XII. MEDITATION.

What will not kill a man if a vapour will? How great an elephant, how

small a mouse destroys! To die by a bullet is the soldier's daily bread;

but few men die by hail-shot. A man is more worth than to be sold for

single money; a life to be valued above a trifle. If this were a violent

shaking of the air by thunder or by cannon, in that case the air is

condensed above the thickness of water, of water baked into ice, almost

petrified, almost made stone, and no wonder that kills; but that which

is but a vapour, and a vapour not forced but breathed, should kill, that

our nurse should overlay us, and air that nourishes us should destroy

us, but that it is a half atheism to murmur against Nature, who is God's

immediate commissioner, who would not think himself miserable to be put

into the hands of Nature, who does not only set him up for a mark for

others to shoot at, but delights herself to blow him up like a glass,

till she see him break, even with her own breath? Nay, if this

infectious vapour were sought for, or travelled to, as Pliny hunted

after the vapour of Ætna and dared and challenged Death in the form of a

vapour to do his worst, and felt the worst, he died; or if this vapour

were met withal in an ambush, and we surprised with it, out of a long

shut well, or out of a new opened mine, who would lament, who would

accuse, when we had nothing to accuse, none to lament against but

fortune, who is less than a vapour? But when ourselves are the well

that breathes out this exhalation, the oven that spits out this fiery

smoke, the mine that spews out this suffocating and strangling damp, who

can ever, after this, aggravate his sorrow by this circumstance, that it

was his neighbour, his familiar friend, his brother, that destroyed him,

and destroyed him with a whispering and a calumniating breath, when we

ourselves do it to ourselves by the same means, kill ourselves with our

own vapours? Or if these occasions of this self-destruction had any

contribution from our own wills, any assistance from our own intentions,

nay, from our own errors, we might divide the rebuke, and chide

ourselves as much as them. Fevers upon wilful distempers of drink and

surfeits, consumptions upon intemperances and licentiousness, madness

upon misplacing or overbending our natural faculties, proceed from

ourselves, and so as that ourselves are in the plot, and we are not only

passive, but active too, to our own destruction. But what have I done,

either to breed or to breathe these vapours? They tell me it is my

melancholy; did I infuse, did I drink in melancholy into myself? It is

my thoughtfulness; was I not made to think? It is my study; doth not my

calling call for that? I have done nothing wilfully, perversely toward

it, yet must suffer in it, die by it. There are too many examples of men

that have been their own executioners, and that have made hard shift to

be so: some have always had poison about them, in a hollow ring upon

their finger, and some in their pen that they used to write with; some

have beat out their brains at the wall of their prison, and some have

eat the fire out of their chimneys;[169] and one is said to have come

nearer our case than so, to have strangled himself, though his hands

were bound, by crushing his throat between his knees. But I do nothing

upon myself, and yet am mine own executioner. And we have heard of death

upon small occasions and by scornful instruments: a pin, a comb, a hair

pulled, hath gangrened and killed; but when I have said a vapour, if I

were asked again what is a vapour, I could not tell, it is so insensible

a thing; so near nothing is that that reduces us to nothing. But extend

this vapour, rarefy it; from so narrow a room as our natural bodies, to

any politic body, to a state. That which is fume in us is, in a state

rumour; and these vapours in us, which we consider here pestilent and

infectious fumes, are, in a state, infecitious rumours, detracting and

dishonourable calumnies, libels. The heart in that body is the king, and

the brain his council; and the whole magistracy, that ties all together,

is the sinews which proceed from thence; and the life of all is honour,

and just respect, and due reverence; and therefore, when these vapours,

these venomous rumours, are directed against these noble parts, the

whole body suffers. But yet for all their privileges, they are not

privileged from our misery; that as the vapours most pernicious to us

arise in our own bodies, so do the most dishonourable rumours, and those

that wound a state most arise at home. What ill air that I could have

met in the street, what channel, what shambles, what dunghill, what

vault, could have hurt me so much as these homebred vapours? What

fugitive, what almsman of any foreign state, can do so much harm as a

detractor, a libeller, a scornful jester at home? For as they that write

of poisons, and of creatures naturally disposed to the ruin of man, do

as well mention the flea as the viper[170], because the flea, though he

kill none, he does all the harm he can; so even these libellous and

licentious jesters utter the venom they have, though sometimes virtue,

and always power, be a good pigeon to draw this vapour from the head

and from doing any deadly harm there.

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