fishermen take,
the fishermen
take, the fishermen take,
when they start out the
fish to wake so
early in the
morning. They
take a nip before they go--a
good one, ah! and long and slow,
for fear the chills will lay them low
so early in the morning. Another when
they're on the street, which they repeat each
time they meet for "luck"--for that's the
way to greet a fisher in the morning. And
when they are on the river's brink again
they drink without a wink--to fight ma-
laria they think it proper in the morn-
ing. They tip a flask with true delight
when there's a bite; if fishing's light
they "smile" the more till jolly tight,
all fishing they are scorning. An-
other nip as they depart: one at the
mart and one to part, but none
when in the house they dart, ex-
pecting there'll be mourning.
This is the bait the fisher-
men try who fishes buy at
prices high and tell each
one a bigger lie of fish-
ing in the morning.
Whose Cold Feet?
"Are you troubled with cold feet on retiring?" asked Yeast of
Crimsonbeak, Saturday night, as they were returning from market
freighted with provender.
"I should say I was!" replied Crimsonbeak emphatically, while a regular
chills-and-fever shudder was seen to distribute itself over his frame at
the recollection which the question recalled.
"I suppose you would like to learn how to avoid them?" replied the
philanthropist, smiling at the thought of an opportunity to fire off one
of his pet theories.
"I would give almost anything to be fortunate enough to escape them,"
said the despairing Crimsonbeak, in all truthfulness.
"Well it is easy enough done," went on his companion; "soak your feet in
cold water the first thing when you get up in the morning; towards night
run about three-quarters of a mile, and then soak your feet again in
cold water on retiring."
"Well, I can't see how that is going to keep her feet from troubling
me."
"Her cold feet from troubling you!" repeated Yeast, a little confused.
"What do you mean?"
"Mean? Why, I mean that my wife's cold feet are the ones that chill me
with an Arctic region touch. Whose feet did you suppose I meant, my
mother-in-law's?" shouted the excited Crimsonbeak, darting into his gate
and leaving his neighbor to his own reflections.
Changed Relations.
"Now that we are engaged," said Miss Pottleworth, "come and let me
introduce you to papa."
"I believe that I have met him," replied young Spickle.
"But in another capacity than that of son-in-law."
"Yes--er, but I'd rather not meet him to-night."
"Oh, you must," and despite the almost violent struggles of the young
fellow, he was drawn into the library, where a large, red-faced man,
with a squint in one eye, and an enlargement of the nose, sat looking
over a lot of papers.
"Father," said the girl.
"Hum," he replied, without looking up.
"I wish to present to you--"
"What?" he exclaimed, looking up and catching sight of young Spickle.
"Have you the impudence to follow me here? Didn't I tell you that I
would see you to-morrow?"
"Why, father, you don't know Mr. Spickle, do you?"
"I don't know his name, but I know that he has been to my office three
times a day for the past week with a bill. I know him well enough. I
can't pay that bill to-night, young man. Come to my office to-morrow."
"I hope," said Spickle, "that you do not think so ill of me. I have not
come to collect the bill you have referred to, but--"
"What? Got another one?"
"You persist in misunderstanding me. I did not come to collect a bill, I
can come to-morrow and see you about that. To-night I proposed to your
daughter, and have been accepted. Our mission is to acquaint you with
the fact and gain your consent to our marriage."
"Well," said the old fellow, "is that all? Blamed if I didn't think you
had a bill. Take the girl, if that's what you want, but say, didn't I
tell you to bring the bill to-morrow?"
"Yes, sir."
"Well, you needn't. Our relations are different now. Wish I had a
daughter for every bill collector in town."
It Makes a Difference.
"So you have been fighting again on your way home from school!"
"Y-yes, sir."
"Didn't I tell you this sort of business had got to stop?"
"Yes, pa, but--"
"No excuses, sir! You probably provoked the quarrel!"
"Oh, no! no! He called me names!"
"Names? What of it? When a boy calls you names walk along about your
business. Take off that coat!"
"But he didn't call me names!"
"Oh, he didn't? Take off that vest!"
"When he called me names I never looked at him, but when he pitched into
you, I--I had to fight!"
"What! Did he call me names?"
