Major Tifto
Major Tifto had lately become a member of the Beargarden Club, under
the auspices of his friend Lord Silverbridge. It was believed, by
those who had made some inquiry into the matter, that the Major had
really served a campaign as a volunteer in the Carlist army in the
north of Spain. When, therefore, it was declared by someone that
he was not a major at all, his friends were able to contradict the
assertion, and to impute it to slander. Instances were brought
up,--declared by these friends to be innumerable, but which did, in
truth, amount to three or four,--of English gentlemen who had come
home from a former Carlist war, bearing the title of colonel, without
any contradiction or invidious remark. Had this gallant officer
appeared as Colonel Tifto, perhaps less might have been said about
it. There was a little lack of courage in the title which he did
choose. But it was accepted at last, and, as Major Tifto, he was
proposed, seconded, and elected at the Beargarden.
But he had other points in his favour besides the friendship of Lord
Silverbridge,--points which had probably led to that friendship. He
was, without doubt, one of the best horsemen in England. There were
some who said that, across country, he was the very best, and that,
as a judge of a hunter, few excelled him. Of late years he had crept
into credit as a betting-man. No one supposed that he had much
capital to work with; but still, when he lost a bet he paid it.
Soon after his return from Spain, he was chosen as Master of the
Runnymede Fox-Hounds, and was thus enabled to write the letters
M.F.H. after his name. The gentlemen who rode with the Runnymede were
not very liberal in their terms, and had lately been compelled to
change their Master rather more frequently than was good for that
quasi-suburban hunt; but now they had fitted themselves well. How he
was to hunt the country five days a fortnight, finding servants and
horses, and feeding the hounds, for eight hundred pounds a year, no
one could understand. But Major Tifto not only undertook to do it,
but did it. And he actually succeeded in obtaining for the Runnymede
a degree of popularity which for many years previous it had not
possessed. Such a man,--even though no one did know anything of his
father or mother, though no one had ever heard him speak of a brother
or a sister, though it was believed that he had no real income,--was
felt by many to be the very man for the Beargarden; and when his name
was brought up at the committee, Lord Silverbridge was able to say so
much in his favour that only two blackballs were given against him.
Under the mild rule of the club, three would have been necessary to
exclude him; and therefore Major Tifto was now as good a member as
any one else.
He was a well-made little man, good-looking for those who like such
good looks. He was light-haired and blue-eyed, with regular and
yet not inexpressive features. But his eyes were small and never
tranquil, and rarely capable of looking at the person who was
speaking to him. He had small well-trimmed, glossy whiskers, with the
best-kept moustache, and the best-kept tuft on his chin which were to
be seen anywhere. His face still bore the freshness of youth, which
was a marvel to many, who declared that, from facts within their
knowledge, Tifto must be far on the wrong side of forty. At a first
glance you would hardly have called him thirty. No doubt, when, on
close inspection, you came to look into his eyes, you could see the
hand of time. Even if you believed the common assertion that he
painted,--which it was very hard to believe of a man who passed the
most of his time in the hunting-field or on a race-course,--yet the
paint on his cheeks would not enable him to move with the elasticity
which seemed to belong to all his limbs. He rode flat races and
steeple chases,--if jump races may still be so called; and with his
own hounds and with the Queen's did incredible things on horseback.
He could jump over chairs too,--the backs of four chairs in a
dining-room after dinner,--a feat which no gentleman of forty-five
could perform, even though he painted himself ever so.
So much in praise of Major Tifto honesty has compelled the present
chronicler to say. But there were traits of character in which he
fell off a little, even in the estimation of those whose pursuits
endeared him to them. He could not refrain from boasting,--and
especially from boasting about women. His desire for glory in that
direction knew no bounds, and he would sometimes mention names, and
bring himself into trouble. It was told of him that at one period of
his life, when misfortune had almost overcome him, when sorrow had
produced prostration, and prostration some expression of truth, he
had owned to a friend his own conviction that could he have kept
his tongue from talking of women, he might have risen to prosperity
in his profession. From these misfortunes he had emerged, and, no
doubt, had often reflected on what he himself had then said. But
we know that the drunkard, though he hates drunkenness, cannot but
drink,--that the gambler cannot keep from the dice. Major Tifto still
lied about women, and could not keep his tongue from the subject. He
would boast, too, about other matters,--much to his own disadvantage.
