_Where you find the grounds of the braying adventures, that of the
Puppet-player, and the memorable divining of the fortune-telling Ape._
Don Quixote was on thorns to know the strange story that the fellow
upon the road engaged to tell him; so that, going into the stable, he
minded him of his promise, and pressed him to relate the whole matter.
"My story will take up some time," quoth the man, "and is not to be
told standing: have a little patience; let me make an end of serving
my mule, and then I will tell your worship such things as will make
you stare." "Do not let that hinder you," replied Don Quixote; "for I
will help you myself." And so saying, he lent him a helping hand,
cleansing the manger, and sifting the barley; which humble compliance
obliged the fellow to tell his tale the more willingly; so that,
seating himself upon a bench, with Don Quixote, the scholar, the page,
Sancho, and the innkeeper about him, he began in this manner:
"It happened on a time, that in a borough about four leagues from this
place, one of the aldermen lost his ass. They say it was by the
roguery of his maid-servant; but that is neither here nor there--the
ass was lost and gone, that is certain; and what is more, it could not
be found neither high nor low. This same ass had been missing about a
fortnight, when another alderman of the same town, meeting the other
in the market-place, 'Brother,' quoth he, 'pay me well, and I will
tell you news of your ass.' 'Troth!' replied the other 'that I will;
but then let me know where the poor beast is.' 'Why,' answered the
other, 'this morning, what should I meet upon the mountains yonder but
he, without either pack-saddle or furniture, and so lean that it
grieved my heart to see him; but yet so wild and skittish, that when I
would have driven him home before me, he ran away as if possessed, and
got into the thickest of the wood. Now, if you please, we will both go
and look for him: I will but step home first and put up this ass, then
I will come back to you, and we will set about it.' 'Truly, brother,'
said the other, 'I am mightily beholden to you, and will do as much
for you another time.' In short, the two aldermen, hand in hand,
trudged up the hills, and hunted up and down; but after many a weary
step, no ass was to be found. Upon which, quoth the alderman that had
seen him to the other: 'Hark ye, brother; I have a device to find out
this same ass of yours, though he were underground, as you shall hear.
You must know, I can bray to admiration; and if you can but bray never
so little, the job is done.' 'Never so little!' cried the other; 'I
will undertake to bray with any ass or alderman in the land.' 'Well,
then,' quoth the other, 'my contrivance is, that you go on one side of
the hill, and I on the other; sometimes you shall bray, and sometimes
I; so that, if your ass be but thereabouts, my life for yours, he will
be sure to answer, and bray again.' 'Gramercy, brother,' quoth the
other, 'a rare device! let you alone for plotting.' They parted
according to agreement; and when they were far enough off, they both
fell a-braying so perfectly well that they cheated one another; and
meeting, each in hopes to find the ass, 'Is it possible, brother,'
said the owner of the ass, 'that it was not my ass that brayed?' 'No,
marry, that it was not; it was I,' answered the other alderman. 'Well,
brother,' cried the owner, 'then there is no manner of difference
between you and an ass, as to the matter of braying; I never heard any
thing so natural in my life.' 'Oh, sir,' quoth the other, 'I am
nothing to you; you shall lay two to one against the best brayer in
the kingdom, and I will go your halves. Your voice is lofty, and of a
great compass; you keep excellent time, and hold out a note rarely,
and your cadence is full and ravishing. In short, sir, I knock under
the table, and yield you the bays.' 'Well, then, brother,' answered
the owner, 'I shall always have the better opinion of myself for this
one good quality; for though I knew I brayed pretty well, I never
thought myself so great a master before.' After these compliments,
they parted again, and went braying, this on one side of the hill, and
that on the other. But all to no purpose; for they still deceived one
another with their braying, and, running to the noise, met one another
as before.
"At last they agreed to bray twice one after another, that by that
token they might be sure it was not the ass, but they that brayed. But
all in vain--they almost brayed their hearts out, but no answer from
the ass. And indeed, how could it, poor creature, when they found him
at last in the wood half-eaten by the wolves? 'Alack-a-day! poor
Grizzle,' cried the owner; 'I do not wonder now he took so little
notice of his loving master. Had he been alive, as sure as he was an
ass, he would have brayed again. But let him go; this comfort I have
at least, brother; though I have lost him, I have found out that rare
talent of yours that has hugely solaced me under this affliction.'
'The glass is in a good hand, Mr. Alderman,' quoth the other, 'and if
the abbot sings well, the young monk is not much behind him.'
