THE HUMOROUS SIDE OF HIS CHARACTER.
No one knew better than Mr. Lincoln that genuine humor is "a plaster
that heals many a wound;" and certainly no man ever had a larger stock
of that healing balm or knew better how to use it. His old friend I. N.
Arnold once remarked that Lincoln's laugh had been his "life-preserver."
Wit, with that illustrious man, was a jewel whose mirth-moving flashes
he could no more repress than the diamond can extinguish its own
brilliancy. In no sense was he vain of his superb ability as a wit and
story-teller.
Noah Brooks says in an article written for Harper's Monthly, three
months after Mr. Lincoln's death, that the President once said, that, as
near as he could reckon, about one sixth only of the stories credited to
him were old acquaintances,--all the others were the productions of
other and better story-tellers than himself. "I remember," said he, "a
good story when I hear it; but I never invented anything original. I am
only a retail-dealer." No man was readier than he to acknowledge the
force of Shakespeare's famous lines,
"A jest's prosperity lies in the ear
Of him that hears it; never in the tongue
Of him that makes it."
Mr. Lincoln's stories were generally told with a well-defined
purpose,--to cheer the drooping spirits of a friend; to lighten the
weight of his own melancholy,--"a pinch, as it were, of mental
snuff,"--to clinch an argument, to expose a fallacy, or to disarm an
antagonist; but most frequently he employed them simply as "labor-saving
contrivances." He believed, with the great Ulysses of old, that there is
naught "so tedious as a twice-told tale;" and during my long and
intimate acquaintance with Mr. Lincoln I seldom heard him relate a story
the second time. The most trifling circumstances, or even a word, was
enough to remind him of a story, the aptness of which no one could fail
to see. He cared little about high-flown words, fine phrases, or merely
ornamental diction; and yet, for one wholly without scholastic training,
he was master of a style which was remarkable for purity, terseness,
vigor, and force. As Antenor said of the Grecian king, "he spoke no more
than just the thing he thought;" and that thought he clothed in the
simplest garb, often sacrificing the elegant and poetic for the homely
and prosaic in the structure of his sentences.
In one of his messages to Congress Mr. Lincoln used the term
"sugar-coated." When the document was placed in the hands of the public
printer, Hon. John D. Defrees, that officer was terribly shocked and
offended. Mr. Defrees was an accomplished scholar, a man of fastidious
taste, and a devoted friend of the President, with whom he was on terms
of great intimacy. It would never do to leave the forbidden term in the
message; it must be expunged,--otherwise it would forever remain a
ruinous blot on the fair fame of the President. In great distress and
mortification the good Defrees hurried away to the White House, where he
told Mr. Lincoln plainly that "sugar-coated" was not in good taste.
"You ought to remember, Mr. President," said he, "that a message to the
Congress of the United States is quite a different thing from a speech
before a mass meeting in Illinois; that such messages become a part of
the history of the country, and should therefore be written with
scrupulous care and propriety. Such an expression in a State paper is
undignified, and if I were you I would alter the structure of the whole
sentence."
Mr. Lincoln laughed, and then said with a comical show of gravity:
"John, that term expresses precisely my idea, and I am not going to
change it. 'Sugar-coated' must stand! The time will never come in this
country when the people will not understand exactly what 'sugar-coated'
means."
Mr. Defrees was obliged to yield, and the message was printed without
amendment.
One day at a critical stage of the war, Mr. Lincoln sat in his office in
deep meditation. Being suddenly aroused, he said to a gentleman whose
presence he had not until that moment observed: "Do you know that I
think General ---- is a philosopher? He has proved himself a really
great man. He has grappled with and mastered that ancient and wise
admonition, 'Know thyself;' he has formed an intimate acquaintance with
himself, knows as well for what he is fitted and unfitted as any man
living. Without doubt he is a remarkable man. This war has not produced
another like him."
"Why is it, Mr. President," asked his friend, "that you are now so
highly pleased with General ----? Has your mind not undergone a change?"
"Because," replied Mr. Lincoln, with a merry twinkle of the eye,
"greatly to my relief, and to the interests of the country, _he has
resigned_. And now I hope some other dress-parade commanders will study
the good old admonition, 'Know thyself,' and follow his example."
