Oh, give me a home where the mackerel roam
And the cod and the anchovies play.
Where often is seen, the cheerful sardine
And the sunfish is shining all day.
(_CLEM enters from LEFT during song._)
Phineas: Hi ya Clem. Some tun-a, eh?
Clem: Frankly, Finny, it smelt.
Phineas: Ah, quit carping.
Clem: Did you hear about the commotion in town?
Phineas: What’s up?
Clem: Somebody robbed the Oyster bank early this morning.
Phineas: Great Grunion! Did they get much?
Clem: Stole all the pearls and a million dollars in gold fish.
Phineas: Phew! That’s a lot of fish! What’s the Sheriff doing?
Clem: Oh, he’s floundering around.
Phineas: Clem, go tell him we’ll help solve this case.
Clem: O.K. (_CLEM leaves, PHINEAS begins singing “I’m An Old Cow Hand,”
but is violently bumped as the SHERIFF enters LEFT._)
Phineas: Hey, Sam, did you do that on porpoise?
Sheriff: Sorry, Finny. I haven’t been so excited since my dogfish had
guppies.
Phineas: Clem told me about the robbery. Have you found the varmints
yet?
Sheriff: Nope. They left a red herring on the trail.
Phineas: Hm. Must have been some daring soles.
Sheriff: Oh, I don’t know. Only an ’eel would do a thing like that.
Phineas: I’ll go get my sea horse from the coral and join the posse.
Sheriff: Fine. See you later. (_SHERIFF leaves. Before PHINEAS can
leave, a girl is heard, crying, and SUSIE enters, LEFT._)
Susie: Oh, I’m so frightened! Please help me, Phineas.
Phineas: Stop your blubberin’, little gal. What’s wrong?
Susie: (_weeping_) I can’t find the Sheriff! I think I know who robbed
the bank, and they’re after me!
Phineas: Who, gal, who?
Susie: Oily Oliver Octopus and Louie the Lobster!
Phineas: Are you sure? Why I remember them when they were just a couple
of perch-snatchers.
Susie: Oh, yes. I saw them near the bank this morning, but I didn’t
realize what they were going to do.
Phineas: I’ll go tell the Sheriff. He’ll throw out the fishnet.
Susie: (_wailing_) Oh, don’t leave me! Stur-geon-na be trouble.
Phineas: Don’t you fret, Susie, gal. Hide behind that clump of seagrass
till I come back. (_PHINEAS leaves, RIGHT. SUSIE also leaves, LEFT,
apparently to hide. OLIVER enters RIGHT and LOUIE, LEFT._)
Oliver: Well, we made our get-away all right.
Louie: Yep, but I’m scared, boss. We’ve got to catch that little
starfish before she talks.
Oliver: Well, where is she? She came this way.
Louie: ’Course I kinda hate to hurt her. Gosh, she’s purtier than Marlin
Monroe!
Oliver: Forget it! Don’t be a sucker for a pretty fish.