"Lots of 'em, father! He said you lied to your constituents, and went
back on the caucus and had!"--
"William, put on your coat and vest, and here's a nickel to buy peanuts!
I don't want you to come up a slugger, and I wish you to stand well with
your teacher, but if you can lick the boy who says I ever bolted a
regular nomination or went back on my end of the ward, don't be afraid
to sail in!"--_Free Press._
* * * * *
One of the Harvard students has fitted up his room at a cost of $4,000.
We suspect that the young man's room is better than his company.
* * * * *
"Don't be afraid," said a snob to a German laborer: "sit down and make
yourself my equal." "I would haff to blow my brains out," was the reply
of the Teuton.
* * * * *
"Yes," said Mrs. Egomoi, "I used to think a great deal of Mrs. Goode,
she was always so kind to me; but then, I've found out that she treats
everybody just the same."
* * * * *
Jerrold said to an ardent young gentleman, who burned with a desire to
see himself in print: "Be advised by me, young man: don't take down the
shutters before there is something in the window."
* * * * *
Arthur--"I say, what do you mean by fighting my hog all the time?"
Bismarck--"I means nodding in de vorld; I vash not fighting dot pig. We
vash choost playing mit one anudder."
* * * * *
"Yes," said a fashionable lady, "I think Mary has made a very good
match. I heard her husband is one of the shrewdest and most unprincipled
lawyers in the profession, and of course he can afford to gratify her
every wish."
PRINTER'S INK.
Little drops of printer's ink,
A little type "displayed,"
Make our merchant bosses
And all their big parade.
Little bits of stinginess,
Discarding printer's ink,
Busts the man of business,
And sees his credit sink.
* * * * *
"Jump on the scale," the butcher said
Unto a miss one day,
"I'm used to weighing, and," said he,
"I'll tell you what you weigh."
"Ah, yes," came quick the sweet reply
From lips seemed made to kiss,
"I'm sure, sir, that it would not be
First time you've weighed amiss."
The butcher blushed; he hung his head
And knew not what to say;
He merely wished to weigh the girl--
Himself was given away.
* * * * *
"What did that lady say?" asked Mr. Buyem of his confidential clerk.
"I'd rather not repeat her words, sir," replied the clerk. "But I must
know, Mr. Blume--must know, sir." "Oh! if you insist upon it, sir, I
suppose I must tell you. She said you were all business, but you lacked
culture." "So?" exclaimed Mr. Buyem, in astonishment. "Lack culture, eh?
Look here, Mr. Blume, d'ye know you' oughter told me that long ago?
Let's have some right away before Scribe & Blowhard can get ahead of
us."
OUT OF THE DEPTHS.
Our Correspondent's Researches and a Remarkable Occurrence He Describes.
ST. ALBANS, Vt., Jan. 10, 1884.
MESSRS. EDITORS: The upper portion of Vermont is one of the pleasantest
regions in America during the summer, and one of the bleakest during the
winter. It affords ample opportunity for the tourist, providing he
chooses the proper season, but the present time is not that season.
Still there are men and women here who not only endure the climate, but
praise it unstintingly, and that, too, in the face of physical hardships
the most intense. The writer heard of a striking illustration of this a
few days since which is given herewith:
Mr. Joseph Jacques is connected with the Vermont Central Railroad in the
capacity of master mason. He is well advanced in years, with a ruddy
complexion and hale appearance, while his general bearing is such as to
instantly impress one with his strict honor and integrity. Several years
ago he became afflicted with most distressing troubles, which prevented
the prosecution of his duties. He was languid, and yet restless, while
at times a dizziness would come over him which seemed almost blinding.
His will power was strong, and he determined not to give way to the
mysterious influence which seemed undermining his life. But the pain and
annoying symptoms were stronger than his will, and he kept growing
gradually worse. About that time he began to notice a difficulty in
drawing on his boots, and it was by the greatest effort that he was able
to force his feet into them. In this manner several weeks passed by,
until finally one night, while in great agony, he discovered that his
feet had in a short while, swollen to enormous proportions. The balance
of the narrative can best be described in his own words. He said:
"When my wife discovered the fact that I was so bloated, she sent for
the doctor immediately. He made a most careful examination and
pronounced me in a very serious condition. Notwithstanding his care, I
grew worse, and the swelling of my feet gradually extended upward in my
body. The top of my head pained me terribly; indeed, so badly that at
times it seemed almost as if it would burst. My feet were painfully
cold, and even when surrounded with hot flannels and irons felt as if a
strong wind were blowing on them. Next my right leg became paralyzed.