On the 3d of February, 1865, during the so-called Peace Conference at
Hampton Roads between Mr. Lincoln and Mr. Seward on the one side and the
Messrs. Stephens, Campbell, and Hunter on the other, Mr. Hunter remarked
that the recognition of the Confederate government by President Lincoln
was indispensable as the first step towards peace; and he made an
ingenious argument in support of his proposition, citing as a precedent
for the guidance of constitutional rulers in dealing with insurgents the
case of Charles I. and his rebel Parliament. This reference to King
Charles as a model for imitation by a President of the United States was
a little unfortunate, but Mr. Lincoln was more amused than offended by
it. Turning to Mr. Hunter he said: "On the question of history I must
refer you to Mr. Seward, who is posted in such matters. I don't pretend
to be; but I have a tolerably distinct recollection, in the case you
refer to, that Charles lost his head, and I have no head to spare."
Mr. Hunter, during the same conference, in speaking of emancipation,
remarked that the slaves had always been accustomed to work on
compulsion, under an overseer; and he apprehended they would, if
suddenly set free, precipitate themselves and the whole social fabric of
the South into irretrievable ruin. In that case neither the whites nor
the blacks would work. They would all starve together. To this Mr.
Lincoln replied: "Mr. Hunter, you ought to know a great deal more about
this matter than I do, for you have always lived under the slave system.
But the way you state the case reminds me of an Illinois farmer who was
not over-fond of work, but was an adept in shirking. To this end he
conceived a brilliant scheme of hog culture. Having a good farm, he
bought a large herd of swine. He planted an immense field in potatoes,
with the view of turning the whole herd into it late in the fall,
supposing they would be able to provide for themselves during the
winter. One day his scheme was discussed between himself and a neighbor,
who asked him how the thing would work when the ground was frozen one or
two feet deep. He had not thought of that contingency, and seemed
perplexed over it. At length he answered: 'Well, it will be a leetle
hard on their snouts, I reckon; but them shoats will have to root, hog,
or die.' And so," concluded Mr. Lincoln, "in the dire contingency you
name, whites and black alike will have to look out for themselves; and I
have an abiding faith that they will go about it in a fashion that will
undeceive you in a very agreeable way."
During the same conference, in response to certain remarks by the
Confederate commissioners requiring explicit contradiction, Mr. Lincoln
animadverted with some severity upon the conduct of the rebel leaders,
and closed with the statement that they had plainly forfeited all right
to immunity from punishment for the highest crime known to the law.
Being positive and unequivocal in stating his views concerning
individual treason, his words seemed to fall upon the commissioners with
ominous import. There was a pause, during which Mr. Hunter regarded the
speaker with a steady, searching look. At length, carefully measuring
his own words, Mr. Hunter said: "Then, Mr. President, if we understand
you correctly, you think that we of the Confederacy have committed
treason; that we are traitors to your government; that we have forfeited
our rights, and are proper subjects for the hangman. Is not that about
what your words imply?"
"Yes," said Mr. Lincoln, "you have stated the proposition better than I
did. That is about the size of it!"
There was another pause, and a painful one, after which Mr. Hunter, with
a pleasant smile, replied: "Well, Mr. Lincoln, we have about concluded
that we shall not be hanged as long as you are President--if we behave
ourselves."
There is here as high a compliment as could have been paid to Mr.
Lincoln,--a trust in his magnanimity and goodness of heart. From the
gentleness of his character, such were the sentiments he inspired even
among his enemies,--that he was incapable of inflicting pain,
punishment, or injury if it could possibly be avoided; that he was
always resolutely merciful and forbearing.
On his return to Washington after this conference, Mr. Lincoln recounted
the pleasure he had had in meeting Alexander H. Stephens, who was an
invalid all his life; and in commenting upon his attenuated appearance
as he looked after emerging from layers of overcoats and comforters, Mr.
Lincoln said, "Was there ever such a nubbin after so much shucking?"
At one time when very lively scenes were being enacted in West Virginia,
a Union general allowed himself and his command to be drawn into a
dangerous position, from which it was feared he would be unable to
extricate himself without the loss of his whole command. In speaking of
this fiasco, Mr. Lincoln said: "General ---- reminds me of a man out
West who was engaged in what they call heading a barrel. He worked
diligently for a time driving down the hoops; but when the job seemed
completed, the head would fall in, and he would have to do the work all
over again. Suddenly, after a deal of annoyance, a bright idea struck
him. He put his boy, a chunk of a lad, into the barrel to hold up the
head while he pounded down the hoops. This worked like a charm. The job
was completed before he once thought about how he was to get the little
fellow out again. Now," said Mr. Lincoln, "that is a fair sample of the
way some people do business. They can succeed better in getting
themselves and others _corked up_ than in getting uncorked."
