The art of pleasing is a very necessary one to possess, but a very
difficult one to acquire. It can hardly be reduced to rules, and your
own good sense and observation will teach you more of it than I can. Do
as you would be done by, is the surest method of pleasing.
Observe carefully what is pleasing to you in others; and probably the
same things in you will please others.
If you are pleased with the complaisance and attention of others to
you, depend upon it, the same complaisance and attention, on your part,
will equally please them.
It is not enough not to be rude; you should be civil and distinguished
for your good breeding. The first principle of this good breeding is,
never to say anything that you think can be disagreeable to anybody in
company; but, on the contrary, you should endeavor to say what will
be agreeable to them; and that in an easy and natural manner, without
seeming to study for compliments. There is likewise such a thing as a
civil look and a rude look; you should look civil, as well as be so;
for if, while you are saying a civil thing, you look gruff and surly,
nobody will be obliged to you for a civility that seemed to come so
unwillingly.
If you have occasion to contradict any one, or to set him right from
a mistake, it would be very brutal to say, “That is not so; I know
better;” or, “You are wrong;” but you should say, with a civil look, “I
beg your pardon, I believe you mistake;” or, “If I may take the liberty
of contradicting you, I believe it is so and so:” for, though you may
know a thing better than other people, yet is very disagreeable to
tell them so, directly, without something to soften it; but remember
particularly, that whatever you may say or do, with ever so civil an
intention, a great deal consists in the manner and the look, which must
be genteel, easy, and natural.
Civility is particularly due to all women; and remember that no
provocation whatever can justify any person in being uncivil to a
woman; and the greatest man in the land would be reckoned a brute, if
he was not civil to the meanest woman. It is due to their sex, and is
the only protection they have against the superior strength of ours.