WITH no more idea as to our permanent abiding-place than had the Father
of the Faithful, when he turned his back upon Ur of the Chaldees, and
his face toward a land he knew not of, “still journeying toward the
south,” in obedience to daily marching orders—we sought, upon reaching
our native shores, the one _pied-à-terre_ left to us on the continent.
Sunnybank had been left in charge of the gardener, who, with his comely
English wife and four children, had now occupied the lodge at the gate
of our domain for ten years. He was Pompton-born and bred, and so
unromantic in sentiment and undemonstrative in demeanor, that we were
not prepared to behold a triumphal wreath on the gate when we drove
into the grounds. No human creature was visible until, winding through
the grove that hides the house from the highway, we saw the whole
family collected about the door. All were in holiday garb; wreaths of
goldenrod hung in the windows, and above the porch was tacked a scroll
with the word “WELCOME” wrought upon it in the same flowers. Yet more
amazed were we when, as Doctor Terhune stepped from the carriage,
Conrad knelt suddenly and embraced the knees of his employer, with an
inarticulate shout of joy, tears raining down his tanned cheeks.
“Just like a scene in an English play!” commented Christine,
afterward. “But not a bit like what one would expect in Pompton, New
Jersey, U. S. A.”
The unexpectedness of it all, especially the involuntary outbreak in a
man who had never seen a play in his life, and despised “foolishness”
of whatsoever description, moved us to answering softness, and brought
the first rush of home-gladness we had felt since landing. For, to be
honest, I confess that none of us were as yet reconciled to exchanging
the life we had luxuriated in for the past two years—full, rich, and
varied—for a toilful routine of parish duties, we knew not where.
Without confiding the weakness to the others, each of us, as we owned
subsequently with a twinge of shame, had been wofully dashed in spirit
by the circumstances attending our arrival. Clarence Ashley had met us
upon the wharf, his mother and sisters being at their country-place;
the day was unseasonably warm for late September, and New York was
in its least attractive out-of-season dress and mood. The docks were
dirty, and littered with trunks, crates, and boxes; the custom-house
officers were slow, and most of them sulky. We parted on the wharf
with a dear friend from Virginia, who had travelled with us for nearly
a year, and had taken return passage in the same ship. She had a home
to which to go. We felt like pilgrims and strangers in a foreign land.
As the carriage into which we had packed ourselves threaded its way
through the grimy purlieus of the lower city, I found myself saying
over mentally the unpatriotic doggerel I used to declare was unworthy
of any true American:
“The streets are narrow and the buildings mean—
Did I, or fancy, leave them broad and clean?”
Then, the fields and roads past which the train (yclept “an
accommodation”) bumped and swung, were ragged and dusty; the hedge-rows
were unkempt, the trees untrimmed. Fresh as we were from the verdure
of English parks, the shaven lawns, and blossoming hedges that make a
garden-spot of the tight little island we proudly recognized as our Old
Home, the effect of that sultry afternoon was distinctly depressing.
Our lakeside cottage, the one nook in all the broad land we could call
“Home,” on this side of the water, was another disappointment. Mrs.
Haycock and her girls had wrought zealously to make it comfortable, and
even festive. The wee rooms (as they looked to us) were shining clean;
flowers were set here and there, white curtains, white bedspreads,
and bright brasses betokened loving solicitude for our welfare and
contentment, and the good woman had ready a hot supper, enriched with
such Pompton dainties as she knew we loved. “The Invaluable” bustled
over luggage, and added finishing touches to bedrooms and nursery. I am
sure she was the only one of the returned exiles who was really happy
that night.
I am thus frank in relating our experiences, because I believe them
to be identical with those of a majority of tourists, upon resuming
home-habits in their native country. After excitement and novelty comes
the ebb-tide of reaction for the bravest and the most loving. Home is
home, but readjustment precedes real enjoyment of the old scenes and
ways.
We were hardly settled in the nest before we paid a promised visit to
Richmond. There were resident there, now, three families of the clan.
My brother Horace and the noble wife with whom my intimacy continued
unshadowed by a cloud of distrust until her death in 1894; my sister
Myrtle, more my daughter than sister, her husband, and the boy who was
my husband’s namesake; and Percy, the youngling of the brood, with a
dainty little spouse and their first-born son—made up the group that
welcomed us to dear old Richmond in early December.
