Sir, said I, I am ashamed of all your favours, and shall never be

able to make a sufficient acknowledgment. Enough, said he,

interrupting me; let us not waste time in idle words. This said, he

called for witnesses, ordered the contract of marriage to be drawn,

and I married his daughter without farther ceremony.

He was not satisfied with punishing the jeweller who had falsely

accused me, but confiscated for my use all his property, which was

very considerable. As for the rest, since you have been called to

the governor’s house, you may have seen what respect they pay me

there. I must tell you further, that a man who has been sent by my

uncles to Egypt, on purpose to inquire for me there, passing through

this city, found me out, and came last night and delivered me a

letter from them. They inform me of my father’s death, and invite

me to come and take possession of his estate at Moussoul; but as the

alliance and friendship of the governor have fixed me with him, and

will not suffer me to leave him, I have sent back the express with a

power, which will secure to me my property. After what you have

heard, I hope you will pardon my incivility during the course of my

illness, in giving you my left instead of my right hand.

This, said the Jewish physician, this is the story I heard from the

young man of Moussoul. I continued at Damascus as long as the

governor lived: after his death, being in the flower of my age, I

had the curiosity to travel. Accordingly, I went through Persia to

the Indies, and came at last to settle in this your capital, where I

practise physic with reputation.

The sultan of Casgar was well pleased with this last story. I must

say, said he to the Jew, the story you have told me is very

singular; but I declare freely, that of the little hump-back is yet

more extraordinary, and much more comical, so you are not to expect

that I will give you your life, any more than the rest. I will hang

you all four. Pray, sir, stay a minute, said the tailor, advancing

forwards, and prostrating himself at the sultan’s feet; since your

majesty loves pleasant stories, I have one to tell you that will not

displease you. Well, I will hear thee too, said the sultan; but do

not flatter thyself that I will suffer thee to live, unless thou

tellest me some adventure that is yet more diverting than that of

the hump-backed man. Upon this the tailor, as if he had been sure of

his scheme, spoke boldly to the following purpose:--

The Story told by the Tailor.

A citizen of this city did me the honour, two days ago, to invite me

to a treat which he was to give to his friends yesterday morning.

Accordingly I went early, and found there about twenty persons.

The master of the house was gone out upon some business, but in a

very little time he came home, and brought with him a young man, a

stranger, very well dressed, and very handsome, but lame. When he

came in, we all rose up, and, out of respect to the master of the

house, invited the young man to sit down with us upon the sofa. He

was going to do so, but, all on a sudden, spying a barber in our

company, he flew backwards, and made towards the door. The master of

the house, surprised at his behaviour, stopped him. Where are you

going? said he. I brought you along with me to do me the honour of

being my guest among the rest of my friends, and you are no sooner

got into my house, but you are for running away again. Sir, said the

young man, for God’s sake do not stop me --let me go: I cannot

without horror look upon that abominable barber, who, though he was

born in a country where all the natives are white, resembles an

Ethiopian, and his soul is yet blacker and more horrible than his

face.

We were all surprised to hear the young man speak so, and we began

to have a very bad opinion of the barber, without knowing what

ground the young man had for what he said. Nay, we protested we

would not suffer any one to remain in our company who bore so horrid

a character. The master of the house entreated the stranger to tell

us what reason he had for hating the barber. Gentlemen, said the

young man, you must know this cursed barber is the cause of my being

lame, and falling under the cruellest accident that any one can

imagine. For this reason I have sworn to avoid all the places where

he is, and even not to stay in the cities where he dwells. It was

for this reason that I left Bagdad, where he then was, and travelled

so far to settle in this city, in the heart of Great Tartary, a

place where I flattered myself I should never see him; and now,

after all, contrary to my expectation, I find him here. This obliges

me, gentlemen, against my will, to deprive myself of the honour of

being merry with you. This very day I take leave of your town, and

will go, if I can, to hide my head where he shall not come. This

said, he would have left us, but the master of the house kept him,

and entreated him to stay, and tell us the cause of his aversion for

the barber, who all this while looked down, and said not a word.

--We joined with the master of the house in requesting him to stay;

and, at last, the young man, yielding to our importunities, sat down

upon the sofa; and, after turning his back to the barber, that he

might not see him, gave us the following account:--

My father’s quality might have entitled him to the highest posts

in the city of Bagdad; but he always preferred a quiet life to all

the honours he might deserve. I was his only child, and when he died

I was already educated, and of age to dispose of the plentiful

fortune he had left me; which I did not squander away foolishly, but

applied it to such uses that every body respected me.

I had not been yet disturbed with any passion; I was so far from

being sensible of love, that I acknowledge, perhaps to my shame,

that I cautiously avoided the conversation of women. One day,

walking in the streets, I saw a great company of ladies before me,

and that I might not meet them, I turned down a narrow lane just by,

and sat down upon a bench by a door. I sat over against a window

where there stood a pot with very pretty flowers, and I had my eyes

fixed upon it, when on a sudden the window opened, and a young lady

appeared, whose beauty struck me. Immediately she cast her eyes upon

me; and in watering the flower-pot with a hand whiter than

alabaster, looked upon me with a smile that inspired me with as much

love for her, as I had formerly aversion for all women. After having

watered her flowers, and darted upon me a glance full of charms that

pierced my heart, she shut the window again, and left me in

inconceivable perplexity, from which I should not have recovered, if

a noise in the street had not brought me to myself. I lifted up my

head, and turning saw the first cadi of the city, mounted on a mule,

and attended by five or six servants: he alighted at the door of the

house where the young lady had opened the window, and went in; from

whence I concluded he was the young lady’s father.

I went home in a different state of mind; tossed with a passion the

more violent, as I had never felt its assaults before: I went to bed

in a violent fever, at which all the family was much concerned. My

relations, who had a great affection for me, were so alarmed with

the sudden disorder, that they importuned me to tell the cause;

which I took care not to discover. My silence created an uneasiness

that the physicians could not dispel, because they knew nothing of

my distemper, and by their medicines they rather inflamed than

checked it.

My relations began to despair of my life, when an old lady of our

acquaintance hearing I was ill, came to see me. She considered me

with great attention, and after having examined me, penetrated, I

know not how, the real cause of my illness. She took my relations

aside, and desired all my people would retire out of the room, and

leave her alone with me.

When the room was clear, she sat down on the side of my bed. My son,

said she, you have obstinately concealed the cause of your illness;

but you have no occasion to reveal it to me. I have experience

enough to penetrate into a secret; you will not deny it, when I tell

you it is love that makes you sick. I can find a way to cure you, if

you will but let me know who that happy lady is that could move a

heart so insensible as yours; for you have the character of a

woman-hater, and I was not the last that perceived that such was

your disposition; but what I foresaw has come to pass, and I am now

glad of the opportunity to employ my talents in relieving your pain.

The old lady, having talked to me thus, paused, expecting my answer;

but though what she had said had made a strong impression upon me, I

durst not lay open to her the bottom of my heart: I only turned to

her, and fetched a deep sigh, without saying any thing. Is it

bashfulness, said she, that keeps you from speaking? or is it want

of confidence in me? Do you doubt the effect of my promise? I could

mention to you a number of young men of your acquaintance that have

been in the same condition with you, and have received relief from

me.

The good lady told me so many more circumstances, that I broke

silence, declared to her my complaint, pointed out to her the place

where I had seen the object which occasioned it, and unravelled all

the circumstances of my adventure. If you succeed, said I, and

procure me the happiness of seeing that charming beauty, and

revealing to her the passion with which I burn for her, you may

depend upon it I will be grateful. --My son, said the old woman, I

know the lady you speak of; she is, as you rightly judge, the

daughter of the first cadi of this city. I am not surprised that you

are in love with her: she is the handsomest and most lovely lady in

Bagdad; but what I most hesitate about is, that she is very proud,

and of difficult access. You know now strict our judges are in

enjoining the punctual observance of the severe laws that confine

women in such a strict constraint; and they are yet more strict in

the observation of them in their own families: the cadi you saw is

more rigid in that point than all the other magistrates together.

They are always preaching to their daughters what a heinous crime it

is to shew themselves to men; and the girls themselves are so

prepossessed with the notion, that they make no other use of their

own eyes but to conduct them along the street, when necessity

obliges them to go abroad. I do not say absolutely that the first

cadi’s daughter is of that humour; but that does not hinder my

fearing to meet with as great obstacles on her side as on her

father’s. Would to God you had loved any other! then I should not

have had so many difficulties to surmount. However, I shall employ

all my wits to compass the matter; but it requires time. In the mean

time, take courage, and trust in me.

The old woman took leave of me; and as I weighed within myself all

the obstacles she had been talking of, the fear of her not

succeeding in her undertaking inflamed my disorder. Next day she

came again, and I read in her countenance that she had no favourable

news to impart. She spoke thus; My son, I was not mistaken; I have

somewhat else to conquer besides the vigilance of a father: you love

an insensible object, who takes pleasure in making every one burn

with love who suffer themselves to be charmed by her; but she will

not deign them the least comfort. She heard me with pleasure, when I

spoke of nothing but the torment she made you undergo; but I no

sooner opened my mouth to engage her to allow you to see her, and

converse with her, but casting at me a terrible look, You are very

bold, said she, to make such a proposal to me; I charge you never to

see me again with such language.

Do not let this cast you down, continued she; I am not easily

disheartened; and if your patience does but hold out, I am hopeful I

shall compass my end. To shorten my story, said the young man, this

good go-between made several fruitless attacks in my behalf on the

proud enemy of my rest. The vexation I suffered inflamed my

distemper to that degree, that my physicians gave me over. I was

considered as a dead man, when the old woman came to recall me to

life.

That nobody might hear what was said, she whispered in my ear,

--Remember the present you owe for the good news I bring you. These

words produced a marvellous effect; I raised myself up in the bed,

and with transport made answer. You shall not go without a present;

but what is the news you bring me? --Dear sir, said she, you shall

not die; I shall speedily have the pleasure to see you in perfect

health, and very well satisfied with me. Yesterday, being Monday, I

went to see the lady you love, and found her in a very good humour.

As soon as I came in, I put on a sad countenance, and fetched many

deep sighs, and began to squeeze out some tears: My good mother,

said she, what is the matter with you? why are you so cast down?

--Alas, my dear and honourable lady, said I, I have been just now

with the young gentleman I spoke to you of the other day; his

business is done; he is giving up his life for love of you; it is a

pity, I assure you, and you have been very cruel. --I am at a loss

to know, replied she, how you charge me to be the cause of his

death. How can I have contributed to it? --How, replied I, did not

you tell me the other day, that he sat down before your window, when

you opened it to water your flower-pot? He then saw that prodigy of

beauty, those charms that your mirror represents to you every day.

From that moment he languished, and his disorder is risen to such a

height, that he is reduced to the deplorable condition I have

mentioned.

You remember well, added I, how rigorously you treated me the last

time I was here, when I was offering to speak to you of his illness,

and to propose a means to rescue him from the danger he was in: when

I took leave of you, I went straight to his house, and he, knew no

sooner by my countenance that I had brought no favourable answer,

than his distemper increased. From that time, madam, he has been

ready to die, and I do not know whether you can save his life now,

though you should take pity on him. This is just what I said to her,

continued the old woman. The fear of your death alarmed her, and I

saw her face change colour. Is what you say true? said she. Has he

actually no other disorder but what was occasioned by the love of

me? --Ah! madam, said I, it is too true; would to God it were false!

--Do you believe, said she, that the hopes of seeing me would at all

contribute to rescue him from the danger he is in? --Perhaps it may,

said I; and if you will give me orders, I will try the remedy.

--Well, said she, sighing, give him hopes of seeing me; but he must

pretend to no other favour from me, unless he aspires to marry me,

and my father gives his consent to it. --Madam, replied I, your

goodness overcomes me: I will go and seek the young gentleman, and

tell him he is to have the pleasure of an interview with you. --The

properest time I can think of, said she, for granting him that

favour, is next Friday, at the time of noon prayers. Let him take

care to observe when my father goes out, and then come and plant

himself over-against the house, if his health permits him to come

abroad. When he comes, I shall see him through my window, and shall

come down and open the door to him: we shall then converse together

during prayer-time, and he must be gone before my father returns.

