"And what do you do with yourself on your half-holidays?"
I had taken courage to address the office-boy who keeps his eye on me
while I wait humbly in the vestibule of my Financial Adviser.
"Pitchers," he replied affably.
"I beg your pardon," I said.
"Movin' pitchers," he explained; and I knew that the cinema had another
slave.
And this too I knew, that a youth who breathed, as he did, the pure
atmosphere of High Finance, would never commit a crime and blame the
pitchers for it, as so many of our young criminals do. So many, in
fact, that in my mind's eye I see the following reports in the papers:--
A boy of five was brought yesterday before the Darlington Bench charged
with the bombardment of a street. Evidence showed that the prisoner
established a machine-gun in the back garden of his father's house and
systematically fired it at his neighbours' walls, doing considerable
damage. The boy pleaded guilty, but explained that he had been to see
some war-pictures at the cinema. The magistrate ordered the cinema to
be kept under observation, and awarded the boy a shilling from the
poor-box.
A girl of eight was charged at the Guildhall with causing an
obstruction. Evidence was to the effect that she stood in the middle of
Cheapside holding out her hands and a block resulted which disorganised
the traffic for some hours. The child's excuse was that she had been
witnessing the Lord Mayor's Show at the cinema.
"The pictures again!" exclaimed the magistrate. "When will this
nuisance be stopped?"
Two boys of seven were charged at the Thames Police Court yesterday
with kidnapping a young lady. Evidence showed that on the evening
before, they first obtained possession of a motor car from the window
of a shop in Long Acre, drove it at a great pace (one constable said
forty miles an hour, and another sixty-one) to a house in Park Lane,
where, while one boy remained outside, the other drew a revolver
and forced the resident heiress into the car. At this point they
were arrested. The boys said that they were very sorry, but that the
spectacle of an abduction romance on the films had been too strong for
them.
The magistrate: "What is the cinema censor about? Nothing is more
deplorable than that the imaginations of young boys should be excited
by these lurid dramas." The boys were discharged.
Three boys of six, seven and eight respectively were charged at
Sheffield with stealing a railway train. It appears that while the
driver of a Scotch excursion, which was in a siding, was oiling the
wheels, the three boys sprang to the footboard and started the train.
The driver pursued it, but was at once shot by one of the boys, who
was armed to the teeth with pea-shooters. Asked to explain their
conduct the boys said that they had seen so many train robberies on
the local cinemas that they felt bound to do something in that line
themselves. The magistrate said he did not wonder, and directed that
the proprietors of the cinemas should have their licence cancelled.
Three men of criminal appearance, against whom previous convictions
were proved, who were charged at Vine Street with pocket picking,
explained that it was entirely due to the effect produced upon them by
_Oliver Twist_ on the cinema. The magistrate dismissed the prisoners
and ordered the cinema to be closed.
* * * * *
[Illustration: ECONOMY.
_McTavish_ (_to convalescent soldier_). "I WAS HEARIN' YE HAD A BULLET
IN YE YET. ARE YE NO GAWN TA HAE IT TAEN OOT?"
_Soldier._ "NO THE NOO. YE SEE, I'LL BE GAWN BACK TAE THE FR-RONT IN A
WEE WHILE, AN' WHEN I COME BACK I'LL JUST HAE THEM A' OOT THEGITHER!"]
* * * * *