During the year 1861 it was difficult to preserve peace and good order
in the city of Washington. Riots and disturbances were occurring daily,
and some of them were of a serious and sometimes dangerous nature. The
authorities were in constant apprehension, owing to the disloyal
sentiment prevailing, that a riot might occur of such magnitude as to
endanger the safety of the capital; and this necessitated the utmost
vigilance on their part to preserve order.
On one occasion, when the fears of the loyal element of the city were
excited to fever-heat, a free fight near the old National Theatre
occurred about eleven o'clock one night. An officer in passing the place
observed what was going on; and seeing the great number of persons
engaged, he felt it to be his duty to command the peace. The imperative
tone of his voice stopped the fighting for a moment; but the leader, a
great bully, roughly pushed back the officer, and told him to go away,
or he would whip him. The officer again advanced and said, "I arrest
you," attempting to place his hand on the man's shoulder, when the bully
struck a fearful blow at the officer's face. This was parried, and
instantly followed by a blow from the fist of the officer, striking the
fellow under the chin and knocking him senseless. Blood issued from his
mouth, nose, and ears. It was believed that the man's neck was broken. A
surgeon was called, who pronounced the case a critical one, and the
wounded man was hurried away on a litter to the hospital. There the
physicians said there was concussion of the brain, and that the man
would die. All medical skill that the officer could procure was employed
in the hope of saving the life of the man. His conscience smote him for
having, as he believed, taken the life of a fellow-creature, and he was
inconsolable.
Being on terms of intimacy with the President, about two o'clock that
night the officer went to the White House, woke up Mr. Lincoln, and
requested him to come into his office, where he told him his story. Mr.
Lincoln listened with great interest until the narrative was completed,
and then asked a few questions; after which he remarked: "I am sorry you
had to kill the man; but these are times of war, and a great many men
deserve killing. This one, according to your story, is one of them; so
give yourself no uneasiness about the matter. I will stand by you."
"That is not why I came to you. I knew I did my duty, and had no fears
of your disapproval of what I did," replied the officer; and then he
added: "Why I came to you was, I felt great grief over the unfortunate
affair, and I wanted to talk to you about it."
Mr. Lincoln then said, with a smile, placing his hand on the officer's
shoulder: "You go home now and get some sleep; but let me give you this
piece of advice,--hereafter, when you have occasion to strike a man,
don't hit him with your fist; strike him with a club, a crowbar, or with
something that won't kill him."
The officer then went home, but not to sleep. The occurrence had a great
effect upon him, and was a real source of discomfort to his mind during
the fourteen months the unfortunate invalid lived, and it left a sincere
regret impressed upon him ever after; but the conciliatory and kindly
view prompted by Mr. Lincoln's tender heart, and his fidelity to
friendship on that occasion, is to this day cherished in the officer's
memory with a feeling of consecration.
About the first time Mr. Lincoln contemplated leaving Washington, he was
to attend some gathering of the people in Baltimore, Philadelphia, or
New York. A committee waited upon him and urged his attendance on the
occasion, saying that they were sure Mr. Garrett, the president of the
only road then going east out of Washington, would take great pleasure
in furnishing a special train of cars for him. "Well," said the
President, "I have no doubt of that. I know Mr. Garrett well, and like
him very much; but if I were to believe (which I don't) everything some
people say of him about his 'secesh' principles, he might say to you as
was said by the superintendent of a railroad to a son of one of my
predecessors in office. Some two years after the death of President
Harrison, the son of the incumbent of this office, contemplating an
excursion for his father somewhere or other, went to order a special
train of cars. At that time politics were very bitter between the Whigs
and the Democrats, and the railroad superintendent happened to be an
uncompromising Whig. The son made known his demand, which was bluntly
refused by the railroad official, saying that his road was not running
special trains for the accommodation of Presidents just then. 'What!'
said the young man, 'did you not furnish a special train for the funeral
of General Harrison?' 'Yes,' said the superintendent, very calmly; 'and
if you will only bring your father here in that shape you shall have the
best train on the road.' But, gentlemen," continued Mr. Lincoln, "I have
no doubts of Mr. Garrett's loyalty for the government or his respect for
me personally, and I will take pleasure in going."