It is now Tuesday, continued the old lady; you have from this time

to Friday to recover your strength, and make the necessary

dispositions for the interview. While the good old lady was

speaking, I felt my illness decrease; or rather, by the time she had

done. I found myself perfectly well. Here, take this, said I,

reaching out to her my purse, which was full; it is to you alone

that I owe my cure. I reckon this money better employed than all

that I gave to the physicians, who have only tormented me during the

whole course of my illness.

When the lady was gone, I found I had strength enough to get up; and

my relations finding me so well, complimented me upon it, and went

home.

Friday morning the old woman came, just when I was dressing myself,

and choosing out the finest clothes in my wardrobe. I do not ask

you, said she, how you do: what you are about is intimation enough

of your health: but will not you bathe before you go to the first

cadi’s house? --That will take up too much time, said I; I will

content myself with sending for a barber to shave my head and beard.

Immediately I ordered one of my slaves to call a barber that could

do his business cleverly and expeditiously.

The slave brought me this wretch you see here; who came, and after

saluting me, Sir, said he, you look as if you were not well. I told

him I was just recovered from a fit of sickness. I wish, said he,

God may deliver you from all mischance; may his grace always go

along with you. --I hope, said I, he will grant your wish, for which

I am very much obliged to you. --Since you are recovering of a fit

of sickness, said he, I pray God preserve your health; but now pray

let me know what I am to do; I have brought my razors and my

lancets; do you desire to be shaved or to be bled? I replied, I am

just recovered of a fit of sickness, I told you, and so you may

readily judge I only want to be shaved. Come, make haste, do not

lose time in prattling; for I am in haste, and precisely at noon I

am to be at a place.

The barber spent much time in opening his case and preparing his

razors; instead of putting water into the basin, he took a very

handsome astrolabe out of his case, and went very gravely out of my

room to the middle of the yard to take the height of the sun, then

he returned with the same grave pace, and entering my room, Sir,

said he, you will be pleased to know this day is Friday, the 18th of

the moon Safar, in the year 653 [73] from the retreat of our great

prophet from Mecca to Medina, and in the year 7320 [74] of the

epocha of the great Iskender with two horns; and that the

conjunction of Mars and Mercury signifies you cannot choose a better

time than this very day and hour for being shaved. But on the other

hand, the same conjunction is a bad presage to you. I learn from

thence, that this day you run a great risk, not indeed of losing

your life, but of an inconvenience which will attend you while you

live. You are obliged to me for the advice I now give you, to take

care to avoid it; I should be sorry if it befell you.

You may guess, gentlemen, how vexed I was at having fallen into the

hands of such a prattling, impertinent barber; what an unseasonable

adventure it was for a lover preparing for an interview! I was quite

angry. I care not, said I, in anger, for your advice and

predictions; I did not call you to consult your astrology; you came

hither to shave me; shave me, or begone. I will call another barber.

--Sir, said he, with a phlegm that put me out of all patience, what

reason have you to be angry with me? You do not know that all

barbers are not like me; and that you would scarce find such

another, if you made it your business to search. You only sent for a

barber; but here in my person, you have the best barber in Bagdad,

an experienced physician, a very profound chemist, an infallible

astrologer, a finished grammarian, a complete orator, a subtle

logician, a mathematician perfectly well versed in geometry,

arithmetic, astronomy, and all the refinements of algebra; an

historian fully master of the histories of all the kingdoms of the

universe. Besides, I know all parts of philosophy. I have all our

law traditions at my fingers’ ends. I am a poet; I am an

architect; and what is it I am not? There is nothing in nature

hidden from me. Your deceased father, to whose memory I pay a

tribute of tears every time I think of him, was fully convinced of

my merit; he was fond of me, and spoke of me in all companies as the

first man in the world. Out of gratitude and friendship for him, I

am willing to attach myself to you, to take you into my protection,

and guard you from all the evils that your stars may threaten.

When I heard all this stuff I could not forbear laughing,

notwithstanding my anger. You impertinent prattler! said I, will you

have done, and begin to shave me?

Sir, replied the barber to me, you affront me in calling me a

prattler; on the contrary, all the world gives me the honourable

title of Silent. I had six brothers that you might justly have

called prattlers; and that you may know them the better, the name of

the first was Bacbouk, of the second, Bakbarah, of the third,

Bacbac, of the fourth, Alcouz, of the fifth, Alnascar, and of the

sixth, Schacabac. These, indeed, were impertinent chatterers; but

for me, who am a younger brother, I am grave and concise in my

discourse.

For God’s sake, gentlemen, do but suppose you had been in my

place. What could I say, when I saw myself so cruelly situated? Give

him three pieces of gold, said I to the slave that was my

house-keeper, and send him away, that he may disturb me no more; I

will not be shaved this day. --Sir, said the barber, pray what do

you mean by that? I did not come to seek for you, it was you sent

for me; and since it is so, I swear by the faith of a Mussulman, I

will not stir out of these doors till I have shaved you. If you do

not know my value, it is not my fault. Your deceased father did me

more justice. Every time he sent for me to let him blood, he made me

sit down by him, and he was charmed with hearing what fine things I

said to him. I kept him in a continual strain of admiration; I

elevated him; and when I had finished my discourse, My God, cried

he, you are an inexhaustible source of science; no man can reach the

depth of your knowledge. My dear sir, said I again, you do me more

honour than I deserve. If I say any thing that is fine, it is owing

to the favourable audience you vouchsafe me; it is your liberality

that inspires me with the sublime thoughts that have the happiness

to please you. One day, when he was charmed with an admirable

discourse I had made him, Give him, said he, a hundred pieces of

gold, and invest him with one of my richest robes. I received the

present upon the spot, and presently I drew his horoscope, and found

it the happiest in the world. Nay, I carried my gratitude farther; I

let him blood with cunning-glasses.

This was not all; he spun out another harangue that was a full half

hour long. Tired with hearing him, and fretted at the loss of time,

which was almost spent before I was half ready, I did not know what

to say. It is impossible, said I, there should be such another man

in the world, who takes pleasure, as you do, in making people mad.

I thought that I should succeed better, if I dealt mildly with my

barber. In the name of God, said I, leave off all your fine talking,

and despatch me presently; business of the last importance calls me,

as I have told you already. At this, he fell a laughing; it would be

a laudable thing, said he, if our minds were always in the same

state; if we were always wise and prudent; however, I am willing to

believe, that if you are angry with me, it is your distemper has

caused that change in your humour; and for that reason you stand in

need of some instructions, and you cannot do better than to follow

the example of your father and grandfather. They came and consulted

me upon all occasions, and I can say, without vanity, that they

always prized my advice highly. Pray, observe, sir, men never

succeed in their undertakings, without the advice of men of

understanding. A man cannot, says the proverb, be wise, without

receiving advice from the wise. I am entirely at your service, and

you have only to command me.

What! cannot I prevail with you then? said I, interrupting him, to

leave off these long speeches, that tend to nothing but to split my

head in pieces, and to detain me from my business? Shave me, I say,

or begone! With that, I started up in anger, stamping my foot

against the ground.

When he saw I was angry in earnest, Sir, said he, do not be angry;

we are going to begin. He lathered my head, and fell to shaving me;

but he had not given me four strokes of his razor when he stopped,

saying, Sir, you are hasty; you should avoid these transports, that

only come from the devil. I am entitled to some consideration on

account of my age, my knowledge, and my great virtues.

Go on, and shave me, said I, interrupting him again, and talk no

more. That is to say, replied he, you have some urgent business to

go about; I will lay you a wager, I guess right. Why, I told you so

these two hours, said I: you ought to have shaved me before.

Moderate your passion, replied he, perhaps you have not maturely

weighed what you are going about: when things are done

precipitately, they are generally repented of. I wish you would tell

me what mighty business this is you are so earnest upon; I would

tell you my opinion of it; besides, you have time enough, since your

appointment is not till noon, and it wants three hours of that yet.

I do not mind that, said I, persons of honour and of their word are

rather before their time than after. But I forget, that in amusing

myself with reasoning with you, I give into the faults of you

prattling barbers: have done, have done; shave me.

The more haste I was in, the less haste he made. He laid down the

razor, and took up his astrolabe; then laid down his astrolabe, and

took up his razor again.

The barber quitted his razor again and took up his astrolabe a

second time; and so left me half shaved, to go and see precisely

what o’clock it was. Back he came, and then, Sir, said he, I knew

I was not mistaken; it wants three hours of noon. I am sure of it;

or else, all the rules of astronomy are false. Just heaven! cried I,

my patience is at an end. I can bear it no longer. You cursed

barber! you barber of mischief! I can scarce help falling upon you

and strangling you. Softly, sir, said he, very calmly, without being

moved by my passion: You are not afraid of a relapse; be not in a

passion; I am going to shave you this minute. In speaking these

words, he clapped his astrolabe in his case, and took up his razor,

and passing it over the strap which was fixed to his belt, fell to

shaving me again; but all the while he shaved, the dog could not

forbear prattling. If you please, sir, said he, to tell me what is

the business you are going about at noon, I could give you some

advice that may be of use to you. To satisfy the fellow, I told him

I was going to meet some friends at an entertainment at noon, to

make merry with me upon the recovery of my health.

When the barber heard me talk of regaling, God bless you this day,

as well as all other days, cried he: You put me in mind that

yesterday I invited four or five friends to come and eat with me as

this day; indeed I had forgot it, and I have as yet made no

preparation for them. Do not let that trouble you, said I; though I

dine abroad, my larder is always well furnished. I make you a

present of all that it contains; and besides, I will order you as

much wine as you have occasion for, for I have excellent wine in my

cellar; only you must dispatch shaving me: and pray remember it;

whereas my father made you presents to encourage you to speak, I

give you mine to make you hold your tongue.

He was not satisfied with my promise: God reward you, sir, said he,

for your kindness; but pray show me these provisions now, that I may

see if there will be enough to entertain my friends: I would have

them satisfied with the good fare I make them. --I have, said I, a

lamb, six capons, a dozen chickens, and enough to make four courses.

I ordered a slave to bring all before him, with four great pitchers

of wine. It is very well, said the barber; but we shall want fruit,

and sauce for the meat. That I ordered likewise; but then he gave

over shaving, to look over every thing, one after another; and this

survey lasted almost half an hour. I raged and stormed like a

madman, but it signified nothing; the wretch made not the more

haste. However, he took up his razor again, and shaved me for some

minutes; then stopping all on a sudden, I could not have believed,

sir, that you would have been so liberal; I begin to perceive that

your deceased father lives again in you. Most certainly, I do not

deserve the favours with which you have loaded me; and I assure you

I shall have them in perpetual remembrance; for, sir, to let you

know it, I have nothing but what comes from the generosity of such

gentleman as you: in which respect, I am like to Zantout, who rubs

the people in the baths; to Sali, who cries boiled peas in the

streets; to Salout, who sells beans; to Akerscha, who sells greens;

to Aboumecarez, who sprinkles the streets to lay the dust; and to

Cassem, the caliph’s life-guard man. Of all these persons, not one

is apt to be melancholy; they are neither impertinent nor

quarrelsome; they are more contented with their lot than the caliph

in the midst of his court; they are always gay, ready to sing and

dance, and have each of them their peculiar song and dance, with

which they divert the city of Bagdad; but what I esteem most in them

is, that they are no great talkers, no more than your slave, that

has now the honour to speak to you. Here, sir, is the song and dance

of Zantout, who rubs the people in the baths; mind me, pray, and see

if I do not imitate it exactly.

The barber sung the song, and danced the dance of Zantout, and let

me say what I could to oblige him to make an end of his

buffooneries, he did not give over till he imitated, in like manner,

the songs and dances of the other people he had named. After that,

addressing himself to me, I am going, said he, to invite all these

honest men to my house: if you will take my advice, you will join

us, and disappoint your friends yonder, who perhaps are great

talkers, that will only tease you to death with their impertinent

discourse, and make you relapse into a distemper worse than that you

are so lately recovered of; whereas at my house you shall have

nothing but pleasure.

