About a week after I had been down to see Oliver, I observed that
something strange had come over Dr. Maynard. The first time I noticed
it was the day I hailed him when he was passing the house one noon,
and gave him an envelope with my December allowance sealed up inside.
I explained it was in part payment of the loan he had made me the
week before. He didn't laugh; he didn't even smile; he was as solemn
as a judge, as he took that envelope and put it in his breast-pocket.
Usually there is a joke on the tip of Dr. Maynard's tongue. He is
always saving situations from becoming serious by a bit of fun. I never
knew what it was to feel uncomfortable with Dr. Maynard. The next day
when he passed me alone in his automobile, when I was coming home from
downtown, it flashed upon me as very odd that he didn't stop and take
me in as usual. Then it occurred to me that he hadn't taken me out
for a ride, for days. I got to thinking! The next Sunday at church
he and Alec seemed friendly enough, but I observed that Dr. Maynard
didn't drop in on us in the afternoon. The grave look that had come
into his eyes when he passed those two bills to me that morning on his
front porch, the solemn tone in his voice when he said, "Then, here
it is, Bobbie," seemed to be there every time he spoke to me. I was
sorry. It made me uneasy. It didn't seem as if I could bear it if Dr.
Maynard should go back on me--along with the business, and Alec, and
everything and everybody I ever cared a cent about.
I wondered what was the cause of Dr. Maynard's coolness. Perhaps he
felt that Alec was blaming him for allowing me to take so much of his
money; perhaps he was nursing the idea that he was responsible for the
strangeness between my older brother and myself; or else, possibly Dr.
Maynard thought that since I had committed such an unheard-of act as to
ask him for money I would naturally feel embarrassed and ill-at-ease in
his presence. But that was all nonsense. I didn't regret a thing that I
had done. In spite of what Alec might consider my shocking impropriety,
I didn't feel ashamed. I adored Dr. Maynard's cheerfulness! It seemed
as if I must go and tell him that the only fun I had left now was
the fun I had with him. I used to love his jokes and merry-making.
I believe Dr. Maynard could make the worst catastrophe in the world
a lark, if he wanted to. Why, whenever we had a puncture in the
automobile, Dr. Maynard was so good-natured about it that any one would
have thought he enjoyed punctures. "You've got a flat tire, George,"
he'd sing out to me (he calls me George when I am running the car), or,
"Sorry, Miss; sounds mighty like a blow-out," he'd say, if he happened
to be at the wheel; and while he was jacking-up, I'd flax around
and unlock the tools. Before he had the shoe off, I was ready with
the new inner tube, and thirty minutes from the time we had stopped
we were zinging along again as good as new. Most of the sunshine in
my life--literal sunshine and the other kind too--came through Dr.
Maynard.
As I became more and more convinced that he was acting queerly, I began
to realise how kind he had been to me. I suppose Dr. Maynard is really
a better friend of mine than Juliet Adams, to whom I write twice every
week, and for whom I make a stunning Christmas present every year. He
has surely done more to fill my heart with gratitude and everlasting
appreciation. It flashed upon me, one day, that I had never done a
thing in my life, without pay, for Dr. Maynard. I began thinking
and thinking what a girl of nineteen could do anyhow, for a man of
thirty-five, who lives all alone and has all the money he wants.
It was when I was working on Juliet's Christmas present that it
occurred to me that possibly it might please an older man, who didn't
have any family, if some one gave _him_ a Christmas present. The more
I thought about it the better I liked the idea. It seemed to me a
delicate way of expressing my thanks to Dr. Maynard for all that he had
done.
I had an awful time deciding on the present. First I wanted to buy
a wind-shield for his automobile but the price of wind-shields is
something terrific. Fur robes, automobile clocks, a Gabriel horn all
were delightful possibilities, but beyond the limits of my purse.
My oldest brother Tom likes books, I always give Alec socks or
handkerchiefs. The twins adore sofa-pillows for their rooms. Sofa
pillows! Would Dr. Maynard like a sofa-pillow for his room? For a week
I hesitated between a sofa-pillow and a hand-embroidered picture frame,
but finally decided on the pillow.
