“No,” said the Curmudgeon Philosopher, “I am no believer in ‘the
elevating influence of woman.’ We have had women a long time, now;
the influence is obvious, but the elevation—we are still waiting
for that. Perhaps it was different in the old days when they had no
connection with public affairs and could devote their entire attention
to the business of giving men ‘a leg up,’ but to-day they are so busy
assisting us to conduct the world’s large activities that they overlook
our dissatisfaction with the low moral plane that we occupy.
“I think, sir, that old Sir William Devereux was wrong when he said
that the best way to keep the dear creatures from playing the devil
was to encourage them in playing the fool. We have been for more than
a generation encouraging them to play the fool in a thousand and fifty
ways, and they play the devil as never before.
“These dreadful creatures—I mean these dear, delightful darlings—care
for nothing but abstract ideas having no practical application to
actual conditions in a faulty world. In the councils of Them Loud
nobody cares for anything but principles and Principle. Every Mere Male
who anywhere ventures to lift up his voice in behalf of an imperfect
but practicable reform is outfitted by them with a set of motives that
would disgrace a pirate. To the she colonels of uplift, nothing is so
fascinating as Abstract Reform; they roll it as a sweet morsel under
and over their tireless tongues. At every session of Congress you
shall hear again the clank of the female saber in the corridors and
committee rooms of the Capitol, intimidating the poltroon law maker.
You shall hear the war whoop of the Sexless Impracticables, acclaiming
the Sufficient Abstraction and denouncing the coarse expedients of the
Erring Male. May the devil shepherd them in a barren place!”
Overcome by his emotions, the Curmudgeon Philosopher cruelly kicked the
house dog (which “answered not with a caress”), and snorted at vacancy.
“What good does it all do, anyhow—this irruption of women into the
domain of public affairs? The advantages that Lively Woman promised
even herself in becoming New and Audible are illusory; those that she
renounced were real. For one thing, we no longer love her. Why, sir,
I remember the time when I myself would have taken trouble to serve
and honor women. I may say that I felt for them a special esteem. How
is it to-day? They pass me by as the idle wind, unobserved, and—most
significant of all—unobserving.
“Love, sir, ‘romantic love,’ as Tolstoi calls it, is a purely
artificial thing. Many nations know it not. The ancient Greeks knew it
not; the Japanese of yesterday did not at all comprehend it. There have
been no other really civilized nations. We love those who are helpless
and dependent on us. That is why we love our children and our pets.
“In demanding equal rights before the law woman renounces her claim
to exceptional tenderness; in granting the demand, man accepts the
renunciation in good faith. If the rest of you are going to look out
for my wife, sir, I am left free to look out for myself. Have I really
a wife? God forbid—I’m supposing one.
“When in the history of our civilization was romantic love at high
noon? Why, sir, ‘when knighthood was in flower’; when woman was a
chattel; when a gentleman could divorce himself with a word. It was
then that woman was set upon a pedestal and adored. Men consecrated
their lives to the service of the sex—fought for woman, sang of her
with a sincerity that is sadly lacking in the imitation troubadours of
our time. Why, sir, even I, in my youth, composed some verses.”
The Curmudgeon Philosopher educed a manuscript from his breast-pocket
and the Timorous Reporter began to withdraw from the Presence.
“O, very well—I’ll not force them on you; but permit me to remark,
sir, that the decay of courtesy toward women is not unattended with a
certain growing coarseness of manners in general. Those who have caught
the base infection are not gentlemen, and you may go to the devil!”