Notwithstanding my anger, I could not forbear laughing at the

fellow’s impertinence. I wish I had no business upon my hands,

said I; I would accept of the proposal you make me; I would go with

all my heart to be merry with you: but I beg to be excused; I am too

much engaged this day; another day I shall be more at leisure, and

then we shall make up that company. Come, finish shaving me, and

make haste home; perhaps your friends are already come to your

house. --Sir, said he, do not refuse me the favour I ask of you;

come and be merry with the good company I am to have: if you were

but once in our company, you would be so pleased with it, you would

forsake your friends to come to us. Let us talk no more of that,

said I; I cannot be your guest.

I found I gained no ground by mild terms. Since you will not come to

my house, replied the barber, you must allow me to go along with

you: I will go and carry these things to my house, where my friends

may eat of them, if they like them, and I will return immediately: I

would not be so uncivil as to leave you alone. You deserve this

piece of complaisance at my hands. --Heavens! cried I, then I shall

not get clear of this troublesome fellow to-day. In the name of the

living God, said I, leave off your unreasonable jargon; go to your

friends, drink, eat, and be merry with them, and leave me at liberty

to go to mine. I have a mind to go alone: I have no occasion for

company: besides, I must needs tell you, the place to which I go is

not a place where you can be received; nobody must come there but I.

--You jest, sir, said he: if your friends have invited you to a

feast, what should prevent you from allowing me to accompany you?

You will please them, I am sure, by carrying thither a man that can

talk comically like me, and knows how to divert company. But say

what you will, I am determined I will go along with you, in spite of

you.

These words, gentlemen, perplexed me much. How shall I get rid of

this cursed barber? thought I to myself. If I persist in

contradicting him, we shall never have done.

Besides, I heard then the first call to noon prayers, and it was

time for me to go. In fine, I resolved to say nothing at all, and to

make as if I consented to his accompanying me. He then made an end

of shaving me, and I said to him, Take some of my servants to carry

these provisions along with you, and return hither; I will stay for

you and shall not go without you.

At last he went, and I dressed myself quickly. I heard the last call

to prayers, and made haste to set out: but the malicious barber, who

guessed my intention, went with my servants only within sight of the

house, and stood there till he saw them enter his house; having hid

himself at the corner of the street, with an intent to observe and

follow me. In fine, when I arrived at the cadi’s door, I looked

back and saw him at the head of the street, which fretted me to the

last degree.

The cadi’s door was half open, and as I went in I saw an old woman

waiting for me, who after she had shut the door, conducted me to the

chamber of the young lady I was in love with; but we had scarce

began our interview, when we heard a noise in the streets. The young

lady put her head to the window, and saw through the gate, that it

was the cadi her father returning already from prayers. At the same

time I looked through the window, and saw the barber sitting

over-against the house, in the same place where I had seen the young

lady before.

I had then two things to fear, the arrival of the cadi, and the

presence of the barber. The young lady mitigated my fear of the

first, by assuring me, the cadi came but very seldom to her chamber,

and as she had foreseen that this misadventure might happen, she had

contrived a way to convey me out safe: but the indiscretion of the

accursed barber made me very uneasy; and you shall hear that this my

uneasiness was not without ground.

As soon as the cadi was come in, he caned one of his slaves that had

deserved it. This slave made a horrid noise, which was heard in the

streets: the barber thought it was I that cried out, and was

maltreated. Prepossessed with this thought, he roared out aloud,

rent his clothes, threw dust upon his head, and called the

neighbourhood to his assistance. The neighbourhood came, and asked

what assistance he wanted. Alas! cried he, they are assassinating my

master, my dear patron; and without saying any thing more, he ran

all the way to my house, with the very same cry in his mouth. From

thence he returned, followed by all my domestics armed with sticks.

They knocked with inconceivable fury at the cadi’s door, and the

cadi sent a slave to see what was the matter; but the slave being

frightened, returned to his master, crying, Sir, above ten thousand

men are going to break into your house by force.

Immediately the cadi himself ran, opened the door, and asked what

they wanted. His venerable presence could not inspire them with

respect. They insolently said to him, You cursed cadi, you dog of a

cadi, what reason have you to assassinate our master? What has he

done to you? --Good people, replied the cadi, for what should I

assassinate your master, whom I do not know, and who has done me no

harm? My house is open to you; come, see and search. --You

bastinadoed him, said the barber; I heard his cries not a minute

ago. --But once more, replied the cadi, what harm could your master

do to me, to oblige me to abuse him after that rate? Is he in my

house? If he is, how came he in, or who could have introduced him?

--Ah! wretched cadi, cried the barber, you and your long beard shall

never make me believe what you say. I know what I say; your daughter

is in love with our master, and appointed him a meeting during the

time of noon prayer: you without doubt have had notice of it; you

returned home, and surprised him, and made your slaves bastinado

him: but this your wicked action shall not pass with impunity; the

caliph shall be acquainted with it, and he will give true and brief

justice. Let him come out; deliver him to us immediately; or if you

do not, we will go and take him out to your shame. --There is no

occasion for so many words, replied the cadi, nor to make so great a

noise: if what you say is true, go and find him out; I give you free

liberty. Thereupon the barber and my domestics rushed into the house

like furies, and looked for me all about.

As I heard all that the barber said to the cadi, I sought for a

place to hide myself, and could find nothing but a great empty

trunk, in which I lay down, and shut it upon me. The barber, after

he had searched every where, came into the chamber where I was, and

opening the trunk, as soon as he saw me, he took it upon his head

and carried it away. He came down a high staircase into a court,

which he crossed hastily, and got to the street door. While he

carried me, the trunk unhappily flew open, and I, not being able to

endure the shame of being exposed to the view and shouts of the mob

that followed us, leaped out into the street with so much haste that

I hurt my leg so, that I have been lame ever since. I was not

sensible how bad it was at first, and therefore got up quickly to

get away from the people, who laughed at me; nay, I threw handfulls

of gold and silver among them, and whilst they were gathering it up,

I made my escape by cross streets and alleys. But the cursed barber,

availing himself of the stratagem that I had made use of to get away

from the mob, followed me close, crying, Stay, sir; why do you run

so fast? If you knew how much I am afflicted at the ill treatment

you received from the cadi, --you, who are so generous, and to whom

I and my friends are so much obliged! Did I not tell you truly, that

you would expose your life by your obstinate refusal to let me go

with you? See what has happened to you, by your own fault; and if I

had not resolutely followed you, to see whither you went, what would

have become of you? Whither do you go, sir? Stay for me.

Thus the wretched barber cried aloud in the streets; it was not

enough for him to have occasioned so great a scandal in the quarter

where the cadi lived, but he would have it known through the whole

town. I was in such a rage, that I had a great mind to have staid

and cut his throat; but considering that that would have perplexed

me farther, I chose another course; for, perceiving that his calling

after me exposed me to vast numbers of people, who crowded to the

doors or windows, or stopped in the street to gaze on me, I entered

into a khan or inn, [75] the chamberlain of which knew me; and

finding him at the gate, whither the noise had brought him, I prayed

him, for the sake of heaven, to hinder that madman from coming in

after me. He promised to do so, and was as good as his word, but not

without a great deal of trouble, for the obstinate barber would go

in, in spite of him, and did not retire without calling him a

thousand names; and after the chamberlain shut the gate, the barber

continued telling all he met what great service he had done me. Thus

I rid myself of that troublesome fellow. After that, the chamberlain

prayed me to tell him my adventure, which I did, and then desired

him to let me have an apartment until I was cured. But, sir, said

he, will it not be more convenient for you to go home? I will not

return thither, said I; for the detestable barber will continue

plaguing me there, and I shall die of vexation to be continually

teased with him. Besides, after what has befallen me to-day, I

cannot think of staying any longer in this town; I must go whither

my ill-fortune leads me; and actually, when I was cured, I took all

the money I thought necessary for my travels, and gave the rest of

my estate among my kindred.

Thus, gentlemen, I left Bagdad, and came hither. I had ground to

hope that I should not meet this pernicious barber in a country so

far from my own, and yet I find him amongst you. Be not surprised

then at my haste to be gone; you may easily judge how unpleasant to

me is the sight of a man, who was the occasion of my lameness, and

of my being reduced to the melancholy necessity of living so far

from my kindred, friends, and country. When he had spoken these

words, the lame young man rose up and went out. The master of the

house conducted him to the gate, and told him he was sorry that he

had given him, though innocently, so great a subject of

mortification.

When the young man was gone, continued the tailor, we were all

astonished at the story, and, turning to the barber, told him he was

very much to blame, if what we had just heard were true. Gentlemen,

answered he, raising up his head, which till then he had held down,

my silence during the young man’s discourse is sufficient to

testify that he advanced nothing that was not true: but for all that

he has said to you, I maintain that I ought to have done what I did;

I leave you to be judges of it. Did not he throw himself into

danger, and could he have come off so well without my assistance? He

may think himself happy to get off with the lame leg. Did not I

expose myself to greater danger to get him out of a house, where I

thought he was ill-treated? Has he any reason to complain of me, and

abuse me so? This is what one gets by serving unthankful people. He

accuses me of being a prattling fellow, which is a mere slander: of

seven brothers, I speak least, and have most wit to my share; and to

convince you of it, gentlemen, I need only to tell my own story and

theirs. Honour me, I beseech you, with your attention.

The Story of the Barber.

In the reign of the caliph Monstanser Bilah, [76] continued he, a

prince so famous for his vast liberality towards the poor, ten

highwaymen infested the roads about Bagdad, and for a long time

committed unheard-of robberies and cruelties. The caliph, having

notice of this, sent for the judge of the police, some days before

the feast of Bairam, and ordered him, on pain of death, to bring all

the ten to him.

The judge of the police used so much diligence, and sent so many

people in pursuit of the ten robbers, that they were taken on the

very day of Bairam. I was walking then on the banks of the Tigris,

and saw ten men richly apparelled go into a boat. I might have known

they were robbers, had I observed the guards that were with them;

but I looked only to them, and thinking they were people that had a

mind to spend the festival-day in jollity, I entered the boat with

them, without saying one word, in hopes they would allow me to be

one of the company. We went down the Tigris, and landed before the

caliph’s palace: I had time then to consider with myself, and to

find my mistake. When we came out of the boat, we were surrounded by

a new troop of the judge of the police’s guard, who bound us all,

and carried us before the caliph. I suffered myself to be bound as

well as the rest, without speaking one word: for to what purpose

should I have spoken, or made any resistance? That had been the way

to have got myself ill-treated by the guards, who would not have

listened to me; for they are brutish fellows, who will hear no

reason: I was with the robbers, and that was enough to make them

believe me to be one of them.

When we came before the caliph, he ordered the ten highwaymen’s

heads to be cut off immediately. The executioner drew us up in a

file within reach of his arm, and by good fortune I was the last. He

cut off the heads of the ten highwaymen, beginning at the first; and

when he came to me, he stopt. The caliph perceiving that he did not

strike me, grew angry: Did not I command thee, said he, to cut off

the heads of ten highwaymen, and why hast thou cut off but nine?

--Commander of the faithful, said he, Heaven preserve me from

disobeying your majesty’s orders: here are ten corpses upon the

ground, and as many heads which I cut off; your majesty may count

them. When the caliph saw that what the executioner said was true,

he looked upon me with amazement, and perceiving that I had not the

face of a highwayman, said to me, Good old man, how came you to be

among those wretches, who have deserved a thousand deaths? I

answered, Commander of the faithful, I shall make a true confession.

This morning I saw those ten persons, whose punishment is a proof of

your majesty’s justice, take boat: I embarked with them, thinking

they were men going to celebrate this day, which is the most

distinguished in our religion.

The caliph could not forbear laughing at my adventure; and instead

of treating me as a prattling fellow, as this lame young man did, he

admired my discretion and steady silence. Commander of the faithful,

said I, your majesty need not wonder at my keeping silence on such

an occasion as would have made another apt to speak: I make it a

particular profession of holding my peace, and upon that account I

have acquired the glorious title of Silent; by which I am

distinguished from my six brothers. This is the effect of my

philosophy; and, in a word, in this virtue consists my glory and

happiness. I am very glad, said the caliph, smiling, that they gave

you a title that you know how to make such good use of. But tell me,

what sort of men were your brothers: were they like you? By no

means, said I; they were all of them more given to prating one than

another. And as to their persons, there was still a greater

difference betwixt them and me. The first was hump-backed; the

second had rotten teeth; the third had but one eye; the fourth was

blind; the fifth had his ears cut off, and the sixth had hare-lips.