This gave me no pain, but it was exceedingly annoying. About this time I
began to spit blood most freely, although my lungs were in perfect
condition, and I knew it did not come from them. My physicians were
careful and untiring in their attentions, but unable to relieve my
sufferings. My neighbors and friends thought I was dying and many called
to see me, fully twenty-five on a single Sunday that I now recall. At
last my agony seemed to culminate in the most intense, sharp pains I
have ever known or heard of. If red hot knives sharpened to the highest
degree had been run through my body constantly they could not have hurt
me worse. I would spring up in bed, sometimes as much as three feet, cry
out in my agony and long for death. One night the misery was so intense
that I arose and attempted to go into the next room, but was unable to
lift my swollen feet above the little threshold that obstructed them. I
fell back upon the bed and gasped in my agony, but felt unable even to
breathe. It seemed like death.
"Several years ago Rev. Dr. J. E. Rankin, now of Washington, was
stationed here as pastor of the Congregational church. We all admired
and respected him, and my wife remembered seeing somewhere that he had
spoken in the highest terms of a preparation which had cured some of his
intimate friends. We determined to try this remedy, accordingly sent for
it, and, to make a long story short, it completely restored my health,
brought me back from the grave, and I owe all I have in the way of
health and strength to Warner's Safe Cure, better known as Warner's Safe
Kidney and Liver Cure. I am positive that if I had taken this medicine
when I felt the first symptoms above described, I might have avoided all
the agony I afterward endured, to say nothing of the narrow escape I had
from death."
In order that all possible facts bearing upon the subject might be
known, I called on Dr. Oscar F. Fassett, who was for nineteen years
United States Examining Surgeon, and who attended Mr. Jacques during his
sickness. He stated that Mr. Jacques had a most pronounced case of
Albuminuria or Bright's disease of the kidneys. That an analysis showed
the presence of albumen and casts in great abundance and that he was in
a condition where few if any ever recover. His recovery was due to
Warner's Safe Cure.
Mr. John W. Hobart, General Manager of the Vermont Central railroad,
stated that Mr. Jacques was one of the best and most faithful of his
employes, that his sickness had been an exceedingly severe one and the
company were not only glad to again have his services, but grateful to
the remedy that had cured so valuable a man.
Mr. James M. Foss, assistant superintendent and master mechanic of the
Vermont Central railroad, is also able to confirm this.
I do not claim to be a great discoverer, but I do think I have found in
the above a most remarkable case and knowing the unusual increase of
Bright's disease feel that the public should have the benefit of it. It
seems to me a remedy that can accomplish so much in the last stages
ought do even more for the first approach of this deceptive yet terrible
trouble.
F. B.
* * * * *
To be ruined your own way is some comfort. When so many people would
ruin us, it is a triumph over the villany of the world to be ruined
after one's own pattern.
* * * * *
MISCELLANEOUS.
ONE CENT
invested in a postal card and addressed as below
WILL
give to the writer full information as to the best lands in the United
States now for sale; how he can
BUY
them on the lowest and best terms, also the full text of the U.S. land
laws and how to secure
320 ACRES
of Government Lands in Northwestern Minnesota and Northeastern Dakota.
ADDRESS:
JAMES B. POWER,
Land and Emigration Commissioner,
ST. PAUL, MINN.
* * * * *
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send measure of waist, and size of shoe. Remittance can be made in
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* * * * *
PUBLICATIONS.
MARSHALL M. KIRKMAN'S BOOKS ON RAILROAD TOPICS.
DO YOU WANT TO BECOME A RAILROAD MAN
IF YOU DO, THE BOOKS DESCRIBED BELOW POINT THE WAY.
