
writings should be destroyed and forgotten, provided his indecent songs
could be destroyed with them.
13. MORAL PRINCIPLE.--Many of our young men lack moral principle. They
cannot look upon a beautiful girl with a pure heart and pure thoughts. They
have not manifested or practiced that self-control which develops true
manhood, and brings into subordination evil thoughts, evil passions, and
evil practices. Men who have no self-control will find life a failure, both
in a social and in a business sense. The world despises an insignificant
person who lacks backbone and character. Stand upon your manhood and
womanhood; honor your convictions, and dare to do right.
14. STRONG DRINK.--There is the habit of strong drink. It is only the lack
of self-control that brings men into the depths of degradation; on account
of the cup, the habit of taking drink occasionally in its milder forms--of
playing with a small appetite that only needs sufficient playing with to
make you a demon or a dolt. You think you are safe; I know you are not
safe, if you drink at all; and when you get offended with the good friends
that warn you of your danger, you are a fool. I know that the grave
swallows daily, by scores, drunkards, every one of whom thought he was safe
while he was forming his appetite. But this is old talk. A young man in
this age who forms the habit of drinking, or puts himself in danger of
forming the habit, is usually so weak that it doesn't pay to save him.
* * * * *
{17}
Habit.
It is almost as difficult to make a man unlearn his Errors as his
Knowledge.--COLTON.
There are habits contracted by bad example, or bad management, before
we have judgment to discern their approaches, or because the eye of
Reason is laid asleep, or has not compass of view sufficient to look
around on every quarter.--TUCKER.
* * * * *
1. HABIT.--Our real strength in life depends upon habits formed in early
life. The young man who sows his wild oats and indulges in the social cup,
is fastening chains upon himself that never can be broken. The innocent
youth by solitary practice of self-abuse will fasten upon himself a habit
which will wreck his physical constitution and bring suffering and misery
and ruin. Young man and young woman, beware of bad habits formed in early
life.
2. A BUNDLE OF HABITS.--Man, it has been said, is a bundle of habits; and
habit is second nature. Metastasio entertained so strong an opinion as to
the power of repetition in act and thought, that he said, "All is habit in
mankind, even virtue itself." Evil habits must be conquered, or they will
conquer us and destroy our peace and happiness.
3. VICIOUS HABITS.--Vicious habits, when opposed, offer the most vigorous
resistence on the first attack. At each successive encounter this
resistence grows fainter and fainter, until finally it ceases altogether
and the victory is achieved. Habit is man's best friend and worst enemy; it
can exalt him to the highest pinnacle of virtue, honor and happiness, or
sink him to the lowest depths of vice, shame and misery.
4. HONESTY, OR KNAVERY.--We may form habits of honesty, or knavery; truth,
or falsehood; of industry, or idleness; frugality, or extravagance; of
patience, or impatience; self-denial, or self-indulgence; of kindness,
cruelty, politeness, rudeness, prudence, perseverance, circumspection. In
short, there is not a virtue, nor a vice; not an act of body, nor of mind,
to which we may not be chained down by this despotic power.
5. BEGIN WELL.--It is a great point for young men to begin well; for it is
the beginning of life that that system of conduct is adopted which soon
assumes the force of habit. Begin well, and the habit of doing well will
become quite easy, as easy as the habit of doing badly. Pitch upon that
course of life which is the most excellent, and habit will render it the
most delightful.
* * * * *
{18}
A Good Name.
1. THE LONGING FOR A GOOD NAME.--The longing for a good name is one of
those laws of nature that were passed for the soul and written down within
to urge toward a life of action, and away from small or wicked action. So
large is this passion that it is set forth in poetic thought, as having a
temple grand as that of Jupiter or Minerva, and up whose marble steps all
noble minds struggle--the temple of Fame.
2. CIVILIZATION.--Civilization is the ocean of which the millions of
individuals are the rivers and torrents. These rivers and torrents swell
with those rains of money and home and fame and happiness, and then fall
and run almost dry, but the ocean of civilization has gathered up all these
waters, and holds them in sparkling beauty for all subsequent use.