To this was added, a week or so later, our eldest sister, who
journeyed all the way from her Missouri home to join in the greetings
to the whilom wanderers. We had one more Christmas-week together—the
last that was to collect the unbroken band under one roof-tree. Then
Mea went westward, and we took our way toward the north, leaving
Christine to make her début in society under the auspices of her uncles
and aunts, and where her mother had first tasted the pleasures of
young-ladyhood.
It was, as I wrote to her, history repeating itself, and that I felt as
if I had taken root again in my native soil, and was budding anew into
a second springtime.
In May I wrote to the girl whose first winter “out” had, thanks to the
affectionate adoption of uncles and aunts, fulfilled her rosiest dreams:
“Do you recollect that I quoted to you at our parting in
January, what a quaint old lady said to me in my girlhood:
‘My dear, you may be an angel some day! You will never be
young again. Therefore, make the most of youth.’
“I paraphrase her counsel now, and to you: Make the most of
your present freedom, for you are going to be a pastor’s
daughter again. As you know, your father has been preaching
hither and yon all winter, and has had four calls to as many
different churches: two in New Jersey, one in New Haven,
and, lastly, in Springfield, Massachusetts. For reasons
that seem good and sufficient to him, he has accepted the
last-named invitation, and he will enter upon the duties
connected therewith, this month.
“The ‘Old First’ is the most ancient church in Springfield,
if not the oldest in the Connecticut Valley. It has had
an honorable history, in more than two hundred years of
existence. If you have read Doctor Holland’s _Bay Path_, you
will recollect Mr. Moxon, the then pastor of this church.
Perhaps because I have read the book, and maybe because my
old Massachusetts grandmother (a Puritan of the Puritans,
and preciously uncomfortable to live with, she was!) talked
to me of the straitlaced notions, works, and ways of the
‘orthodox’ New-Englander, which she thought ‘blazed’ the
only road to heaven—I have an idea that we will find the
atmosphere of Springfield very different from any other in
which we have lived. If I am right, it will be a change even
from Presbyterian Richmond. However this may be, I counsel
you to enjoy the remaining weeks of your stay there to the
utmost.”
If I were called upon to describe what was the real “atmosphere” of
the loveliest of New England towns, in which we lived for five busy
years, I should say that it was “stratified,” and that in a fashion
that puzzled us grievously up to the latest day of our sojourn. Public
spirit of the best and most enlightened sort; refinement and taste in
art and literature; social manners and usages that were metropolitan,
and neighborliness which made the stranger and sojourner welcome and
at ease—all this was “shot,” if I may so express it, with strata of
bigotry; with stubborn convictions that the holders thereof were right,
and the insignificant residue of the world utterly wrong, and with
primitive modes of daily life and speech, that never ceased to surprise
and baffle us. Yet we flattered ourselves that we knew something of the
world and the inhabitants thereof!
In the process of acclimation we had occasion, if we had never had it
before, to be thankful for the unfailing and robust sense of humor
that had stood our friend in many straits which would else have been
annoyances. Before long, we recognized that certain contradictory
phases of conduct and language, hard to comprehend and hard to endure,
had their keynote in what one of the best of my new friends once aptly
defined to me as “an agony of incommunicableness,” inherent in the
New-Englander’s composition. He may have drawn the strain through
nearly three centuries from his early English ancestry. I have seen the
same paradox in the Briton of this generation. Of one such man I said,
later in life, when I was alone with my sick son, thousands of miles
from home: “The ice was slow in breaking up; but it gave way all at
once, and there was warm water under it.”
“Agony of incommunicableness!” Over and over, during those five years,
I blessed the man who put that key into my hand.
I cannot better illustrate what I am trying to explain than by relating
what is, to me, one of the most precious and altogether satisfactory
memories connected with our Springfield experiences.
Four months after our removal to the beautiful city, I received a
formal request (everything up to that time had a smack of formality to
my apprehension) that I would take charge of a young men’s Bible-class,
the teacher of which had left the town. The application was startling,
for not one of the young fellows had ever called on me, or evinced
other consciousness of the insignificant fact of my existence than was
implied in a grave salutation at the church-door and on the street.
After consultation with my husband I accepted the position, and on
the next Sabbath was duly inducted into office by the superintendent.
That is, he took me to the door of the class-room and announced: “Mrs.
Terhune, young gentlemen, who will conduct your class in the place of
Mr. L., resigned.”