I knew exactly how I was going to make it. I had seen one of my
friends, who attends a big boarding-school near Philadelphia,
embroidering a perfectly stunning one at Thanksgiving for a college man
she knew. I copied hers. Of course I realised that Dr. Maynard had been
out of college for years, but he is very loyal to his Alma Mater. He
told me all about the fifteenth reunion he attended last June as soon
as he got home, and seemed awfully enthusiastic. So I bought and had
charged to myself, two yards of the most expensive and shiniest satin
in the Hilton stores, had it stamped on one side with the seal of Dr.
Maynard's college, and on the other with his initials and the numerals
of his class beneath. It wasn't very complimentary to Dr. Maynard
I suppose, but as I worked, I wondered if I would ever embroider a
sofa-pillow for a real college man. I wished this one was destined for
some one who was in college now. I should have enjoyed the thought that
a pillow made by my hands would be piled high on a couch in the corner
of a college boy's room, beneath posters and signs and flags, and that
college men would lean up against it and play banjos and guitars. I
wished I had half an excuse for making a sofa-pillow for Mr. Blanchard.
Dr. Maynard graduated perfect ages ago, in the class of '90--three
years before the World's Fair in Chicago, which is one of my earliest
recollections. The pillow that I copied mine from has on it a big '09,
and Mr. Blanchard is a member of the class of '06. I had only to turn
my pillow upside down and it would have been perfect for Mr. Blanchard.
After I had finished the embroidery, I bought the best down-pillow
for the thing that I could find--for I wasn't going to skimp on Dr.
Maynard's Christmas present, after all his generosity--and also a heavy
black silk cord to go around the edge. I must confess when it was all
done--the black letters standing up so that they cast a shadow on the
red satin, and the surface as round and full as a raised biscuit--I
must confess it was perfectly lovely. I think Mr. Blanchard would have
liked it very much. I wrapped it up very carefully in tissue paper,
over that a layer of brown paper held together by pins, and put it well
out of sight on my closet shelf. I was determined that Ruth shouldn't
see it.
Christmas used to be a great day with us. Tom always came home from
the West; and we had fricasseed chicken for breakfast; turkey and
pies for dinner; figs, nuts and Malaga grapes for supper. We never
celebrated with a Christmas tree (we considered them childish) and
the younger ones of us--Ruth and I and the twins--never hung our
stockings. Since Mother died there was no one to keep up the fiction
of Santa Claus, and I remember we used to feel awfully set-up and
superior at the church supper on Christmas Eve when we, with grown-ups,
knew that the person in the old red coat and white beard was just the
Sunday-school superintendent dressed up. We always opened our presents
in the sitting-room directly after breakfast. Each member of the family
had a chair of his own, with his presents piled in it. When we all
finally got started on the opening, I don't know whether we were more
interested in seeing the presents we had given, opened, or opening the
ones we had received. It was a wonderful hour anyhow, and I can't even
remember it without getting a thrill.
It's different now; everything is different--Memorial Day, Fourth of
July and Thanksgiving--with Father gone. We can't seem to fill up the
rooms without Father. When we try to celebrate a holiday I think it
must be something like acting or preaching to an empty house. Father
was a beautiful audience, and his applause made the day worth while.
Since Tom has been married he hasn't been here for Christmas either.
Elise's family wants her with them. Besides, she has two little
daughters now and can't possibly come East anyhow. You can imagine with
only Ruth, the twins, heart-sick Alec, and me--no Dixie, no Nellie, no
money for presents, and the "For Sale" sign still outside the parlour
window--it wasn't a very merry Christmas for the Vars family. It just
dragged, I can tell you. I had to cook the dinner myself because
Bridget, the general-housework girl, had too soft a heart to disappoint
her second cousin, who had invited her to spend the day with her.
Ruth and the twins started off on a skating-party about three in the
afternoon, after we'd done up the dishes together. As soon as I was
sure they were all safely out of the way--Alec was sound asleep on the
third floor--I stuck on my red tam and sweater, and took my present
over to Dr. Maynard.