Civilization is a fertile delta made by the drifting souls of men.
3. FAME.--The word "fame" never signifies simply notoriety. The meaning of
the direct term may be seen from its negation or opposite, for only the
meanest of men are called infamous. They are utterly without fame, utterly
nameless; but if fame implied only notoriety then infamous would possess no
marked significance. Fame is an undertaker that pays but little attention
to the living, but who bedizens the dead, furnishes out their funerals and
follows them to the grave.
4. LIFE-MOTIVE.--So in studying that life-motive which is called a "good
name," we must ask the large human race to tell us the high merit of this
spiritual longing. We must read the words of the sage, who said long
centuries ago that "a good name was rather chosen than great riches." Other
sages have said as much. Solon said that "He that will sell his good name
will sell the State." Socrates said, "Fame is the perfume of heroic deeds."
Our Shakspeare said, "He lives in fame who died in virtue's cause."
5. INFLUENCES OF OUR AGE.--Our age is deeply influenced by the motives
called property and home and pleasure, but it is a question whether the
generation in action to-day and the generation on the threshold of this
intense life are conscious fully of the worth of an honorable name.
6. BEAUTY OF CHARACTER.--We do not know whether with us all a good name is
less sweet than it was with our fathers, but this is painfully evident,
that our times do not sufficiently behold the beauty of character--their
sense does not {19} detect quickly enough or love deeply enough this aroma
of heroic deeds.
7. SELLING OUT THEIR REPUTATION.--It is amazing what multitudes there are
who are willing to sell out their reputation, and amazing at what a low
price they will make the painful exchange. Some king remarked that he would
not tell a lie for any reward less than an empire. It is not uncommon in
our world for a man to sell out all his honor and hopes for a score or a
half score of dollars.
8. PRISONS OVERFLOWING.--Our prisons are all full to overflowing of those
who took no thought of honor. They have not waited for an empire to be
offered them before they would violate the sacred rights of man, but many
of them have even murdered for a cause that would not have justified even
an exchange of words.
9. INTEGRITY THE PRIDE OF THE GOVERNMENT.--If integrity were made the pride
of the government, the love of it would soon spring up among the people. If
all fraudulent men should go straight to jail, pitilessly, and if all the
most rigid characters were sought out for all political and commercial
offices, there would soon come a popular honesty just as there has come a
love of reading or of art. It is with character as with any new
article--the difficulty lies in its first introduction.
10. A NEW VIRTUE.--May a new virtue come into favor, all our high rewards,
those from the ballot-box, those from employers, the rewards of society,
the rewards of the press, should be offered only to the worthy. A few years
of rewarding the worthy would result in a wonderful zeal in the young to
build up, not physical property, but mental and spiritual worth.
[Illustration: AN ARAB PRINCESS.]
11. BLESSING THE FAMILY GROUP.--No young man or young woman can by industry
and care reach an eminence in study or art or character, without blessing
the entire family group. We have all seen that the father and mother feel
that all life's care and labor were at last perfectly rewarded in the
success of their child. But had the child been reckless or indolent, all
this domestic joy--the joy of a large group--would have been blighted
forever.
12. AN HONORED CHILD.--There have been triumphs at old Rome, where victors
marched along with many a chariot, many an elephant, and many spoils of the
East; and in all times money has been lavished in the efforts of States to
tell their pleasure in the name of some general; but more numerous and
wide-spread and beyond expression, by chariot or cannon or drum, have been
those triumphal {20} hours, when some son or daughter has returned to the
parental hearth beautiful in the wreaths of some confessed excellence,
bearing a good name.
13. RICH CRIMINALS.--We looked at the utter wretchedness of the men who
threw away reputation, and would rather be rich criminals in exile than be
loved friends and persons at home.
