Good old Freddie,--What a genius you are! Of course the dog is
the culprit. I was offered fifteen pounds for him the other day
and refused it. No doubt I should have received a better offer
but for the defect, which you so readily noticed, in the
animal's condition. I have just had him shampooed and when he is
dry I will examine him and report to you at once.
Many thanks for the charming nose-protectors, which however I
return, as they are all too large. I wonder if you would mind
changing them for sevens; these appear to be eight-and-a-halfs.
I am glad the wind has veered to the north-east. Your parsnips
will no doubt share my joy. By the way was it you I saw
yesterday in your paddock holding your nose just before the wind
shifted round? The man, whoever it was, was looking at your
poultry, which appear to be drooping.
Yours till the wind changes,
H. J. Fordyce.
P.S.--If I can get a good stamp-album in town to-day I will send
it to you. A change of hobby is often very beneficial.
I followed this up with another letter in the afternoon, couched in more
formal terms:--
Sir,--In fulfilment of the promise contained in my previous
letter of to-day's date I have the honour to inform you that my
dog Togo is not the cause of the trouble. As soon as he was dry
I fastened him up in the middle of my drawing-room, and my
household, myself included, sniffed at him from all points of
the compass. Then, leaving him still chained up, we went into
the garden and nearly fainted from the pestilential odours borne
on the breeze, which was again south-east.
If you have not suffered it seems clear to me that either (a)
you have a curious taste in scents, or (b) you have no sense of
smell. I think you should call in an expert, in the case of (a)
a brain specialist, or in the case of (b) a nose-plumber. In the
meantime I intend to consult another sort of expert, the
Sanitary Inspector.
Yours obediently, except in such a matter as this,
H. J. Fordyce.
I wrote to the Inspector that night and received the following within
twenty-four hours:--
Dear Sir,--Yours of yesterday's date to hand, and in reply I
regret that I am unable to assist you in the matter as your
neighbour, Mr. Petherton, is engaged on important experimental
work for the Government in connection with the manufacture of
asphyxiating gases, thus causing the unpleasant odours about
which I have received several complaints recently. I have been
in communication with Mr. Petherton on the matter, but he seems
unable to abate the nuisance. I am surprised that he has not
explained the position to you himself.