They have met with such adventures as would enable you to judge of

their characters, had I the honour to tell them to your majesty; and

since the caliph seemed desirous to hear their several stories, I

went on without waiting his commands.

The Story of the Barber’s eldest Brother.

Sir, said I, my eldest brother whose name was Bacbouc the Hump-back,

was a tailor by trade: when he came out of his apprenticeship, he

hired a shop over against a mill, and having but very little

business, he could scarcely maintain himself. The miller, on the

contrary, was very wealthy, and had a very handsome wife. One day,

as my brother was at work in his shop, he lifted up his head and saw

the miller’s wife looking out of the window, and was charmed with

her beauty. The woman took no notice of him, but shut her window,

and came no more to it all that day. The poor tailor did nothing but

lift up his eyes towards the mill all day long. He pricked his

finger oftener than once, and his work that day was not very

regular. At night, when he was to shut his shop, he could scarce

tell how to do it, because he still hoped the miller’s wife would

come to the window once more; but at last he was forced to shut up,

and go home to his little house, where he passed but a very

uncomfortable night. He got up betimes in the morning, and ran to

his shop, in hopes to see his mistress again; but he was no happier

than the day before, for the miller’s wife did not appear at the

window above a minute in the whole day, but that minute made the

tailor the most amorous man that ever lived. The third day he had

some more ground of satisfaction, for the miller’s wife cast her

eyes upon him by chance, and surprised him as he was gazing at her,

which convinced her what passed in his mind.

No sooner did the miller’s wife perceive my brother’s

inclination, than instead of being vexed at it, she resolved to

divert herself with it. She looked upon him with a smiling

countenance, and my brother looked upon her in the same manner, but

after such an odd sort, that the miller’s wife presently shut her

window, lest her loud laughter should have made him sensible that

she only ridiculed him. Poor Bacbouc interpreted her carriage to his

own advantage, and flattered himself that she looked upon him with

pleasure.

The miller’s wife resolved to make sport with my brother: she had

a piece of very fine stuff, with which she had a long time designed

to make her a suit; she wrapt it up in a fine embroidered silk

handkerchief, and sent it him by a young slave whom she kept; who

being taught her lesson, comes to the tailor’s shop, and tells

him, My mistress gives you her service, and prays you to make her a

suit of this stuff according to this pattern; she changes her

clothes often, so that her custom will be profitable to you. My

brother doubted not that the miller’s wife loved him, and thought

that she sent him work so soon after what had passed betwixt them,

only to signify that she knew his mind, and to convince him that he

had obtained her favour. My brother being of this opinion, charged

the slave to tell her mistress, that he would lay aside all work for

her’s, and that the suit should be ready next morning. He worked

at it with so much diligence, that he finished it the same day. Next

morning, the young slave came to see if the suit was ready. Bacbouc

gave it to her neatly folded up, telling her, I am too much

concerned to please your mistress to neglect her suit; I would

engage her by my diligence to employ no other but myself for the

time to come. The young slave went some steps as if she had intended

to go away, and then coming back, whispered to my brother, I had

forgot part of my commission; my mistress charged me to make her

compliments to you, and to ask, how you passed the night; as for

her, poor woman, she loves you so, that she could not sleep. --Tell

her, answered my silly brother, I have so strong a passion for her,

that for these four nights I have not slept one wink. --After such a

compliment from the miller’s wife, my brother thought she would

not let him languish long in the expectation of her favours.

About a quarter of an hour after, the slave returned to my brother

with a piece of satin: My mistress, said she, is very well pleased

with her suit; nothing in the world can fit her better; and as it

was very handsome, she would not wear it without a new petticoat;

she prays you to make her one, as soon as you can, of this piece of

satin. --Enough, said Bacbouc; I will do it before I leave my shop;

you shall have it in the evening. The miller’s wife showed herself

often at her window, and was very prodigal of her charms, to

encourage my brother. You would have laughed to have seen him work.

The petticoat was soon made, and the slave came for it, but brought

the tailor no money, neither for the trimming he had bought for the

suit, nor for the making. In the mean time, this unfortunate lover,

whom they only amused, though he could not see it, had eat nothing

all that day, and was forced to borrow money at night to buy his

supper. Next morning, as soon as he arrived at his shop, the young

slave came to tell him, that the miller wanted to speak to him. My

mistress, said she, has told him so much in your praise, when she

showed him your work, that he has a mind you should work also for

him; she does it on purpose, that the connexion she wished to form

betwixt you and him may crown your mutual wishes with success. My

brother was easily persuaded, and went to the mill with the slave.

The miller received him very kindly, and showed him a piece of

cloth, told him he wanted shirts, bid him make it into twenty, and

give him again what was left.

My brother had work enough for five or six days to make twenty

shirts for the miller, who afterwards gave him another piece of

cloth to make him as many pair of drawers. When they were finished,

Bacbouc carried them to the miller, who asked him what he must have

for his pains. My brother answered, he would be content with twenty

drachms of silver. The miller immediately called the young slave,

and bid her bring him his weights, to see if his money was right.

The slave, who had her lesson, looked at my brother with an angry

countenance, to signify to him that he would spoil all if he took

any money. He knew her meaning, and refused to take any, though he

wanted it so much, that he was forced to borrow money to buy the

thread that sewed the shirts and drawers. When he left the miller,

he came to me to borrow money to live on, and told me they did not

pay him. I gave him some copper money I had in my purse, and upon

that he subsisted for some days: it is true, indeed, he lived upon

nothing but broth, nor had he his fill of that.

One day he went to the miller, who was busy at his work, and

thinking my brother came for money, he offered him some; but the

young slave being present, made him another sign not to take it,

which he complied with, and told the miller he did not come for his

money, but only to know how he did. The miller thanked him, and gave

him an upper garment to make. Bacbouc carried it him next day. When

the miller drew out his purse, the young slave gave my brother the

usual sign; on which he said to the miller, Neighbour, there is no

haste; we will reckon another time: so that the poor ninny went to

his shop again, with three terrible distempers upon him, love,

hunger, and want of money. The miller’s wife was not only

avaricious, but ill-natured; for, not content to cheat my brother of

his due, she provoked her husband to revenge himself upon him for

making love to her, which they accomplished thus. The miller invited

Bacbouc one night to supper, and after giving him a very sorry

treat, said to him, Brother, it is too late for you to go home; you

had better stay here all night; and then he carried him to a place

in the mill, where there was a bed: there he left him, and went to

bed with his wife. About the middle of the night, the miller went to

my brother, and said, Neighbour, are you asleep? My mule is ill, and

I have a quantity of corn to grind; you will do me a great kindness

if you will turn the mill in her stead. Bacbouc, to shew his

good-nature, told him he was ready to do him that piece of service,

if he would show him how. Then the miller tied him by the middle to

the mule’s place, and whipping him soundly over the back, said to

him, Go, neighbour. --Ho! said my brother, why do you beat me? --It

is to make you brisk, said the miller; for without a whip my mule

will not go. Bacbouc was amazed at this sort of treatment, but durst

not complain. When he had gone five or six rounds, he would fain

have rested; but the miller gave him a dozen sound lashes, saying,

Courage, neighbour! do not stop, pray; you must go on without taking

breath, otherwise you will spoil my meal.

The miller obliged my brother to turn the mill thus all night. About

break of day he left him without untying him, and went to his

wife’s chamber. Bacbouc continued there for some time, and at last

the young slave came and untied him. Ah! said the treacherous

wretch, how my mistress and I pitied you! We had no hand in this

wicked trick which her husband has played you. The wretched Bacbouc

answered her not a word, he was so much fatigued with work and

blows; but crept home to his house, resolving never to think more of

the miller’s wife.

The telling of this story, said the barber, made the caliph laugh.

Go home, said he to me; I have ordered something to be given you to

make up for the loss of the good dinner you expected. --Commander of

the faithful, said I, I pray your majesty to let me stay till I have

told the story of my other brothers. The caliph having signified by

his silence that he was willing to hear me, I went on thus:

[Illustration: BAKBARAH IN THE LADY’S APARTMENT.]

The Story of the Barber’s second Brother.

My second brother, who was called Backbarah the toothless, going one

day through the city, met an old woman in a distant street: she came

up to him, and said, I want one word with you; pray stop a moment.

He did so, and asked her what she would have. If you have time to

come along with me, said she, I will bring you into a stately

palace, where you shall see a lady as fair as the day. She will

receive you with much pleasure, and give you a treat with excellent

wine. I need say no more to you. --But is what you say true? replied

my brother. --I am no lying hussy, replied the old woman: I say

nothing to you but what is true. But hark, I have something to ask

of you. You must be prudent, say but little, and be extremely

polite. Backbarah agreed to all this. The old woman went before, and

he followed after. They came to the gate of a great palace, where

there was abundance of officers and domestics. Some of them would

have stopt my brother, but no sooner did the old woman speak to

them, than they let him pass. Then turning to my brother, she said

to him, You must remember that the young lady I bring you to loves

good-nature and modesty, and cannot endure to be contradicted; if

you please her in that, you may be sure to obtain of her what you

please. Backbarah thanked her for this advice, and promised to

follow it.

She brought him into a fine apartment of a great square building,

answerable to the magnificence of the palace. There was a gallery

round it, and a very fine garden in the middle. The old woman made

him sit down upon a handsome sofa, and bid him stay a moment, till

she went to tell the young lady of his being come.

My brother, who had never been in such a stately palace before,

gazed upon the fine things that he saw; and judging of his good

fortune by the magnificence of the palace, he was scarcely able to

contain himself for joy. By and by he heard a great noise,

occasioned by a troop of merry slaves, who came towards him with

loud fits of laughter, and in the middle of them, he perceived a

young lady of extraordinary beauty, who was easily known to be their

mistress by the respect they paid her. Backbarah, who expected

private conversation with the lady, was extremely surprised when he

saw so much company with her. In the mean time the slaves put on a

grave countenance when they drew near; and when the young lady came

up to the sofa, my brother rose up and made her a low bow. She took

the upper hand, prayed him to sit down, and said to him with a

smiling countenance, I am mightily glad to see you, and wish you all

the happiness you can desire. --Madam, replied Backbarah, I cannot

desire a greater happiness than to be in your company. --You seem to

be of a pleasant humour, said she, and to be disposed to pass the

time pleasantly.

She forthwith commanded a collation to be brought; and immediately a

table was covered with several baskets of fruits and sweetmeats. The

lady sat down at the table with the slaves and my brother; and he

being placed just over-against her, when he opened his mouth to eat,

she perceived he had no teeth; and taking notice of it to her

slaves, she and they laughed at him heartily. Backbarah from time to

time lifted up his head to look at her, and perceiving her laugh,

thought it was for joy of his company, and flattered himself that

she would speedily send away her slaves, and be with him alone. She

guessed his thoughts, and pleasing herself to flatter him in his

mistake, she gave him abundance of pleasant language, and presented

him the best of every thing with her own hand. The treat being

ended, they rose from the table; ten slaves took musical

instruments, and began to play and sing, and others to dance. My

brother, to please them, danced likewise, and the lady danced with

them. After they had danced some time, they sat down to take breath,

and the young lady, calling for a glass of wine, looked upon my

brother with a smiling countenance, to signify that she was going to

drink his health. He rose up, and stood while she drank. When she

had done, instead of giving back the glass, she ordered it to be

filled, and presented it to my brother, that he might pledge her.

