STRIFE AND VICTORY.
No thought had as yet suggested itself to Katie concerning her right to
the money which had thus come into her possession, and as she lay there
planning the things she was going to get with it, she enjoyed to the
full the dignity of ownership. How glad her mother would be when there
was a decent water-pail in the house, plates enough of one kind to go
round, and a table-cloth that was not nearly all darns! Then her mother
should have a new shawl and bonnet, and each of the boys a straw hat and
a bright necktie, and she would have something to put in the plate every
Sunday in church, and to add to the missionary collection of the
Sunday-school class. Perhaps, even, she could give something toward a
present that the girls were talking of giving to Miss Eunice.
But just then an idea, so painful that at first she turned away from
it, struck her, and a question that she did not want to answer suggested
itself to her mind. Had she a right to keep the money? Was it really
hers? Of course it was, said inclination; whose else could it be? She
had _found_ it, no one else; if she had not picked it up it would have
gone in with the rags to be boiled and ground up into paper again, or it
might have been swept away among the dust and waste paper, and no one
been the better or wiser. "Findings is keepings" was a familiar
school-boy proverb; was it the right principle or not?
Katie tried to persuade herself that it was. Nevertheless, she was glad
that, as she supposed, no one had seen her find the bill, and that her
mother as yet knew nothing about the finding. Also, she did not plan out
any more ways of spending the money.
Katie was so silent all teatime that her brothers continually rallied
her upon her preoccupation, and her mother, fearing she must be sick,
sent her to bed very early. To this the little girl did not object, as
she wanted to be alone to think over the question that was so
perplexing her brain.
Before getting into bed, our young friend opened her drawer, took out
the box, gazed lovingly at the bill for a time, then put it away, and
knelt to say her evening prayer. What was the matter to-night? For
almost the first time since she had known what prayer really was, she
could not pray. Her thoughts would not be controlled; they kept
wandering away to the finding of that bill. She wondered whether any one
had seen her find it, what use she should put it to, and if it were
really hers after all. She knew it was wrong to think of other things at
such a solemn moment, and felt guilty and condemned. Her conscience
troubled her; it seemed as though God were angry with her. So far the
finding of the money had not been a very happy event for its finder. It
often happens that secular things, the things we are interested in in
our daily lives, will come in between us and our prayers, and we cannot
get rid of them. Young Christians especially are greatly troubled in
this way, and have many weary fights in the attempt to control their
thoughts. They have an idea that prayer is such a sacred thing, and God
is so holy, that they must only talk to him about religion, and use
pretty much the same words which they hear in church, and when they
cannot do this, they either fall into the habit of _saying_ such words
formally without in the least thinking of their meaning, or else they
are wretched and self-condemned because of what are called "distractions
in prayer." But there is a more excellent way, even to take all the
things that really interest us directly to "our Father which art in
heaven," and tell him all about them. He encourages us to do so when he
says, "casting _all_ your care upon him," and "in everything by prayer
and supplication make your requests known unto God." If we are really
his children we may be sure that nothing is too small to interest him
which _rightfully_ interests us, and if it is not a right interest there
is no surer way of finding that out, and gaining the victory over it,
than by bringing it to the light of his Holy Spirit and asking him for
strength to dispose of it as we ought.
Had Katie thus taken the money which she had found directly to the
Lord, she would soon have understood all her duty concerning it. Her
desire would have been only to do his will, and she would have gone to
sleep as peacefully as a little child who trusts its mother to manage
for it just as she sees to be for the best. But this she did not dare to
do, partly because she had not yet learned to understand how God
"careth" for his children in all little things, and partly because down
at the bottom of her heart she was not quite ready to do his will--that
is, she _hoped_ that it would be right for her to keep the money, and
hoped this so strongly that she could not look fairly on the other side
of the question. Nearly all night--or it seemed so to a little girl who
was generally asleep by the time her head touched the pillow--she lay
tossing from side to side, troubled by a dozen different sides of the
question. And when she did get to sleep it was to dream confused dreams
of thieves being taken to prison, and of being one of them herself.
As soon as it was light, for the long days had come now, the tired
little girl sprang from her bed, and dressed herself, in a very unhappy
frame of mind. She must decide very soon now, and she began to see more
and more clearly that that money did not belong to her, but to the owner
of the vest in which she had found it. To be sure, she could not now
find the original owner, but Mr. Mountjoy certainly owned it, because he
had bought the rags. It was one thing, however, to see this, and quite
another to decide to give up to him who had so much the little that was
so much to her. All the pleasant planning must go with it; all the
things she had desired for her mother and the boys. She was sure she had
not been selfish; it was not for herself she wanted money at all. From
force of habit she opened her Bible and read the first words she saw,
which were these: "Thou desirest truth in the inward parts." And again
the words flashed upon her: "Thou God seest me."
What did God see? Did he see "truth in the inward part" of her heart?
Was she prepared in _all_ her ways to acknowledge him? his right to her
and all that was hers?
Then she knelt down and did what she ought to have done the first
thing--told him, who understands and pities us "like as a father pitieth
his children," all about it, and asked him to forgive, to pity, and to
direct her. And now it all came to her, for God always keeps his word,
and he has promised to give his Holy Spirit to them that ask him, and
further that that blessed Spirit when he comes shall "guide us unto all
truth."
