(_Miss May Sutton avers that “athletics is an antidote for the poison of
premature romance.”_)
Alas for them that played a part
In earlier premature romances!
The natural history of the heart
Is full of their extravagances.
If lovers in the vanished years
Had been a trifle more athletic,
Full many a tale that wins our tears,
Would not be classed with the pathetic.
The pangs which Abelard endured
And Heloise’s tears and tingles
Might have been very simply cured
By half a dozen sets of “singles.”
And Romeo and Juliet
Might easily have dodged their troubles,
And ended all their fuss and fret
By mixing in a game of doubles.
One might go on, but why recite?
The simple point that we would pen is,
All lovers’ ills may be set right
By basketball or golf or tennis.