[Bolshevism and Communism claim many adherents among the young
intellectuals at our ancient Universities.--_Vide Press._]
I am a Socialist, a Syndicalist, an Anarchist, a Bolshevist--whatever
you like to call me; if you wish to be precise, an International
Communist.
Anyhow, as such I am opposed tooth-and-nail to the iniquity of the
existing Competitive System. It is my intention to devote my life
to its eradication, in whatever form it may be disguised, and to
inaugurate an era of loving-kindness, peace, leisure and plenty,
similar to that now enjoyed by the people of Russia.
But my duties do not lie only in the distant future; they are here, in
the present, facing me in the University. For never, I think, was the
unclean thing, Competition, so prevalent and unabashed as at Cambridge
to-day.
Both in work and in sport is the evil rampant. Take as an example
the reactionary custom of dividing the Tripos Honours List into three
classes. Can you imagine anything more inducive to competition? Worse,
it is a direct invitation to the worker--often, I am proud to say,
unheeded--to exceed the one-hour-day for which we Communists are
striving.
Even more deplorable is the competitive spirit in sport; more
deplorable because more insidious. Even those whom we are wont to
regard as our comrades and leaders are not always proof against the
canker in this guise. I remember paying a visit to Fenner's, that
fair field corrupted by competition, to raise my protest against
inter-collegiate sports. To my indescribable grief and amazement I
beheld one whom I had always followed and reverenced--a man of mighty
voice oft lifted in debate--preparing to _compete_ (mark the word)
in a Three-Mile Race. "Stay, comrade," I cried. He heeded me not;
moreover, it certainly appeared to me that he attempted--thank God,
unsuccessfully--to win the race. Maybe I go too far in ascribing to
him this desire to come in first, with a resultant triumph over his
fellows; but was not his very entrance a countenancing of evil? Had
he considered the feelings of bitter enmity inspired in the many
who toiled behind him? And the encouragement to College rivalry!--a
rivalry in no way differing from that between nations, save that
College distinctions are, of course, less artificial.
It becomes obvious, I think, to every unprejudiced observer that most
of the games now unfortunately so popular at the University--rowing,
cricket, football and the like--_must go_. But let it not be assumed
that the Communist is averse from recreation properly conducted; far
from it. There is no possible objection to diabolo or top-spinning,
for instance, and, though competitive marbles must not be played
(whether on the Senate House steps or elsewhere), solitaire may be
permitted as in no way provoking the deplorable spirit of rivalry.
Of other games the Communist will discard bridge, billiards and
"general post"; and even "hunt-the-slipper" and "hide-and-seek" are
not altogether free from the competitive taint. But an excellent
game is open to him in "patience," while there is no pastime more
indicative of the true Communistic spirit than "ring-a-ring o' roses,"
so long as proper care be taken that at the last "tishu" all the
players collapse simultaneously.
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[Illustration: HOMAGE FROM THE BRAVE.
"OLD CONTEMPTIBLE" (_to Member of the Royal Irish Constabulary_).
"WELL, MATE, I HAD TO STICK IT AGAINST A PRETTY DIRTY FIGHTER, BUT
THANK GOD I NEVER HAD A JOB QUITE LIKE YOURS."]
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