My brother took the glass from the young lady’s hand, which he

kissed at the same time, and stood and drank to her, in return for

the favour she had done him. Then the young lady made him sit down

by her, and began to caress him. She put her hand behind his head,

and gave him some tips from time to time with her fingers. Ravished

with those favours, he thought himself the happiest man in the

world, and had a great mind to toy also with the charming lady, but

durst not take the liberty before so many slaves, who had their eyes

upon him, and laughed at their lady’s wanton tricks. The young

lady continued to tip him with her fingers, but at last gave him

such a sound box on the ear, that he grew angry at it; the colour

came in his face, and he rose up to sit at a greater distance from

such a rude play-fellow. Then the old woman who brought him thither

gave him a look, to let him know that he was in the wrong, and that

he had forgot the advice she gave him to be very complaisant. He

owned his fault, and, in order to make amends, he went near the

young lady again, and pretended that he did not go away out of any

ill-humour. She drew him by the arm, made him sit down by her again,

and gave him a thousand malicious squeezes. Her slaves took their

part in the diversion: one gave poor Backbarah several fillips on

the nose with all her might; another pulled him by the ears, as if

she would have pulled them off; and others boxed him so, as might

show they were not in jest. My brother bore all this with admirable

patience, affecting a gay air, and looking at the old woman, said to

her with a forced smile, You told me, indeed, that I should find the

lady perfectly kind, pleasant, and charming; I am mightily obliged

to you! --All this is nothing, replied the old woman: let her go on;

you will see other things by and by. Then the young lady said to

him, Brother, you are a brave man; I am glad to find you are so good

humoured and complaisant to bear with my little caprices, and that

your humour is so conformable to mine. --Madam, replied Backbarah,

who was charmed with this discourse, I am no more myself, I am

wholly yours; you may dispose of me as you please. --How you oblige

me, said the lady, by such submission! I am very well pleased with

you, and would have you be so with me. Bring him perfume, said she,

and rose water. Upon this, two slaves went out, and returned

speedily; one with a silver casket, filled with the best of

aloes-wood, with which she perfumed him; and the other with

rose-water, which she sprinkled on his face and hands. My brother

was quite beside himself at this handsome treatment. After this

ceremony, the young lady commanded the slaves, who had already

played on their instruments and sung, to renew their concerts. They

obeyed, and in the mean time the lady called another slave, and

ordered her to carry my brother with her, and do what she knew, and

bring him back to her again. Backbarah, who heard this order, got up

quickly, and going to the old woman, who also rose up to go along

with him and the slave, prayed her to tell him what they were to do

with him. My mistress is only curious, replied the old woman,

softly; she has a mind to see how you look in a woman’s dress; and

this slave, who has orders to carry you with her, has orders to

paint your eyebrows, to cut off your whiskers, and to dress you like

a woman. --You may paint my eyebrows as much as you please, said my

brother; I agree to that, because I can wash it off again; but to

shave me, you know I must not allow. How can I appear abroad again

without mustachios? --Beware of refusing what is asked of you, said

the old woman: you will spoil your fortune, which is now in as

favourable a train as heart can wish. The lady loves you, and has a

mind to make you happy; and will you, for a nasty whisker, renounce

the most delicious favours that man can obtain? --Backbarah listened

to the old woman, and without saying a word, went to a chamber with

the slave, where they painted his eyebrows with red, cut off his

whiskers, and were going to do the like with his beard. My

brother’s patience then began to fail: Oh! said he, I will never

part with my beard. The slave told him that it was to no purpose to

have parted with his whiskers, if he would not also part with his

beard, which could never agree with a woman’s dress; and she

wondered that a man, who was upon the point to enjoy the finest lady

in Bagdad, should be concerned about his beard. The old woman

threatened him with the loss of the young lady’s favour; so that

at last he let them do what they would. When he was dressed like a

woman, they brought him before the young lady, who laughed so

heartily when she saw him, that she fell backward on the sofa where

she sat. The slaves laughed and clapped their hands, so that my

brother was quite out of countenance. The young lady got up, and

still laughing, said to him, After so much complaisance for me, I

should be very much to blame not to love you with all my heart: but

there is one thing more you must do for me, and that is, to dance as

we do. He obeyed, and the young lady and her slaves danced with him,

laughing as if they had been mad. After they had danced some time

with him, they all fell upon the poor wretch, and did so box and

kick him, that he fell down like one out of his senses. The old

woman helped him up again; and that he might not have time to think

of his ill treatment, she bid him take courage, and whispered in his

ear, that all his sufferings were at an end, and that he was just

about to receive his reward.

You have only one thing more to do, and that is but a small one. You

must know that my mistress has a custom, when she has drank a

little, as you see she has done to-day, to let nobody that she loves

come near her, except they be stripped to their shirt; and when they

have done so, she takes a little advantage of them, and begins

running before them through the gallery, and from chamber to

chamber, till they catch her. This is one more of her humours. What

advantage soever she takes of you, considering your nimbleness and

inclination, you will soon overtake her: strip yourself then to your

shirt; undress yourself without ceremony.

My silly brother, said the barber, had done too much to hesitate at

any thing now. He undressed himself; and in the mean time the young

lady was stripped to her shift and under-petticoat, that she might

run the more nimbly. When they were ready to run, the young lady

took the advantage of twenty paces, and then fell to running with

surprising swiftness: my brother followed her as fast as he could,

the slaves in the mean time laughing heartily, and clapping their

hands. The young lady, instead of losing ground, gained upon my

brother; she made him run two or three times round the gallery, and

then running into a long dark entry, got away by a passage which she

knew. Backbarah, who still followed her, having lost sight of her in

the entry, was obliged to slacken his pace, because of the darkness

of the place: at last perceiving a light he ran towards it, and went

out at a door, which was immediately shut upon him. You may imagine

how he was surprised to find himself in a street inhabited by

curriers; and they were no less surprised to see him in his shirt,

his eyes painted red, and without beard or mustachios. They began to

clap their hands and shouted at him, and some of them ran after him

and lashed his buttocks with leather straps. They then took him and

set him upon an ass which they met by chance, and carried him

through the town, exposed to the laughter of the people.

To complete his misfortune, as he went by the judge’s house, he

would needs know the cause of the tumult. The curriers told him,

that they saw him come in that condition out at the gate of the

apartment of the grand vizier’s women, which opened into the

street; upon which the judge ordered unfortunate Backbarah to have a

hundred blows with a cane on the soles of his feet, and sent him out

of the town, with orders never to return again.

Thus, commander of the faithful, said I to the caliph Monstanser

Billah, I have given an account of the adventure of my second

brother, who did not know that our greatest ladies divert themselves

sometimes by putting such tricks upon young people, who are so

foolish as to be caught in the snare.

The barber, without leaving off, told the story of his third brother

in the following manner.

The Story of the Barber’s third Brother.

Commander of the faithful, said he to the caliph, my third brother,

whose name was Backbac, was blind, and his evil destiny reduced him

to beg from door to door. He had been so long accustomed to walk

through the streets alone, that he wanted none to lead him. He had a

custom to knock at people’s doors, and not to answer till they

opened to him. One day he knocked thus at a door, and the master of

the house, who was alone, cried, Who is there? My brother gave no

answer, and knocked a second time. The master of the house asked

again and again, Who is there? but to no purpose: nobody answered.

Upon which he came down, opened the door, and asked my brother what

he wanted. Give me something for Heaven’s sake, said Backbac.

--You seem to be blind, replied the master of the house. Yes, to my

sorrow, said my brother. Give me your band, said the master of the

house. My brother did so, thinking he was going to give him alms;

but he only took him by the hand to lead him up to his chamber.

Backbac thought he had been carrying him to dine with him, as many

other people had done. When they came up to the chamber, the man let

go his hand, and sitting down, asked him again what he wanted. I

have already told you, said Backbac, that I want something for

God’s sake. --Good blind man, replied the master of the house, all

that I can do for you is to wish that God may restore you your

sight. --You might have told me that at the door, said my brother,

and not have given me the trouble to have come up stairs. --And why,

fool, said the man of the house, do not you answer at first, when

people ask you who is there? Why do you give any body the trouble to

come and open the door when they speak to you? --What will you do

with me then? said my brother. --I tell you again, said the man of

the house, I have nothing to give you. --Help me down the stairs

then, replied Backbac, as you helped me up. --The stairs are before

you, said the man of the house, and you may go down by yourself if

you will. My brother attempted to go down, but missing a step about

the middle of the stairs, he fell to the bottom, and hurt his head

and his back: he got up again with a great deal of difficulty, and

went out cursing the master of the house, who laughed at his fall.

As my brother went out of the house, two blind men, his companions,

were going by, knew him by his voice, and asked him what was the

matter. He told them what had happened to him, and afterwards said,

I have eat nothing to day: I conjure you to go along with me to my

house, that I may take some of the money that we three have in

common to buy me something for supper. The two blind men agreed to

it, and they went home with him.

You must know that the master of the house where my brother was so

ill used was a highwayman, and of a cunning and malicious

disposition. He heard at his window what Backbac had said to his

companions, and therefore came down and followed them to my

brother’s house. The blind men being sat down, Backbac said to

them, Brothers, we must shut the door, and take care there be no

stranger with us. At this the highwayman was much perplexed; but

perceiving by chance a rope hanging down from a beam, he caught hold

of it, and hung by it, while the blind men shut the door, and felt

about the room with their sticks. When they had done this, and sat

down again in their places, the highwayman left his rope, and sat

down softly by my brother; who thinking himself alone with his blind

comrades, said to them, Brothers, since you have trusted me with the

money which we all three have been gathering a long time, I will

show you that I am not unworthy of the trust that you repose in me.

The last time we reckoned, you know we had ten thousand drachms, and

that we put them into ten bags; I will show you that I have not

touched one of them; and having said so, he put his hand among some

old clothes, and taking out the bags one after another, gave them to

his comrades, saying, There they are; you may judge by their weight

that they are whole, or you may tell them if you please. His

comrades answered there was no need, they did not mistrust him; so

he opened one of the bags, and took out ten drachms, and each of the

other blind men did the like.

My brother put the bags into their place again: after which, one of

the blind men said to him, There is no need to lay out any thing for

supper, for I have got as much victuals from good people as will

serve us all three. At the same time he took out of his bag bread

and cheese, and some fruit, and, putting all upon the table, they

began to eat. --The highwayman, who sat at my brother’s right

hand, picked out the best, and eat with them; but, whatever care he

took to make no noise, Backbac heard his chaps going, and cried out

immediately, We are undone; there is a stranger among us: and having

said so, he stretched out his hand, and caught hold of the

highwayman by the arm, cried out, Thieves, fell upon him, and boxed

him. The other blind men fell upon him in like manner, and the

highwayman defended himself as well as he could; and being young and

vigorous, and having the advantage of his eyes, he gave furious

blows, sometimes to one, sometimes to another, as he could come at

them, and cried out, Thieves, louder than they did. The neighbours

came running at the noise, broke open the door, and had much ado to

separate the combatants; but having at last succeeded, they asked

the cause of their quarrel. My brother, who still had hold of the

highwayman, cried out. Gentlemen, this man I have hold on is a

thief, and stole in with us on purpose to rob us of the little money

we have. The thief, who shut his eyes as soon as the neighbours

came, feigned himself blind, and cried out, Gentlemen, he is a liar.

I swear to you by Heaven, and by the life of the caliph, that I am

their companion, and they refuse to give me my just share. They have

all three fallen upon me, and I demand justice. The neighbours would

not interfere in their quarrel, but carried them all before the

judge.

When they came before the magistrate, the highwayman, without

staying to be examined, cried out, still feigning himself blind,

Sir, since you are deputed to administer justice by the caliph, whom

God prosper, I declare to you that we are equally criminal, my three

comrades and I; but we have all engaged, upon oath, to confess

nothing except we be bastinadoed; so that if you would know our

crime, you need only order us to be bastinadoed, and begin with me.

My brother would have spoken, but was not allowed to do so; and the

highwayman was put under the bastinado.

