_Of the adventure of the enchanted head; with other trifling matters
that must not be omitted._
The name of Don Quixote's present host was Don Antonio Moreno; he was
rich, sensible, and good-humoured; and being cheerfully disposed, with
such an inmate he soon began to consider how he might extract
amusement from his whimsical infirmity, but without offence to his
guest: for the jest that gives pain is no jest, nor is that lawful
pastime which inflicts an injury. Having prevailed upon the knight to
take off his armour, he led him to a balcony at the front of his
house, and there in his straight chamois doublet (which has already
been mentioned) exposed him to the populace, who stood gazing at him
as if he had been some strange baboon. The gay cavaliers again
appeared and paraded before him, as in compliment to him alone, and
not in honour of that day's festival. Sancho was highly delighted to
find so unexpectedly what he fancied to be another Camacho's wedding,
another house like that of Don Diego de Miranda, and another duke's
castle.
On that day several of Don Antonio's friends dined with him, all
paying homage and respect to Don Quixote as a knight-errant; with
which his vanity was so flattered that he could scarcely conceal the
delight which it gave him. And such was the power of Sancho's wit that
every servant of the house, and indeed all who heard him, hung as it
were upon his lips. While sitting at table, Don Antonio said to him,
"We are told here, honest Sancho, that you are so great a lover of
capons and sausages, that when you have crammed your belly, you stuff
your pockets with the fragments for another day." "'Tis not true, an't
please your worship; I am not so filthy, nor am I a glutton, as my
master Don Quixote here present can bear witness; for he knows we have
often lived day after day, ay a whole week together, upon a handful of
acorns or hazel nuts. It is true, I own, that if they give me a
heifer, I make haste with a halter; my way is, to take things as I
find them, and eat what comes to hand; and whoever has said that I am
given to greediness, take my word for it, he is very much out; and I
would tell my mind in another manner, but for the respect due to the
honourable beards here at table." "In truth, gentlemen," said Don
Quixote, "the frugality of my squire and his cleanliness in eating
deserve to be recorded on plates of brass, to remain an eternal
memorial for ages to come. I confess that, when in great want of food,
he may appear somewhat ravenous, eating fast and chewing on both sides
of his mouth; but as for cleanliness, he is therein most punctilious;
and when he was a governor, such was his nicety in eating that he
would take up grapes, and even the grains of a pomegranate, with the
point of a fork." "How!" quoth Don Antonio, "has Sancho been a
governor?" "Yes, I have," replied Sancho, "and of an island called
Barataria. Ten days I governed it at my own will and pleasure; but I
paid for it in sleepless nights, and learned to hate with all my heart
the trade of governing; and made such haste to leave it, that I fell
into a pit, which I thought would be my grave, but I escaped alive out
of it by a miracle." Hereupon Don Quixote related minutely all the
circumstances of Sancho's government; to the great entertainment of
the hearers.
The dinner being ended, Don Quixote was led by his host into a distant
apartment, in which there was no other furniture than a small table,
apparently of jasper, supported by a pillar of the same; and upon it
was placed a bust, seemingly of bronze, the effigy of some high
personage. After taking a turn or two in the room, Don Antonio said,
"Signor Don Quixote, now that we are alone, I will make known to you
one of the most extraordinary circumstances, or rather I should say,
one of the greatest wonders imaginable, upon condition that what I
shall communicate be deposited in the inmost recesses of secrecy." "It
shall be there buried," answered Don Quixote; "and to be more secure,
I will cover it with a tombstone; besides, I would have you know,
Signor Don Antonio (for by this time he had learned his name), that
you are addressing one who, though he has ears to hear, has no tongue
to betray: so that if it please you to deposit it in my breast, be
assured it is plunged into the abyss of silence." "I am satisfied,"
said Don Antonio; "and confiding in your promise, I will at once raise
your astonishment, and disburden my own breast of a secret which I
have long borne with pain, from the want of some person worthy to be
made a confidant in matters which are not to be revealed to every
body." Thus having, by his long preamble, strongly excited Don
Quixote's curiosity, Don Antonio made him examine carefully the brazen
head, the table, and the jasper pedestal upon which it stood; he then
said, "Know, Signor Don Quixote, that this extraordinary bust is the
production of one of the greatest enchanters or wizards that ever
existed. He was, I believe, a Polander, and a disciple of the famous
Escotillo, of whom so many wonders are related. He was here in my
house, and for the reward of a thousand crowns fabricated this head
for me, which has the virtue and property of answering to every
question that is put to it. After much study and labour, drawing
figures, erecting schemes, and frequent observation of the stars, he
completed his work. To-day being Friday, it is mute; but to-morrow,
Signor, you shall surely witness its marvellous powers. In the mean
time, you may prepare your questions, for you may rely on hearing the
truth." Don Quixote was much astonished at what he heard, and could
scarcely credit Don Antonio's relation; but, considering how soon he
should be satisfied, he was content to suspend his opinion, and
expressed his acknowledgments to Don Antonio for so great a proof of
his favour. Then leaving the chamber, and carefully locking the door,
they both returned to the saloon, where the rest of the company were
diverting themselves with Sancho's account of his master's adventures.
