A Swedish scientist has invented a new building material called
sylvenselosit. It is said to cost one-fifth the price of the building
material in use in this country, which is known to the trade as
wishyumagetit.
***
A folding motor-car is said to have been invented which has a greater
speed than any other car. The next thing that requires inventing is a
folding pedestrian to cope with it.
***
Berlin manufacturers are experimenting in making clothing from
nettles. This is a chance that the nettle has long been waiting for.
***
A business magazine suggests that a series of afternoon chats with
business men should be arranged. Our war experience of morning back
chats at the grocer's is not encouraging.
***
The capture of General CARRANZA, says a Vera Cruz message, was a
mistake on the part of General SANCHEZ. We trust this does not mean
that they will have to start the thing all over again.
***
Those who understand the Mexican trouble say it is doubtful whether
America can deal with this war until the Presidential election is
over. One war at a time is the American motto.
***
We gather from a contemporary that people who have been ordering
large stocks of coal in the hope of escaping the new prices will be
disappointed. Still, they may get in ahead of the next advance.
***
The inventor of the silent typewriter is now in London. We seem to
know the telephone which gave him the idea.
***
A man at Bow Street Court complained that the Black Maria which
conveyed him there was very stuffy. Some prisoners say that this
vehicle is so unhealthy as to drive custom away from the Court.
***
Fruit blight threatens to be serious this year, says a daily paper,
and drastic action should be taken against the apple weevil. A very
good plan is to make an imitation apple of iron and then watch the
weevil snap at it and break off its teeth.
***
One North of England workman is said to be in a bit of a hole. It
seems that he has mislaid his strike-fixture card.
***
Immediately after a football match at Londonderry, one of the players
was shot in the leg by an opponent. The latter claims that he never
heard the whistle blow.
***
Dr. EUGENE FISK, President of the Life Extension Institute, promises
by scientific means to prolong human life for nineteen hundred years.
If this is the doctor's idea of a promise we would rather not know
what he would call a threat.
***
Wood for making pianos, says a weekly journal, is often kept for
forty years. "And even this," writes "Jaded Parent," "is not half long
enough."
***
With reference to the man who was seen laughing at Newport last week,
it is only fair to point out that he was not a ratepayer, but was only
visiting the place.
***
LARRY LEMON, says _The Sunday Express_, is considered to be better
than CHARLIE CHAPLIN. As he is quite a young man, however, it is
possible that he may yet grow out of it.
***
The Clerk of the oldest City Company writes to _The Times_ to say that
his Livery has resolved to drink no champagne at its feasts. Meanwhile
other predictions as to the end of the world should be treated with
reserve.
***
After the statement in court by Mr. Justice DARLING people
contemplating marriage should book early for divorce if they want to
avoid the rush.
***
"Why Marry?" says the title of a new play. While no valid reason
appears to exist many declare that it is a small price to pay for the
satisfaction of being divorced.
***
Three-fourths of the public only buy newspapers to read the
advertisements, says a contemporary. It would be interesting to know
what the others buy them for.
***
"Few people seem to realise," says a cinema gossip, "that Miss S.
Eaden, the American film actress, is fond of tulips." We are ashamed
to confess that we had not fully grasped this fact.
***
It appears that one newspaper has decided that May 24th shall be the
opening date for ceasing to notice the cuckoo. Will correspondents
please note?
***
"Things are unsettled in Ireland," says a gossip writer. We think
people should be more careful what they say. Scandal like this might
get about.
***
A certain golf club has petitioned the local Council for permission
to play golf "in a modified form." Members who recently heard the
Club Colonel playing out of the bunker at the seventh declare that no
substantial modification is possible.
***
A new invention for motorists makes a buzzing sound when the petrol
tank is getting low. This is nothing compared with the motor-taxes
invented by the CHANCELLOR OF THE EXCHEQUER, which make the motorist
himself whistle.
***
In the opinion of a weekly paper no dog can stand the sound of
bagpipes without setting up a howl. This only goes to prove, what we
have always contended, that dogs are almost human.
* * * * *
[Illustration: _Visitor._ "WHY DOES YOUR SERVANT GO ABOUT THE HOUSE
WITH HER HAT ON?"
_MISTRESS._ "OH, SHE'S A NEW GIRL. SHE ONLY CAME THIS MORNING, AND
HASN'T YET MADE UP HER MIND WHETHER SHE'LL STAY."]
* * * * *