My God, my God, thou hast made this sick bed thine altar, and I have no
other sacrifice to offer but myself; and wilt thou accept no spotted
sacrifice? Doth thy Son dwell bodily in this flesh that thou shouldst
look for an unspottedness here? or is the Holy Ghost the soul of this
body, as he is of thy spouse, who is therefore _all fair, and no spot in
her_?[185] or hath thy Son himself no spots, who hath all our stains and
deformities in him? or hath thy spouse, thy church, no spots, when every
particular limb of that fair and spotless body, every particular soul in
that church, is full of stains and spots? Thou bidst us _hate the
garment that is spotted with the flesh_.[186] The flesh itself is the
garment, and it spotteth itself with itself. And _if I wash myself with
snow water, mine own clothes shall make me abominable_;[187] and yet _no
man yet ever hated his own flesh_.[188] Lord, if thou look for a
spotlessness, whom wilt thou look upon? Thy mercy may go a great way in
my soul and yet not leave me without spots; thy corrections may go far
and burn deep, and yet not leave me spotless: thy children apprehended
that, when they said, _From our former iniquity we are not cleansed
until this day, though there was a plague in the congregation of the
Lord_.[189] Thou rainest upon us, and yet dost not always mollify all
our hardness; thou kindlest thy fires in us, and yet dost not always
burn up all our dross; thou healest our wounds, and yet leavest scars;
thou purgest the blood, and yet leavest spots. But the spots that thou
hatest are the spots that we hide. The carvers of images cover
spots,[190] says the wise man; when we hide our spots, we become
idolators of our own stains, of our own foulnesses. But if my spots come
forth, by what means soever, whether by the strength of nature, by
voluntary confession (for grace is the nature of a regenerate man, and
the power of grace is the strength of nature), or by the virtue of
cordials (for even thy corrections are cordials), if they come forth
either way, thou receivest that confession with a gracious
interpretation. When thy servant Jacob practised an invention to procure
spots in his sheep,[191] thou didst prosper his rods; and thou dost
prosper thine own rods, when corrections procure the discovery of our
spots, the humble manifestation of our sins to thee; till then thou
mayst justly say, _The whole need not the physician_;[192] till we tell
thee in our sickness we think ourselves whole, till we show our spots,
thou appliest no medicine. But since I do that, shall I not, _Lord, lift
up my face without spot, and be steadfast, and not fear_?[193] Even my
spots belong to thy Son's body, and are part of that which he came down
to this earth to fetch, and challenge, and assume to himself. When I
open my spots I do but present him with that which is his; and till I do
so, I detain and withhold his right. When therefore thou seest them upon
me, as his, and seest them by this way of confession, they shall not
appear to me as the pinches of death, to decline my fear to hell (for
thou hast not left thy holy one in hell, thy Son is not there); but
these spots upon my breast, and upon my soul, shall appear to me as the
constellations of the firmament, to direct my contemplation to that
place where thy Son is, thy right hand.