MR. FARMER-ATKINSON, M.P., has announced that during the Recess he
will deliver political addresses interspersed with songs and music.
To assist him we have prepared a specimen "utterance," which, for the
sake of convenience, we have thrown into a dramatic form.
_Enter Mr. FARMER-ATKINSON, M.P., with an assortment of
musical instruments which he places on a table in front of
him. Immense applause, during which the Hon. Gentleman picks
up a Cornet and plays a solo. Enthusiasm._
_Mr. Farmer-Atkinson_ (_bowing after recovering from his exertions_).
Ladies and Gentlemen. (_Hear, hear!_) Thank you, Ladies and Gentlemen,
for your cordial reception. (_Applause._) And you must know, Ladies
and Gentlemen, that although I have given you a solo on the cornet, I
did not visit this flourishing town (_cheers_), this highly civilised
town (_renewed applause_), this model town (_hearty cheering_), with
the intention of blowing my own trumpet. (_He pauses--silence._) Don't
you understand? I did not want to blow my own trumpet--joke, see? (_A
laugh._) Thank you! And now about the Irish Question. Well everybody
harps upon it. So will I. "_Come back to Erin._" (_Plays and sings the
touching melody--a harp accompaniment--applause._) Thank you! And now
about the Triple Alliance. Well, I think I can illustrate that, both
musically and politically. Triple means three. Well, I will take
this drum on my back, beating it with the sticks that are bound to my
shoulders; then I will apply my mouth to this set of pipes, while I
beat a triangle with my hands. There! (_Plays the musical instruments
simultaneously--applause._) Thank you! You see I get some sort
of music. A little unattractive possibly ("_No! no!_"), but still
sufficiently pleasing to elicit your admiration. ("_Hear, hear!_")
Thank you! Well, this effect reminds me of the Triple Alliance. We
may take the drum to represent Italy, the set of pipes Germany, always
fond of making a shrill noise, and the triangle will ably represent
Austria. See? (_Great applause._) And now I am very unwilling to weary
you further. ("_No, no!_") Thank you! But I myself have an appointment
which I must keep, so therefore, I must conclude my entertainment--I
should say speech. Otherwise you would grow weary of me? ("_No, no!_")
Thank you! But before bidding you good-bye, I must sing you one more
song that I think will please everybody. It is called "_Home Sweet
Home_." (_Thunders of applause._) And now I will just get the right
key and fire away. (_He tunes up harp, and prepares to play._) And
now, Ladies and Gentlemen, silence please, while I sing the most
touching song in my _répertoire_. (_Sings with immense feeling, "Home,
Sweet Home."_) Now then, Ladies and Gentlemen, chorus, please--
"Home, sweet home!
Where'er we wander,
There's no place like ho--o--o--ome!"
[_The chorus is repeated as Mr. FARMER-ATKINSON disappears
behind a curtain on the platform, and the audience fade away._
* * * * *