General James B. Fry, the Provost-Marshal General during Mr. Lincoln's
Administration, was designated by the Secretary of War as a special
escort to accompany Mr. Lincoln to the field of Gettysburg upon the
occasion of the anniversary of that battle. The general, on arriving at
the White House and finding the President late in his preparations for
the trip, remarked to him that it was late, and there was little time to
lose in getting to the train. "Well," said Mr. Lincoln, "I feel about
that as the convict did in Illinois, when he was going to the gallows.
Passing along the road in custody of the sheriff, and seeing the people
who were eager for the execution crowding and jostling one another past
him, he at last called out, 'Boys! you needn't be in such a hurry to get
ahead, for there won't be any fun till I get there.'"
General Fry also tells of a conversation between Mr. Lincoln and Mr.
Stanton, in relation to the selection of brigadier-generals. Mr. Lincoln
was heard to say: "Well, Mr. Secretary, I concur in pretty much all you
say. The only point I make is, that there has got to be something done
which will be unquestionably in the interest of the Dutch; and to that
end I want Schimmelpfennig appointed." The secretary replied: "Mr.
President, perhaps this Schimmel--what's-his-name--is not as highly
recommended as some other German officer." "No matter about that," said
Mr. Lincoln; "his name will make up for any difference there may be, and
I'll take the risk of his coming out all right." Then, with a laugh, he
repeated, dwelling upon each syllable of the name and accenting the last
one, "Schim-mel-pfen-_nig_ must be appointed."
Mr. Welles, in speaking of the complication into which Spain attempted
to draw the government of the United States in regard to reclaiming her
possessions in San Domingo, says that the pressure was great on both
sides, and the question a grave and delicate one as to what position we
should take and what course pursue. On the one side Spain, whose favor
we wished to conciliate, and on the other the appeal of the negroes
against Spanish oppression. Mr. Seward detailed the embarrassments
attending the negotiations to Mr. Lincoln, whose countenance indicated
that his mind was relieved before Mr. Seward had concluded. He remarked
that the dilemma of the Secretary of State reminded him of an interview
between two negroes in Tennessee; one was a preacher, who, with the
crude and strange notions of his ignorant race, was endeavoring to
admonish and enlighten his brother African of the importance of religion
and the danger of the future. "'Dar are,' said Josh the preacher, 'two
roads befo' you, Joe; be careful which ob dem you take. Narrow am de way
dat leads straight to destruction; but broad am de way dat leads right
to damnation.' Joe opened his eyes with affright, and under the inspired
eloquence of the awful danger before him, exclaimed, 'Josh, take which
road you please; I shall go troo de woods.' I am not willing," said the
President, "to assume any new troubles or responsibilities at this time,
and shall therefore avoid going to the one place with Spain or with the
negro to the other, but shall take to the woods. We will maintain an
honest and strict neutrality."
When Attorney-General Bates resigned, late in 1864, after the
resignation of Postmaster-General Blair in that year, the Cabinet was
left without a Southern member. A few days before the meeting of the
Supreme Court, which then met in December, Mr. Lincoln sent for Titian
F. Coffey, and said: "My Cabinet has _shrunk up_ North, and I must find
a Southern man. I suppose if the twelve Apostles were to be chosen
nowadays, the shrieks of locality would have to be heeded."
Mr. Coffey acted as Attorney-General during the time intervening between
the resignation of Mr. Bates and the appointment of Mr. Speed. He tells
about a delegation that called on Mr. Lincoln to ask the appointment of
a gentleman as commissioner to the Sandwich Islands. They presented
their case as earnestly as possible; and besides their candidate's
fitness for the place they urged that he was in bad health, and that a
residence in that balmy climate would be of great benefit to him. The
President closed the interview with this discouraging remark:
"Gentlemen, I am sorry to say that there are eight other applicants for
that place, and they are all sicker than your man."
In 1858 Mr. Lincoln was engaged at Bloomington, in a case of very great
importance. The attorney on the other side was a young lawyer of fine
abilities, who has since become a judge. He was a sensible and sensitive
young man, and the loss of a case always gave him great pain,--to avoid
which he invariably manifested an unusual zeal, and made great
preparation for the trial of his cases. This case of which I speak
lasted till late at night, when it was submitted to the jury. In
anticipation of a favorable verdict, the young attorney spent a
sleepless night in anxiety, and early next morning learned to his great
chagrin that he had lost the case. Mr. Lincoln met him at the court
house some time after the jury had come in, and asked him what had
become of his case. With lugubrious countenance and in a melancholy tone
the young man replied, "It's gone to hell." "Oh, well," said Mr.
Lincoln, "then you will see it again."