He was, too, very "deep", and some men, who could put up with his
other failings, could not endure that. Whatever he wanted to do he
would attempt round three corners. Though he could ride straight,
he could do nothing else straight. He was full of mysteries. If he
wanted to draw Charter Wood he would take his hounds out of the
street at Egham directly in the other direction. If he had made up
his mind to ride Lord Pottlepot's horse for the great Leamington
handicap, he would be sure to tell even his intimate friends that he
was almost determined to take the "baronet's" offer of a mount. This
he would do even where there was no possible turn in the betting to
be affected by such falsehood. So that his companions were apt to
complain that there was no knowing where to have Tifto. And then,
they who were old enough in the world to have had some experience in
men, had perceived that peculiar quality of his eyes, which never
allowed him to look any one in the face.
That Major Tifto should make money by selling horses was, perhaps, a
necessity of his position. No one grumbled at him because he did so,
or thought that such a pursuit was incompatible with his character as
a sporting gentleman. But there were some who considered that they
had suffered unduly under his hands, and in their bargains with
him had been made to pay more than a proper amount of tax for the
advantages of his general assistance. When a man has perhaps made
fifty pounds by using a "straight tip" as to a horse at Newmarket,
in doing which he had of course encountered some risks, he feels
he ought not to be made to pay the amount back into the pockets of
the "tipper," and at the same time to find himself saddled with the
possession of a perfectly useless animal. In this way there were
rocks in the course through which Tifto was called on to steer his
bark. Of course he was anxious, when preying upon his acquaintances,
to spare those who were useful friends to him. Now and again he would
sell a serviceable animal at a fair price, and would endeavour to
make such sale in favour of someone whose countenance would be a rock
to him. He knew his business well, but yet there would be mistakes.
Now, at this very moment, was the culmination of the Major's life. He
was Master of the Runnymede Hounds, he was partner with the eldest
son of a Duke in the possession of that magnificent colt, the Prime
Minister, and he was a member of the Beargarden. He was a man who
had often been despondent about himself, but was now disposed to
be a little triumphant. He had finished his season well with the
Runnymede, and were it not that, let him work as he would, his
expenses always exceeded his means, he would have been fairly
comfortable.
At eight o'clock Lord Silverbridge and his friend met in the
dining-room of the Beargarden. "Have you been here before?" asked the
Lord.
"Not in here, my Lord. I just looked in at the smoking-room last
night. Glasslough and Nidderdale were there. I thought we should have
got up a rubber, but they didn't seem to see it."
"There is whist here generally. You'll find out all about it before
long. Perhaps they are a little afraid of you."
"I'm the worst hand at cards, I suppose, in England. A dash at loo
for about an hour, and half-a-dozen cuts at blind hookey,--that's
about my form. I know I drop more than I pick up. If I knew what I
was about I should never touch a card."
"Horses; eh, Tifto?"
"Horses, yes. They've pretty good claret, here, eh, Silverbridge?" He
could never hit off his familiarity quite right. He had my-Lorded his
young friend at first, and now brought out the name with a hesitating
twang, which the young nobleman appreciated. But then the young
nobleman was quite aware that the Major was a friend for club
purposes, and sporting purposes, and not for home use.
"Everything of that kind is pretty good here," said the Lord.
"You were saying--horses."
"I dare say you do better with them than with cards."
"If I didn't I don't know where I should be, seeing what a lot pass
through my hands in the year. Any one of our fellows who has a horse
to sell thinks that I am bound to buy him. And I do buy 'em. Last May
I had forty-two hunters on my hands."
"How many of them have you got now?"
"Three. Three of that lot,--though a goodish many have come up since.
But what does it amount to? When I have anything that is very good,
some fellow that I like gets him from me."
"After paying for him."
"After paying for him! Yes; I don't mean that I make a fellow a
present. But the man who buys has a deal the best of it. Did you ever
get anything better than that spotted chestnut in your life?"
"What, old Sarcinet?"
"You had her for one hundred and sixty pounds. Now, if you were on
your oath, what is she worth?"
"She suits me, Major, and of course I shouldn't sell her."
"I rather think not. I knew what that mare was, well enough. A dealer
would have had three hundred and fifty pounds for her. I could have
got the money easily if I had taken her down into the shires, and
ridden her a day or two myself."
"I gave you what you asked."
"Yes, you did. It isn't often that I take less than I ask. But the
fact is, about horses, I don't know whether I shouldn't do better if
I never owned an animal at all but those I want for my own use. When
I am dealing with a man I call a friend, I can't bear to make money
of him. I don't think fellows give me all the credit they should do
for sticking to them."
The Major, as he said this, leaned back in his chair, put his hand up
to his moustache, and looked sadly away into the vacancy of the room,
as though he was meditating sorrowfully on the ingratitude of the
world.
