_The Pipe_
"RANDOLPH CRESCENT, N.W.
"MY DEAR PUGH--I hope you will like the pipe which I send with
this. It is rather a curious example of a certain school of
Indian carving. And is a present from
"Yours truly, Joseph Tress."
It was really very handsome of Tress--very handsome! The more especially
as I was aware that to give presents was not exactly in Tress's line. The
truth is that when I saw what manner of pipe it was I was amazed. It was
contained in a sandalwood box, which was itself illustrated with some
remarkable specimens of carving. I use the word "remarkable" advisedly,
because, although the workmanship was undoubtedly, in its way, artistic,
the result could not be described as beautiful. The carver had thought
proper to ornament the box with some of the ugliest figures I remember to
have seen. They appeared to me to be devils. Or perhaps they were intended
to represent deities appertaining to some mythological system with which,
thank goodness, I am unacquainted. The pipe itself was worthy of the case
in which it was contained. It was of meerschaum, with an amber mouthpiece.
It was rather too large for ordinary smoking. But then, of course, one
doesn't smoke a pipe like that. There are pipes in my collection which I
should as soon think of smoking as I should of eating. Ask a china maniac
to let you have afternoon tea out of his Old Chelsea, and you will learn
some home truths as to the durability of human friendships. The glory of
the pipe, as Tress had suggested, lay in its carving. Not that I claim
that it was beautiful, any more than I make such a claim for the carving
on the box, but, as Tress said in his note, it was curious.
The stem and the bowl were quite plain, but on the edge of the bowl was
perched some kind of lizard. I told myself it was an octopus when I first
saw it, but I have since had reason to believe that it was some almost
unique member of the lizard tribe. The creature was represented as
climbing over the edge of the bowl down toward the stem, and its legs, or
feelers, or tentacula, or whatever the things are called, were, if I may
use a vulgarism, sprawling about "all over the place." For instance, two
or three of them were twined about the bowl, two or three of them were
twisted round the stem, and one, a particularly horrible one, was uplifted
in the air, so that if you put the pipe in your mouth the thing was
pointing straight at your nose.
Not the least agreeable feature about the creature was that it was
hideously lifelike. It appeared to have been carved in amber, but some
coloring matter must have been introduced, for inside the amber the
creature was of a peculiarly ghastly green. The more I examined the pipe
the more amazed I was at Tress's generosity. He and I are rival
collectors. I am not going to say, in so many words, that his collection
of pipes contains nothing but rubbish, because, as a matter of fact, he
has two or three rather decent specimens. But to compare his collection to
mine would be absurd. Tress is conscious of this, and he resents it. He
resents it to such an extent that he has been known, at least on one
occasion, to declare that one single pipe of his--I believe he alluded to
the Brummagem relic preposterously attributed to Sir Walter Raleigh--was
worth the whole of my collection put together. Although I have forgiven
this, as I hope I always shall forgive remarks made when envious passions
get the better of our nobler nature, even of a Joseph Tress, it is not to
be supposed that I have forgotten it. He was, therefore, not at all the
sort of person from whom I expected to receive a present. And such a
present! I do not believe that he himself had a finer pipe in his
collection. And to have given it to me! I had misjudged the man. I
wondered where he had got it from. I had seen his pipes; I knew them off
by heart--and some nice trumpery he has among them, too! but I had never
seen _that_ pipe before. The more I looked at it, the more my amazement
grew. The beast perched upon the edge of the bowl was so lifelike. Its two
bead-like eyes seemed to gleam at me with positively human intelligence.
The pipe fascinated me to such an extent that I actually resolved
to--smoke it!
I filled it with Perique. Ordinarily I use Birdseye, but on those very
rare occasions on which I use a specimen I smoke Perique. I lit up with
quite a small sensation of excitement. As I did so I kept my eyes perforce
fixed upon the beast. The beast pointed its upraised tentacle directly at
me. As I inhaled the pungent tobacco that tentacle impressed me with a
feeling of actual uncanniness. It was broad daylight, and I was smoking in
front of the window, yet to such an extent was I affected that it seemed
to me that the tentacle was not only vibrating, which, owing to the
peculiarity of its position, was quite within the range of probability,
but actually moving, elongating--stretching forward, that is, farther
toward me, and toward the tip of my nose. So impressed was I by this idea
that I took the pipe out of my mouth and minutely examined the beast.
Really, the delusion was excusable. So cunningly had the artist wrought
that he succeeded in producing a creature which, such was its uncanniness,
I could only hope had no original in nature.
Replacing the pipe between my lips I took several whiffs. Never had
smoking had such an effect on me before. Either the pipe, or the creature
on it, exercised some singular fascination. I seemed, without an instant's
warning, to be passing into some land of dreams. I saw the beast, which
was perched upon the bowl, writhe and twist. I saw it lift itself bodily
from the meerschaum.