_No. 1_ (_gazing through opera glasses_). A good house. Do you know
anyone?
_No. 2._ Not a soul. Stay--aren't those the Fitzsnooks?
_No. 3_ (_also using a magnifier_). You mean the woman in the red
feather at the end of the third row of the stalls?
_No. 4._ You have spotted them. They have got Bobby Tenterfore with
them. You know, the Johnnie in the F. O.
_No. 1._ I thought Mr. Tenterfore was at Vienna.
_No. 4._ No; he _was_ going, but they sent another chap. Brought
him back from somewhere in the tropics.
_No. 3._ Then what is Mr. Tenterfore doing in town?
_No. 4._ Oh! come home on leave. Lots of that sort of thing at the
F. O.
_No. 1_ (_having grown weary of looking at the audience_). By the
way, _a propos de bottes_, I have some money to invest. Can you
suggest anything?
_No. 3._ They say that Diddlers Deferred will turn up trumps.
_No. 1._ What do you mean by that? I only want to pop in and out
between the accounts.
_No. 3._ Then the Diddlers ought to suit you. They rose six last
week, and ought to touch ten before settling day.
_No. 1._ Then I am on. Thanks very much for the information. Ah!
the curtain has fallen. So much for the first act! (_Enter
visitor._) Ah! how are you? Where are you?
_Visitor._ Well, I have got a stall, but I have only just come into
the house. What are they playing?
_No. 2._ I am sure I don't know; but if you are curious about it,
here's the programme.
_Visitor._ And what's it all about?
_No. 1_ (_on behalf of self and companions_). We haven't the
faintest notion.
[_Conversation becomes general, and remains so until the end of the
evening, regardless of the dialogue on the stage side of the
curtain._
* * * * *
[Illustration: MELODRAMA IN THE SUBURBS.--_Elder Sister._ "Do give up,
Nellie! They're only acting." _Nellie_ (_tearfully_). "You leave me
alone. I'm enjoying it!"]
* * * * *
[Illustration: THE RULING PASSION.--_Doctor._ "No, my dear sir, we must
keep ourselves quiet for the present. No stimulants--nothing more
exciting than gruel. Gruel for breakfast, gruel for luncheon, gruel for
dinner, gruel for----" _Peter Pundoleful_ (_a noted burlesque
writer--though you wouldn't have thought it to look at him--rousing
himself suddenly_). "Ah! my dear doctor, why is there not a society for
the prevention of gruelty to animals?"]
* * * * *