Germany, it is stated, has promised to pay Turkey a fifth of the war
indemnity, when she gets it. This looks as if she didn't expect to win.
* * *
At last, we hear, the enemy has found a song which is becoming as
popular as "It's a long way to Tipperary." We refer to "Stop your
nibbling, JOFFRE."
* * *
The Sultan of TURKEY is reported to be suffering from a severe heart
attack, and the KAISER, it is said, has written to him telling him not
to be nervous, and pointing out how soon he himself recovered after his
heart had bled for Louvain.
* * *
"There is no room in Germany to-day for soft-hearted humanitarians,"
says _Die Post_. We had not suspected that the Fatherland was
inconveniently crowded with this type.
* * *
The production of _King Albert's Book_ is said to have caused many
pangs of jealousy to the KAISER. He must, however, have patience. His
army's achievements in Belgium are now being investigated, and _Kaiser
Wilhelm's Book_ will appear in due course, and should also cause a
sensation.
* * *
The Turkish Army despatched "to deliver Egypt" has begun its march to
the Suez Canal, but the Egyptians remain calm, being convinced that
there is no real danger of their being delivered.
* * *
Discontent with their Government's inaction increases among the
Italians day by day, and the Tiber has risen.
* * *
The report that the EMPEROR FRANCIS JOSEPH is seriously ill is denied.
As a matter of fact our information is to the effect that His Majesty
has not yet been told about the War, as it was feared that it might
worry the old gentleman.
* * *
On Christmas Eve a bomb was planted by an enemy aeroplane in a Dover
garden. This must be a case of intensive culture.
* * *
The Crown Prince of GERMANY is reported to have sent a special emissary
to this country in order to report whether _The New Clown_ at the
New Theatre is, as he suspects, a disrespectful attack on His Royal
Highness.
* * *
"The English," says the unspeakable Dr. KARL PETERS in the _Münchener
Neueste Nachrichten_, "believe our natural kindness to be mere
weakness." Certainly we have never looked upon kindness as being their
strong point.
* * *
It is announced from Berlin that the Government intends to issue a new
set of stamps for use in Belgium. Germany is evidently trying to attach
to herself the sympathy of philatelists--a class of men well known for
their adhesive propensities.
* * *
"TRADE WITH THE ENEMY FINE."
_Daily Mail._
We think it a mistake, not to say unpatriotic, to praise illegal
transactions in this way.
* * *
In describing the wonderful escape of the Newcastle express the other
day when the engine left the rails, _The Evening Standard_ reported
that "The passengers contained many soldiers returning home on leave."
While we have realised that there might be a danger of some of our
heroes being killed by kindness, this news frankly shocks us, and we
are sorry that it should have been passed by the Censor.
* * *
Mr. RUDYARD KIPLING entered his fiftieth year last week. He did it
quietly, without an ode from the POET LAUREATE.
* * *
The _Vorwärts_ reports that there is a shortage of braces among the
German soldiers at the Front. Ostend, evidently, is not "so bracing"
after all.
* * *
The Sultan of TURKEY has issued a rescript announcing that the Sultan
of EGYPT will be tried by a court-martial of the 4th Army Corps, which
is now operating against Egypt. They were wrong who alleged that the
Turks are wanting in humour.
* * *
The French Government has prohibited the exportation of butter.
Curiously enough the day after the prohibition our provision merchant
informed us that he was quite unable to supply us with our "real
Devonshire butter" as usual.
* * *