On the evening of his presentation day his Excellency the Fantaisian
Ambassador and suite honoured the national theatre with their presence.
Such a house was never known! The pit was miraculously over-flown before
the doors were opened, although the proprietor did not permit a single
private entrance. The enthusiasm was universal, and only twelve persons
were killed. The Private Secretary told Popanilla, with an air of great
complacency, that the Vraibleusian theatres were the largest in the
world. Popanilla had little doubt of the truth of this information, as
a long time elapsed before he could even discover the stage. He observed
that every person in the theatre carried a long black glass, which he
kept perpetually fixed to his eye. To sit in a huge room hotter than a
glass-house, in a posture emulating the most sanctified Faquir, with
a throbbing head-ache, a breaking back, and twisted legs, with a heavy
tube held over one eye, and the other covered with the unemployed hand,
is in Vraibleusia called a public amusement.
The play was by the most famous dramatist that Vraibleusia ever
produced; and certainly, when his Excellency witnessed the first scenes,
it was easier to imagine that he was once more in his own sunset Isle of
Fantaisie than in the railroad state of Vraibleusia: but, unfortunately,
this evening the principal characters and scenes were omitted, to make
room for a moving panorama, which lasted some hours, of the chief and
most recent Vraibleusian victories. The audience fought their battles
o’er again with great fervour. During the play one of the inferior
actors was supposed to have saluted a female chorus-singer with an
ardour which was more than theatrical, and every lady in the house
immediately fainted; because, as the eternal Secretary told Popanilla,
the Vraibleusians are the most modest and most moral nation in the
world. The male part of the audience insisted, in indignant terms,
that the offending performer should immediately be dismissed. In a few
minutes he appeared upon the stage to make a most humble apology for
an offence which he was not conscious of having committed; but the most
moral and the most modest of nations was implacable, and the wretch was
expelled. Having a large family dependent upon his exertions, the actor,
according to a custom prevalent in Vraibleusia, went immediately and
drowned himself in the nearest river. Then the ballet commenced.
It was soon discovered that the chief dancer, a celebrated foreigner,
who had been announced for this evening, was absent. The uproar was
tremendous, and it was whispered that the house would be pulled down;
because, as Popanilla was informed, the Vraibleusians are the most
particular and the freest people in the world, and never will permit
themselves to be treated with disrespect. The principal chandelier
having been destroyed, the manager appeared, and regretted that Signor
Zephyrino, being engaged to dine with a Grandee of the first class,
was unable to fulfil his engagement. The house became frantic, and the
terrified manager sent immediately for the Signor. The artist, after
a proper time had elapsed, appeared with a napkin round his neck and a
fork in his hand, with which he stood some moments, until the uproar had
subsided, picking his teeth. At length, when silence was obtained,
he told them that he was surprised that the most polished and liberal
nation in the world should behave themselves in such a brutal and
narrow-minded manner. He threatened them that he would throw up his
engagement immediately, and announce to all foreign parts that they were
a horde of barbarians; then, abusing them for a few seconds in round
terms, be retired, amidst the cheerings of the whole house, to finish
his wine.
When the performances were finished the audience rose and joined in
chorus. On Popanilla inquiring the name and nature of this effusion, he
was told that it was the national air of the Isle of Fantaisie, sung in
compliment to himself. His Excellency shrugged his shoulders and bowed
low.
The next morning, attended by his suite, Popanilla visited the most
considerable public offices and manufactories in Hubbabub. He was
received in all places with the greatest distinction. He was invariably
welcomed either by the chiefs of the department or the proprietors
themselves, and a sumptuous collation was prepared for him in every
place. His Excellency evinced the liveliest interest in everything
that was pointed out to him, and instantaneously perceived that the
Vraibleusians exceeded the rest of the world in manufactures and public
works as much as they did in arms, morals, modesty, philosophy, and
politics. The Private Secretary being absent upon his postscript,
Popanilla received the most satisfactory information upon all subjects
from the Marquess himself. Whenever he addressed any question to his
Lordship, his noble attendant, with the greatest politeness, begged him
to take some refreshment. Popanilla returned to his hotel with a great
admiration of the manner in which refined philosophy in Vraibleusia
was applied to the common purposes of life; and found that he had that
morning acquired a general knowledge of the chief arts and sciences,
eaten some hundred sandwiches, and tasted as many bottles of sherry.