SCENE--_Refreshment Saloon at a London Theatre. A three-play bill
forms the evening's entertainment. First Act over. Enter Brown,
Jones, and Robinson._
_Brown._ Well, really a very pleasant little piece. Quite amusing. Yes;
I think I will have a cup of coffee or a glass of lemonade. Too soon
after dinner for anything stronger.
_Jones._ Yes, and really, after laughing so much, one gets a thirst for
what they call light refreshments. I will have some ginger-beer.
_Robinson._ Well, I think I will stick to iced-water. You know the
Americans are very fond of that. They always take it at meal-times, and
really after that capital _equivoque_ one feels quite satisfied. (_They
are served by the bar attendant._) That was really very funny, where he
hides behind the door when she is not looking.
[_Laughs at the recollection._
_Brown._ And when the uncle sits down upon the band-box and crushes the
canary-cage!
[_Chuckles._
_Jones._ Most clever. But there goes the bell, and the curtain will be
up directly. Rather clever, I am told. The _Rose of Rouen_--it is
founded on the life of _Joan of Arc_. I am rather fond of these
historical studies.
_Brown._ So am I. They are very interesting.
_Robinson._ Do you think so? Well, so far as I am concerned, I prefer
melodrama. Judging from the title, _The Gory Hand_ should be uncommonly
good.
[_Exeunt into Theatre. After a pause they return to the Refreshment
Room._
_Brown._ Well, it is very clever; but I confess it beats me. (_To bar
attendant._) We will all take soda-water. No, thanks, quite neat, and
for these gentlemen too.
_Jones._ Well, I call it a most excellent psychological study. However,
wants a clear head to understand it. (_Sips his soda-water._) I don't
see how she can take the flag from the Bishop, and yet want to marry the
Englishman.
_Robinson._ Ah, but that was before the vision. If you think it over
carefully, you will see it was natural enough. Of course, you must allow
for the spirit of the period, and other surrounding circumstances.
_Brown._ Are you going to stay for _The Gory Hand_?
_Jones._ Not I. I am tired of play-acting, and think we have had enough
of it.
_Robinson._ Well, I think I shall look in. I am rather fond of strong
scenes, and it should be good, to judge from the programme.
_Jones._ Well, we will "sit out." It's rather gruesome. Quite different
from the other plays.
_Robinson._ Well, I don't mind horrors--in fact, like them. There goes
the bell. So I am off. Wait until I come back.
_Brown._ That depends how long you are away. Ta, ta!
[_Exit Robinson._
_Jones._ Now, how a fellow can enjoy a piece like that, I cannot
understand. It is full of murders, from the rise to the fall of the
curtain.
_Brown._ Yes--but Robinson likes that sort of thing. You will see
by-and-by how the plot will affect him. It is rather jumpy, especially
at the end, when the severed head tells the story of the murder to the
assistant executioner. I would not see it again on any account.
_Jones._ No--it sent my maiden aunt in hysterics. However, it has the
merit of being short. (_Applause._) Ah, there it's over! Let's see how
Robinson likes it. That _tableau_ at the end, of the
starving-coastguardsman expiring under the rack, is perfectly awful!
(_Enter Robinson, staggering in._) Why, my boy, what's the matter?
_Brown._ You do look scared! Have something to drink? That will set it
all to-rights!
_Robinson_ (_with his eyes protruding from his head, from horror_).
Help, help! help! (_After a long shudder._) Brandy! Brandy!! Brandy!!!
[_At all the places at the bar there is a general demand for alcohol._
_Brown._ Yes. Irving was right; soda-water does very well for
Shakspeare's histories, but when you come to a piece like _The Bells_,
you require supporting.
[_Curtain and moral._
* * * * *
[Illustration: _Manager of "Freak" Show._ "Have I got a vacancy for a
giant? Why, you don't look five feet!"
_Candidate._ "Yes, that's just it. I'm the smallest giant on record!"]
* * * * *
[Illustration: AN IRRESISTIBLE APPEAL.--_Mrs. Blokey_ (_who has called
with a letter of introduction on Mr. Roscius Lamborn, the famous actor
and manager_). "And I've brought you my son, who's breakin' his mother's
'art, Mr. Lamborn! He insists on givin' up the city and goin' on the
stage--and his father an alderman and 'im in his father's business, and
all the family thought of so 'ighly in Clapham! It's a _great grief_ to
us, _I assure_ you, Mr. Lamborn! Oh! if you could only dissuade 'im! But
it's too late for that, I'm afraid, so p'raps you wouldn't mind givin'
him a leadin' part in your next piece!"]
* * * * *
[Illustration: WHAT OUR DRAMATIST HAS TO PUT UP WITH.--_His Wife_
(_reading a Sunday paper_). "_A propos of Hamlet_, they say here that
you and Shakspeare represent the very opposite poles of the dramatic
art!"
_He._ "Ah! that's a nasty one for Shakspeare!"]
* * * * *
[Illustration: OVERHEARD OUTSIDE A THEATRE
"Yah! Waitin' ter see der _kids_ play!"]
* * * * *
[Illustration: _Actor_ (_excitedly_). "For _two_ long _years_ have
I----"
_A Voice from above._ "So you 'ave, guv'nor!"]
* * * * *
[Illustration: STUDY