"With this, these same aldermen, very much disappointed as well as
very hoarse, went home and told all their neighbours the whole story
word for word; one praising the other's skill in braying, and the
other returning the compliment. In short, one got it by the end, and
the other got it by the end; the boys got it, and all the idle fellows
got it, and there was such a brawling and such a braying in our town,
that nothing else was to be heard. But the thing did not stop here;
our neighbouring towns had it too; and when they saw any of our
townsfolk, they fell a-braying, hitting us in the teeth with the
braying of our aldermen. This made ill blood between us; for we took
it in mighty dudgeon, as well we might, and came to words upon it, and
from words to blows; for the people of our town are well known by
this, as the beggar knows his dish, and are apt to be jeered
wheresoever they go. And they have carried the jest so far, that I
believe to-morrow or next day, the men of our town, to wit, the
brayers, will be in the field against those of another town about two
leagues off, that are always plaguing us. Now, that we should be well
provided, I have brought these lances and halberts that ye saw me
carry. So this is my story, gentlefolks; and if it be not a strange
one, I am mistaken."
Here the honest man ended; when presently enters a fellow dressed in
trousers and doublet all of shamoy leather, and calling out, as if he
were somebody: "Landlord," cried he, "have you any lodgings? for here
comes the fortune-telling ape, and the puppet-show of Melisandra's
deliverance." "Ha!" cried the innkeeper, "who have we here? Master
Peter? We shall have a merry night then. Honest Master Peter, you are
welcome with all my heart; but where is the ape and the show?" "They
will be here presently," said Peter; "I only came before to see if you
had any lodgings." "Lodging, man," said the innkeeper; "I would turn
out the Duke of Alva himself rather than Master Peter should want
room. Come, bring in your things, for here are guests that will be
good customers to you, I warrant." "That is worth hearing," said
Peter; "and to encourage them I will lower my prices; and if I can but
get my charges to-night, I will look for no more; so I will hasten
forward the cart." This said, he ran out of the door again.
Don Quixote inquired who this Master Peter was, and what his ape and
his show. "Why, sir," answered the innkeeper, "he has strolled about
the country this great while with a curious puppet-show, which
represents the play of Melisandra and Don Gayferos, one of the best
shows that has been acted time out of mind in this kingdom. Then he
has an ape: such an ape, sir; but I will say no more--you shall see,
sir. It will tell you every thing you ever did in your life. The like
was never seen before. Ask him a question, it will listen to you; and
then, whip, up it leaps on its master's shoulder, and whispers first
in his ear what it knows, and then Master Peter tells you. He tells
you what is to come, as well as what is past: it is true, he does not
always hit so pat as to what is to come; but after all, he is seldom
in the wrong. Two reals is the price for every question he answers, or
his master for him, which is all one, you know; and that will mount to
money at the year's end, so that it is thought the rogue is well to
pass; and, indeed, much good may it do him, for he is a notable fellow
and a good companion; talks for six men, and drinks for a dozen; and
all this he gets by his tongue, his ape, and his show."
By this time Peter had come back with his puppet-show and his ape in a
cart. Don Quixote immediately accosted him: "Mr. Fortune-teller," said
he, "will you be pleased to tell us what fish we shall catch, and what
will become of us, and here is your fee?" Saying this, he ordered
Sancho to deliver Master Peter two reals. "Sir," answered Peter, "this
animal gives no account of things to come; he knows something, indeed,
of matters past, and a little of the present." "I would not give a
brass jack," cried Sancho, "to know what is past; for who knows that
better than myself? I am not so foolish as to pay for what I know
already: but since you say he has such a knack at guessing the
present, let him tell me what my wife Teresa is doing at this moment,
and here are my two reals." "I will have nothing of you beforehand,"
said Master Peter: so, clapping himself on his left shoulder, up
skipped the ape thither at one frisk, and, laying his mouth to his
ear, grated his teeth; and having made some grimaces and a chattering
noise for a minute or two, with another skip down he leaped upon the
ground. Immediately upon this, Master Peter ran to Don Quixote, and
fell on his knees, and embracing his legs, "O glorious restorer of
knight-errantry," cried he, "I embrace these legs as I would the
pillars of Hercules! Who can sufficiently extol the great Don Quixote
de la Mancha, the reviver of drooping hearts, the prop and stay of the
falling, the raiser of the fallen, and the staff of comfort to the
weak and afflicted!"