14. AN EMPTY, OR AN EVIL NAME.--Young and old cannot afford to bear the
burden of an empty or an evil name. A good name is a motive of life. It is
a reason for that great encampment we call an existence. While you are
building the home of to-morrow, build up also that kind of soul that can
sleep sweetly on home's pillow, and can feel that God is not near as an
avenger of wrong, but as the Father not only of the verdure and the
seasons, but of you. Live a pure life and bear a good name, and your reward
will be sure and great.
* * * * *
{21}
The Mother's Influence.
Mother, O mother, my heart calls for you,
Many a Summer the grass has grown green,
Blossomed and faded, our faces between;
Yet with strong yearning and passionate pain,
Long I to-night for your presence again.--_Elizabeth Akers Allen._
A mother is a mother still,
The holiest thing alive.--_Coleridge._
There is none,
In all this cold and hollow world, no fount
Of deep, strong, deathless love, save that within
A mother's heart.--_Mrs. Hemans._
And all my mother came into mine eyes,
And gave me up to tears.--_Shakespeare._
* * * * *
[Illustration: A PRAYERFUL AND DEVOTED MOTHER.]
1. HER INFLUENCE.--It is true to nature, although it be expressed in a
figurative form, that a mother is both the morning and the evening star of
life. The light of her eye is always the first to rise, and often the last
to set upon man's day of trial. She wields a power more decisive far than
syllogisms in argument or courts of last appeal in authority.
2. HER LOVE.--Mother! ecstatic sound so twined round our hearts that they
must cease to throb ere we forget it; 'tis our first love; 'tis part of
religion. Nature has set the mother upon such a pinnacle that our infant
eyes and arms are first uplifted to it; we cling to it in manhood; we
almost worship it in old age.
3. HER TENDERNESS.--Alas! how little do we appreciate a mother's tenderness
while living. How heedless are we in youth of all her anxieties and
kindness! But when she is dead and gone, when the cares and coldness of the
world come withering to our hearts, when we experience for ourselves how
hard it is to find true sympathy, how few to love us, how few will befriend
us in misfortune, then it is that we think of the mother we have lost.
4. HER CONTROLLING POWER.--The mother can take man's whole nature under her
control. She becomes what she has been called, "The Divinity of Infancy."
Her smile is its sunshine, her word its mildest law, until sin and the
world have steeled the heart.
{22} 5. THE LAST TIE.--The young man who has forsaken the advice and
influence of his mother has broken the last cable and severed the last tie
that binds him to an honorable and upright life. He has forsaken his best
friend, and every hope for his future welfare may be abandoned, for he is
lost forever. If he is faithless to mother, he will have but little respect
for wife and children.
6. HOME TIES.--The young man or young woman who love their home and love
their mother can be safely trusted under almost any and all circumstances,
and their life will not be a blank, for they seek what is good. Their
hearts will be ennobled, and God will bless them.
* * * * *
{23}
Home Power.
"The mill-streams that turn the clappers of the world arise in solitary
places."--HELPS.
"Lord! with what care hast Thou begirt us round!
Parents first season us. Then schoolmasters
Deliver us to laws. They send us bound
To rules of reason."--GEORGE HERBERT.
* * * * *
[Illustration: HOME AMUSEMENT.]
1. SCHOOL OF CHARACTER.--Home is the first and most important school of
character. It is there that every human being receives his best moral
training, or his worst, for it is there that he imbibes those principles of
conduct which endure through manhood, and cease only with life.
2. HOME MAKES THE MAN.--It is a common saying, "Manners make the man;" and
there is a second, that "Mind makes the man;" but truer than either is a
third, that "Home makes the man." For the home-training includes not only
manners and mind, but character. It is mainly in the home that the heart is
opened, the habits are formed, the intellect is awakened, and character
moulded for good or for evil.
