Uncle Ned returned from his ’possum hunt about midnight, bringing with
him a fine, fat ’possum. He built a glowing fire, dressed the ’possum,
pared and split the sweet potatoes, and pretty soon he had the “’possum
an’ ’taters” in the oven. While the meal was cooking Uncle Ned amused
himself with his favorite old banjo. When the ’possum had been baked
brown and crisp he took it out of the oven and set it on the hearth to
give it time to cool. Mentally congratulating himself upon the glorious
repast he thought soon to enjoy, he sat silently for awhile in the old
armchair, but presently he was snugly wrapped in the arms of “tired
nature’s sweet restorer--balmy sleep.”
[Illustration: A MIDNIGHT MISHAP.]
It happened that two young fellows who were pretty well acquainted with
Uncle Ned’s habits had been stealthily watching about the house waiting
this particular chance. As soon as they were convinced that the old man
was safe in the arms of Morpheus, they crept into the house and
hurriedly helped themselves to Uncle Ned’s supper, including even the
coffee and bread. When they finished the hasty meal, by way of
attempting to cover up their tracks, they smeared Uncle Ned’s hands and
mouth with the ’possum gravy and then beat a retreat.
After a time Uncle Ned aroused from his peaceful slumber. It is needless
to say that he had dreamed about his supper. At once he dived down to
inspect the viands, when, lo and behold, the hearth was empty! Uncle Ned
steadied himself and studied awhile.
“Well,” said he finally, “I must ’a’ et dat ’possum; I must ’a’ et dat
’possum in my sleep!”
He looked at his hands. They were greasy. He smelt his hands. As he did
so he said:
“Dat smells like ’possum grease! I sho must ’a’ et dat ’possum.”
He discovered grease on his lips. Out went his tongue.
“Dat tas’es like ’possum grease,” he said. He got up. He looked about
the house. There was no sign of intruders. He rubbed his stomach. He
resumed his seat, and, giving up all for lost, he said:
“Well, ef I did eat dat ’possum, hit sets lightah on my appertite dan
any ’possum I evah et befo’.”
[2] Published in Lippincott’s.