_First Man_ (_conciliatory_). You're a Tory?
_Second Man_ (_also conciliatory_). Well, no. I'm a Unionist. Yes, a
Unionist. Certainly I don't approve of Home Rule----
_First Man._ Don't say that. I think well of Home Rule.
_Second Man._ Oh, do you? Well, I agree with the Liberals in some
ways.
_First Man._ Come to that, in some ways I agree with the Tories. Now
take Disestablishment.
_Second Man._ Ah, that's just one point where I disagree with the
Liberals.
_First Man._ Well, you may be right. But I should be a Tory if they
supported Home Rule.
_Second Man._ And I should be a Liberal if they didn't want
Disestablishment.
_First Man._ Now, CHAMBERLAIN----
_Second Man._ Ah, yes. CHAMBERLAIN----
_First Man._ He opposes Home Rule.
_Second Man._ He supports Disestablishment.
[_Left mutually abusing_ Mr. CHAMBERLAIN
* * * * *
FASHIONABLE INTELLIGENCE.--"The LORD LIEUTENANT was present at
Punchestown for the races. His Excellency and the house party from
the Viceregal Lodge, which included TOBY, M.P., met with a hearty
reception." Naturally. If TOBY, M.P. was not made welcome at _Punch's_
town, who should be?
* * * * *
CITY NOTES.--_The latest Crushing Report._--The Londonderry Mine.
* * * * *
[Illustration: THE NEW CONDUCTOR.
"YOU HAVE BEEN ELECTED BY A MAJORITY OF THE HOUSE. YOU ARE THE
REPRESENTATIVE OF THE WHOLE HOUSE."
_Report of the Right Hon. Arthur Balfour's speech on the election of
Mr. Gully as Speaker._]
* * * * *
[Illustration: A BUSINESS ANNOUNCEMENT.]
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