{24}
3. GOVERN SOCIETY.--From that source, be it pure or impure, issue the
principles and maxims that govern society. Law itself is but the reflex of
homes. The tiniest bits of opinion sown in the minds of children in private
life afterwards issue forth to the world, and become its public opinion;
for nations are gathered out of nurseries, and they who hold the
leading-strings of children may even exercise a greater power than those
who wield the reins of government.
4. THE CHILD IS FATHER OF THE MAN.--The child's character is the nucleus of
the man's; all after-education is but superposition; the form of the
crystal remains the same. Thus the saying of the poet holds true in a large
degree, "The child is father of the man;" or as Milton puts it, "The
childhood shows the man, as morning shows the day." Those impulses to
conduct which last the longest and are rooted the deepest, always have
their origin near our birth. It is then that the germs of virtues or vices,
of feelings or sentiments, are first implanted which determine the
character of life.
5. NURSERIES.--Thus homes, which are nurseries of children who grow up into
men and women, will be good or bad according to the power that governs
them. Where the spirit of love and duty pervades the home, where head and
heart bear rule wisely there, where the daily life is honest and virtuous,
where the government is sensible, kind, and loving, then may we expect from
such a home an issue of healthy, useful, and happy beings, capable as they
gain the requisite strength, of following the footsteps of their parents,
of walking uprightly, governing themselves wisely, and contributing to the
welfare of those about them.
6. IGNORANCE, COARSENESS, AND SELFISHNESS.--On the other hand, if
surrounded by ignorance, coarseness, and selfishness, they will
unconsciously assume the same character, and grow up to adult years rude,
uncultivated, and all the more dangerous to society if placed amidst the
manifold temptations of what is called civilized life. "Give your child to
be educated by a slave," said an ancient Greek, "and, instead of one slave,
you will then have two."
7. MATERNAL LOVE.--Maternal love is the visible providence of our race. Its
influence is constant and universal. It begins with the education of the
human being at the outstart of life, and is prolonged by virtue of the
powerful influence which every good mother exercises over her children
through life. When launched into the world, each to take part in its
labors, anxieties, and trials, they still turn {25} to their mother for
consolation, if not for counsel, in their time of trouble and difficulty.
The pure and good thoughts she has implanted in their minds when children
continue to grow up into good acts long after she is dead; and when there
is nothing but a memory of her left, her children rise up and call her
blessed.
8. WOMAN, ABOVE ALL OTHER EDUCATORS, educates humanly. Man is the brain,
but woman is the heart of humanity; he its judgment, she its feeling; he
its strength, she its grace, ornament, and solace. Even the understanding
of the best woman seems to work mainly through her affections. And thus,
though man may direct the intellect, woman cultivates the feelings, which
mainly determine the character. While he fills the memory, she occupies the
heart. She makes us love what he can make us only believe, and it is
chiefly through her that we are enabled to arrive at virtue.
9. THE POOREST DWELLING, presided over by a virtuous, thrifty, cheerful,
and cleanly woman, may thus be the abode of comfort, virtue, and happiness;
it may be the scene of every ennobling relation in family life; it may be
endeared to man by many delightful associations; furnishing a sanctuary for
the heart, a refuge from the storms of life, a sweet resting-place after
labor, a consolation in misfortune, a pride in prosperity, and a joy at all
times.
10. THE GOOD HOME IS THUS THE BEST OF SCHOOLS, not only in youth but in
age. There young and old best learn cheerfulness, patience, self-control,
and the spirit of service and of duty. The home is the true school of
courtesy, of which woman is always the best practical instructor. "Without
woman," says the Provencal proverb, "men were but ill-licked cubs."
Philanthropy radiates from the home as from a centre. "To love the little
platoon we belong to in society," said Burke, "is the germ of all public
affections." The wisest and best have not been ashamed to own it to be
their greatest joy and happiness to sit "behind the heads of children" in
the inviolable circle of home.
[Illustration]
{26}
To Young Women.
[Illustration: MEDITATION.]
