_By Victor Who-goes-Everywhere_.
What can be more dismal than the fourth day of a Fancy Bazaar for a
"Sale of Work," in aid of a parochial charity? Honestly, I do not know.
I fancy that even the proverbial "Mute at a funeral," must be livelier.
That is my present opinion, and it was the same last Thursday, when
lured by a programme quaintly printed in "old-faced" type, and having
"ye" in lieu of "the," and "Maister" instead of Mister, I made my way to
the Portman Rooms in Baker Street, (formerly Madame +Tussaud's+) and
sought admission to "Old Marybone Gardens, A.D. 1670." Outside the ex
_depot_ of Waxworks, were two persons in the costume of the last Century
distributing circulars, and later on I met another couple similarly
apparelled heading a procession of Sandwich-men walking down Waterloo
Place. In the Hall of the Bazaar lads in the same sort of dresses, were
selling programmes (marked sixpence) for twopence. I entered by a small
canvass-cottage "y'clept" (as the Sale of Workers would call it) "the
Rose of Normandy," and found myself in the once famous "Hall of Kings"
without the figures. I discovered two or three dwarf trees, some
lattice-work and a lot of canvass-covering. I must confess it did not
cause me much surprise to find only a few spectators. The moment I
appeared, a lady advanced and asked me in a tone of authority to take a
button-hole. I refused with courtesy suggestive at once of the gallant
and the miser, and the Sale of Work-woman retired rather crest-fallen.
Then two girls, costumed as two females of a past but vague period,
dashed at me as I turned away, and breathlessly explained that if I
bought a half-crown ticket I should be entitled to a chance in a raffle
for a five-guinea sofa-cushion. I slightly frowned as I expeditiously
refused the invitation, and the ladies disappeared into a corner--I
trust more in sorrow than in anger--to read the evening paper. In the
centre of the room was a "fish pond" full of presents, where a
mild-looking curate was feebly attempting to secure a prize. On the
whole the entertainment was scarcely exhilarating. The programme
promised "from V to VI of ye clocke" (how silly!) "a _seance_ of
Mesmerism," in two "partes," (how really stupid!) and "Maister +Charles
Bertram+" (Why "Maister?") was to appear later on. Then at eight "of ye
clocke" (dear, dear! _how_ idiotic!) "the Welbeck Dramatic Club" (what a
name!) was "to performe ye Comic Drama by +L. S. Buckingham+, y'clept"
(of course!) "_Take that Girl away_." Later still "Mistresse +Jarley+"
was to give her waxworks with the assistance of "Maister +Sidney Ward+,"
(tut, tut!) the Festival finally closing with "Music" at "X of ye
clocke" (stuff and nonsense!). It will be seen that I cannot even now
look at the programme (priced at sixpence and sold for twopence) without
some signs of impatience. The afternoon was too young to allow of my
assisting at any of these toothsome merry-makings, so after mooning
about for a quarter of an hour I came away. As I left, a newly-arrived
dame of mature years was putting on a nurse's cap hurriedly, evidently
with the view to starting in hot pursuit of me to secure my custom for
some toys. The ladies with the cushion looked at me languidly as I
passed them, and then returned to a perusal of their paper. When last I
had had the advantage of paying a visit to "the Portman Rooms, formerly
Mme. +Tussaud's+," I had seen nothing but waxwork figures in eccentric
attitudes. On the whole, I think the former denizens of the place looked
more at home in their quaint costumes than the Sale of Workers "from
Tuesday, November 22 to Saturday, November 26, inclusive!"
Finding myself in its neighbourhood, I could not help taking a turn in
the present palace of the eminent "Portrait Modellist." I paid the
necessary shilling and the optional sixpence, and renewed my
acquaintance with "The Kings and Queens," "The Coronation Group," and
"The Chamber of Horrors." A group representing a reception at the
Vatican was quite new, if I except two or three funeral attendants, who,
I fancy I remember, made their last (but one) appearance at the Lying in
State of +Pio Nono+. After examining a rather cheerful presentment of
the latest assassin in "The Chamber of Comparative Physiognomy" (as the
Chamber of Horrors was once, for a short period, "y'clept"), I
passed through a turnstile, and entered the Refreshment Department.
Here I noticed that an "overflow meeting," consisting, amongst other
more-or-less-interesting exhibits of Mr. +Lewis Wingfield's+
historical costume-wearers (from the Healtheries), and that now
rather-imperfectly-remembered worthy, the late Sir +Bartle Frere+ (from
the rooms above), had been humorously arranged, no doubt with a view to
provoking healthy and hearty laughter. Having refreshed my mind with a
hurried inspection of this delightful, albeit, somewhat miscellaneous
gathering, and my body with a twopenny Bath bun, I gracefully retired,
greatly pleased with the afternoon's entertainment.
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