The most promising field for men of talent and ambition at the present
day is the railroad service. The pay is large in many instances, while
the service is continuous and honorable. Most of our railroad men began
life on the farm. Of this class is the author of the accompanying books
descriptive of railway operations, who has been connected continuously
with railroads as a subordinate and officer for 27 years. He was brought
up on a farm, and began railroading as a lad at $7 per month. He has
written a number of standard books on various topics connected with the
organization, construction, management and policy of railroads. These
books are of interest not only to railroad men but to the general reader
as well. They are indispensable to the student. They present every phase
of railroad life, and are written in an easy and simple style that both
interests and instructs. The books are as follows:
"RAILWAY EXPENDITURES--THEIR EXTENT,
OBJECT AND ECONOMY."--A Practical
Treatise on Construction and Operation.
In Two Volumes, 850 pages. $4.00
"HAND BOOK OF RAILWAY EXPENDITURES."--Practical
Directions for Keeping
the Expenditure Accounts. 2.00
"RAILWAY REVENUE AND ITS COLLECTION."--And
Explaining the Organization of
Railroads. 2.50
"THE BAGGAGE PARCEL AND MAIL TRAFFIC
OF RAILROADS."--An interesting work
on this important service; 425 pages. 2.00
"TRAIN AND STATION SERVICE"--Giving
The Principal Rules and Regulations governing
Trains; 280 pages. 2.00
"THE TRACK ACCOUNTS OF RAILROADS."--And
how they should be kept. Pamphlet. 1.00
"THE FREIGHT TRAFFIC WAY-BILL."--Its
Uses Illustrated and Described. Pamphlet. .50
"MUTUAL GUARANTEE."--A Treatise on Mutual
Suretyship. Pamphlet. .50
Any of the above books will be sent post paid on receipt
of price, by
PRAIRIE FARMER PUBLISHING CO.,
150 Monroe St. CHICAGO, ILL.
Money should be remitted by express, or by draft check or post office
order.
* * * * *
MAP
Of the United States and Canada, Printed in Colors, size 4x2-1/2 feet,
also a copy of THE PRAIRIE FARMER for one year. Sent to any address for
$2.00.
* * * * *
GENERAL NEWS.
Florida farmers are now planting Irish potatoes.
The St. Charles Hotel, Paducah, Ky., was burned Sunday night.
Another relief party for the Greeley arctic expedition is to be sent
out.
Wm. H. Guion, of the Steamship firm of Williams has failed for
$2,000,000.
Music Hall, in Whitechapel, London, burned on Monday; loss $200,000.
Ice has prevented the ferry boats from crossing the St. Clair river at
Port Huron.
The prohibitionists declare that they will place a presidential ticket
in the field next fall.
Lowell manufacturers have given employes notice that there will be a
reduction of ten per cent in wages beginning Feb. 1.
An elevated road, adapted both to passengers and freight, is to be
constructed along the levee at New Orleans within two years.
There was a railway wreck, caused by a broken rail, on the Wabash road
near Macon, Mo., on Monday; several persons were injured.
It is estimated that the United States Senate is the wealthiest
deliberative body in the world, the seventy-six members of that body
representing $180,000,000.
A rumor is in circulation at Ottawa, Canada, that the Canadian Pacific
road has asked the government for additional assistance to the amount of
$14,000,000.
A colored base-ball club of professionals has been formed at Chicago,
and will be ready to take the road May 1. They are backed by a stock
company.
It is claimed that there is at the present time between 100 and 150
foreign vessels engaged in the oyster traffic on the Virginia coast
without right or authority.
The people of Ouray, Col., lynched Mike Cuddigan and wife Saturday, on
suspicion of having murdered a child whom they took from a Catholic
asylum at Denver.
It is said that the buffaloes have come north of the Missouri river, in
Montana, and the Indians killed eleven hundred in one day not far from
the mouth of the Musselshell.
The horror of the week was the wrecking of the steamer City of Columbus
off Martha's Vineyard, January 19th. There were 129 persons on board of
whom ninety-seven were lost.
A seal was discovered in the track of the steamer Armstrong, at
Morristown, N. Y., on the St. Lawrence river. This was the third or
fourth seal seen in that vicinity in the last half-dozen years.
The candle factory of E. L. Schneider & Co., located on the corner of
Wallace and McGregor streets, Chicago, was Sunday swept away by fire.
The loss is $150,000, and the insurance $57,000.
The friends of Mr. Hintz, the unsuccessful candidate for postmaster at
Elgin, Illinois, threaten to defeat the re-election of Representative
Ellwood in the next campaign, who is held responsible for his defeat.