The robber being under the bastinado, had the courage to bear twenty

or thirty blows; when, pretending to be overcome with pain, he first

opened one eye, and then the other, and crying out for mercy, begged

the judge would put a stop to the blows. --The judge perceiving that

he looked upon him with his eyes open, was much surprised at it, and

said to him, Rogue, what is the meaning of this miracle? Sir,

replied the highwayman, I will discover to you an important secret,

if you pardon me, and give me, as a pledge that you will keep your

word, the seal-ring which you have on your finger: I am ready to

declare the whole mystery. The judge consented, gave him his ring,

and promised him pardon. Under this promise, said the highwayman, I

must confess to you, sir, that I and my three comrades do all of us

see very well. We feigned ourselves to be blind, that we might

freely enter people’s houses, and into women’s apartments, where

we abuse their weakness. I must further confess to you, that by this

trick we have gained together ten thousand drachms. This day I

demanded of my partners two thousand five hundred that belonged to

me as my share; but they refused because I told them I would leave

them, and they were afraid I should accuse them. Upon my pressing

still to have my share, they all three fell upon me; for which I

appeal to those people who brought us before you. I expect from your

justice, sir, that you will make them deliver me the two thousand

five hundred drachms which is my due; and if you have a mind that my

comrades should confess the truth, you must order them three times

as many blows as I have had, and you will find they will open their

eyes as well as I did.

My brother and the other two blind men would have cleared themselves

of this horrid cheat, but the judge would not hear them: Villains,

said he, do you feign yourselves blind then, and, under that pretext

of moving their compassion, cheat people, and commit such crimes? He

is a cheat, cried my brother, and we take God to witness that none

of us can see.

All that my brother could say was in vain, his comrades and he

received each of them two hundred blows. The judge looked when they

should have opened their eyes and ascribed to their obstinacy what

really they could not do. All the while, the highwayman said to the

blind men, Poor fools that you are, open your eyes, and do not

suffer yourselves to be beat to death. Then addressing himself to

the judge, said, I perceive, sir, that they will be maliciously

obstinate to the last, and will never open their eyes. They have a

mind certainly to avoid the shame of reading their own condemnation

in the face of every one that looks upon them; it were better, if

you think fit, to pardon them, and to send some person along with me

for the ten thousand drachms they have hid.

The judge did so, gave the highwayman two thousand five hundred

drachms, and kept the rest himself; and as for my brother and his

two companions, he thought he showed them a great deal of pity by

sentencing them only to be banished. As soon as I heard what befell

my brother, I ran after him; he told me his misfortune, and I

brought him back secretly to the town. I could easily have justified

him to the judge, and have got the highwayman punished as he

deserved, but durst not attempt it, for fear of bringing myself into

trouble. Thus I finished the sad adventure of my honest blind

brother. The caliph laughed at it as much as at those he had heard

before, and ordered again, that something should be given me; but

without staying for it, I began the story of my fourth brother.

The story of the Barber’s fourth Brother.

Alcouz was the name of the fourth brother, who lost one of his eyes

upon an occasion that I shall have the honour to relate to your

majesty. He was a butcher by profession, and had a particular way of

teaching rams to fight, by which he gained the acquaintance and

friendship of the chief lords of the country, who loved that sport,

and for that end kept rams at their houses; he had, beside, a very

good trade, and had his shop always full of the best meat, because

he was very rich, and spared no cost for the best of every sort. One

day, when he was in his shop, an old man, with a long white beard,

came and bought six pounds of meat of him, gave him money for it,

and went his way. My brother thought the money so fine, so white,

and so well coined, that he put it apart by itself. The same old man

came every day for five months together, bought a like quantity of

meat, and paid for it in the same sort of money, which my brother

continued to lay apart by itself.

At the end of five months, Alcouz having a mind to buy a parcel of

sheep, and to pay for them in this fine money, opened his chest; but

instead of finding his money, was extremely surprised to see nothing

in the place where he had laid it but a parcel of leaves clipped

round: he beat his head and cried out aloud, which presently brought

the neighbours about him, who were as much surprised as he, when he

told them the story. Oh! cried my brother, weeping, that this

treacherous old fellow would come now with his hypocritical looks!

He had scarce done speaking when he saw him coming at a distance,

ran to him, and laid hands on him: Mussulmen! cried he, as load as

he could, help! hear what a cheat this wicked fellow has put upon

me, and, at the some time, told a great crowd of people who came

about him, what he had formerly told his neighbours. When he had

done, the old man said to him very gravely and calmly, You had

better let me go, and by that means make amends for the affront you

have put upon me before so many people, for fear I should put a

greater affront upon you, which I should be sorry to do. How, said

my brother, what have you to say against me? I am an honest man in

my business, and fear not you, nor any body. You would have me speak

out then, said the old man, in the same tone; and turning to the

people, said to them, Know, good people, that this fellow, instead

of selling mutton, as he ought to do, sells man’s flesh. You are a

cheat, said my brother. No, no, said the old man; good people, this

very minute that I am speaking to him, there is a man with his

throat cut hung up in the shop like a sheep; do any of you go

thither, and see if what I say be not true.

Just before my brother had opened his chest he had killed a sheep,

dressed it, and exposed it in the shop, according to custom. He

protested that what the old man said was false; but notwithstanding

all his protestations, the credulous mob, prejudiced against a man

accused of such a heinous crime, would go to see whether the matter

was true. They obliged my brother to quit the old man, laid hold of

him, and ran like madmen into his shop, where they saw a man hung up

with his throat cut, as the old man had told them; for he was a

magician and deceived the eyes of all people, as he did my brother,

when he made him take leaves instead of money. At this sight, one of

those who held Alcouz, gave him a great blow with his fist, and said

to him, Thou wicked villain! Dost thou make us eat men’s flesh

instead of mutton? And at the same time, the old man gave him

another blow, which beat out one of his eyes, and every body that

could get near him beat him; and not content with that, they carried

him before a judge, with the pretended carcass of the man to be

evidence against him. Sir, said the old magician to the judge, we

have brought you a man, who is so barbarous as to murder people, and

to sell their flesh instead of mutton; the public expects that you

shall punish him in an exemplary manner. The judge heard my brother

with patience, but would believe nothing of the story of the money

changed into leaves, called my brother a cheat, told him he would

believe his own eyes, and ordered him to receive five hundred blows.

He afterwards made him tell where his money was, took it all from

him, and banished him for ever, after having made him ride three

days through the city upon a camel, exposed to the insults of the

people.

I was not at Bagdad when this tragical adventure befell my fourth

brother. He retired into a remote place, where he lay concealed till

he was cured of the blows with which his back was terribly mauled.

When he was able to walk, he went by night to a certain town where

nobody knew him; and there he took a lodging, from whence he seldom

went out. But being weary of this confined life, he went to walk in

one of the suburbs, where all of a sudden he heard a great noise of

horsemen coming behind him. He was then by chance near the gate of a

great house; and fearing, after what had befallen him, that these

horsemen were pursuing him, he opened the gate, in order to hide

himself; and after he shut it, came into a great court, where

immediately two servants came, and collaring him, said, Heaven be

praised, that you have come of your own accord to surrender yourself

to us! You have frightened us so much these three last nights, that

we could not sleep nor would you have spared our lives, if we had

not prevented you. You may very well imagine my brother was much

surprised at this compliment. Good people, said he, I know not what

you mean; you certainly take me for some body else. No, no, replied

they: we know that you and your comrades are great robbers: you were

not contented to rob our master of all that he had, and to reduce

him to beggary, but you had a mind to take his life. Let us see a

little if you have not a knife about you, which you had in your hand

when you pursued us last night; and having said this, they searched

him, and found he had a knife. Ho! ho! cried they, laying hold of

him, and dare you say that you are not a robber? Why, said my

brother, cannot a man carry a knife about him without being a

highwayman? If you will hearken to my story, continued he, instead

of having so bad an opinion of me, you will be touched with

compassion at my misfortunes. But far from hearkening to him, they

fell upon him, trod upon him, took away his clothes, and tore his

shirt. Then seeing the scars on his back, O dog! said they,

redoubling their blows, would you have us believe you are an honest

man when your back shows us the contrary? --Alas! said my brother,

my crimes must be very great, since after having been abused already

so unjustly, I am abused again a second time without being more

culpable!

The two servants, no way moved with this complaint, carried him

before the judge, who asked him, how he durst be so bold as to go

into their house, and pursue them with a drawn knife? Sir, replied

poor Alcouz, I am the most innocent man in the world, and am undone,

if you will not be pleased to hear me patiently; nobody deserves

more compassion. Sir, replied one of the domestics, will you listen

to a robber, who enters people’s houses to plunder and murder

them? If you will not believe us, only look upon his back. And when

he said so, he uncovered my brother’s back, and showed it to the

judge; who, without any other information, commanded immediately to

give him a hundred lashes with a bull’s pizzle over the shoulders,

and made him afterwards be carried through the town on a camel, with

one crying before him, ‘Thus are such men punished as enter

people’s houses by force.’ After haring treated him thus, they

banished him the town, and forbid him ever to return to it again.

Some people who met him after the second misfortune, brought me word

where he was, and I went and fetched him to Bagdad privately, and

gave him all the assistance I could. The caliph, continued the

barber, did not laugh so much at this story as at the other. He was

pleased to pity the unfortunate Alcouz, and ordered something to be

given me. But, without giving his servants time to obey his orders,

I continued my discourse, and said to him, My sovereign lord and

master, you see that I do not talk much; and since your majesty has

been pleased to do me the favour to listen to me so far, I beg you

would likewise hear the adventures of my two other brothers. I hope

they will be as diverting as those of the former. You may make a

complete history of them, that will not be unworthy of your library.

I shall do myself the honour then to acquaint you, that the fifth

brother was called Alnaschar.

The Story of the Barber’s fifth Brother.

Alnaschar, as long as our father lived, was very lazy; instead of

working for his hiving, he used to go begging in the evening, and to

live next day upon what he got. Our father died in a very old age,

and left among us seven hundred drachms of silver: we divided it

equally, so that each of us had a hundred for our share. Alnaschar,

who had never so much money before in his lifetime, was very much

perplexed to know what he should do with it. He consulted a long

time with himself, and at last resolved to lay it out in glasses,

bottles, and other glass-ware, which he bought of a wholesale

dealer. He put all in an open basket, and chose a very little shop,

where he sat with the basket before him, and his back against the

wall, expecting while somebody should come and buy his ware. In this

posture he sat, with his eyes fixed on his basket, and began to

meditate; during which he spoke as follows, loud enough to be heard

by a neighbouring tailor: This basket, said he, cost me a hundred

drachms, which is all I have in the world; I shall make two hundred

of it by retailing my glass, and of these two hundred drachms, which

I will again lay out in glass-ware, I shall make four hundred; --and

going on thus, I shall at last make four thousand drachms; of four

thousand I shall easily make eight thousand, and when I come to ten

thousand, I will leave off selling glass, and turn jeweller. I will

trade in diamonds, pearls, and all sorts of precious stones. Then,

when I am rich as I can wish, I will buy a fine house, a great

estate, slaves, eunuchs, and horses. I will keep a good house, and

make a great figure in the world; I will send for all the musicians

and dancers of both sexes in town. --Nor will I stop here: I will,

by the favour of heaven, go on till I get a hundred thousand

drachms; and when I have got so much, I will think myself as great

as a prince, and send to demand the grand vizier’s daughter in

marriage; and represent to that minister that I have heard much of

the wonderful beauty, understanding, wit, and all the other

qualities of his daughter. In a word, that I will give him a

thousand pieces of gold the first night after we are married; and if

the vizier be so uncivil as to refuse his daughter, which cannot be

supposed, I will go and carry her off before his face, and take her

to my house, whether he will or no. --As soon as I have married the

grand vizier’s daughter, I will buy her ten young black eunuchs,

the handsomest that can be had. I will clothe myself like a prince,

and, mounted upon a fine horse, with a saddle of fine gold, and

housings of cloth of gold, finely embroidered with diamonds and

pearls, I will ride through the city, attended by slaves before and

behind; and I will go to the vizier’s palace, in view of all the

people, great and small, who will show me the most profound respect.

