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My Amerrycane Frend has cum back again to the "Grand Hotel." He has
bin with us nearly a month, and says he finds it, as before, the werry
best Hotel anywheres for a jowial Bacheldore. I thinks as he's about
the coolest card as I ever seed, tho as good natured as a reel Lady,
and I don't think as that's at all a bad karacter. When he heard as
the Germun EMPRER was a cummin to Gildhall, he acshally arsked me
to interdooce him to the Lord MARE, as he wanted a few tickets for
hisself and frends! And when I told him as that coudn't be manidged,
he arsked where he coud buy a few, as he supposed as money coud buy
anythink, and praps he wasn't so werry rong arter all. He had two
or three Amerrycan frends to dinner the other day, and didn't they
jest tork away. One of 'em arsked me if I didn't think as it was
shamefoolly xtravagant to give the Lord MARE of our little City jest
the same salary for governing his one little square mile, as they in
Amerrykey gave their Presedent for governing their hole country, altho
it was about thirty times larger than ours. To which I boldly replied
most suttenly not, becoz I had herd as there was lots of Presedents in
the World, but ony one Lord MARE of London, to which my frend shouted
out, "Bravo, ROBERT, that's one to you!"
Amost all their tork was about what they calls their "World's Show,"
as is to be held at Chickargo, I thinks they called it, the year after
next, and what they have naterally come here for, is to arrange for
the Lord MARE and his too Sherryffs, with their State Carridges, and
state Footmen, and state Robes, to go over and show 'em how to open
it! And the funniest one of the lot acshally said as I must go with
'em, for the World's Show woud not be a perfect show without they had
in it the most horiginal specimen of a reel London Hed Waiter to show
to their 50 million peeple! And I am to have the werry biggest tip as
ever a Hed Waiter had. And I'm quite sure as they meant it all, for
they larfed all the while as they torked about it.
This same one had a Ticket for Guildhall the hother heavening, when
about four thowsand gests was there, and jolly fun he says it was, for
they all seemed to begin a drinking of werry good Shampane about Nine
a Clock, and kep on at it for above three hours, for there wasn't not
nothink else for 'em to do, and so they did that, and did it well.
He arsked me if I coud remember what outlandish names the principal
gests was all called, and when I told him I thort they was HIGH-GIN
and DEMMY-GROGGY, they all roared again, and shouted out, "that's
another to you ROBERT; go ahead, my tulip!" Tho what they meant I'm
sure I don't kno.
Our gentlemanly Manager looked in to see how they was a getting on,
and when they told him what they called my last joke, ewen he larfed
away like the best on 'em. The fust time I gets a chance I'll ask him
to explain it all to me.
What seemed to have struck the Amerrycan most, was what he described
as the twelve most bewtifool Angels, all most bewtifoolly drest, in
most bewtifool close, a playing most bewtifool toons on most bewtifool
Arps! which he said reminded him more of Heaven than anythink he had
ever seen or heard. He arsked me the name of the bewtifool hair as
they played three times, and when I told him as I believed as it was
a Welsh wun, and was called "_The March of the Men of Garlick_," he
wonderd how men with such bad taste could have written such sweet
music.
They can tell jolly good staggerers they can! Why one on 'em said
as how we was a getting so scrowged up in the old Country, that they
thort of giving us jest a little slice of theirs, and as theirs was
about thirty times as big as ours, they could easily spare it.
But this I must and will say, they are perfect Gennelmen, and, as the
best possibel proof of it, they is allers werry libbral to me.