Two Irish members of the British Parliament, Matthew Arnold and P. J.
Sheridan,--the latter supposed to be the mysterious No. 1 of the
Phoenix Park assassination scheme--are in Chicago the present week.
Mrs. Dukes, a sister of the murdered Zura Burns, has left her home in
Dakota, in company with her father, to give what she claims is damaging
evidence against O. A. Carpenter, before the grand jury at Lincoln, Ill.
The matter of the final disposition of the assets of the estate of B. F.
Allen is being heard by a register at Des Moines. A firm which has
purchased a large share of the claims at 5 per cent offers $330,000 for
the property remaining, but other creditors hold out for $400,000.
Judge Shepard, in the Superior Court of Chicago, Saturday, dismissed
three bills for divorce, holding that when a wife separated from her
husband her residence as well as her domicile follows his, and that the
Illinois statutes excludes from its courts all suits for divorce in
behalf of persons not legal residents.
The Onondaga (New York) Indians have held another council, at which it
was shown that a majority of the nation is opposed to dividing the lands
in severally, but is willing to agree to a division of such timber lands
as can not be protected against depredations. The Christian party is to
be represented at the next conference with the State commissioners.
Nearly one-fourth of the business portion of Leipsic, O., was burned
Friday night, and flames swept away 1,145 bales of cotton at Murrell's
Point, La., and twenty-one buildings at Lowell, Mich. A boiler explosion
at Cincinnati, in the Corrugating company's manufactory, Saturday, led
to the destruction of $50,000 in property.
[Illustration]
MARKETS.
FINANCIAL AND COMMERCIAL.
OFFICE OF THE PRAIRIE FARMER.}
CHICAGO. Jan 22, 1884. }
Papers devoted to finance and trade inform us that the number of
business failures in 1883 was 9,184 against 8,782 in the hard times of
1877. The fear is, that the worst is not yet come, but this feeling
happily is not by any means universal among most far seeing business
men.
The transactions at the Chicago banks were a trifle slower than last
week. The regular loan market was quotable on Monday at 6@7 per cent.
Eastern exchange was firm at 60c per $1,000.
The stock markets at the East were a little feverish and here the same
feeling was noticeable. There are rumors of financial embarrassment in
high places, and Mr. Gould himself is said to be a little nervous over
the weakness in many of his stocks.
Government securities are as follows:
4's coupon, 1907 |Q. Apr. | 123-1/4
4's reg., 1907 |Q. Apr. | 123-1/4
4-1/2's coupon, 1891 |Q. Mar. | 114-1/8
4-1/2's registered, 1891 |Q. Mar. | 114-1/8
3's registered |Q. Mar. | 100
GRAIN AND PROVISIONS.
The receipts of flour at this point for the forty-eight hours ending
Monday morning were greatly in excess of those for the corresponding
week last year. In wheat last year the receipts were 28,007 bushels;
this year 50,532. Corn last year 189,661; this year 226,990.
Flour was unchanged, the article not yet feeling the uncertain condition
of the wheat market.
Choice to favorite white winters $5 25@5 50
Fair to good brands of white winters 4 75@5 00
Good to choice red winters 5 25@5 50
Prime to choice springs 4 75@5 00
Good to choice export stock, in sacks, extras 4 25@4 50
Good to choice export stock, double extras 4 50@4 65
Fair to good Minnesota springs 4 50@4 75
Choice to fancy Minnesota springs 5 25@5 75
Patent springs 6 00@6 50
Low grades 2 25@3 50
WHEAT.--Red winter, No. 3, 92; car lots of spring, No. 2, sold at
88-3/4c; No. 3, do. 81@84.
CORN.--Moderately active. Car lots No 2, 51@52c; rejected, 43@44; new
mixed, 48@50-1/2c.
OATS.--No. 2 in store, closed 32-1/2@32-3/4.
RYE.--May, in store 57@57-1/2.
BARLEY.--No. 2, 49 in store; No. 3, f. o. b. 52-1/2c.
FLAX.--Closed at $1 52 on track.
TIMOTHY.--$1 31-1/2@1 35 per bushel. Little doing.
CLOVER.--Quiet at $6 05@6 10 for prime.