Mr. Lincoln had shown great wisdom in appreciating the importance of
holding such Democrats as Mr. Douglas close to the Administration, on
the issue of a united country or a dissolution of the Union. He said:
"They are just where we Whigs were in 1848, about the Mexican war. We
had to take the Locofoco preamble when Taylor wanted help, or else vote
against helping Taylor; and the Democrats must vote to hold the Union
now, without bothering whether we or the Southern men got things where
they are; and we must make it easy for them to do this, for we cannot
live through the case without them." He further said: "Some of our
friends are opposed to an accommodation because the South began the
trouble and is entirely responsible for the consequences, be they what
they may. This reminds me of a story told out in Illinois where I lived.
There was a vicious bull in a pasture, and a neighbor passing through
the field, the animal took after him. The man ran to a tree, and got
there in time to save himself; and being able to run round the tree
faster than the bull, he managed to seize him by the tail. His bullship
seeing himself at a disadvantage, pawed the earth and scattered gravel
for awhile, then broke into a full run, bellowing at every jump, while
the man, holding on to the tail, asked the question, 'Darn you, who
commenced this fuss?' Now, our plain duty is to settle the fuss we have
before us, without reference to who commenced it."
Mr. Lincoln told another anecdote in connection with the probable
adjustment of the difficulties. Said he: "Once on a time, a number of
very pious gentlemen, all strict members of the church, were appointed
to take in charge and superintend the erection of a bridge over a very
dangerous and turbulent river. They found great difficulty in securing
the services of an engineer competent for the work. Finally, Brother
Jones said that Mr. Meyers had built several bridges, and he had no
doubt he could build this one. Mr. Meyers was sent for. The committee
asked, 'Can you build this bridge?' 'Yes,' was the answer, 'I can build
a bridge to the infernal regions, if necessary.' The committee was
shocked, and Brother Jones felt called upon to say something in defence
of his friend, and commenced by saying: 'Gentlemen, I know my friend
Meyers so well, and he is so honest a man and so good an architect, that
if he states positively that he can build a bridge to hell, why, I
believe he can do it; but I feel bound to say that I have my doubts
about the abutment on the infernal side.' So," said Mr. Lincoln, "when
the politicians told me that the Northern and Southern wings of the
Democracy could be harmonized, why, I believed them of course; but I had
always my doubts about the abutment on the other side."
Anthony J. Bleeker tells his experience in applying for a position under
Mr. Lincoln. He was introduced by Mr. Preston King, and made his
application verbally, handing the President his vouchers. The President
requested him to read them, which he commenced to do. Before Mr. Bleeker
had got half through with the documents, the President cried out, "Oh,
stop! you are like the man who killed the dog." Not feeling
particularly flattered by the comparison, Mr. Bleeker inquired, "In what
respect?" Mr. Lincoln replied, "He had a vicious animal which he
determined to dispatch, and accordingly knocked out his brains with a
club. He continued striking the dog until a friend stayed his hand,
exclaiming, 'You needn't strike him any more, the dog is dead; you
killed him at the first blow.' 'Oh, yes,' said he, 'I know that; but I
believe in punishment after death.' So, I see, you do." Mr. Bleeker
acknowledged that it was possible to do too much sometimes, and he in
his turn told an anecdote of a good priest who converted an Indian from
heathenism to Christianity; the only difficulty he had with him was to
get him to pray for his enemies. "The Indian had been taught by his
father to overcome and destroy them. 'That,' said the priest, 'may be
the Indian's creed, but it is not the doctrine of Christianity or the
Bible. Saint Paul distinctly says, "If thine enemy hunger, feed him; if
he thirst, give him drink."' The Indian shook his head at this and
seemed dejected, but when the priest added, '"For in so doing thou shalt
heap coals of fire on his head,"' the poor convert was overcome with
emotion, fell on his knees, and with outstretched hands and uplifted
eyes invoked all sorts of blessings on his adversary's head,
supplicating for pleasant hunting-grounds, a large supply of squaws,
lots of papooses, and all other Indian comforts, till the good priest
interrupted him (as you did me), exclaiming, 'Stop, my son! You have
discharged your Christian duty, and have done more than enough.' 'Oh,
no, father,' says the Indian, 'let me pray! I want to burn him down to
the stump!'" Mr. Bleeker got the position.