1. TO BE A WOMAN, in the truest and highest sense of the word, is to be the
best thing beneath the skies. To be a woman is something more than to live
eighteen or twenty years; something more than to grow to the physical
stature of women; something more than to wear flounces, exhibit dry goods,
sport jewelry, catch the gaze of lewd-eyed men; {27} something more than to
be a belle, a wife, or a mother. Put all these qualifications together and
they do but little toward making a true woman.
2. BEAUTY AND STYLE are not the surest passports to womanhood--some of the
noblest specimens of womanhood that the world has ever seen have presented
the plainest and most unprepossessing appearance. A woman's worth is to be
estimated by the real goodness of her heart, the greatness of her soul, and
the purity and sweetness of her character; and a woman with a kindly
disposition and well-balanced temper is both lovely and attractive, be her
face ever so plain, and her figure ever so homely; she makes the best of
wives and the truest of mothers.
3. BEAUTY IS A DANGEROUS GIFT.--It is even so. Like wealth, it has ruined
its thousands. Thousands of the most beautiful women are destitute of
common sense and common humanity. No gift from heaven is so general and so
widely abused by woman as the gift of beauty. In about nine cases in ten it
makes her silly, senseless, thoughtless, giddy, vain, proud, frivolous,
selfish, low and mean. I think I have seen more girls spoiled by beauty
than by any other one thing. "She is beautiful, and she knows it," is as
much as to say that she is spoiled. A beautiful girl is very likely to
believe she was made to be looked at; and so she sets herself up for a show
at every window, in every door, on every corner of the street, in every
company at which opportunity offers for an exhibition of herself.
4. BEWARE OF BEAUTIFUL WOMEN.--These facts have long since taught sensible
men to beware of beautiful women--to sound them carefully before they give
them their confidence. Beauty is shallow--only skin deep; fleeting--only
for a few years' reign; dangerous--tempting to vanity and lightness of
mind; deceitful--dazzling often to bewilder; weak--reigning only to ruin;
gross--leading often to sensual pleasure. And yet we say it need not be so.
Beauty is lovely and ought to be innocently possessed. It has charms which
ought to be used for good purposes. It is a delightful gift, which ought to
be received with gratitude and worn with grace and meekness. It should
always minister to inward beauty. Every woman of beautiful form and
features should cultivate a beautiful mind and heart.
5. RIVAL THE BOYS.--We want the girls to rival the boys in all that is
good, and refined, and ennobling. We want them to rival the boys, as they
well can, in learning, in understanding, in virtues; in all noble qualities
of mind and heart, but not in any of those things that have caused them,
justly or unjustly, to be described as savages. We want {28} the girls to
be gentle--not weak, but gentle, and kind and affectionate. We want to be
sure, that wherever a girl is, there should be a sweet, subduing and
harmonizing influence of purity, and truth, and love, pervading and
hallowing, from center to circumference, the entire circle in which she
moves. If the boys are savages, we want her to be their civilizer. We want
her to tame them, to subdue their ferocity, to soften their manners, and to
teach them all needful lessons of order, sobriety, and meekness, and
patience, and goodness.
6. KINDNESS.--Kindness is the ornament of man--it is the chief glory of
woman--it is, indeed, woman's true prerogative--her sceptre and her crown.
It is the sword with which she conquers, and the charm with which she
captivates.
7. ADMIRED AND BELOVED.--Young lady, would you be admired and beloved?
Would you be an ornament to your sex, and a blessing to your race?
Cultivate this heavenly virtue. Wealth may surround you with its
blandishments, and beauty, and learning, or talents, may give you admirers,
but love and kindness alone can captivate the heart. Whether you live in a
cottage or a palace, these graces can surround you with perpetual sunshine,
making you, and all around you, happy.
8. INWARD GRACE.--Seek ye then, fair daughters, the possession of that
inward grace, whose essence shall permeate and vitalize the affections,
adorn the countenance, make mellifluous the voice, and impart a hallowed
beauty even to your motions. Not merely that you may be loved, would I urge
this, but that you may, in truth, be lovely--that loveliness which fades
not with time, nor is marred or alienated by disease, but which neither
chance nor change can in any way despoil.
