A TALK ABOUT OUR BOYS.
Mrs. Carpenter, who was President of the Christian Mothers' Society,
delivered a most entertaining lecture on "Our Boys." A subject in which
every mother is always deeply interested.
OUR BOYS.
It is an acknowledged fact that many a boy who has had the advantage of
good training at home and at school, fails to avail himself of his
opportunities and grows up careless in dress and language, and, while
not absolutely vicious yet, looking leniently upon much that his parents
and friends regard as reprehensible.
Among the various causes that lead to such physical, mental and moral
laxity, none is more potent than companionship with dirty, idle or
immoral boys. Many a lad spends hours with comrades whom he despises, at
first, then excuses, and finally associates with on terms of close
intimacy.
We all desire that our sons should keep good company, and we cannot and
should not deprive them of outdoor companionship with boys of their own
age. What we most desire is that they themselves should choose their
comrades among honest, studious, manly boys, and avoid the society of
the mean, idle and vicious; yet at the same time they should treat all
with the courtesy due from one human being to another.
We can scarcely understand the character of our boy's companions by his
own description of them; since like the rest of humanity our boys regard
their favorites with eyes that see only their good qualities, forgetting
the coarse language, the vulgar jest, the cruel trick, the truant
playing: "He is such a jolly fellow, plays such a good game."
Although we may notice occasionally that our boy is coarse in speech or
manifests an unusual spirit of rebellion at school regulations still we
do not often associate these effects with "such a good fellow always
ready for fun." But if we occasionally saw this "good fellow" then
indeed the cause would not be far to seek. Our boy himself would feel
ashamed of his acquaintance, if he saw him in the home circle; he would
suddenly discover that his friend was not ashamed that his hands were
dirty, that he "talked to mother" with his hat on.
These boys of ours are apt to be very chivalrous about "mother," and
then they learn not to care about companions of whom they are ashamed.
I once heard a mother say to her son, "Harry, I wonder at you to be seen
on the street with that Murray boy. Why he is dressed like a beggar."
Now, I too, had seen Harry and the "Murray boy," and while the boy's
clothes were old, they were whole and clean too, and I knew him to be an
upright manly lad, more so indeed than Harry was ever likely to be with
such training.
Provided a boy is truthful, clean and careful in his language we should
not let the pecuniary circumstances of his family enter into
consideration; for our desire is to build up a noble manhood in our
boys, and how despicable is that man who esteems his friends according
to the length of their purses. There is only one way of judging our
boy's companions, and that is by knowing them ourselves. This we can do
by encouraging him to invite his friends to visit him not always
formally, but now and then, as it may happen. We can pleasantly welcome
them, but let us be careful not to entertain them too much, for there is
nothing a boy hates more than to have a "fuss" made over him.
An occasional taffy pulling is not an expensive luxury and a little hot
water removes all traces from the kitchen, to which it should be
limited. Some time when it is convenient, let us tell our boy to invite
some of his friends to spend the evening, and use the best china and the
preserves and cake he likes the best.
Do not say, "It is only those boys." Let him feel that his guests are
well treated, and he will be the more anxious to have friends worthy of
the treatment they receive.
I think that the clownish behavior of boys arises from the only-a-boy
treatment they experience; feeling slighted they instinctively resent
it, by being as disagreeable as possible.
Nor is it necessary that one's house should be turned into a barn for
boys to carouse in. On the contrary, our boy should always tell mother
when he wishes to invite a friend, or, if he knows that his friends are
coming; not as a rigid rule, but as a courtesy due a lady in her own
house; no matter whether the home consists of one room or twenty, the
mother is always the hostess, and she can train her son into a well-bred
man, or allow him, even though well educated to grow up a boor.
Many men owe their success in life to their observance of the minor
courtesies in which they were trained by a good mother. These habits and
that of correct speech should be insisted upon by every refined mother.
There is another, and to me the most important point in the education of
our boys, I refer to their religious training. Merely sending them to a
short service on Sunday, will never impress boys with the respect they
should have for God, and if they are not taught love and reverence for
their Heavenly Father, they will disregard the authority of their
parents and in after life, defy the laws of the land.
Above all things see to your boy's religious training, see that he does
not associate with people who make flippant remarks about sacred things.
Give a little time in the evening to conversations with your children.
As I speak, one little mother comes to my mind, she always made it a
duty to sit with her boys and talk over the incidents of the day, she
inquired what new ideas they had received, etc.; they laughed and
chatted together, "Ma dear" had their entire confidence. This mother
warned her sons against vice, showing them the horrid pitfalls of sin.
Judicious advice coming from a loving mother will keep boys from sins,
the memory of which even when repented of, would haunt them forever.
After Mrs. Carpenter's address she introduced Mrs. Blondell, who gave
her thoughts on the duties of mothers towards their children.
We often hear severe criticisms on the manners of young people of the
present day and contrast them unfavorably with the manners of a
generation ago. No doubt much of this criticism is warranted. The great
mass of young people of today are lacking in deference, courtesy and
respect. But the fathers and mothers who complain of these faults rarely
question themselves if they are not wholly or in part to blame for the
bad manners of their offspring.