At these words Don Quixote stood amazed, Sancho quaked, the page
wondered, the brayer blessed himself, the innkeeper stared, and the
scholar was in a brown study, all astonished at Master Peter's speech,
who then, turning to Sancho, "And thou, honest Sancho Panza," said he,
"the best squire to the best knight in the world, bless thy good
stars, for thy good spouse Teresa is a good housewife, and is at this
instant dressing a pound of flax; she has standing by her, on her left
hand, a large broken-mouthed jug, which holds a pretty scantling of
wine, to cheer up her spirits." "Truly," quoth Sancho, "that is likely
enough, for she is a merry soul; were it not for a spice of jealousy
that she has now and then, I would not change her for the giantess
Andondona herself, who, in my master's opinion, was a brave lady, and
a famous housewife." "Well," said Don Quixote, "great is the knowledge
procured by reading, travel, and experience. What on earth but the
testimony of my own eyes could have persuaded me that apes had the
gift of divination! I am indeed the same Don Quixote de la Mancha
mentioned by this ingenious animal, though I must confess somewhat
undeserving of so great a character as it has pleased him to bestow on
me; but nevertheless I am not sorry to have charity and compassion
bear so great a part in my commendation, since my nature has always
disposed me to do good to all men, and hurt to none."
"Now, had I but money," said the page, "I would know of Mr. Ape what
luck I should have in the wars." "I have told you already," said
Master Peter, who was got up from before Don Quixote, "that this ape
does not meddle with what is to come; but if he could, it should cost
you nothing, for Don Quixote's sake, whom to oblige, I would sacrifice
all the interest I have in the world; and, as a mark of it, gentlemen,
I freely set up my show, and give all the company in the house some
diversion _gratis_." The innkeeper hearing this, was overjoyed; and
ordered Master Peter a convenient room to set up his show, which he
immediately went about.
In the meantime Don Quixote, who could not believe that an ape could
do all this, taking Sancho into a corner, "Look ye, Sancho," said he,
"I have been weighing and considering the wonderful gifts of this ape,
and I suspect Master Peter must have made a secret compact with the
devil. The ape's knowledge is exactly of the same proportion with the
devil's, which only extends to the discovery of things past and
present, having no insight into futurity but by such probable
conjectures and conclusions as may be deduced from the former working
of antecedent causes, true prescience and prediction being the sacred
prerogative of God, to whose all-seeing eyes, all ages, past, present,
and to come, without the distinction of succession and termination,
are always present. From this, I say, it is apparent this ape is but
the organ through which the devil delivers his answers to those that
ask it questions; and this same rogue should be put into the
Inquisition, and have the truth pressed out of his bones." "For all
that," said Sancho, "I would have you ask Master Peter's ape, whether
the passages you told us concerning Montesinos' cave be true or no;
for, saving the respect I owe your worship, I take them to be no
better than idle stories, or dreams at the least." "You may think what
you will," answered Don Quixote; "however, I will do as you would have
me, although I feel some scruples on the subject."
Master Peter now came in and told Don Quixote that the show was ready
to begin, and desired him to come and see it, for he was sure his
worship would like it. The knight told him he had a question to put to
his ape first, and desired he might tell him whether certain things
that happened to him in Montesinos' cave were dreams or realities, for
he doubted they had something of both in them. Master Peter fetched
his ape immediately, and placing him just before the knight and his
squire. "Look you," said he, "Mr. Ape, this worthy knight would have
you tell him whether some things which happened to him in Montesinos'
cave are true or no?" Then, upon the usual signal, the ape jumping
upon Master Peter's left shoulder, chattered his answer into his ear,
which the interpreter delivered thus to the inquirer: "The ape, sir,
says that part of those things are false, and part of them true, which
is all he can resolve ye as to this question; and now his virtue has
left him, and won't return till Friday next. If you would know any
more, you must stay till then, and he will answer as many questions as
you please." "Ah, you there now!" quoth Sancho, "did not I tell you
that all you told us of Montesinos' cave would not hold water?" "That
the event will determine," replied the knight, "which we must leave to
process of time to produce; for it brings every thing to light, though
buried in the bowels of the earth. No more of this at present: let us
now see the puppet-show; I fancy we shall find something in it worth
seeing." "Something!" said Master Peter; "sir, you shall see a
thousand things worth seeing. I tell you, sir, I defy the world to
shew such another. I say no more: _Operibus credite, et non verbis_.
But now let us begin, for it grows late, and we have much to do, say,
and shew."
Don Quixote and Sancho complied, and went into the room where the show
stood, with a good number of small wax-lights glimmering round about,
that made it shine gloriously. Master Peter got to his station within;
and his boy stood before, to tell what the puppets said, and with a
white wand in his hand to explain the several figures as they came in.
Then all the audience having taken their places, Don Quixote, Sancho,
the scholar, and the page, being preferred to the rest, the boy began
a story that shall be heard or seen by those who will take the pains
to read or hear the next chapter.