I walked up the room to face eight bearded men, the youngest twenty-two
years of age, drawn up in line of battle at the far end. I bowed
and said “Good-afternoon,” in taking the seat and table set for me
in front of the line. They bowed in silence. I began the attack by
disclaiming the idea of “teaching” them, concealing as best I could my
consternation at finding men where I had looked for lads. I asked “the
privilege of studying with them,” and thanked them for the compliment
of the invitation to do this. Then I opened the Bible and delivered a
familiar running lecture upon the lesson for the day. Not a question
was asked by one of the dumb eight, and not a comment was made at the
close of the “exercises” upon what had been said. I went through the
miserable form of shaking hands with them all as we separated, and
carried home a thoroughly discouraged spirit. By the following Sunday
I hit upon the idea of calling upon each student to read a reference
text, as it occurred in the course of the lecture, and I took care
there should be plenty of them. That was the first crack in the ice.
Encouraged by the sound of their own voices, the young fellows put a
query or two, and I used these as nails upon which to hang observations
not indicated in the “lesson-papers.” Next week there were sixteen in
line. Before the first year was out there were forty, and they gave a
dramatic entertainment in a neighboring hall, which netted a sum large
enough to enlarge the class-room to double the original size. They
decorated it with their own hands, and I was with them every evening
thus employed.
Still, there was never a syllable to indicate that this was anything
but a business venture. I love boys with my whole heart, and I had said
this and more in their hearing, eliciting no response.
At the end of the second year, when there were fifty members in the
class, one of the eldest of the number removed from Springfield to a
distant city. One of the greatest surprises of my life was in the form
of a letter I had the week after he had bidden me good-bye as coolly as
if he had expected to see me next Sunday as usual.
He began by telling me how often he had wished he could express what
those Sunday afternoons had been in his life. He “feared that I might
have thought him unresponsive and ungrateful.”
“If indeed you ever troubled yourself to bestow more than a passing
thought upon this one of the many to whom you have ministered,” he
went on, “I don’t believe you ever noticed that I let nobody else take
the seat next to you on the left? I used to go very early to make sure
of it. I shall unite with the church here next Sunday. You have a right
to know of a purpose, formed weeks ago, in that class-room—the most
sacred spot to me on earth.”
He wrote to me of his marriage two years later, then of the coming of
his first-born son. About once a year I heard from him, and that he was
prospering in business and happy in his home. Ten years ago I had a
paper containing a marked obituary-notice bearing his name.
The same story, with variations that do not affect the general purport
of the class-history, might be repeated here. I hear of “my boys” from
all parts of the world. All are gray-haired now who have not preceded
their grateful leader to the Changeless Home.
There were sixty-six of them when I told them, one Sunday afternoon,
five years after our first meeting, that Doctor Terhune had accepted
a pressing call to a Brooklyn church, and that I must leave them. The
news was absolutely unexpected, and a dead silence ensued. Then one
fellow, who had been received into the church with ten others of our
class, at the preceding communion season, arose in his place:
“Is there anything _we_ could do to keep him—and you?” he asked,
huskily. “Has anybody done anything to make your residence here
unpleasant? If so”—stammering now, and a defiant scowl gathering upon
his handsome face—“Say! can’t we fellows just _clean them out_, and
keep you and the Doctor?”
It was impossible not to laugh. It was as impossible to hold back the
tears at the odd demonstration of the “boys’” claim to membership in
the Church Militant. He may have forgotten the upgushing of the warm
water under the ice. I shall never lose the memory.
Nor yet of the farewell reception to which the boys rallied in force,
excluding all other guests from the pleasant class-room we had built,
and in which I spent some of the happiest hours vouchsafed to me in the
city I had called “a cold-storage vault,” before I got under the ice of
English reserve and Puritanical self-consciousness—engendered, as I am
fain to believe, by the rigid self-examination enjoined by the founders
of State and Church. In those rude and strenuous days, self-examination
took the place, with tortured, naked souls, of the penances prescribed
in the communion they had left to find
“Freedom to worship God,”
and
“A church without a bishop,
A state without a king.”
The class-room was wreathed with flowers; there was music by the boys,
and social chat; a collation of their own devising: then the eldest of
the band, a married man for years, goodly of form and feature, and with
a nature as lovely as his face, arose to make a farewell “presentation
address.” He never finished it, although it began bravely enough. The
handsome set of brasses he passed over to me were labelled, as he
showed me, “FROM YOUR BOYS.”
