O eternal and most gracious God, who art able to make, and dost make,
the sick bed of thy servants chapels of ease to them, and the dreams of
thy servants prayers and meditations upon thee, let not this continual
watchfulness of mine, this inability to sleep, which thou hast laid upon
me, be any disquiet or discomfort to me, but rather an argument, that
thou wouldst not have me sleep in thy presence. What it may indicate or
signify concerning the state of my body, let them consider to whom that
consideration belongs; do thou, who only art the Physician of my soul,
tell her, that thou wilt afford her such defensatives, as that she shall
wake ever towards thee, and yet ever sleep in thee, and that, through
all this sickness, thou wilt either preserve mine understanding from all
decays and distractions which these watchings might occasion, or that
thou wilt reckon and account with me from before those violences, and
not call any piece of my sickness a sin. It is a heavy and indelible sin
that I brought into the world with me; it is a heavy and innumerable
multitude of sins which I have heaped up since; I have sinned behind thy
back (if that can be done), by wilful abstaining from thy congregations
and omitting thy service, and I have sinned before thy face, in my
hypocrisies in prayer, in my ostentation, and the mingling a respect of
myself in preaching thy word; I have sinned in my fasting, by repining
when a penurious fortune hath kept me low; and I have sinned even in
that fulness, when I have been at thy table, by a negligent examination,
by a wilful prevarication, in receiving that heavenly food and physic.
But as I know, O my gracious God, that for all those sins committed
since, yet thou wilt consider me, as I was in thy purpose when thou
wrotest my name in the book of life in mine election; so into what
deviations soever I stray and wander by occasion of this sickness, O
God, return thou to that minute wherein thou wast pleased with me and
consider me in that condition.