"Mr. Lincoln," wrote one who knew him very well,[G] "was a good judge of
men, and quickly learned the peculiar traits of character in those he
had to deal with. He pointed out a marked trait in one of the Northern
governors who was earnest, able, and untiring in keeping up the war
spirit of his State, but was at times overbearing and exacting in his
intercourse with the general government. Upon one occasion he complained
and protested more bitterly than usual, and warned those in authority
that the execution of their orders in his State would be beset by
difficulties and dangers. The tone of his dispatches gave rise to an
apprehension that he might not co-operate fully in the enterprise in
hand. The Secretary of War, therefore, laid the dispatches before the
President for advice or instructions. They did not disturb Mr. Lincoln
in the least. In fact, they rather amused him. After reading all the
papers, he said in a cheerful and reassuring tone: 'Never mind, those
dispatches don't mean anything. Just go right ahead. The governor is
like the boy I saw once at the launching of a ship. When everything was
ready, they picked out a boy and sent him under the ship to knock away
the trigger and let her go. At the critical moment everything depended
on the boy. He had to do the job well by a direct, vigorous blow, and
then lie flat and keep still while the ship slid over him. The boy did
everything right; but he yelled as if he were being murdered, from the
time he got under the keel until he got out. I thought the skin was all
scraped off his back; but he wasn't hurt at all. The master of the yard
told me that this boy was always chosen for that job, that he did his
work well, that he never had been hurt, but that he always squealed in
that way. That's just the way with Governor ----. Make up your minds
that he is not hurt, and that he is doing his work right, and pay no
attention to his squealing. He only wants to make you understand how
hard his task is, and that he is on hand performing it.'"
[G] General Fry, in the New York "Tribune."
Time proved that the President's estimation of the governor was correct.
Upon another occasion a Governor went to the office of the
Adjutant-General bristling with complaints. The Adjutant, finding it
impossible to satisfy his demands, accompanied him to the Secretary of
War's office, whence, after a stormy interview with Secretary Stanton he
went alone to see the President. The Adjutant-General expected important
orders from the President or a summons to the White House for
explanation. After some hours the Governor returned and said with a
pleasant smile that he was going home by the next train and merely
dropped in to say good-bye, making no allusion to the business upon
which he came nor his interview with the President. As soon as the
Adjutant-General could see Mr. Lincoln he told him he was very anxious
to learn how he disposed of Governor ----, as he had started to see him
in a towering rage, and said he supposed it was necessary to make large
concessions to him as he seemed after leaving the President to be
entirely satisfied. "O, no," replied Mr. Lincoln, "I did not concede
anything. You know how that Illinois farmer managed the big log that lay
in the middle of his field? To the inquiries of his neighbors one Sunday
he announced that he had got rid of the big log. 'Got rid of it!' said
they. 'How did you do it? It was too big to haul out, too knotty to
split, and too wet and soggy to burn. What did you do?' 'Well, now,
boys,' replied the farmer, 'if you won't divulge the secret, I'll tell
you how I got rid of it. I plowed around it.' Now," said Lincoln, "don't
tell anybody, but that is the way I got rid of Governor ----, I plowed
around him, but it took me three mortal hours to do it, and I was afraid
every minute he would see what I was at."
Mr. Lincoln enjoyed telling of the youth who emigrated to the West and
wrote back East to his father who was something of a politician: "Dear
Dad,--I have settled at ---- and like it first rate. Do come out here,
for almighty mean men get office here."
Thurlow Weed tells of breakfasting with Lincoln and Judge Davis while in
Springfield in December prior to Mr. Lincoln's first inauguration. Judge
Davis remarked Mr. Weed's fondness for sausage and said, "You seem fond
of our Chicago sausages." To which Mr. Weed responded that he was, and
thought the article might be relied on where pork was cheaper than dogs.
"That," said Mr. Lincoln, "reminds me of what occurred down in Joliet,
where a popular grocer supplied all the villagers with sausages. One
Saturday evening, when his grocery was filled with customers, for whom
he and his boys were busily engaged in weighing sausages, a neighbor
with whom he had had a violent quarrel that day came into the grocery,
made his way up to the counter, holding two enormous dead cats by the
tail, which he deliberately threw onto the counter saying, 'This makes
seven to-day. I'll call round Monday and get my money for them.'"
Mr. Lincoln read men and women quickly, and was so keen a judge of their
peculiarities that none escaped his observation.
Once a very attractive woman consumed a good deal of Mr. Lincoln's time.
He finally dismissed her with a card directed to Secretary Stanton on
which he had written: "This woman, dear Stanton, is a little smarter
than she looks to be."