I was dreadfully afraid I'd meet some one I knew on the way, and they'd
inquire what I had in the bundle. It was the awkwardest thing I ever
attempted to carry in my life. Try it sometime. When I struggled up to
Dr. Maynard's front door, I wondered if he had been watching me from
the windows, and asking himself what in the name of heaven was coming
now. But he wasn't at home. Eliza who came to the door explained that
Dr. Maynard had gone out horseback riding, but wouldn't I come in and
wait?
I thanked Eliza--I'd never been inside Dr. Maynard's house before--and
entered the hall. She showed me into a big square room at the left, and
told me to sit down.
"I won't stop, I think," I said. "I'll just leave this. It's a
Christmas present for Dr. Maynard. Don't tell him who left it. There's
a card inside."
"I'll lay it right here on his desk," said Eliza, grinning with
pleasure.
She'd no sooner put my bundle down than I heard the clatter of horse's
hoofs on the hard driveway outside.
"I believe he's coming," I exclaimed. "How lucky! I'll wait."
After Eliza had gone back to the kitchen and I was alone, I gazed about
the room. It was a dark, dull room with bronze-coloured walls. Low,
black walnut bookcases were built in around two sides, and over them
hung two solitary pictures--steel engravings of battle scenes. There
were several huge leather armchairs, and a bare leather couch in one
corner. There wasn't a single sofa-pillow on it. I didn't believe Dr.
Maynard liked sofa-pillows after all. Everything was so big and dark
and stiff in that room, I was afraid a pillow would look out of place.
I walked over to Dr. Maynard's desk. It was just like the room--nothing
pretty on it--a book or two, a big bronze horse, a piece of black onyx
for a paperweight. There was also a small, dark leather frame, and in
it a kodak picture of Alec on horseback. The horse was poor dear little
Dixie, who had gone away. I remembered when Dr. Maynard had taken that
picture. It was in our back yard last summer. The smoke-bush had been
in full plumage. Just before he snapped the picture, he had called to
me, "You get into it, too, Bobbie. Stand up here, in front, by Dixie's
head." And there I was, as sure as life, pinching the dear little
horse's soft under lip, and smiling at Dr. Maynard.
As I stood looking at the picture, wondering where Dixie had gone--for
Alec hadn't told me and I dreaded to ask--Dr. Maynard passed by the
window by my side. He was coming in from the stable by way of the front
door, and Eliza would have no opportunity for telling him that he had
a caller. As I heard him fitting his key into the lock of the outside
door, it occurred to me that it would be fun to hide. I glanced around
the room. There wasn't a drapery in sight. There wasn't a hanging of
any description that I could crawl behind. So finally I dashed into
what proved to be a closet--dark as pitch.
Dr. Maynard didn't stop in the hall. He didn't call Eliza. He came
directly toward the library door and entered the room. The sun was
just setting, and a few last rays came slanting through the windows.
They burnished the room like magic brass-polish. The bronze-coloured
walls shone like dull copper; the brown leather armchairs, the black
walnut woodwork, the old camel-shaded rugs were absolutely golden. As
Dr. Maynard stood in the late sunshine in his khaki coloured riding
things, his face all aglow and ruddy with the cold, he too glowed
like everything else. He looked very handsome in his riding boots (I
could see him through the crack in the door) and much sportier than in
automobile goggles and a visored cap.
He tossed down his riding whip and soft felt hat in a chair, rubbed his
bare hands together as if they were cold, blew through his fingers,
then abruptly flung himself full length on the leather couch. He
clasped his two hands underneath his head, and lay there with his eyes
wide open, staring up at the ceiling. I hoped he wouldn't keep me
waiting long. A small travelling clock on the desk struck four-thirty,
and he turned toward it. It was then that he saw the big white bundle
resting on his blotter. He frowned a moment, as his gaze fell upon it
(I was shaking with laughter) then got up and walked over to it. He
picked it up, turned it over, and laid it down again. He examined the
outside closely--for an address, I suppose--gave it up, then shoving
his hands into his pockets, stood looking down at the bundle, as if
some stranger had left a baby at his door and he didn't know what
to do with it. Finally, he decided to open the thing at least, and
began taking out the pins. Beneath the brown paper was the layer of
white tissue paper, tied with red Christmas ribbon. I didn't think
Dr. Maynard would ever get beneath that tissue paper. You would have
thought that there was something explosive inside. He lifted up the
rustling package gingerly by the red ribbon and looked it all over. My
card was hanging from the under side. Dr. Maynard took it off at last
and read it.
