SCHOLAR. Sir, hither comes a pair of golfers that would play this hole.
Shall we stand aside until they pass?
GOLFER. Aye, sir, and I particularly charge you to remain stock still
the while, and to breathe as lightly as a summer night; for one of these
golfers, he that strutteth before the other, would have Nature to make a
pause whilst he swing his club, and is fretful as a porcupine if a caddy
do but shift an arm or leg, or a sparrow twitter in a nearby tree.
SCHOL. Sir, I shall take the pattern of the rabbit, that freezeth, as the
saying is, when the predacious owl booms through the darkened wood.
[_The players approach._]
GOLF. Good morrow, gentlemen. How fares the match?
FIRST PLAYER. Indifferent well, sir; for what with the gabbling of these
caddies and their clicking of clubs together, and the great number of
noises round about, one might suppose himself to be on the links of
Bedlam.
[_The players drive and pass on._]
GOLF. There goeth one that is a great affliction to his fellows, and is
to be found this world over. Now, ’tis but common courtesy to refrain
from talking whilst a player drives his ball, but he that is disturbed
by such a trifle lacketh control of his mind, and were he a surgeon I
should not summon him to so small an operation as the lancing of a boil.
Why, sir, if there be any virtue in this game it is that it teacheth one
control, and he that cannot dispatch a ball save in a church-yard hush
hath somewhat the matter with his wits, or hath no salt of humor in him.
To play a round with such a golfer is a great waste of time, save it be
done in the way of penance, for which purpose a hair shirt were not more
serviceable.
SCHOL. Will you counsel me, Master, in the use of this iron?
GOLF. Willingly, honest Scholar, and for beginning do not hold the club
loosely in the palms of your hands, but grip it firmly with your ten
fingers. This is the first principle of iron play.