Whoever was the owner of that bill, she was not. It belonged to God
primarily, but he had given the disposal of it into the hands of him who
owned the rags. If she kept it, at least without telling him that she
had found it, she would be a _thief_! There was but one right way for
her, and that was to take it at once to him, tell him where she had
found it, and leave him to do as he thought best. To her mind there was
little doubt what he would do. People did not generally give away their
money, especially such large sums as fifty dollars seemed to her. All
her air-castles must fall to the dust, and the house must go on with the
old things as before.
Nevertheless, it was with a sense of absolute relief that Katie folded
that bill away in her little purse, and dropped it far down into her
pocket. If the "eyes of the Lord were in every place," they saw it
there, and they saw, too, into her heart, and saw there that the purpose
of doing his will had, by his grace, triumphed over her own desires, and
that was enough to make her once more the happy, bright Katie Robertson.
She was almost late at the mill this morning; had only just time to get
to her place as the short whistle sounded, and of course there was no
time to speak to Mr. Mountjoy. She commenced her work at once, and
continued it very diligently, never once looking around at the other
girls, so full was she of her own thoughts. Thus she did not see the
significant looks which Bertie cast at her from time to time, nor the
signs which she made to some of the other girls who, in their turn,
became curious and significant, and lost several pennies in fines,
because they could not help asking each other what was the matter.
Bertie had not exactly told the story as she knew it, but had
insinuated to one and another that she knew something that nobody else
knew about Katie Robertson; that, if she chose to tell all she knew,
people would not think her such a saint; that, for her part, she did not
believe in saints; when people pretended to be very religious they were
sure to be dishonest, etc. etc. She made such a mystery of her news that
the girls to whom she had made her half-confidence were worked up to a
great state of excitement, and the others were devoured with curiosity
to know what it could all be about.
But Katie worked quietly on. She had plenty of opportunity to change her
determination had she desired to do so, and indeed the temptation to
keep the money herself and say nothing about it presented itself again
and again to her mind. But now she knew it to be a temptation, and she
was strong to resist, because she had committed herself to One who was
mighty and his strength was made perfect in her weakness.
As soon as the noon-bell rang and the work-people all poured along the
corridors and out at the open doors, Katie knocked at the office door
and was told to "Come in!" by Mr. James, who happened to be alone
inside. Without a word the girl walked up to his desk and laid the bill
down beside him.
The young man started, stared, and finally said:--
"Where did you get this?"
"I found it in the rags, sir."
"When?"
"Yesterday afternoon."
"Why did you bring it to me?"
"Because I think if it belongs to anybody it does to you, it was found
among your rags."
"Why did you not bring it to me at once?"
"Because--because I didn't think at first, and I wanted it _so_ much."
"Did you?" said he, gravely. "You know the Bible says: 'Thou shalt not
covet'?"
Katie started; had she been breaking one of the commandments, after all?
Not the one about stealing, of which she had thought, but another.
"I didn't mean to do that," said she, in a low voice, "but we do want
things so much--mother, I mean. We are so poor."
"Are you?" said the young man, in a sympathizing tone. "Well, you are
an honest little girl to bring it to me at all. A great many would not
have done so, and I should have known nothing about it. Didn't you think
of that?"
"Yes, sir; but God knew it, and that made all the difference. Besides, I
don't think I was quite honest; if I had been, I should have come to you
the first minute, and not thought about keeping it at all."
"Then you did have a little struggle about it?"
"Oh, yes, sir, I hardly slept all night. I didn't know what to do at
first, and then I didn't want to do it."
"But God gave you the victory," said the young man, reverently.
"I understand all about that, and how sweet it is to be helped by him,"
Katie added.
"Now," continued he, "I think he sent you that fifty-dollar bill
himself; first to try you, and then that you might help your mother to
buy all those things that you and she are so much in need of. It isn't
mine, for when I pay two cents a pound for old rags I do not buy fifty
dollar bills. Take it, and be just as happy with it as a thankful heart
can make you. Good-morning; I must hurry home to dinner."[1]
A gladder little girl than Katie Robertson it would be hard to find. The
love of money is said to be the root of all evil, and so money itself
sometimes is, but that is according to how it is gotten and how used.
This bill would have been a root of bitter evil to the girl had she kept
it, in spite of an enlightened conscience, which told her to give it up;
and it would have been a root of evil to the young man, had he taken it,
as by the letter of the law he had an undoubted right to do, when he
knew the little girl needed it so much more than he did. As it was, it
was a seed of joy to both of them. Mr. James went home full of the joy
which is so like to Christ's joy, in having been kind to another at his
own expense; and Katie's heart could hardly hold the glad thankfulness,
both to him and to her heavenly Father, that filled it to overflowing,
and that was all the gladder because it was rooted in an approving
conscience, at peace with itself and at peace with God.
The precious piece of paper was displayed to the wondering mother and
brothers at the dinner-table that day. The story, or so much of it as
Katie could bring herself to relate, was told, and all enjoyed in
anticipation the comforts it was able to procure; but the best thing it
accomplished was to teach its finder where to go in time of perplexity
and temptation and in whose strength to be "more than conqueror."
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[Footnote 1: 1 This whole occurrence is a positive fact.]