9. SILKEN ENTICEMENTS OF THE STRANGER.--We urge you, gentle maiden, to
beware of the silken enticements of the stranger, until your love is
confirmed by protracted acquaintance. Shun the idler, though his coffers
overflow with pelf. Avoid the irreverent--the scoffer of hallowed things;
and him who "looks upon the wine while it is red;" him too, "who hath a
high look and a proud heart," and who "privily slandereth his neighbor." Do
not heed the specious prattle about "first love," and so place,
irrevocably, the seal upon your future destiny, before you have sounded, in
silence and secrecy, the deep fountains of your own heart. Wait, rather,
until your own character and that of him who would woo you, is more fully
developed. Surely, if this "first love" cannot endure a short probation,
fortified by "the {29} pleasures of hope," how can it be expected to
survive years of intimacy, scenes of trial, distracting cares, wasting
sickness, and all the homely routine of practical life? Yet it is these
that constitute life, and the love that cannot abide them is false and must
die.
* * * * *
{30}
Influence of Female Character.
[Illustration: ROMAN LADIES.]
1. MORAL EFFECT.--It is in its moral effect on the mind and the heart of
man, that the influence of woman is most powerful and important. In the
diversity of tastes, habits, inclinations, and pursuits of the two sexes,
is found a most beneficent provision for controlling the force and
extravagance of human passion. The objects which most strongly seize and
stimulate the mind of man, rarely act at the same time and with equal power
on the mind of woman. She is naturally better, purer, and more chaste in
thought and language.
2. FEMALE CHARACTER.--But the influence of female character on the virtue
of men, is not seen merely in restraining and softening the violence of
human passion. To her is mainly committed the task of pouring into the
opening mind of infancy its first impressions of duty, and of stamping on
its susceptible heart the first image of its God. Who will not confess the
influence of a mother in forming the heart of a child? What man is there
who can not trace the origin of many of the best maxims of his life to the
lips of her who gave him birth? How wide, how lasting, how sacred is that
part of a woman's influence.
3. VIRTUE OF A COMMUNITY.--There is yet another mode, by which woman may
exert a powerful influence on the virtue of a community. It rests with her
in a pre-eminent degree, to give tone and elevation to the moral character
of the age, by deciding the degree of virtue that shall be necessary to
afford a passport to her society. If all the favor of woman were given only
to the good, if it were known that the charms and attractions of beauty,
and wisdom, and wit, were reserved only for the pure; if, in one word,
something of a similar rigor were exerted to exclude the profligate and
abandoned of society, as is shown to those who have fallen from
virtue,--how much would be done to re-enforce the motives to moral purity
among us, and impress on the minds of all a reverence for the sanctity and
obligations of virtue.
4. THE INFLUENCE OF WOMAN ON THE MORAL SENTIMENTS.--The influence of woman
on the moral sentiments of society is intimately connected with her
influence on its religious character; for religion and a pure and elevated
morality must ever stand in the relation to each other of effect and cause.
The heart of a woman is formed for the abode of sacred truth; and for the
reasons alike honorable to her character and to that of society. From the
nature of humanity this must be so, or the race would soon degenerate, and
moral contagion eat out the heart of society. The purity of home is the
safeguard to American manhood.
* * * * *
{31}
Personal Purity.
"Self-reverence, self-knowledge, self-control,
These three alone lead life to sovereign power."--TENNYSON.
* * * * *
[Illustration]
1. WORDS OF THE GREAT TEACHER.--Mark the words of the Great Teacher: "If
thy right hand or foot cause thee to fall, cut it off and cast it from
thee. If thy right eye cause thee to fall, pluck it out. It is better for
thee to enter into life maimed and halt, than having two eyes to be cast
into hell-fire, where the worm dieth not, and the fire is not quenched."