It was a plain white card with simply the words: "Merry Christmas to
W. F. M. from his discharged chauffeur, George." Dr. Maynard gazed at
that card as if there had been volumes written on it. He turned it
over, searched on the back, and examined again its face. Then he went
to the window, put the shade up to the top, and came back to the desk.
His back was toward me; I couldn't see the expression on his face as he
folded back the tissue paper, and my pillow finally shone up at him. He
didn't speak nor make a single sound as he stood looking down at the
initials and his class numeral. He didn't stir--just looked until the
silence grew uncomfortable. Suddenly he sat down in his desk-chair,
leaned forward, picked up Alec's picture and began looking at that in
the same awfully still, quiet way. I couldn't bear it a minute longer.
The tensity was something like a shrill, long-drawn-out note on a
violin. I can't explain it, but it made me want to scream.
Suddenly I burst out upon him.
"Well," I exclaimed, "do you like it?"
He wheeled about, as if he'd heard a shot.
"Lucy!" he said, "Where did you--?"
"In the closet," I interrupted, "watching."
He still had the picture in his hands. He glanced at it, then laid it
down, and for the first time in my life I saw the dark colour come into
Dr. Maynard's face. He came over to me.
"Did you make it?" he asked me quietly.
"Every stitch for you!" I said, laughing.
He didn't answer at first. He just kept looking at me, with that queer,
new look of his. He didn't joke. His eyes didn't twinkle with fun. When
he spoke his voice trembled. He took one of my hands very kindly and
gently in both of his cold ones.
"You have made my Christmas the very happiest one in my life, Lucy," he
said solemnly.
I glanced up surprised. I wish I could write down how his eyes looked.
I can't. I only know I was suddenly afraid. I drew my hand away and
laughed, for no reason. I was actually embarrassed before Dr. Maynard!
"I guess I must go," I said nervously. The sun had set and the glow had
all gone out of the room.
Dr. Maynard didn't answer me. He just stood there like a stone man. Oh,
I think that silences are the most awfully eloquent things in the world!
"It's getting dark," I added desperately.
Without a word Dr. Maynard went to the library door and opened it. I
followed. Then to the front door and opened that. He stood holding it
back, still not speaking (but I could feel his gaze burning into me)
and I sped past him out into the dusk, like a wild bird out of a cage.
I don't know how I got home. I half ran, half stumbled along the frozen
road. My heart was thumping, and though I wasn't a bit cold (my cheeks
fairly burned) my teeth chattered as if I were chilled through. When I
reached the house there was a funny, choking feeling in my throat, and
I dashed up to my room and locked myself in.
* * * * *
All this last took place not eight hours ago and it is very late
Christmas night.
When I write down what has happened it seems absurd to be excited.
But when I think of it--when I close my eyes, see his gaze, hear his
voice, I can't sleep. So I have climbed up into my cupola. I have been
sitting looking up at the stars. They are very bright to-night. There
are millions shining.
I can see most all the houses in Hilton from my eyrie. They are dark
now. It is after twelve. But there are two windows aglow. I can see
them shining, side by side like eyes, through the bare limbs of our
apple orchard. They are western windows, in a white house, and eight
hours ago the setting sun shone into them, upon Dr. Maynard in his
riding clothes. I wonder what he is doing so late.
It's a lovely night--cold, clear and so still. I'd like to walk twenty
miles before morning. I'd like to fly a thousand.
O Father, I don't know why it is--it doesn't seem right, for the awful
shadow is still over our house and Alec hasn't smiled all day--but
this--oh, this is _my_ happiest Christmas too!