"I suppose it's all right about Cream Cheese?" asked the Lord.
"Well; it ought to be." And now the Major spoke like an oracle,
leaning forward on the table, uttering his words in a low voice,
but very plainly, so that not a syllable might be lost. "When you
remember how he ran at the Craven with 9 st. 12 lb. on him, that it
took Archbishop all he knew to beat him with only 9 st. 2 lb., and
what the lot at Chester are likely to be, I don't think that there
can be seven to one against him. I should be very glad to take it off
your hands, only the figures are a little too heavy for me."
"I suppose Sunflower'll be the best animal there?"
"Not a doubt of it, if he's all right, and if his temper will stand.
Think what a course Chester is for an ill-conditioned brute like
that! And then he's the most uncertain horse in training. There are
times he won't feed. From what I hear, I shouldn't wonder if he don't
turn up at all."
"Solomon says he's all right."
"You won't get Solomon to take four to one against him, nor yet four
and a half. I suppose you'll go down, my Lord?"
"Well, yes; if there's nothing else doing just then. I don't know how
it may be about this electioneering business. I shall go and smoke
upstairs."
At the Beargarden there were,--I was going to say, two smoking-rooms;
but in truth the house was a smoking-room all over. It was, however,
the custom of those who habitually played cards, to have their cigars
and coffee upstairs. Into this sanctum Major Tifto had not yet been
introduced, but now he was taken there under Lord Silverbridge's
wing. There were already four or five assembled, among whom was Mr.
Adolphus Longstaff, a young man of about thirty-five years of age,
who spent very much of his time at the Beargarden. "Do you know my
friend Tifto?" said the Lord. "Tifto, this is Mr. Longstaff, whom men
within the walls of this asylum sometimes call Dolly." Whereupon the
Major bowed and smiled graciously.
"I have heard of Major Tifto," said Dolly.
"Who has not?" said Lord Nidderdale, another middle-aged young man,
who made one of the company. Again the Major bowed.
"Last season I was always intending to get down to your country and
have a day with the Tiftoes," said Dolly. "Don't they call your
hounds the Tiftoes?"
"They shall be called so if you like," said the Major. "And why
didn't you come?"
"It always was such a grind."
"Train down from Paddington every day at half-past ten."
"That's all very well if you happen to be up. Well, Silverbridge,
how's the Prime Minister?"
"How is he, Tifto?" asked the noble partner.
"I don't think there's a man in England just at present enjoying a
very much better state of health," said the Major pleasantly.
"Safe to run?" asked Dolly.
"Safe to run! Why shouldn't he be safe to run?"
"I mean sure to start."
"I think we mean him to start, don't we, Silverbridge?" said the
Major.
There was something perhaps in the tone in which the last remark was
made which jarred a little against the young lord's dignity. At any
rate he got up and declared his purpose of going to the opera. He
should look in, he said, and hear a song from Mdlle Stuffa. Mdlle
Stuffa was the nightingale of the season, and Lord Silverbridge, when
he had nothing else to do, would sometimes think that he was fond of
music. Soon after he was gone Major Tifto had some whisky-and-water,
lit his third cigar, and began to feel the glory of belonging to
the Beargarden. With Lord Silverbridge, to whom it was essentially
necessary that he should make himself agreeable at all times, he
was somewhat overweighted as it were. Though he attempted an easy
familiarity, he was a little afraid of Lord Silverbridge. With
Dolly Longstaff he felt that he might be comfortable,--not, perhaps,
understanding that gentleman's character. With Lord Nidderdale he had
previously been acquainted, and had found him to be good-natured. So,
as he sipped his whisky, he became confidential and comfortable.
"I never thought so much about her good looks," he said. They were
talking of the singer, the charms of whose voice had carried Lord
Silverbridge away.
"Did you ever see her off the stage?" asked Nidderdale.
"Oh dear yes."
"She does not go about very much, I fancy," said someone.
"I dare say not," said Tifto. "But she and I have had a day or two
together, for all that."
"You must have been very much favoured," said Dolly.
"We've been pals ever since she has been over here," said Tifto, with
an enormous lie.
"How do you get on with her husband?" asked Dolly,--in the simplest
voice, as though not in the least surprised at his companion's
statement.
"Husband!" exclaimed the Major; who was not possessed of sufficient
presence of mind to suppress all signs of his ignorance.
"Ah," said Dolly; "you are not probably aware that your pal has been
married to Mr. Thomas Jones for the last year and a half." Soon after
that Major Tifto left the club,--with considerably enhanced respect
for Mr. Longstaff.