2. A MELANCHOLY FACT.--It is a melancholy fact, in human experience, that
the noblest gifts which men possess are constantly prostituted to other
purposes than those for which they are designed. The most valuable and
useful organs of the body are those which are capable of the greatest
dishonor, abuse, and corruption. What a snare the wonderful organism of the
eye may become, when used to read corrupt books, or to look upon licentious
pictures, or vulgar theater scenes, or when used to meet the fascinating
gaze of the harlot! What an instrument for depraving the whole man may be
found in the matchless powers of the brain, the hand, the mouth, or the
tongue! What potent instruments may these become in accomplishing the ruin
of the whole being, for time and eternity! {32}
3. ABSTINENCE.--Some can testify with thankfulness that they never knew the
sins of gambling, drunkenness, fornication, or adultery. In all these cases
abstinence has been, and continues to be, liberty. Restraint is the noblest
freedom. No man can affirm that self-denial ever injured him; on the
contrary, self-restraint has been liberty, strength and blessing. Solemnly
ask young men to remember this when temptation and passion strive as a
floodtide to move them from the anchorage and peace of self-restraint.
Beware of the deceitful stream of temporary gratification, whose eddying
current drifts towards license, shame, disease and death. Remember how
quickly moral power declines, how rapidly the edge of the fatal maelstrom
is reached, how near the vortex, how terrible the penalty, how fearful the
sentence of everlasting punishment!
4. FRANK DISCUSSION.--The time has arrived for a full and frank discussion
of those things which affect the personal purity. Thousands are suffering
to-day from various weaknesses, the causes of which they have never
learned. Manly vigor is not increasing with that rapidity which a Christian
age demands. Means of dissipation are on the increase. It is high time,
therefore, that every lover of the race should call a halt, and inquire
into the condition of things. Excessive modesty on this subject is not
virtue. Timidity in presenting unpleasant but important truths has
permitted untold damage in every age.
5. MAN IS A CARELESS BEING.--He is very much inclined to sinful things. He
more often does that which is wrong than that which is right, because it is
easier, and, for the moment, perhaps, more satisfying to the flesh. The
Creator is often blamed for man's weaknesses and inconsistencies. This is
wrong. God did not intend that we should be mere machines, but free moral
agents. We are privileged to choose between good and evil. Hence, if we
perseveringly choose the latter, and make a miserable failure of life, we
should blame only ourselves.
6. THE PULPIT.--Would that every pulpit in the land might join hands with
the medical profession and cry out with no uncertain sound against the
mighty evils herein stigmatized! It would work a revolution for which
coming society could never cease to be grateful.
7. STRIVE TO ATTAIN A HIGHER LIFE.--Strive to attain unto a higher and
better life. Beware of all excesses, of whatever nature, and guard your
personal purity with sacred determination. Let every aspiration be upward,
and be strong in every good resolution. Seek the light, for in light there
is life, while in darkness there is decay and death. {33}
[Illustration: CONFIDENCE THAT SOMETIMES MAKES TROUBLE.]
* * * * *
{34}
How to Write All Kinds of Letters.
[Illustration]
1. From the President in his cabinet to the laborer in the street; from the
lady in her parlor to the servant in her kitchen; from the millionaire to
the beggar; from the emigrant to the settler; from every country and under
every combination of circumstances, letter writing in all its forms and
varieties is most important to the advancement, welfare and happiness of
the human family.
2. EDUCATION.---The art of conveying thought through the medium of written
language is so valuable and so necessary, a thorough knowledge of the
practice must be desirable to every one. For merely to write a good letter
requires the exercise of much of the education and talent of any writer.
3. A GOOD LETTER.--A good letter must be correct in every mechanical
detail, finished in style, interesting in substance, and intelligible in
construction. Few there are who do not need write them; yet a letter
perfect in detail is rarer than any other specimen of composition.
4. PENMANSHIP.--It is folly to suppose that the faculty for writing a good
hand is confined to any particular persons. There is no one who can write
at all, but what can write well, if only the necessary pains are practiced.
