'March on! march swiftly on!' the people cry,
Let us pursue Truth, Knowledge, Liberty!
March not so fast, my friends! or you will find,
That, in your haste, you've left them all behind.
* * * * *
One day Maria, that keen-witted Belle,
Challenged her Beau to play at Bagatelle.
'What shall we play for?'--Edwin quickly cried;
"Whate'er you please;" the smiling girl replied.
'Then for a kiss, fair lady, we will play.'
He wins the game, and straight demands his pay.
"No"--'Yes'--"I wont"--'You shall'--"I wont be kiss'd:
I'll pay you with a check--if you persist."
ON HEARING MR. **** BOAST THAT HE COULD
TRANSLATE VIRGIL.
Thou able, boaster! Virgil to translate!
Can'st thou, then, be so vain, so shallow-pated?
To a far higher intellectual state,
Coxcomb! thou must, thyself, be first translated.
* * * * *
A lady had a sickly son;
A skeleton but for his skin:--
Her pretty maid he woo'd, and won;--
The mother chid him for his sin.--
'Her charms were not to be withstood,
Too tempting for frail flesh and blood!
As you, dear Ma'am, must fairly own.'
"That's no excuse for skin and bone."
ON DR. ****,
A MERE PRETENDER TO MEDICAL SCIENCE,
OFFICIOUSLY OFFERING ME HIS SERVICES.
'Should you e'er be unwell, send directly for me;
To cure you I'll haste with all possible speed,
Prescribe and find medicine without any fee.'--
Oh! Doctor! your offer's most generous indeed;
I'd accept--but for something--the vast obligation.
'But for what, pray?'--The instinct of self-preservation.
* * * * *
If, as Swift says, in the most delicate mind
Nastiest ideas we are sure to find,
Then--equal to his humour and his wit
Swift's delicacy we must all admit.
ON HEARING A PARSON READ VERY BADLY
A SERMON HE HAD BOUGHT.
That sermon, reverend Sir, which you have bought,
To save your idle brain the toil of thought,
You read in such a dull, lethargic tone,
It seems almost as stupid as your own.
* * * * *
Pursefull's a stickler for the law's abuse:--
To him, 'tis clear, it was of sterling use.
* * * * *
Pursefull still advocates the law's abuse.--
What moralist can gratitude condemn?
They, formerly, have done so much for him;
Ought he not, now, to do his best for them?