When I alight at the foot of the vizier’s staircase, I will go up

the same through my own people, ranged in files on the right and

left; and the grand vizier, receiving me as his son-in-law, shall

give me the right hand, and set me above him, to do me the more

honour. If this comes to pass, as I hope it will, two of my people

shall each of them have a purse with a thousand pieces of gold,

which they shall carry with them. I will take one, and presenting it

to the grand vizier, will tell him, There is the thousand pieces of

gold that I promised the first night of marriage; and I will offer

him the other, and say to him, There is as much more, to shew you

that I am a man of my word, and even better than my promise. After

such an action as this, all the world will talk of my generosity. I

will return to my own house in the same pomp. My wife will send some

officer to compliment me, on account of my visit to the vizier, her

father; I will honour the officer with a fine robe, and send him

back with a rich present. If she thinks to send me one, I will not

accept it, but dismiss the bearer. I will not suffer her to go out

of her apartment on any account whatever, without giving me notice;

and when I have a mind to come to her apartment, it shall be in such

a manner as to make her respect me. In short, no house shall be

better ordered than mine. I will be always richly clad. When I

retire with my wife in the evening, I will sit on the upper hand; I

will affect a grave air, without turning my head to one side or

other. I will speak little; and whilst my wife, beautiful as the

full moon, stands before me in all her charms, I will make as if I

did not see her. Her women about her will say to me, Our dear lord

and master, here is your spouse, your humble servant, before you,

ready to receive your caresses, and much mortified that you do not

vouchsafe to look upon her; she is wearied with standing so long;

bid her, at least, sit down. I will give no answer to this

discourse, which will increase their surprise and grief. They will

prostrate themselves at my feet; and after they have for a

considerable time entreated me to relent, I will at last lift up my

head, and give her a careless look, and resume my former posture:

they will suppose that my wife is not well enough, nor handsomely

enough dressed, and will carry her to her closet to change her

apparel. At the same time I will get up, and put on a more

magnificent suit than before: they will return, and hold the same

discourse with me as before, and I will have the pleasure not so

much as to look upon my wife, till they have prayed and entreated as

long as they did at first. Thus I will begin on the first day of

marriage to teach her what she is to expect during the rest of her

life.

After the ceremonies of the marriage, said Alnaschar, I will take

from one of my servants, who shall be about me, a purse of five

hundred pieces of gold, which I will give to the tire-women, that

they may leave me alone with my spouse. When they are gone, my wife

shall go to bed first; then I will lie down by her, with my back

towards her, and will not say one word to her all night. The next

morning she will certainly complain of my contempt to her, and of my

pride, to her mother, the grand vizier’s wife, which will rejoice

my heart. Her mother will come to wait upon me, respectfully kiss my

hands, and say to me, Sir, (for she will not dare to call me

son-in-law, for fear of provoking me by such a familiar style,) I

entreat you not to disdain to look upon my daughter, and refuse to

come near her: I assure you that her chief delight is to please you,

and that she loves you with all her soul. But, in spite of all my

mother-in-law can say, I will not answer her one word, but keep an

obstinate gravity. Then she will throw herself at my feet, kiss them

repeatedly, and say to me, Sir, is it possible that you can suspect

my daughter’s good sense? I assure you I never let her go out of

my sight. You are the first man that ever saw her face: do not

mortify her so much; do her the favour to look upon her, to speak to

her, and confirm her in her good intentions to satisfy you in every

thing. But nothing of this shall prevail with me. Upon which my

mother-in-law will take a glass of wine, and, putting it in the hand

of her daughter, my wife, will say, Go, present him this glass of

wine yourself; perhaps he will not be so cruel as to refuse it from

so fair a hand. My wife will come with the glass, and stand

trembling before me; and when she finds that I do not look towards

her, but that I continue to disdain her, she will say to me, with

tears in her eyes, My heart, my dear soul, my amiable lord, I

conjure you, by the favours which heaven heaps upon you, to receive

this glass of wine from the hand of your most humble servant; but I

will not look upon her still, nor answer her. My charming spouse,

will she say, redoubling her tears, and putting the glass to my

mouth, I will never leave off till I prevail with you to drink;

then, wearied with her entreaties, I will dart a terrible look at

her, give her a good box on the cheek, and such a push with my foot,

as will throw her to a distance from the sofa.

My brother was so full of these chimerical visions, that he acted

with his foot as if she had been really before him, and by

misfortune he gave such a push to his basket and glasses, that they

were thrown down in the street, and broken in a thousand pieces.

The tailor, his neighbour, who heard his extravagant talk, burst

into a great fit of laughter when he saw the basket fall. O, what an

unworthy fellow art thou! said he to my brother: ought you not be

ashamed to abuse thus a young spouse, who gave you no cause to

complain. You must be a very brutish fellow to despise the tears and

charms of such a beautiful lady. Were I the vizier, your

father-in-law, I would order you a hundred lashes with a bull’s

pizzle, and send you through the town with your character written on

your forehead. My brother, on this fatal accident, came to himself,

and perceiving that he had brought this misfortune upon himself by

his insupportable pride, he beat his face, tore his clothes, and

cried so loud, that the neighbours came about him; and the people,

who were going to their noon-prayers, stopt to know what was the

matter. Being on a Friday, more people went to prayers than usual:

some of them took pity on Alnaschar, and others only laughed at him

for his extravagance. In the mean time, his vanity being dispersed

with his property, he bitterly bewailed his loss; and a lady of rank

passing by upon a mule richly caparisoned, my brother’s situation

moved her compassion. She asked him who he was, and what he cried

for? They told her, that he was a poor man, who had laid out the

little money he was worth in the purchase of a basket of glass ware,

and that the basket had fallen over, and all his glasses were

broken. The lady immediately turned to an eunuch who attended her,

and said to him, Give the poor man what you have about you. The

eunuch obeyed, and put into my brother’s hands a purse, with five

hundred pieces of gold. Alnaschar was ready to die with joy when he

received it. He gave a thousand blessings to the lady, and shutting

up his shop, where he had no more occasion to sit, he went to his

house.

While he was making deep reflections upon his good luck, he heard

somebody knock at his door: before he opened, he asked who it was;

and knowing by the voice that it was a woman, he let her in. My son,

said she, I have a favour to beg of you: the hour of prayer is come;

pray let me wash myself, that I may be fit to say my prayers. Pray

let me come into your house, and give me a basin of water. My

brother looked at her, and saw that she was a woman well advanced in

years: though he knew her not, he granted her request, and sat down

again, still full of his new adventure. He put his gold in a long

strait purse, proper to carry at his girdle. The old woman in the

mean time said her prayers, and when she had done, came to my

brother, and bowed twice to the ground so low, that she touched it

with her forehead, as if she had been going to say her prayers: then

rising up, she wished my brother all happiness.

Being meanly clad, and very humble, he thought she asked alms, upon

which he offered her two pieces of gold. The old woman stept back in

a sort of surprise, as if my brother had affronted her. Good God!

said she, what is the meaning of this? Is it possible, sir, that you

took me for one of those impudent beggars who push into people’s

houses to ask alms? Take back your money; I need it not, thank

heaven. I belong to a young lady of this city, who is a charming

beauty, and very rich; she lets me want for nothing.

[Illustration: THE VISION OF ALNASCHAR.]

My brother was not cunning enough to perceive the craft of the old

woman, who only refused the two pieces of gold, that she might catch

more. He asked her if she could not procure him the honour of seeing

that lady. With all my heart, replied she; she will be very glad to

marry you, and to put you in possession of her fortune, by making

you master of her person. Take up your money and follow me. My

brother being ravished with his good luck of finding so great a sum

of money, and almost at the same time a beautiful and rich wife,

shut his eyes to all other considerations; so that he took his five

hundred pieces of gold, and followed the old woman. She walked

before him, and he followed at a distance, to the gate of a great

house, where she knocked. He came up to her just as a young Greek

slave opened the gate. The old woman made him enter first, crossed a

well-paved court, and introduced him into a hall, the furniture of

which confirmed him in the good opinion he had conceived of the

mistress of the house. While the old woman went to acquaint the

lady, he sat down, and the weather being hot, put off his turban,

and laid it by him. He speedily saw the young lady come in, whose

beauty and rich apparel perfectly surprised him; he got up as soon

as he saw her. The lady, with a smiling countenance, prayed him to

sit down again, and placed herself by him: she told him she was very

glad to see him; and after having spoken some engaging words to him,

said, We do not sit here at our ease. Come, give me your hand. At

these words she presented him hers, and carried him into an inner

chamber, where she conversed with him for some time: then she left

him, bidding him stay, --she would be with him in a moment. He

waited for her; but instead of a lady came in a great black slave,

with a scimitar in his hand, and looking upon my brother, with a

terrible aspect, said to him fiercely, What have you to do here?

Alnaschar was so frightened at the sight of the slave, that he had

no power to answer. The black stripped him, carried on his gold, and

gave him several flesh wounds with his scimitar. My unhappy brother

fell to the ground, where he lay without motion, though he had still

the use of his senses. The black thinking him to be dead, asked for

salt: the Greek slave brought him a basin full: they rubbed my

brother’s wounds with it, who had so much command of himself,

notwithstanding the intolerable pain it put him to, that he lay

still, without giving any sign of life. The black and the Greek

slave being retired, the old woman, who drew my brother into the

snare, came and dragged him by the feet to a trap-door, which she

opened, and threw him into a place under ground, among the corpses

of several other people that had been murdered. He perceived this as

soon as he came to himself, for the violence of the fall had taken

away his senses. The salt rubbed into his wounds preserved his life,

and he recovered strength by degrees, so as he was able to walk.

After two days he opened the trap-door in the night, and finding in

the court a place proper to hide himself in, continued there till

break of day, when he saw the cursed old woman open the gate to the

street, and go out to seek another prey. He staid in the place some

time after she went out, that she might not see him, and then came

to me for shelter, when he told me of his adventures.

In a month’s time he was perfectly cured of his wounds by

medicines that I gave him; and resolved to avenge himself of the old

woman, who had put such a barbarous cheat upon him. To this end he

took a bag, large enough to contain five hundred pieces of gold, and

filled it with pieces of glass.

My brother fastened the bag of glass about him, disguised himself

like an old woman, and took a scimitar under his gown. One morning

he met the old woman walking through the town to seek her prey; he

came up to her, and counterfeiting a woman’s voice, said to her,

Cannot you lend me a pair of scales? I am a woman newly come from

Persia, have brought five hundred pieces of gold with me, and would

know if they are weight. --Good woman, answered the old hag, you

could not have applied to a properer person: follow me; I will bring

you to my son, who changes money, and will weigh them himself, to

save you the trouble. Let us make haste, for fear he go to his shop.

My brother followed her to the house where she carried him the first

time, and the Greek slave opened the door.

The old woman carried my brother to the hall, where she bid him stay

a moment till she called her son. The pretended son came, and proved

to be the villanous black slave. Come, old woman, said he to my

brother, rise and follow me: having spoke thus, he went before to

bring him to the place where he designed to murder him. Alnaschar

got up, followed him, and drawing his scimitar, gave him such a

dexterous blow behind on the neck, that he cut off his head, which

he took in one hand, and, dragging the corpse with the other, threw

them both into the place under ground before mentioned. The Greek

slave, who was accustomed to the trade, came presently with a basin

of salt; but when she saw Alnaschar with his scimitar in his hand,

and without his veil, she laid down the basin, and fled. But my

brother overtaking her, cut off her head also. The wicked old woman

came running at the noise, and my brother seizing her, said to her,

Treacherous wretch! do not you know me? Alas, sir! answered she,

trembling, who are you? I do not remember that I ever saw you. --I

am, said he, the person to whose house you came the other day to

wash and say your prayers. Hypocritical hag! said he, do not you

remember it? Then she fell on her knees to beg his pardon, but he

cut her in four pieces.

There remained only the lady, who knew nothing of what had passed:

he sought her out, and found her in a chamber, where she was ready

to sink when she saw him: she begged her life, which he generously

granted. Madam, said he, how could you live with such wicked people,

as I have so justly revenged myself upon now? I was, said she, wife

to an honest merchant; and the cursed old woman, whose wickedness I

did not know, used sometimes to come to see me. Madam, said she to

me one day, we have a very fine wedding at our house, which you will

be pleased to see, if you give us the honour of your company: I was

persuaded by her, put on my best apparel, and took with me a hundred

pieces of gold. I followed her; she brought me to this house, where

the black has since kept me by force, and I have been three years

here, to my very great sorrow. By the trade which that cursed black

followed, replied my brother, he must have gathered together a vast

deal of riches. There is so much, said she, that you will be made

for ever, if you carry them off: follow me, and you shall see them.