Practice makes perfect. Secure a few copy books and write an hour each day.
You will soon write a good hand. {35}
5. WRITE PLAINLY.--Every word of even the most trifling document should be
written in such clear characters that it would be impossible to mistake it
for another word, or the writer may find himself in the position of the
Eastern merchant who, writing to the Indies for five thousand mangoes,
received by the next vessel five hundred monkies, with a promise of more in
the next cargo.
6. HASTE.--Hurry is no excuse for bad writing, because any one of sense
knows that everything hurried is liable to be ruined. Dispatch may be
acquired, but hurry will ruin everything. If, however, you must write
slowly to write well, then be careful not to hurry at all, for the few
moments you will gain by rapid writing will never compensate you for the
disgrace of sending an ill-written letter.
7. NEATNESS.--Neatness is also of great importance. A fair white sheet with
handsomely written words will be more welcome to any reader than a blotted,
bedaubed page covered with erasures and dirt, even if the matter in each be
of equal value and interest. Erasures, blots, interlineations always spoil
the beauty of any letter.
8. BAD SPELLING.--When those who from faulty education, or forgetfulness
are doubtful about the correct spelling of any word, it is best to keep a
dictionary at hand, and refer to it upon such occasions. It is far better
to spend a few moments in seeking for a doubtful word, than to dispatch an
ill-spelled letter, and the search will probably impress the spelling upon
the mind for a future occasion.
9. CARELESSNESS.--Incorrect spelling will expose the most important or
interesting letter to the severest sarcasm and ridicule. However perfect in
all other respects, no epistle that is badly spelled will be regarded as
the work of an educated gentleman or lady. Carelessness will never be
considered, and to be ignorant of spelling is to expose an imperfect
education at once.
10. AN EXCELLENT PRACTICE.--After writing a letter, read it over carefully,
correct all the errors and re-write it. If you desire to become a good
letter writer, improve your penmanship, improve your language and grammar,
re-writing once or twice every letter that you have occasion to write,
whether on social or business subjects.
11. PUNCTUATION.--A good rule for punctuation is to punctuate where the
sense requires it, after writing a letter and reading it over carefully you
will see where the punctuation marks are required, you can readily
determine where the sense requires it, so that your letter will convey the
desired meaning. {36}
[Illustration]
12. CORRESPONDENCE.--There is no better school or better source for
self-improvement than a pleasant correspondence between friends. It is not
at all difficult to secure a good list of correspondents if desired. The
young people who take advantage of such opportunities for self-improvement
will be much more popular in the community and in society. Letter writing
cultivates the habit of study; it cultivates the mind, the heart, and
stimulates self-improvement in general.
13. FOLDING.--Another bad practice with those unaccustomed to corresponding
is to fold the sheet of writing in such a fantastic manner as to cause the
receiver much annoyance in opening it. To the sender it may appear a very
ingenious performance, but to the receiver it is only a source of vexation
and annoyance, and may prevent the communication receiving the attention it
would otherwise merit.
14. SIMPLE STYLE.--The style of letter writing should be simple and
unaffected, not raised on stilts and indulging in pedantic displays which
are mostly regarded as cloaks of ignorance. Repeated literary quotations,
involved sentences, long-sounding words and scraps of Latin, French and
other languages are, generally speaking, out of place, and should not be
indulged in.
15. THE RESULT.--A well written letter has opened the way to prosperity for
many a one, has led to many a happy marriage and constant friendship, and
has secured many a good service in time of need; for it is in some measure
a photograph of the writer, and may inspire love or hatred, regard or
aversion in the reader, just as the glimpse of a portrait often determine
us, in our estimate, of the worth of the person represented. Therefore, one
of the roads to fortune runs through the ink bottle, and if we want to
attain a certain end in love, friendship or business, we must trace out the
route correctly with the pen in our hand.
{37}
[Illustration]