THE LAWYER'S STORY.
By the courtesy of the proprietors of _Punch_, I am allowed to reproduce
in this place a delightfully humorous drawing, the scene of which is
laid in a barber's shop.
This picture explains itself, but there is a circumstance connected with
it which is, I think, well worth relating; and as I heard it from
Leech's own lips at one of the pleasant Egg dinners, I will give it in
Leech's own words, the strangeness of the incident having left a very
vivid impression on my memory. The usual company--Dickens, Forster,
Lemon, etc.--was present; Leech was singing. We had listened for some
time to the inevitable "King Death," when Dickens exclaimed:
"There, that will do; if you go on any longer, you will make me cry.
Tell them about the lawyer who lost his client. Yes, I know the story,
but they don't; and I would much rather hear it again than listen to
any more of that lugubrious song."
"Well, here goes," said Leech. "I suppose there is no one at this table
who neglects to improve his mind by the weekly study of _Punch_; at any
rate, all civilized people are familiar with the illustrations which
adorn that famous periodical. Amongst those classical works the other
day was a high-art drawing by me, representing a gentleman in a barber's
shop, having his hair cut. In the course of talk peculiar to his
fraternity, the little hairdresser remarks that his customer's hair _is
very thin on the top_. This mild observation moved the object of it, a
person of irascible temper, into ungovernable fury. He springs from his
chair, which he upsets in the action, and flying at the terrified
barber, he exclaims, 'Confound you, you puppy! Do you think I came here
to be insulted and told of my imperfections? _I'll thin your top!_'
[Illustration: "I'LL THIN YOUR TOP."]
"Well, I don't see anything particularly facetious in the drawing, but a
friend of mine, a lawyer in Bedford Row, did, and laughed whenever he
thought of it. Unfortunately, the day on which the drawing was published
had been fixed for a consultation upon a matter in which an old and
respected client's interests were seriously involved. Legal points of
extreme intricacy and difficulty were to be examined and discussed;
hopes were to be encouraged, and anxiety appeased. In his information to
his legal adviser, the client had arrived at a point of extreme gravity,
when my unfortunate drawing obtruded itself upon the legal mind, and so
disturbed it as to cause the lawyer to repress a laugh with much
difficulty.
"'I see you smile,' said the client. 'Surely the very serious character
of the evidence which I put before you should strike you as convin----'
"'Oh, I beg your pardon; I was not smiling.'
"'Well, you did something very like it. I really must ask for your
strictest attention to facts which are capable of such absolute----
There you go again! My dear sir, what _can_ there be in my statement to
cause a smile? Pray think of the gravity of the case--how deeply my
interests are at stake--and give me your most serious attention.'
"'I will--indeed I will,' said the lawyer, mentally devoting me and my
drawing to the devil.
"For some minutes the legal gentleman succeeded in banishing the little
barber and his enraged victim; but suddenly they again ruthlessly seized
upon his imagination, and he laughed aloud.
"'Good God!' said the client; 'what is there to laugh at in that?'
"'I assure you, sir, I was not laughing at what you told me, which is
important indeed, but at a ludicrous idea that crossed my mind.'
"'What business have ludicrous ideas in your mind when you require all
its attention for business which--excuse my saying so--you are well paid
for listening to?'
"The consultation proceeded; graver and graver grew the details; when,
at a moment of extreme importance, the barber came again upon the scene,
and the lawyer laughed loud and long.
"'It's no use; I can't get rid of it,' he said to his astonished and
indignant visitor. 'There is a drawing in _Punch_ to-day that is so
irresistibly funny that I can't get it out of my head, and I can't help
laughing whenever I think of it.'
"'I don't believe a single word you say!' said the angry client; 'and as
you persist in treating my case with such insulting levity, I will go
elsewhere, and endeavour to find someone who will attend to me. And as
for you, sir, I will never trouble you again on this or any other
matter.'
"That," said Leech, "is how my friend lost his client."