I was quite ashamed of being so troublesome, and so much above
myself as these seeming airs made me appear; but indeed I was too
much confused to think or act with any consistency.
If he had not been as swift as lightning, I don't know whether I
should not have stolen away again; but he returned in a moment. When
I had drank a glass of lemonade, he hoped, he said, that I would
again honour him with my hand, as a new dance was just begun. I had
not the presence of mind to say a single word, and so I let him once
more lead me to the place I had left.
Shocked to find how silly, how childish a part I had acted, my former
fears of dancing before such a company, and with such a partner,
returned more forcibly than ever. I suppose he perceived my uneasiness;
for he entreated me to sit down again if dancing was disagreeable to
me. But I was quite satisfied with the folly I had already shewn; and
therefore declined his offer, though I was really scarce able to stand.
Under such conscious disadvantages, you may easily imagine my dear Sir,
how ill I acquitted myself. But, though I both expected and deserved
to find him very much mortified and displeased at his ill fortune in
the choice he had made; yet, to my very great relief, he appeared to
be even contented, and very much assisted and encouraged me. These
people in high life have too much presence of mind, I believe, to
seem disconcerted, or out of humour, however they may feel: for had
I been the person of the most consequence in the room, I could not
have met with more attention and respect.
When the dance was over, seeing me still very much flurried, he led
me to a seat, saying that he would not suffer me to fatigue myself
from politeness.
And then, if my capacity, or even, if my spirits had been better, in
how animated a conversation I might have been engaged! it was then
I saw that the rank of Lord Orville was his least recommendation,
his understanding and his manners being far more distinguished. His
remarks upon the company in general were so apt, so just, so lively,
I am almost surprised myself that they did not reanimate me; but,
indeed, I was too well convinced of the ridiculous part I had myself
played before so nice an observer, to be able to enjoy his pleasantry:
so self-compassion gave me feeling for others. Yet I had not the
courage to attempt either to defend them or to rally in my turn;
but listened to him in silent embarrassment.
When he found this, he changed the subject, and talked of public
places, and public performers; but he soon discovered that I was
totally ignorant of them.
He then, very ingeniously, turned the discourse to the amusements
and occupations of the country.
It now struck me that he was resolved to try whether or not I was
capable of talking upon any subject. This put so great a restraint
upon my thoughts, that I was unable to go further than a monosyllable,
and not ever so far, when I could possibly avoid it.
We were sitting in this manner, he conversing with all gaiety, I
looking down with all foolishness, when that fop who had first asked
me to dance, with a most ridiculous solemnity approached, and, after
a profound bow or two, said, "I humbly beg pardon, Madam,-and of you
too, my Lord,-for breaking in upon such agreeable conversation-which
must, doubtless, be more delectable-than what I have the honour
to offer-but-"
I interrupted him-I blush for my folly,-with laughing; yet I could not
help it; for, added to the man's stately foppishness, (and he actually
took snuff between every three words) when I looked around at Lord
Orville, I saw such extreme surprise in his face,-the cause of which
appeared so absurd, that I could not for my life preserve my gravity.
I had not laughed before from the time I had left Miss Mirvan, and I
had much better have cried then; Lord Orville actually stared at me;
the beau, I know not his name, looked quite enraged. "Refrain-Madam,"
said he, with an important air, "a few moments refrain!-I have but
a sentence to trouble you with.-May I know to what accident I must
attribute not having the honour of your hand?"
"Accident, Sir!" repeated I, much astonished.
"Yes, accident, Madam;-for surely,-I must take the liberty to
observe-pardon me, Madam,-it ought to be no common one-that should
tempt a lady-so young a one too,-to be guilty of ill-manners."
A confused idea now for the first time entered my head, of something
I had heard of the rules of an assembly; but I was never at one
before,-I have only danced at school,-and so giddy and heedless I
was, that I had not once considered the impropriety of refusing one
partner, and afterwards accepting another. I was thunderstruck at the
recollection: but, while these thoughts were rushing into my head,
Lord Orville with some warmth, said, "This Lady, Sir, is incapable
of meriting such an accusation!"
The creature-for I am very angry with him-made a low bow and with a
grin the most malicious I ever saw, "My Lord," said he, "far be it
from me to accuse the lady, for having the discernment to distinguish
and prefer-the superior attractions of your Lordship."
Again he bowed and walked off.
Was ever any thing so provoking? I was ready to die with shame. "What
a coxcomb!" exclaimed Lord Orville: while I, without knowing what
I did, rose hastily, and moving off, "I can't imagine," cried I,
"where Mrs. Mirvan has hid herself!"
"Give me leave to see," answered he. I bowed and sat down again,
not daring to meet his eyes; for what must he think of me, between
my blunder, and the supposed preference?
He returned in a moment, and told me that Mrs. Mirvan was at cards,
but would be glad to see me; and I went immediately. There was but
one chair vacant; so, to my great relief, Lord Orville presently left
us. I then told Mrs. Mirvan my disasters; and she good-naturedly
blamed herself for not having better instructed me; but said, she had
taken it for granted that I must know such common customs. However,
the man may, I think, be satisfied with his pretty speech and carry
his resentment no farther.
In a short time Lord Orville returned. I consented, with the best grace
I could, to go down another dance, for I had had time to recollect
myself; and therefore resolved to use some exertion, and, if possible,
to appear less a fool than I had hitherto done; for it occurred to me,
that, insignificant as I was, compared to a man of his rank and figure;
yet, since he had been so unfortunate as to make choice of me for a
partner, why I should endeavour to make the best of it.
The dance, however, was short, and he spoke very little; so I had no
opportunity of putting my resolution in practice. He was satisfied, I
suppose, with his former successless efforts to draw me out or, rather,
I fancied he had been inquiring who I was. This again disconcerted me;
and the spirits I had determined to exert, again failed me. Tired,
ashamed, and mortified, I begged to sit down till we returned home,
which I did soon after. Lord Orville did me the honour to hand me to
the coach, talking all the way of the honour I had done him! O these
fashionable people!
Well, my dear Sir, was it not a strange evening? I could not help
being thus particular, because, to me, every thing is so new. But it
is now time to conclude. I am, with all love and duty, your EVELINA.