“You will have another class in your new home,” the speaker broke into
the carefully prepared peroration to say, “but please let us always
call ourselves, ‘Your Boys!’”
They are that still, and they will be evermore! A finer, more loyal
body of young men it would be hard to find in New England, or
elsewhere. It has happened so often that I have come to look for it,
that, on steamer or train, on the street or in hotel, I am accosted by
a middle-aged man—invariably highly respectable in appearance—with—
“I beg your pardon. Let me recall myself to your memory. I belonged to
your Bible-class in Springfield.”
If, as usually happens, he adds to his name, “One of your boys”—the
ashes are blown away from the embers of long-past acquaintanceship. The
talk that ensues invariably emphasizes the pleasing fact that, if there
were a black sheep in our fold, he has, up to date, escaped detection.
God bless each and every one of them!
I cannot close the chapter that has to do with our Springfield days,
without paying a brief tribute to two who played important parts in the
drama of our family life. Both have passed from mortal vision, and I
may, therefore, name them freely.
The house built for us by a parishioner in the pleasantest part of
the city, was in the immediate neighborhood of the homestead of the
late Samuel Bowles, the well-known proprietor of the _Springfield
Republican_. The house was now occupied by his widow and family. To
the warm friendship that grew up between Mrs. Bowles and myself I
owe more than I can trust my pen to express here. From our earliest
meeting, the “middle wall of partition” of strangerhood ceased to
be to either of us. Hers, as I often reminded her, was the one and
only house in the place into which I could drop, between the lights,
unannounced, when the humor seized me, and without putting on hat or
coat. The ascent of the half-block of space dividing our doors is ever
associated in my mind with the gloaming and moonlight, and slipping
away from duties to relax thought and tongue, for one calming and
sweetening half-hour, in the society of one “who knew.” It was not
alone that, as one who had been born, and had lived out her girlhood in
the Middle States, her range of ideas and sympathies was not limited
by the circle of hills binding Springfield into a close corporation.
Her great, warm heart took in the homesick stranger that I was, for
many a month after transplantation, and gave me a corner of my very
own. She was a safe, as well as an appreciative listener, and gave
me many a hint respecting my new environment that wrought out good to
me. Her fine sense of humor was another bond that drew us together.
The snug sitting-room, looking upon the quiet street, up which the
shadows gathered slowly on summer evenings, and where the sleigh-bells
jingled shrilly in the early winter twilight, echoed to bursts of
laughter better befitting a pair of school-girls than two matrons who
were both on the shady side of fifty. I was in the earthly Jerusalem,
with my son, when the gates of the Celestial City opened to receive
her faithful, loving spirit. I am sure that, as Bunyan affirmed when
another travel-worn pilgrim entered into rest, “All the bells of the
city rang for joy.”
In April, 1884, our eldest daughter became the wife of James Frederick
Herrick, one of the _Republican’s_ editorial staff. We left her in
Springfield when, in the same year, we returned to the Middle States
to take up our abode for the next twelve years in Brooklyn. We could
not have left her in safer, tenderer keeping. A brother-editor said of
him once that he “had a heart of fire in a case of ice.” The simile did
not do justice to the gentle courtesy and dignity that lent a touch
of old-school courtliness to manner and address. In all the intimate
association of the next ten years, I never saw in him an act, or heard
a word that approximated unkindness or incivility. I wrote him down
then, as I do now, as in all respects, the thorough gentleman in what
makes the much-abused word a badge of honor. His ideals were high and
pure; his life, private and professional, above reproach.
“The stuff martyrs and heroes are made of,” said one who knew him well
and long.
He would have died for the truth; he would have laid down his life with
a smile for his wife and children. Such harmonious blending of strength
and sweetness as were found in the life of this man—modest to a fault,
and resolute to a proverb—I have never seen in another.
“_I have fought the good fight_” is the wording of his epitaph. I could
have wished to add, “_Of whom the world was not worthy_.”
In 1886 he received an appointment that brought him to New York. There
he yielded up a blameless life in 1893. If his last illness were not
the direct result of steady, unremitting work, it is yet true that he
wrought gallantly after the fatal fever fastened upon him, standing
patiently in his lot until prostrated by delirium.
I shall part with reason and memory before I forget that his last
thought was of the young wife kneeling at his pillow, and that the
dying eyes, in losing their hold upon earth, committed her to me.