The same evening they carried Don Quixote abroad to take the air,
mounted on a large, easy-paced mule, with handsome furniture, himself
unarmed, and with a long wrapping coat of tawny-coloured cloth, so
warm that it would have put even frost into a sweat. They had given
private orders to the servants to find amusement for Sancho, so as to
prevent his leaving the house, as they had secretly fixed on the back
of Don Quixote's coat a parchment, on which was written in capital
letters; "This is Don Quixote de la Mancha." They had no sooner set
out than the parchment attracted the eyes of the passengers; and the
inscription being read aloud, Don Quixote heard his name so frequently
repeated, that turning to Don Antonio with much complacency, he said,
"How great the prerogative of knight-errantry, since its professors
are known and renowned over the whole earth! Observe, Signor Don
Antonio; even the very boys of this city know me, although they never
could have seen me before!" "It is very true, Signor Don Quixote,"
answered Don Antonio; "for as fire is discovered by its own light, so
is virtue by its own excellence; and no renown equals in splendour
that which is acquired by the profession of arms."
As Don Quixote thus rode along amidst the applause of the people, a
Castilian, who had read the label on his back, exclaimed, "What! Don
Quixote de la Mancha! How hast thou got here alive after the many
drubbings and bastings thou hast received? Mad indeed thou art! Had
thy folly been confined to thyself, the mischief had been less; but
thou hast the property of converting into fools and madmen all that
keep thee company--witness these gentlemen here, thy present
associates. Get home, blockhead, to thy wife and children; look after
thy house, and leave these fooleries that eat into thy brain and skim
off the cream of thy understanding!" "Go, friend," said Don Antonio,
"look after your own business, and give your advice where it is
required; Signor Don Quixote is wise, and we his friends know what we
are doing. Virtue demands our homage wherever it is found; begone,
therefore, in an evil hour, nor meddle where you are not called."
"Truly," answered the Castilian, "your worship is in the right; for to
give that lunatic advice, is to kick against the pricks. Yet am I
grieved that the good sense which he is said to have, should run to
waste, and be lost in the mire of knight-errantry. And may the evil
hour, as your worship said, overtake me and all my generation, if ever
you catch me giving advice again to any body, asked or not asked,
though I were to live to the age of Methuselah." So saying, the
adviser went his way; but the rabble still pressing upon them to read
the inscription, Don Antonio contrived to have it removed, that they
might proceed without interruption.
