No. XXXV.
(_From Enver Pasha._)
Sire,--Surely the course of human affairs is often strange and
perplexing. When we formed the Committee of Union and Progress and
deposed the wretched ABDUL from the Sultanate no sane man can have
thought that you and I should ever be friends. ABDUL was your friend;
you and yours had lavished upon him and his creatures all your arts for
the purpose of obtaining influence and promoting the interest--forgive
me for saying it--not so much of Turkey as of the German Empire. When
therefore we emerged, and ABDUL with his system retired, all your
beautiful schemes seemed to be shattered into pieces so small that no
human ingenuity could avail to pick them up and fit them together again.
Yet lo and behold, the impossible has happened. ABDUL remains in
darkness, I and my colleagues are in power, and you and I are even more
closely knit together than is altogether desirable for me and those whom
(indirectly, perhaps, but not the less effectively) I help to govern. I
am entitled therefore to have a heart-to-heart talk with my
bosom-friend, and, anyhow, whether I am entitled or not, that is what I
propose to have. You may tell me in your genial way that I am only an
upstart, but I answer that I occupy my position not because my father
and my grandfather were big men, but because I myself, through my own
plans and by my own strength, did certain things which in my judgment
had to be done.
What I now feel, O my friend, is this: I am beginning to doubt whether
in all this tremendous confusion of fighting I have made the right
choice. It wasn't _necessary_ for us Turks to fight at all; it wasn't
even desirable. We had suffered a severe set-back in the first Balkan
War, and in the second we were only just able, owing to the consummate
folly of that silly knave, your friend, TSAR FERDINAND, to snatch a
brand or two from the burning. What we wanted was rest, and had it not
been for you we might have had it--yes, and our wounds might have been
healed and our finances restored, while others endured privation and
loss.
All that, as I say, we might have had; but from the day when the
_Goeben_ arrived off Constantinople we were doomed. That, indeed, was a
master-stroke on your part, but for us it has meant misery on an
ever-increasing scale. What were your promises? We were to have Egypt,
but you were to be there too, and you were to hold the Bagdad railway
and the regions through which it ran. We were to help you in conquering
India, but you were to keep it for yourself when once it was conquered.
We were to have a free hand with the Armenians. Well, we have had it,
and the Armenians are fewer by half-a-million than they were. Pleasant
as it is to contemplate the destruction of those restless and disloyal
infidels, it cannot be said that we have gained any advantage from it,
for the Russians have taken Erzerum and are sweeping through Armenia in
a mighty and irresistible torrent, while our Turkish armies are
scattered to the winds of heaven. Strong as you are and prodigal of
promises, here you have failed to make good your pledges of help, and
nowhere else do you seem able to achieve anything, except the crushing
of little nations.
I look back with loathing upon the day when I was mad enough to listen
to you and to become a partner in your schemes. You flattered us, nay,
you even fawned upon us in order to secure your ends, and, now that our
forces have been joined with yours, ruin menaces my country and my race.
You, forsooth, allow yourself to be held up as a great prophet of Islam
and a Heaven-sent protector of its faith; but we who see our nation
crumbling into dust owing to your selfish ambition may be pardoned if at
last we look to ourselves and attempt to save what still remains to us.
To work, as they say, for the King of PRUSSIA has never been a
profitable undertaking.
Yours, ENVER.
* * * * *
"Fireworks were thrown from the gallery and the audience rushed
on the platform, pelting the Pacifists with red ochre. The
meeting ended with the sinking of Rule Britannia."--_Egyptian
Gazette._
The Pacifists appear to have had the last word, after all.
* * * * *
"Mill Manager Honoured.--Mr. ---- has been elected a Fellow of
the Royal Society for the encouragement of fits."--_Times of
India._
We do not recognise the Society, but imagine it may be the Taylorian
Institute.
* * * * *
"It will take about 12 days for goods traffic to become normal
again, although of course passenger traffic is not interfered
with in the slightest. In the meantime the booking of elephants
and other perishables has been stopped."--_Rangoon Times._
Unless, of course, they leave their trunks behind them.
* * * * *
We observe that Mr. WATERS BUTLER has been appointed a member of the
Liquor Control Board, with the hearty approval of the Birmingham Beer,
Spirit and Wine Trade Association. If there is anything in a name no one
should be better able to hold the balance between them and the
teetotalers.
* * * * *
[Illustration: THE MILITARY REASON.
"FOR MILITARY REASONS OUR ARMY HAS WITHDRAWN FROM ERZERUM."
_Turkish official communiqué (nearly a week after the event)_.]
* * * * *
[Illustration: _Coster_ (_to parish visitor, who has been commiserating
with him on the loss of his father_). "Yes, Mum, 'e were a splendid
father to us and no mistake. Yer see, Mum, there was eleven of us, and I
never knowed 'im raise 'is 'and to one of us--'cept as it might be in
self-defence."]
* * * * *