Alnaschar followed her to a chamber, where she showed him several

coffers full of gold, which he beheld with admiration. Go, said she,

fetch people enough to carry it all off. My brother needed not be

bid twice: he went out, and staid only till he got ten men together,

and brought them with him, and was much surprised to find the gate

open, but more when he found the lady and coffers all gone; for she

being more diligent than he, carried them all off and disappeared.

However, being resolved not to return empty-handed, he carried off

all the furniture he could find in the house, which was a great deal

more than enough to make up the five hundred pieces of gold he was

robbed of; but when he went out of the house, he forgot to shut the

gate. The neighbours, who saw my brother and the porters come and

go, went and acquainted the magistrate with it, for they looked upon

my brother’s conduct as suspicious. Alnaschar slept well enough

all night; but the next morning, when he came out of his house, he

found twenty of the magistrate’s men, who seized him. Come along

with us, said they; our master would sneak with you. My brother

prayed them to have patience for a moment, and offered them a sum of

money to let him escape; but instead of listening to him, they bound

him, and forced him to go along with them. They met in the street an

old acquaintance of my brother’s, who stopped them awhile, and

asked them why they siezed my brother, and offered them a

considerable sum to let him escape, and tell the magistrate they

could not find him. But this would not do; so he was carried before

the magistrate.

When the officers brought him before the magistrate, he asked him

where he had the goods which he carried home last night? Sir,

replied Alnaschar, I am ready to tell you all the truth; but allow

me first to have recourse to your clemency, and to beg your promise,

that nothing shall be done to me. I give it you, said the

magistrate. Then my brother told him the whole story without

disguise, from the time the old woman came into the house to say her

prayers, to the time the lady made her escape, after he had killed

the black, the Greek slave, and the old woman: and as for what he

had carried to his house, he prayed the judge to leave him part of

it, for the five hundred pieces of gold that he was robbed of.

The judge, without promising any thing, sent his officers to bring

off all, and having put the goods into his own wardrobe, commanded

my brother to quit the town immediately, and never to return, for he

was afraid, if my brother had staid in the city, he would have found

some way to represent this injustice to the caliph. In the mean

time, Alnaschar obeyed without murmuring, and left that town to go

to another: by the way he met with highwaymen, who stript him naked;

and when the ill news was brought to me, I carried him a suit, and

brought him secretly again into the town, where I took the like care

of him as I did of his other brothers.

The Story of the Barber’s sixth Brother.

I have now only to tell you the story of my sixth brother, called

Schacabac, with the hare-lips. At first he was industrious enough to

improve the hundred drachms of silver which fell to his share, and

went on very well; but a reverse of fortune brought him to beg his

bread, which he did with a great deal of dexterity. He studied

chiefly to get into great men’s houses, by means of their servants

and officers, that he might have access to their masters, and obtain

their charity. One day, as he passed by a magnificent house, whose

high gate showed him a very spacious court, where there was a

multitude of servants, he went to one of them, and asked him to whom

that house belonged. Good man, replied the servant, whence do you

come, that you ask me such a question? Does not all that you see

make you understand that it is the palace of a Barmecide? [77] My

brother, who very well knew the liberality and generosity of the

Barmecides, addressed himself to one of his porters, (for he had

more than one,) and prayed him to give him an alms. Go in, said he,

nobody hinders you, and address yourself to the master of the house;

he will send you back satisfied.

My brother, who expected no such civility, thanked the porters, and

with their permission entered the palace, which was so large, that

it took him a considerable time to reach the Barmecide’s

apartment; at last he came to a fine square building of an excellent

architecture, and entered by a porch, through which he saw one of

the finest gardens with gravel walks of several colours, extremely

pleasant to the eye: the lower apartments round this square were

most of them open, and were shut only with great curtains to keep

out the sun, which were opened again when the heat was over, to let

in the fresh air.

Such an agreeable place would have struck my brother with

admiration, even if his mind had been more at ease than it was. He

went on till he came into a hall richly furnished, and adorned with

painting of gold and azure foliage, where he saw a venerable man

with a long white beard, sitting at the upper end on a sofa, whence

he concluded him to be the master of the house; and in fact it was

the Barmecide himself, who said to my brother in a very civil

manner, that he was welcome; and asked him what he wanted. My lord,

answered my brother, in a begging tone, I am a poor man who stands

in need of the help of such rich and generous persons as yourself.

He could not have addressed himself to a fitter person than this

lord, who had a thousand good qualities.

The Barmecide seemed to be astonished at my brother’s answer, and

putting both his hands to his stomach, as if he would rend his

clothes for grief, Is it possible, cried he, that I am at Bagdad,

and that such a man as you is so poor as you say? This is what must

never be. My brother, fancying that he was going to give him some

singular mark of his bounty, blessed him a thousand times, and

wished him all sorts of happiness. It shall not be said, replied the

Barmecide, that I will abandon you, nor will I have you leave me.

--Sir, replied my brother, I swear to you I have not eaten one bit

to-day. --Is that true, replied the Barmecide, that you are fasting

till now? Alas, poor man! he is ready to die for hunger: Ho, boy,

cried he, with a loud voice, bring a basin and water presently, that

we may wash our hands. Though no boy appeared, and my brother saw

neither water nor basin, the Barmecide fell to rubbing his hands, as

if one had poured water upon them, and bid my brother come and wash

with him. Schacabac judged by that, that the Barmecide lord loved to

be merry; and he himself understanding raillery, and knowing that

the poor must be complaisant to the rich, if they would have any

thing from them, he came forward, and did as he did.

Come on, said the Barmecide; bring us something to eat, and do not

let us stay for it. When he had said so, though nothing was brought,

he began to cut as if something had been brought him upon a plate,

and putting his hand to his mouth began to chew, and said to my

brother, Come, friend, eat as freely as if you were at home; come,

eat; you said you were like to die of hunger, but you eat as if you

had no stomach. --Pardon me, my lord, said Schacabac, who perfectly

imitated what he did, you see I lose no time, and that I play my

part well enough. --How like you this bread? said the Barmecide: do

not you find it very good? --O! my lord, said my brother, who saw

neither bread nor meat, I never ate any thing so white and so fine.

--Eat your fill, said the Barmecide; I assure you, the woman who

bakes me this good bread cost me five hundred pieces of gold to

purchase her.

The Barmecide, after having boasted so much of his bread, which my

brother eat only in idea, cried. Boy, bring us another dish: and

though no boy appeared, Come, my good friend, said he to my brother,

taste this new dish; and tell me if ever you eat better mutton and

barley-broth than this. --It is admirably good, replied my brother,

and therefore you see I eat heartily. --You oblige me highly,

replied the Barmecide; I conjure you then, by the satisfaction I

have to see you eat so heartily, that you eat all up, since you like

it so well. A little while after he called for a goose, and sweet

sauce, made up of vinegar, honey, dry raisins, gray peas, and dry

figs, which were brought just in the same manner as the other was.

The goose is very fat, said the Barmecide, eat only a leg and a

wing; we must save our stomachs, for we have abundance of other

dishes to come. He actually called for several other dishes, of

which my brother, who was ready to die of hunger, pretended to eat;

but what he boasted of more than all the rest was a lamb fed with

pistachio nuts, which he ordered to be brought up in the same manner

that the rest were. And here is a dish, said the Barmecide, that you

will see at nobody’s table but my own; I would have you eat your

belly-full of it. Having spoken thus, he stretched out his hand as

if he had a piece of lamb in it, and putting it to my brother’s

mouth, There, said he, swallow that, and you will judge whether I

had not reason to boast of this dish. My brother thrust out his

head, opened his mouth, and made as if he took the piece of lamb,

and eat it with extreme pleasure. I knew you would like it, said the

Barmecide. There is nothing in the world finer, replied my brother;

your table is most delicious. --Come, bring the ragout presently; I

fancy you will like that as well as you did the lamb. --Well, how do

you relish it? said the Barmecide. O! it is wonderful, replied

Schacabac; for here we taste all at once, amber, cloves, nutmeg,

ginger, pepper, and the most odoriferous herbs; and all these

delicacies are so well mixed, that one does not prevent our tasting

the other. How pleasant! --Honour this ragout, said the Barmecide,

by eating heartily of it. Ho, boy, cried he, bring us a new ragout.

--No, my lord, if it please you, replied my brother, for indeed I

can eat no more.

Come, take away then, said the Barmecide, and bring the fruit. He

staid a moment, as if it were to give time for his servants to carry

away; after which, he said to my brother, Taste these almonds; they

are good and fresh gathered. Both of them made as if they had peeled

the almonds, and eaten them: after this, the Barmecide invited my

brother to eat something else. Look you, said he, there are all

sorts of fruits, cakes, dry sweetmeats, and conserves; take what you

like; then stretching out his hand, as if he had reached my brother

something, Look ye, said he, there is a lozenge, very good for

digestion. Schacabac made as if he eat it, and said, My lord, there

is no want of musk here. --These lozenges, said the Barmecide, are

made at my own house, where there is nothing wanting to make every

thing good. He still bid my brother eat, and said to him, Methinks

you do not eat as if you had been so hungry, as you said when you

came in. --My lord, replied Shacabac, whose jaws ached with moving

and having nothing to eat, I assure you I am so full that I cannot

eat one bit more.

Well then, friend, replied the Barmecide, we must drink now, after

we have eat so well. [78] --You may drink wine, my lord, replied my

brother; but I will drink none, if you please, because I am

forbidden it. --You are too scrupulous, replied the Barmecide; do as

I do. --I will drink then out of complaisance, said Shacabac, for I

see you will have nothing wanting to make your treat complete: but

since I am not accustomed to drink wine, I am afraid I shall commit

some error in point of good breeding, and contrary to the respect

that is due to you, and therefore I pray you, once more, to excuse

me from drinking any wine; I will be content with water. --No, no,

said the Barmecide, you shall drink wine: and at the same time he

commanded some to be brought, in the same manner as the meat and

fruit had been brought before. He made as if he poured out wine, and

drank first himself, and then pouring out for my brother, presented

him the glass: Drink my health, said he, and let us know if you

think this wine good. My brother made as if he took the glass, and

looked if the colour was good, and put it to his nose to try if it

had a good flavour: then he made a low bow to the Barmecide, to

signify that he took the liberty to drink his health; and, lastly,

he appeared to drink with all the signs of a man that drinks with

pleasure. --My lord, said he, this is very excellent wine, but I

think it is not strong enough. --If you would have stronger, said

the Barmecide, you need only speak, for I have several sorts in my

cellar. --Try how you like this. Upon which he made as if he poured

out another glass to himself, and then to my brother; and did this

so often, that Schacabac, feigning to be intoxicated with the wine,

and acting a drunken man, lifted up his hand, and gave the Barmecide

such a box on the ear, as made him fall down: he was going to give

him another blow, but the Barmecide holding up his hand to ward it

off, cried out, Are you mad? Then my brother, making as if he had

come to himself again, said, My lord, you have been so good as to

admit your slave into your house, and give him a great treat; you

should have been satisfied with making me eat, and not have obliged

me to drink wine? for I told you beforehand, that it might occasion

me to fail in my respect for you. I am very sorry for it, and beg

you a thousand pardons.

Scarce had he finished these words, when the Barmecide, instead of

being in a passion, fell a laughing with all his might. It is a long

time, said he, that I have been seeking a man of your character.

The Barmecide caressed Schacabac mightily, and told him, I not only

forgive the blow you have given me, but I desire henceforward we

should be friends, and that you take my house for your home: you

have had the complaisance to accommodate yourself to my humour, and

the patience to keep the jest up to the last; we will now eat in

good earnest. When he had finished these words, he clapped his

hands, and commanded his servants, who then appeared, to cover the

table; which was speedily done, and my brother was treated with all

those dishes in reality, which he ate of before in fancy. At last

they cleared the table, and brought in the wine, and at the same

time a number of handsome slaves, richly apparelled, came in and

sung some agreeable airs to their musical instruments. In a word,

Schacabac had all the reason in the world to be satisfied with the

Barmecide’s civility and bounty; for he treated him as his

familiar friend, and ordered him a suit out of his wardrobe.