I have known parents who sit at table or in the home circle, and in the
presence of their children freely criticise or comment on the conduct of
their neighbors or friends, permitting their children to tell all they
have seen or heard in a neighbor's house.
Such parents must not be disappointed if those children grow up with the
habit of gossiping and commenting just as freely on themselves. Now
there is no one thing more destructive of good manners than the
gossiping and tale-bearing habit.
If urbanity were persistently taught and practiced in the home there
would not be so much to learn, and especially to unlearn with regard to
intercourse with the world at large.
People would not then have two manners, one to use in public and one in
private. There would be less self-consciousness and less affectation,
for these arise from trying to do a thing of which we are uncertain, to
assume a manner which we have imperfectly acquired.
Sometimes one meets with children who seem to lack the idea of truth,
then it must be developed, and great exactness is demanded of the
mother in every statement.
In describing a garden with five trees, say _five_, not five or six or
several. Go to extremes in accuracy of detail, for the sake of giving
the child the habit of telling only the exact truth.
If a promise has been made to such a child there is more than ordinary
necessity for keeping it to the letter.
Some time ago I heard of a gentleman who promised his little son that he
should be present at the building of a stone wall, while the boy was
absent the wall was built. Coming home he was greatly disappointed.
"Papa you promised I should see it." "So I did my child." And the father
ordered the wall to be torn down and rebuilt. Being expostulated with
regarding the expense and time which he could ill afford, he replied: "I
had rather spend many times the amount than have my son feel that I
would be knowingly false to my word, or that it mattered little if a
promise was broken."
Though truth and faithfulness might have been taught and the wall
remained, because all accidents of life are not under our control, no
one can doubt the impression made upon that boy's mind.
A mother speaking to me about two of her children said that they tell
her most wonderful stories of school life and play time. She hears them
quietly and says: "That is very interesting; now, how much did you see
and hear, and how much do you think you saw and heard." They stop,
think, and sift out the actual from the imaginative, sometimes
correcting each other. One day the little boy said: "I really thought,
Mamma, it was all so, but I guess only this part was."
Much license is commonly allowed in order to tell a "good story," and
many a child thus unconsciously gains a light conception of the value of
truth, or they think their elders are privileged to use prevarications.
I will give an illustration of this.
One day a group of ladies seated on the porch of a hotel were
entertaining each other, among them was one notorious for her habit of
exaggeration. We were all listening to one of this lady's "good stories"
when her eldest little girl, a child of seven, came towards us, leading
her small sister of four. Going up to her mother the child said in a
most serious tone of voice: "Mamma, Elsie told a lie. You said it was
naughty for little girls to tell lies; they must wait until they are big
ladies; musn't they?"
The laugh that followed was joined in by the mother, who seemed quite
unconscious of the reproof contained in the innocent speech of her
little child.
Another point to which I would call your attention is showing
partiality; sometimes severely reproving a fault in one child, which you
would pass over in a favorite. Children feel this keenly while childhood
lasts, and sometimes resent it when they grow up. I have here a little
piece which I am sure will appeal to you.
The lady who wrote it evidently understands child-nature.
SOLILOQUY BY MISS ETHEL M. KELLY.
Now I lay me down to sleep--
Don't want to sleep; I want to think,
I didn't mean to spill that ink;
I only meant to softly creep
Under the desk and be a bear--
'Taint 'bout the spanking that I care.
'F she'd only let me 'splain an' tell
Just how it was an accident,
An' that I never truly meant
An' never saw it till it fell.
I feel a whole lot worse nor her;
I'm sorry; an' I said I were.
I s'pose if I'd just cried a lot,
An' choked all up like sister does,
An' acted sadder than I wuz,
An' sobbed about the "naughty spot."
She'd said, "He shan't be whipped, he shan't."
An kissed me--but, somehow I can't.
But I don't think it's fair a bit
That when she talks an' talks at you,
An' you wait patiently till she's through,
An' start to tell your side of it,
She says, "Now that'll do my son;
I've heard enough, 'fore you've begun."
If I should die before I wake--
Maybe I ain't got any soul;
Maybe there's only just a hole
Where't ought to be--there's such an ache
Down there somewhere! She seemed to think
That I just loved to spill that ink.
Dear Christian mothers, permit me, a very, very old member of your
society, to offer this advice. Be on the alert always to give good
example to your children. Remember you are teaching them spiritual
truths or errors from the day of their birth. You cannot help it, if
you would. Your daily conduct tells its own story influencing for or
against your beliefs.
If you are a consistent Christian, your life before your child is
teaching him to believe in the Christ whose example you follow. If you
are not practicing what you profess no amount of teaching will bring
your children to respect your beliefs.
Let us take for our model dear Mater Admirabilis, and as near as
possible imitate that divine Mother, making for ourselves a charmed
existence by blotting out as far as possible the disagreeables of life;
they will come, but they will only grow larger when we remember them,
and constant thought of acts of meanness makes us more familiar with
them. Obliterate every unworthy thought from your heart and soul, then
your children will retain only sweet memories of their mother.