The next day, Don Antonio determined to make experiment of the
enchanted head; and for that purpose, the knight and squire, the two
mischievous ladies (who had been invited by Don Antonio's lady to
sleep there that night), and two other friends, were conducted to the
chamber in which the head was placed. After locking the door, Don
Antonio proceeded to explain to them the properties of the miraculous
bust, of which, he said, he should for the first time make trial, but
laid them all under an injunction of secrecy. The artifice was known
only to the two gentlemen, who, had they not been apprised of it,
would have been no less astonished than the rest at so ingenious a
contrivance. The first who approached the head was Don Antonio
himself, who whispered in its ear, not so low but he was overheard by
all: "Tell me," said he, "thou wondrous head, by the virtue inherent
in thee, what are my present thoughts." The head, in a distinct and
intelligible voice, though without moving the lips, answered, "I am no
judge of thoughts." They were all astonished at the voice, being
sensible nobody was in the room to answer. "How many of us are there
in the room?" said Don Antonio again. The voice answered, in the same
key, "Thou, and thy wife, two of thy friends, and two of hers; a
famous knight, called Don Quixote de la Mancha, and his squire Sancho
Panza." Now their astonishment was greater than before; and the hair
of some of them stood on end with amazement. "It is enough," said Don
Antonio, stepping aside, "I am convinced it was no impostor sold thee
to me, sage, miraculous head! Now, let somebody else try their
fortunes." As women are generally most curious and inquisitive, one of
the dancing ladies, venturing up to it, "Tell me, head," said she,
"what shall I do to be truly beautiful?" "Be honest," answered the
head. "I have done," replied the lady. Her companion then came on, and
with the same curiosity, "I would know," said she, "whether my husband
loves me or no." The head answered, "Observe his usage, and that will
tell thee." "Truly," said the married lady to herself, as she
withdrew, "that question was needless; for, indeed, a man's actions
are the surest tokens of the dispositions of his mind."
Don Antonio's lady asked the next question. "I do not well know what
to ask thee," said she; "only tell me whether I shall long enjoy the
company of my dear husband." "Thou shalt," answered the head; "for his
healthy constitution and temperance promise length of days, while
those who live too fast are not like to live long." Next came Don
Quixote. "Tell me, thou oracle," said he, "was what I reported of my
adventures in Montesinos' cave a dream or reality? will Sancho my
squire fulfil his promise, and scourge himself effectually? and shall
Dulcinea be disenchanted?" "As for the adventures in the cave,"
answered the head, "there is much to be said--they have something of
both; Sancho's whipping shall go on but leisurely; however, Dulcinea
shall at last be really freed from enchantment." "That is all I desire
to know," said Don Quixote; "for the whole stress of my good fortune
depends on Dulcinea's disenchantment." Then Sancho made the last
application. "If it please you, Mr. Head," quoth he, "shall I chance
to have another government? shall I ever get clear of this starving
squire-erranting? and shall I ever see my own fireside again?" The
head answered, "Thou shalt be a governor in thine own house; if thou
goest home, thou mayest see thy own fireside again; and if thou
leavest off thy service, thou shalt get clear of thy squireship."
"That is a very good one," cried Sancho; "a horse-head, I vow, might
have told all this; I could have prophesied thus much myself." "How
now!" said Don Quixote; "what answers wouldst thou have but what are
pertinent to thy questions?" "Nay," quoth Sancho, "since you will have
it so, it shall be so; I only wish Mr. Head would have told me a
little more concerning the matter."
Thus the questions proposed, and the answers returned, were brought to
a period; but the amazement continued among all the company, except
Don Antonio's two friends, who understood the device.
The manner of it was thus: the table, and the frame on which it stood,
the feet of which resembled four eagles' claws, were of wood, painted
and varnished like jasper. The head, which looked like the bust of a
Roman emperor, and of a brass colour, was all hollow, and so were the
feet of the table, which answered exactly to the neck and breast of
the head; the whole so artificially fixed, that it seemed to be all of
a piece; through this cavity ran a tin pipe, conveyed into it by a
passage through the ceiling of the room under the table. He that was
to answer, set his ear to the end of the pipe in the chamber
underneath, and by the hollowness of the trunk, received their
questions, and delivered his answers in clear and articulate words; so
that the imposture could scarcely be discovered. The oracle was
managed by a young, ingenious gentleman, Don Antonio's nephew; who
having his instructions beforehand from his uncle, was able to answer,
readily and directly, to the first questions; and by conjectures or
evasions make a return handsomely to the rest, with the help of his
ingenuity.